Local newspapers
Discussion
I do look forward to getting the free local newspaper as it is good toilet reading but I can't decide if the reporters have a very dry sense of humour or are just quite dim. This is in Reading:
A half page dedicated to a story about UFOs (including drawings) seen by a family who are obviously inbred. They saw strange orange lights at night flying just below the clouds, at about the speed of a plane and coming from the direction of Heathrow:
"Then our eldest son noticed another one exactly the same as the disc we had just observed. It followed on the same path as the first disc......our eyes were straining to focus as it was turning really dark"
I wonder what the f
k they were then?
A heart warming story entitled "Understanding for addict theif" about a poor drug addict who had his methodone prescription changed and had no option but to steal from Boots in order to buy proper heroin. He is on incapacity benefit and was on a conditional discharge at the time of the theft....for theft.
A disabled woman (with blue badge) is annoyed that she got a parking ticket for parking where she was not allowed to park:
"I have always been able to park there in the past. I have never had a parking ticket before".
I wonder if she would have made the front page if she was also a lesbian from a minority group, as well as being disabled?
Two cars were involved in a collision on the M4 "It was suspected someone was trapped but a Royal Berkshire Fire & Rescue control room spokeswoman said this was not so". Surely being trapped or not is pretty black and white?
A man was "furious" that his internet was cut off at 11pm.
Three bottle banks caught fire and a firefighter thought it was deliberate as "their is no other reason for a bottle bank to catch fire".
I think I may write to this paper about my flatmate who jumped in the shower this morning at 7am, despite knowing I needed to clean my teeth at 7:05 in order to leave the house on time. I was 'forced to drive faster than I felt safe' in order to not be late. A policeman could be quoted as saying "the wheels of the car were rotating faster as there is no other reason for the speed of the car to increase".
A half page dedicated to a story about UFOs (including drawings) seen by a family who are obviously inbred. They saw strange orange lights at night flying just below the clouds, at about the speed of a plane and coming from the direction of Heathrow:
"Then our eldest son noticed another one exactly the same as the disc we had just observed. It followed on the same path as the first disc......our eyes were straining to focus as it was turning really dark"
I wonder what the f
k they were then?A heart warming story entitled "Understanding for addict theif" about a poor drug addict who had his methodone prescription changed and had no option but to steal from Boots in order to buy proper heroin. He is on incapacity benefit and was on a conditional discharge at the time of the theft....for theft.
A disabled woman (with blue badge) is annoyed that she got a parking ticket for parking where she was not allowed to park:
"I have always been able to park there in the past. I have never had a parking ticket before".
I wonder if she would have made the front page if she was also a lesbian from a minority group, as well as being disabled?
Two cars were involved in a collision on the M4 "It was suspected someone was trapped but a Royal Berkshire Fire & Rescue control room spokeswoman said this was not so". Surely being trapped or not is pretty black and white?
A man was "furious" that his internet was cut off at 11pm.
Three bottle banks caught fire and a firefighter thought it was deliberate as "their is no other reason for a bottle bank to catch fire".
I think I may write to this paper about my flatmate who jumped in the shower this morning at 7am, despite knowing I needed to clean my teeth at 7:05 in order to leave the house on time. I was 'forced to drive faster than I felt safe' in order to not be late. A policeman could be quoted as saying "the wheels of the car were rotating faster as there is no other reason for the speed of the car to increase".
zollburgers said:
I think I may write to this paper about my flatmate who jumped in the shower this morning at 7am, despite knowing I needed to clean my teeth at 7:05 in order to leave the house on time. I was 'forced to drive faster than I felt safe' in order to not be late. A policeman could be quoted as saying "the wheels of the car were rotating faster as there is no other reason for the speed of the car to increase".
Brilliant!
eldar said:
My Local paper, the Whitehaven News.
A man was found in possession of heroin with a street value of £1.50, and fined £80
His solicitor said
"My client is in rehabilitation for drugs, but following a relationship breakdown, he just went to pot"
A street value of £1.50???? he could have legitimately said he'd walked through a tiny pile of smack on the pavement and not noticed for that!!A man was found in possession of heroin with a street value of £1.50, and fined £80
His solicitor said
"My client is in rehabilitation for drugs, but following a relationship breakdown, he just went to pot"
"Epic Life FAIL"
Pfff, my local nutters manage to catch the UFOs on video:
http://www.royston-crow.co.uk/content/crow/multime...
http://www.royston-crow.co.uk/content/crow/multime...
Edited by MentalSarcasm on Friday 2nd October 23:34
MentalSarcasm said:
Pfff, my local nutters manage to catch the UFOs on video:
http://www.royston-crow.co.uk/content/crow/multime...
They have since been proven to have been chinese lanterns from a nearby garden party, Fowler doing another 'Look at me' exercise.....what a muppethttp://www.royston-crow.co.uk/content/crow/multime...
Edited by MentalSarcasm on Friday 2nd October 23:34
One local, paid for paper that I know about, never says a bad thing about the local council.
One local, free paper that I know about, sometimes questions/moans about the local council.
Guess which one has the local councils job adverts?
I have been told that one local paper employs a 16 year old as it's chief reporter - don't know if it's true, but judging by the quality of the reports I think they they have the age wrong by -10 years.
One local, free paper that I know about, sometimes questions/moans about the local council.
Guess which one has the local councils job adverts?
I have been told that one local paper employs a 16 year old as it's chief reporter - don't know if it's true, but judging by the quality of the reports I think they they have the age wrong by -10 years.
To the OP - come and join us at www.getreading.co.uk. When I say 'us', I don't mean the paper, but those of us leaving rude comments to the articles 
I really enjoy the letters from OAPs who have too much time on their hands. There was a problem with parking near a local school and some of the letters were hilarious. Didn't use to happen in my day, why can't children walk these days etc etc.
I just know if I was to write some tongue in cheek letter to the local rag about parking or speeding they'd all be out responding.
Puggit who are you at getreading? Dean Martin or Shaykh al-Zubayr?
some of those comments
I just know if I was to write some tongue in cheek letter to the local rag about parking or speeding they'd all be out responding.
Puggit who are you at getreading? Dean Martin or Shaykh al-Zubayr?
some of those comments
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