So what do I do?

[Romanymagic]

Need guidance!

I am a step father of 7 years to two children (read now adults), one who is very ill, but coping has established her own home, the other male (read alpha), moved out during the boom and rented but due to the current economic climate has moved back "home".

Problem I have is, I never wanted kids, hence not having any, I accepted my wifes children. Alpha male is back and giving me the hump!

History:

I met my wife in June 2002, her kiddies were 13 and 17, absolutely fascinated with me at first, had a couple of run in's along the lines of "this is not your house etc." me and wife decide to buy a house together, real moody start, both children attack me, the girl, because we have to "rescue" her and a mate from a party one night, I take a baseball bat along (cos rightly or wrongly) I don't know what I am walking into and subsequently get the hump when it turns out to be an average tame house party, step daughter repeatedly punches me in the head as I am driving us all home because me and bio mum complain that this has spoilt our night together (it was the night me and my wife got engaged).

My wife's (alpha male) son beat me up one night because I elected to drive home after a night out, I was in the wrong because I had drunk too much, but still elected to drive. Now I know its wrong to drink and drive but it is my decision, however "son" feels its his decision and beats me to a pulp so the opportunity to drive is long gone, I am very much of the pavement at this point - my protagonist then runs off crying his eyes out.

Get over that and then repeatedly threatened over the years, getting tired of it now. We haved moved on immreasurably, I don't drink and drive any longer, don't smoke and only drink at weekends. My wife and I like our own company but "son" still hanging around. His credit rating is zero, he is a plasterer and work has been a bit all over the place, but he has no drive. All his friends are buying property and settling down with wives and kids and my step son is away with the fairies.

He is now 26 and seems to spend any money he earns on clothes and going out, but no interest in establishing himself. Me and the wife are frustrated because we cannot realise our relationship all the time "son" is around. He is always in the way. I actually like him as a friend but as a son he is useless.

So...anyone been through this, any advice etc.?

[moleamol]

Stop being a girl.

HTH

[TheEnd]

Sounds like this kid needs the tour of the town in the back of a transit van.

[Waynester]

That for real...

He beats you up but you see him as a friend!

My advice.. Grow some, and tell him to fk off & get on with his own life.

[moleamol]

TheEnd said:

Sounds like this kid needs the tour of the town in the back of a transit van.

Petrol can full of water and a rag that smells of petrol?

[adycav]

So both of your 'stepkids' have physically assaulted you?

I'm appalled.

I genuinely wish you all the best.

[chunkymonkey71]

There is no easy way to say this.

Tell them to get right to fk.

[Animal]

Of course the son is friendly towards you, he knows you're a pussy. Harden the fk up and kick him out. If he protests give him a smacking.

Did your wife do nothing whilst her kid was giving you a pasting? (I'm assuming that you're not exaggerating and that he shoved you or something.)

For fk's sake man, either this is a wind up or you were such a sissy at school that Even Frank Spencer would laugh at you.

[Romanymagic]

Cheers guys so far, your all probably right, but you question whether you as "step dad" are being too hard/over bearing. Girlie, was just kicking off, it hurt (mentally) but physically no big deal, the son however seriously laid into me, I can take that (I come from a seriously hard up bringing where getting a kicking was the norm), however the problem I have now is galvanishing the son to become a "proper man" and stand on his own two feet rather than relying upon his mum and me.

[chr15b]

.

[Animal]

Romanymagic said:

however the problem I have now is galvanishing the son to become a "proper man" and stand on his own two feet rather than relying upon his mum and me.

I appreciate that you want to help him, but do you think that's something he should learn for himself? I remember my bellowing at me to get off his sofa and get a job, giving me a month's notice before he turfed me out. Two weeks later I was paying rent. That's not to say he was a tyrant: I also remember him reaching into his pocket for me when I got the sack from another job (sadly nothing to do with drunkenness or sexual harassment!)

The point is, some things we have to learn for ourselves - mostly life's hardest lessons I think...

Now do like Chopper Read would do and harden the fk up!

[M400 NBL]

You both want him out so make it impossible for him to stay.

Charge him more rent than it would cost him to move out.

If he is still being violent in his mid 20's, he will eventually get a kicking.

I wish you all the best!

[Technonotice]

Tell him to move out even if it means stumping up the cash for a deposit and 1st months rent.

Who on earth would want to live with their parents at age 26?

[Flanders.]

Have a wk.

[Parrot of Doom]

Romanymagic said:

Cheers guys so far, your all probably right, but you question whether you as "step dad" are being too hard/over bearing. Girlie, was just kicking off, it hurt (mentally) but physically no big deal, the son however seriously laid into me, I can take that (I come from a seriously hard up bringing where getting a kicking was the norm), however the problem I have now is galvanishing the son to become a "proper man" and stand on his own two feet rather than relying upon his mum and me.

Hes 26. You're too late. Point him to the door, tell him to leave the key behind him as he closes it.

[Hedders]

I suggest you and his mum take up the pastime of naturism around the house.

That should get rid of him

[adycav]

Romanymagic said:

the son however seriously laid into me, I can take that (I come from a seriously hard up bringing where getting a kicking was the norm)

No disrespect to your background or upbringing, but this sort of behaviour is not acceptable. You cannot go around kicking the st out of someone willy nilly.

[T89 Callan]

You tried to drink drive so he protected you from potentially killing yourself and innocent bystanders by giving you a shoeing...

I say good man.

[Hedders]

T89 Callan said:

You tried to drink drive so he protected you from potentially killing yourself and innocent bystanders by giving you a shoeing...

I say good man.

He could have taken his car keys, or threatened to call the cops. I reckon he just needed an excuse to deal out the kicking.

[Uhura_Fighter]

Romanymagic said:

Need guidance!

son beat me up one night because I elected to drive home after a night out, I was in the wrong because I had drunk too much, but still elected to drive. Now I know its wrong to drink and drive but it is my decision, however "son" feels its his decision and beats me to a pulp , any advice etc.?

You are a knob, maybe he shouldn't have given you a kicking but....

HTH