Daughters hand in marriage protocol
Discussion
I'm gobsmacked!
My daughters boyfriend of 6 years years has just rung me and I think asked for my daughters hand in marriage.
Now, I'm not overly conformist, although I must admit I've never had an earring or a tattoo, but some things should be preserved as part of tradition.
I say I think he has asked because of the way it was worded. He mentioned that they have been together a while, feel settled and want to take it to the next step. "She has been mentioning it so I thought I'd better get my arse into gear" along with some other mutterings.
And that was it!
I feel like I have been robbed of what should have been a special moment.
I recall making a special effort (on both occassions) to meet with my FIL and ask politely.
I told him I would call him back with my answer
My daughters boyfriend of 6 years years has just rung me and I think asked for my daughters hand in marriage.
Now, I'm not overly conformist, although I must admit I've never had an earring or a tattoo, but some things should be preserved as part of tradition.
I say I think he has asked because of the way it was worded. He mentioned that they have been together a while, feel settled and want to take it to the next step. "She has been mentioning it so I thought I'd better get my arse into gear" along with some other mutterings.
And that was it!
I feel like I have been robbed of what should have been a special moment.
I recall making a special effort (on both occassions) to meet with my FIL and ask politely.
I told him I would call him back with my answer
davido140 said:
Technically I dont think he, or your daughter need your permission 
, you sort-of got asked, take it in the spirit in which it was intended, he was probably bricking his pants.
They don't need my permission due to their age. While I agree that I have been 'sort of' asked, I think it lacked effort. I know my daughter would be upset by the way he has approached this, and while I'm not upset, I'm not exactly overwhelmed by the effort. , you sort-of got asked, take it in the spirit in which it was intended, he was probably bricking his pants.Edited by davido140 on Monday 19th October 18:24
I suppose I should be thankful that I have been considered. Many wouldn't bother to mention it I guess.
I'm amazed people still do it. I certainly did not ask my FIL's permission when I proposed my other half. I went to alot of effort on the proposal - took her on holiday, had already bought a ring, romantic meal, midnight walk along the beach with a bottle of champers then down on one knee. As far as I was concerned the first person I wanted to know about my intentions was my now wife. I did not tell a soul what I was going to do on holiday, as to me it was between me and my OH. I still find it weird these blokes that tell everyone other than their girlfriends that they are going to propose, to me it just spoils the romance of the moment. Maybe I'm just a bit odd.
However, in your position - make him sweat. Why not invite him out for a drink with all the intimidating male members of your family and give him a good grilling.
However, in your position - make him sweat. Why not invite him out for a drink with all the intimidating male members of your family and give him a good grilling.
I 'sort of asked' my FIL, went over there to say I was going to ask his daughter show them the ring and say it's happening on this date.
Pretty much everyone knew except MrsB, come the day as I'd organised a suprise engagement party for the Sat, and I proposed on the Friday in a really posh hotel in London. I have to say her friends were excellent actors when she 'rung round' to tell them the news.
Pretty much everyone knew except MrsB, come the day as I'd organised a suprise engagement party for the Sat, and I proposed on the Friday in a really posh hotel in London. I have to say her friends were excellent actors when she 'rung round' to tell them the news.
davido140 said:
Technically I dont think he, or your daughter need your permission , you sort-of got asked, take it in the spirit in which it was intended, he was probably bricking his pants.
+11111, agree, I never asked, just waited for her to reach 16, then ran away with her, that was 41 years ago, and she still loves me LOL , you sort-of got asked, take it in the spirit in which it was intended, he was probably bricking his pants.Edited by davido140 on Monday 19th October 18:24
Burgmeister said:
TVR Moneypit said:
davido140 said:
Technically I dont think he, or your daughter need your permission , you sort-of got asked, take it in the spirit in which it was intended, he was probably bricking his pants.
, you sort-of got asked, take it in the spirit in which it was intended, he was probably bricking his pants.
I know I was. To make matter worse, I had to do it in a language completely alien to me. I'd been practising for two days and was still s
tting it.After i asked, there was a long pause, followed by him asking me how much i was willing to pay him. Make the offer too little, and you risk offending him. Make it too steep and you risk making yourself skint.
I still shudder at the amount he finally told me I was paying him.
Fleegle said:
davido140 said:
Technically I dont think he, or your daughter need your permission , you sort-of got asked, take it in the spirit in which it was intended, he was probably bricking his pants.
They don't need my permission due to their age. While I agree that I have been 'sort of' asked, I think it lacked effort. I know my daughter would be upset by the way he has approached this, and while I'm not upset, I'm not exactly overwhelmed by the effort. , you sort-of got asked, take it in the spirit in which it was intended, he was probably bricking his pants.Edited by davido140 on Monday 19th October 18:24
I suppose I should be thankful that I have been considered. Many wouldn't bother to mention it I guess.
language NSFW
When dealing with potential suitors, mssrs Lawrence and Smith (from Bad Boys II) make for a good instructional video
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M_PJmkJe2pI
When dealing with potential suitors, mssrs Lawrence and Smith (from Bad Boys II) make for a good instructional video
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M_PJmkJe2pI
When he calls back you should say;
"now Chris (we'll call him Chris)my wife and I have been discussing your earlier phone call and we have some reservations. We would like you to come over to discuss these reservations and hopefully we can decide on a mutually agreeable course of action"
Then when he comes over (he'll be more scared than he ever has been in his whole life) you need to sit him down with your wife and look sullen. Pause for long enough to make him uncomfortable and then utter the final blow..."alright then"
Then congratulate your new son in law and tell him not to ever let you or his daughter down.
Your daughter is getting married to the guy she has been nailing for six years. You should be pleased with this.
"now Chris (we'll call him Chris)my wife and I have been discussing your earlier phone call and we have some reservations. We would like you to come over to discuss these reservations and hopefully we can decide on a mutually agreeable course of action"
Then when he comes over (he'll be more scared than he ever has been in his whole life) you need to sit him down with your wife and look sullen. Pause for long enough to make him uncomfortable and then utter the final blow..."alright then"
Then congratulate your new son in law and tell him not to ever let you or his daughter down.
Your daughter is getting married to the guy she has been nailing for six years. You should be pleased with this.
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