Do I love her?
Discussion
Right a quick history, met this girl at 18, thought she was attractive and she was also in my close circle of friends. I never actually fancied her but at 18 you just wanted sex. I found out she liked me and been the nice guy I am I played on that to get my way. So from the age of 18-23ish we fooled around but never had anything you could describe as a proper relationship and through this time I new she liked me. We would go on nights out and end up back at hers or mine and once the deed was done I couldnt get away quick enough.
She had a few relationships during this time but they never last and we would always end up hooking up again. At 23ish I think she got fed up of been messed around and used and met this guy and they have been together ever since, they now live together and I think they will get engaged soon. We are both now 25. Been as I was enjoying life from 18-24 having fun with various girls as you do I have never had a serious relationship. I am now 25 and feel I have grown up alot and I am ready for a proper relationship.
My problem is I think I like that girl now, I think about her alot and my main regret in life was not having a proper reltionship with her. We have talked recently about it all and she told me she loved me at the time we were fooling around. I guess I was affraid of commitment back then and just wanted to get as much action as possible. I do think alot about what could have been if I hadnt been such a nob.
As said she is now in a serious relationship and lives with the guy etc etc. I need your help to decide if I love this girl or is it just lust or is it becuase I am ready for a relationship and because she has been the closest thing to that if my life so far that I see her in that way? Personaly I think I need to now meet a girl and have proper relationship to decide how I feel.
She had a few relationships during this time but they never last and we would always end up hooking up again. At 23ish I think she got fed up of been messed around and used and met this guy and they have been together ever since, they now live together and I think they will get engaged soon. We are both now 25. Been as I was enjoying life from 18-24 having fun with various girls as you do I have never had a serious relationship. I am now 25 and feel I have grown up alot and I am ready for a proper relationship.
My problem is I think I like that girl now, I think about her alot and my main regret in life was not having a proper reltionship with her. We have talked recently about it all and she told me she loved me at the time we were fooling around. I guess I was affraid of commitment back then and just wanted to get as much action as possible. I do think alot about what could have been if I hadnt been such a nob.
As said she is now in a serious relationship and lives with the guy etc etc. I need your help to decide if I love this girl or is it just lust or is it becuase I am ready for a relationship and because she has been the closest thing to that if my life so far that I see her in that way? Personaly I think I need to now meet a girl and have proper relationship to decide how I feel.
Edited by DaGuv on Friday 23 October 10:21
DaGuv said:
Right a quick history, met this girl at 18, thought she was attractive and she was also in my close circle of friends. I never actually fancied her but at 18 you just wanted sex. I found out she liked me and been the nice guy I am I played on that to get my way. So from the age of 18-23ish we fooled around but never had anything you could describe as a proper relationship and through this time I new she liked me. We would go on nights out and end up back at hers or mine and once the deed was done I couldnt get away quick enough. She had a few relationships during this time but they never last and we would always end up hooking up again. At 23ish I think she got fed up of been messed around and used and met this guy and they have been together ever since, they now live together and I think they will get engaged soon. We are both now 25. Been as I was enjoying life from 18-24 having fun with various girls as you do I have never had a serious relationship. I am now 25 and feel I have grown up alot and I am ready for a proper relationship. My problem is I think I like that girl now, I think about her alot and my main regret in life was not having a proper reltionship with her. We have talked recently about it all and she told me she loved me at the time we were fooling around. I guess I was affraid of commitment back then and just wanted to get as much action as possible. I do think alot about what could have been if I hadnt been such a nob. As said she is now in a serious relationship and lives with the guy etc etc. I need your help to decide if I love this girl or is it just lust or is it becuase I am ready for a relationship and because she has been the closest thing to that if my life so far that I see her in that way? Personaly I think I need to now meet a girl and have proper relationship to decide how I feel.
FFS, she is in a serious relationship, living with a guy and potentially about to get engaged - how many signs do you need THAT SHE HAS MOVED ON.Get over it.
ALSO, you're no more ready to commit to this girl now that you were then - "Personaly I think I need to now meet a girl and have proper relationship to decide how I feel"
Edited by pgilc1 on Friday 23 October 10:23
Edited by pgilc1 on Friday 23 October 10:25
You were seeing one another at the wrong time....you're only in for a world of pain if you pursue her now, even if you manage to start something the fact that she was with someone else at the time will come back to haunt you.
Surely this is a classic case of male she's-with-someone-else-so-now-I want-her syndrome? Move on. Pronto.
Surely this is a classic case of male she's-with-someone-else-so-now-I want-her syndrome? Move on. Pronto.
Just lie back in the couch...
This is clearly a chemical imbalance in your head, the result is stress caused mainly by a major change in life, being that for some years you have had a 'soul mate' and sexual buddy, who you are now being deprived of - permanently.
Yes, there are chemicals in your head that will cause you upset at this new situation, but deep down you must realise that you have had some years of fun, all through your coming of age from hormone driven teen to more controlled adult. And you have reached the latter and had no compulsion to move towards a permanent relationship - and so the reasons for your anguish are such.
So, Dr. Cra2y says, let her go to live her life - she has a new future now, and so should you. In years to come, you will thing back of all the great times had (thouugh also with some sadness), but also of all the other girls missed. Just learn to live with it. Remember what they say about grass being greener on the other side - that's a load of crap, it's just mown differently...
Therapy: I recommend 2 weeks in Bangkok, with plenty of money, women and booze - then come back and see how you feel...
This is clearly a chemical imbalance in your head, the result is stress caused mainly by a major change in life, being that for some years you have had a 'soul mate' and sexual buddy, who you are now being deprived of - permanently.
Yes, there are chemicals in your head that will cause you upset at this new situation, but deep down you must realise that you have had some years of fun, all through your coming of age from hormone driven teen to more controlled adult. And you have reached the latter and had no compulsion to move towards a permanent relationship - and so the reasons for your anguish are such.
So, Dr. Cra2y says, let her go to live her life - she has a new future now, and so should you. In years to come, you will thing back of all the great times had (thouugh also with some sadness), but also of all the other girls missed. Just learn to live with it. Remember what they say about grass being greener on the other side - that's a load of crap, it's just mown differently...
Therapy: I recommend 2 weeks in Bangkok, with plenty of money, women and booze - then come back and see how you feel...
Gassing Station | The Lounge | Top of Page | What's New | My Stuff