DHL - staggering incompetence since 1969

[wiffmaster]

Marvellous. You know what I just fking love? Yeah, that's right! I fking love staying in all day waiting for some dopey twunt not to deliver something which they promised they would.

I've been stuck here, twiddling my thumbs and watching endless Top Gear re-runs on Dave. I've endured Michael McIntyre's interview and Power Lap three sodding times today. All to ensure I wouldn't miss them. I even put off going for a dump, as you can be sure-as-hell that as soon as arse touches seat, that's when they'll turn up.

Just checked the online status and was helpfully informed that "No One To Receive Card Left". What!? I've been here all day and can assure you I was very much ready "to receive", as you so eloquently put it.

Phoned DHL and was told that what happened was "the driver found nobody was in and will attempt delivery tomorrow". I countered by informing the nice lady on the phone that her plebeian, missing-link simian fkwit of a driver was lying, and had not even attempted to deliver the package. Nor had he left a card.

So, a day wasted and another day of hanging round tomorrow. Will they compensate me for my wasted time? Will they shyte. If it isn't here by noon tomorrow, I'm going to go absolutely ape-st apoplectic.

How are these lying, oxygen-thieving bds still in business?

[jamoor]

Can't you get it delivered to work?

[mickk]

When/if he shows up tomorrow and gives you the parcel, take his clipboard or that little machine they get you to sign and shut the door in his face.

Go and make a cup of tea and make him wait.

[wiffmaster]

Can't work until after Christmas, as currently recovering from three operations and having dressings changed each day by district nurses.

However, I could have been doing plenty of things around the farm, which would have been a damn sight more constructive than waiting in all day.

[TheEnd]

Royal Mail often do the same trick. Considering people have paid for a service as next day etc, and it isn't due to their own work load, but they lie and say there visited, wouldn't that be illegal somehow?

[wiffmaster]

mickk said:

When/if he shows up tomorrow and gives you the parcel, take his clipboard or that little machine they get you to sign and shut the door in his face.

Go and make a cup of tea and make him wait.

I like! But it probably wouldn't be the same chap, and then I'd feel guilty. If I ask whether it was him who "tried" to deliver it today, he'll only deny it.

[Justayellowbadge]

Ask anyone sending you something to address it to:

Matt Allwright
Rogue Traders
C/O your address.

[TheEnd]

wiffmaster said:

mickk said:

When/if he shows up tomorrow and gives you the parcel, take his clipboard or that little machine they get you to sign and shut the door in his face.

Go and make a cup of tea and make him wait.

I like! But it probably wouldn't be the same chap, and then I'd feel guilty. If I ask whether it was him who "tried" to deliver it today, he'll only deny it.

He might get a little arsey, but you can do the opening and fully checking before signing routine.
Or maybe, midway through the checking over, just shut the door on him unsigned, and tell DHL that the parcel turned up with no one there to sign for it.

[Nickyboy]

mickk said:

When/if he shows up tomorrow and gives you the parcel, take his clipboard or that little machine they get you to sign and shut the door in his face.

Go and make a cup of tea and make him wait.

And have yourself up for theft too, well done!

Our boss have a GPS track of the drivers so if someone queries something like this he can at least prove whether the driver was at the address in question when the exception was entered.

[FraserLFA]

TheEnd said:

wiffmaster said:

mickk said:

When/if he shows up tomorrow and gives you the parcel, take his clipboard or that little machine they get you to sign and shut the door in his face.

Go and make a cup of tea and make him wait.

I like! But it probably wouldn't be the same chap, and then I'd feel guilty. If I ask whether it was him who "tried" to deliver it today, he'll only deny it.

He might get a little arsey, but you can do the opening and fully checking before signing routine.
Or maybe, midway through the checking over, just shut the door on him unsigned, and tell DHL that the parcel turned up with no one there to sign for it.

Do you mean claim OP wasn't it, on claim the parcel arrived with no driver to ask for a signature? I'm pretty sure the second could lead to some puzzled looks.

[TheEnd]

The second one.
They know you are lying, same as you know they were lying about nobody being in, but stick to your guns and annoy them for the hell of it.

Maybe say you left a note on the driver's windscreen offering to sign too.

[FraserLFA]

I like that idea!

[wiffmaster]

Nickyboy said:

Our boss have a GPS track of the drivers so if someone queries something like this he can at least prove whether the driver was at the address in question when the exception was entered.

I did see a DHL van sail past the house this morning, but he certainly did not stop or even slow down. I thought it strange that DHL would have more than one van in a relatively rural area, but just assumed that my package was on another van which would turn up later. With hindsight, that was probably the driver. So, the GPS might back him up.

But, he drove past at around 30mph, there is no card and I bet he couldn't describe what the house looked like. He probably thought "bugger getting out the van in this rain, I'll just say I attempted and do it tomorrow instead". wker.

Edited by wiffmaster on Monday 30th November 22:21

[Centurion07]

wiffmaster said:

mickk said:

When/if he shows up tomorrow and gives you the parcel, take his clipboard or that little machine they get you to sign and shut the door in his face.

Go and make a cup of tea and make him wait.

I like! But it probably wouldn't be the same chap, and then I'd feel guilty. If I ask whether it was him who "tried" to deliver it today, he'll only deny it.

No no no. You're doing it wrong. When he turns up you say " oh what a doofus I am, I missed you yesterday, what time did you turn up?", then he either says "dunno" or "such-and-such time", at which point you lean in close, reeeeeal close, like eyeball an inch away from his, and whisper;

DON'T. LIE. TO. ME

[308mate]

I saw a Royal Mail guy at the old ladys house across the road. Watched him get out of the van, run to the door, knock and literally as soon as he drops the door-knocker picks up a pen and starts writing the "Sorry you werent home" note!!

I called out "Mate, shes about 85 and its 8 in the morning. She might be a while getting to the door!?"

She could have been sat on her fking porch and missed him.

[Nickyboy]

wiffmaster said:

Nickyboy said:

Our boss have a GPS track of the drivers so if someone queries something like this he can at least prove whether the driver was at the address in question when the exception was entered.

I did see a DHL van sail passed the house this morning, but he certainly did not stop or even slow down. I thought it strange that DHL would have more than one van in a relatively rural area, but just assumed that my package was on another van which would turn up later. With hindsight, that was probably the driver. So, the GPS might back him up.

But, he drove past at around 30mph, there is no card and I bet he couldn't describe what the house looked like. He probably thought "bugger getting out the van in this rain, I'll just say I attempted and do it tomorrow instead". wker.

I never understand why someone would do that, for one i am marked on the amount of parcle i bring back, more than 4 and i have to explain why, and secondly, i have to go back the next day anyway and you cant gaurantee you'll have a delivery in that area so it would make twice the work the following day.

Still, we got subbie working for us at the mo who brought back a load of parcles today because he couldnt be bothered.

[wiffmaster]

Nickyboy said:

Still, we got subbie working for us at the mo who brought back a load of parcles today because he couldnt be bothered.

Do me a favour? Kick him in the 'nads when you next see him?

[LikesBikes]

Centurion07 said:

No no no. You're doing it wrong. When he turns up you say " oh what a doofus I am, I missed you yesterday, what time did you turn up?", then he either says "dunno" or "such-and-such time", at which point you lean in close, reeeeeal close, like eyeball an inch away from his, and whisper;

DON'T. LIE. TO. ME

But that gives him the opportunity to say something like "Forgive me if I don't st my pants" which leaves you nowhere to go with it.

[kma]

I've had this st happen before from royal mail. I heard him put something through the letterbox so I thought great, when I got to the door I found the thing he'd put though the door. It was one of them 'you weren't in' cards telling me I had to pick it up from the sorting office. Was pretty weird, I mean why not knock or ring the doorbell before you decide someone is not in??

[davidjpowell]

Happens often with us and RM. Particularly helpful postman today rang the buzzer on the gates and told us there was a parcel at the bottom of the drive. Thanks very much for that.

stty link tried to deliver a parcel last week. I was taken surprise when economy delivery turned out to be next day, so was not in. Unfortunately the next day he was there the 30 mins I was out on errands. Left another I'll be back tomorrow note. Fine.

Only after making sure that I was in, he did not show. Eventually rang the number to be told the parcel cannot be delivered but must be collected from local depot. Twunk.

Rang the bell on the window to hear from the bowels some customer focused lass saying (a bit too loudly) oh ps off. She did go red when I said 'I heard that' at least.

In summary - all as bad as each other.