PH - please write my leaving speech

[A.Wang]

Here's a bit of background. I'll be leaving my job of 4 years next Friday, moving on to a much better-paid one in the Big Smoke.

I have a good idea about what I'd want to say at my leaving drinks...but would love to see what PHers can collectively come up with. So, fire away - if it's racist/sexist/inappropriate I can always include it leave it out!

[tim2100]

After 4 long year of working closely with you all I will remember you all as people i have met.

[mattviatura]

I've seen things you people wouldn't believe etc.

[Murray993]

I'm going to work in the city where the street are paved with gold, yes gold I tell you.

[Lefty Two Drams]

Of all the jobs I've had I can honestly say that this one was the most recent.

[lawrence567]

Goodbye you beautiful munters

[okgo]

Lefty Two Drams said:

Of all the jobs I've had I can honestly say that this one was the most recent.

I like that.

also I like

I've had a great time, this wasn't it.

[Kit80]

I would like to thank you all so much, mainly because I have stolen approximatly 2ks worth of stationary over the years.

[escargot]

PS, I was the phantom stter.

[Emsman]

Everyone, thanks for sparing me a few minutes to listen to me say goodbye.
There must be nearly 100 of us here- Jesus, who's looking after maddie?

The last 4 years here have felt like a rollercoaster ride- going round and round in circles, and evenutally making me sick.

So, enough. I want to get off. Not with the bosses wife again, she gave me a dose the dirty cow, although (insert bosses name) i do like that thing she does when you stick a finger up her ahole.

Its not all negative- indeed, at the close of play, i always smile- it looks like throwing out time at the vilage of the dammed. Never have i had the misfortune of working so closely with such a bunch of misfits and miscreants.

The IT room stinks of sweat, the receptionist looks like something from way back down the evolutionary ladder, the only good points were the porn stash on the managers hard drive, and hey, lets hope that the cleaners were good- i used to creep in and wipe my bellend on the rims of the coffee cups.

Anyway, im off to enjoy a fulfilling career somewhere else- anywhere else in fact, i just need to get away from this circus.

Face facts folks, you just cant polish a turd, and having seen the forecast for next year, i am leaving at just the right time.

Man the lifeboats- the ship is sinking fast (although not as fast as my new car on my much higher salery from now on)

Ta ta my hapless chums, you have been warned.



I think that should do it

[soad]

Tell them all that for the last few years you have wiped your cock on the inside of every coffee cup in the kitchen every morning and that it has been a pleasure to wk in... i mean work with you all.

[Mc lovin]

Before i leave, for those i made tea for, i'm sorry, it was disgusting and immature.

[Murray993]

Emsman said:

Everyone, thanks for sparing me a few minutes to listen to me say goodbye.
There must be nearly 100 of us here- Jesus, who's looking after maddie?

The last 4 years here have felt like a rollercoaster ride- going round and round in circles, and evenutally making me sick.

So, enough. I want to get off. Not with the bosses wife again, she gave me a dose the dirty cow, although (insert bosses name) i do like that thing she does when you stick a finger up her ahole.

Its not all negative- indeed, at the close of play, i always smile- it looks like throwing out time at the vilage of the dammed. Never have i had the misfortune of working so closely with such a bunch of misfits and miscreants.

The IT room stinks of sweat, the receptionist looks like something from way back down the evolutionary ladder, the only good points were the porn stash on the managers hard drive, and hey, lets hope that the cleaners were good- i used to creep in and wipe my bellend on the rims of the coffee cups.

Anyway, im off to enjoy a fulfilling career somewhere else- anywhere else in fact, i just need to get away from this circus.

Face facts folks, you just cant polish a turd, and having seen the forecast for next year, i am leaving at just the right time.

Man the lifeboats- the ship is sinking fast (although not as fast as my new car on my much higher salery from now on)

Ta ta my hapless chums, you have been warned.



I think that should do it

Falls over, breaks a leg and spontaneously combusts...

[shirt]

Emsman said:

stuff

i am also leaving next friday and have just found out they're stiffing me for 8 days holiday that i 'owe' them. you have just written my speech, cheers.

[soad]

Also don't mention the word ct too often. Plus be sure to say thanks for the cake.

[Emsman]

shirt said:

Emsman said:

stuff

i am also leaving next friday and have just found out they're stiffing me for 8 days holiday that i 'owe' them. you have just written my speech, cheers.

Shirt, you look ill, i suggest a serious course of self certification- about a week should do it.

[lazyitus]

I stand before you, about to leave
now you can let out a sigh of relief

it's time to go to pastures new
where double time's paid whilst having a poo

I'll miss a few of you, my friends
but the new company car is a Mercedes Benz

The pay here's crap, I can't deny
my new job's limit is high in the sky

So farewell, losers, keep grafting away
while I ps off and triple my pay

You're all low life scrubbers, aint that the truth
st in the bed, especially Ruth

Fun while it lasted but affairs aint my thing,
your minge was to hairy and made my knob sting

it was nice to be part of your company, gang
now time to fk off, best wishes, A Wang

[shirt]

Emsman said:

shirt said:

Emsman said:

stuff

i am also leaving next friday and have just found out they're stiffing me for 8 days holiday that i 'owe' them. you have just written my speech, cheers.

Shirt, you look ill, i suggest a serious course of self certification- about a week should do it.

i would, but then again i never told our secretary when i took holidays when on secondment for a year and they seem to think i've been here for 7yrs rather than 6 and have paid my severance accordingly.

[Emsman]

shirt said:

Emsman said:

shirt said:

Emsman said:

stuff

i am also leaving next friday and have just found out they're stiffing me for 8 days holiday that i 'owe' them. you have just written my speech, cheers.

Shirt, you look ill, i suggest a serious course of self certification- about a week should do it.

i would, but then again i never told our secretary when i took holidays when on secondment for a year and they seem to think i've been here for 7yrs rather than 6 and have paid my severance accordingly.

Ah, you appear to be cured!

[TimJMS]

lazyitus said:

I stand before you, about to leave
now you can let out a sigh of relief

it's time to go to pastures new
where double time's paid whilst having a poo

I'll miss a few of you, my friends
but the new company car is a Mercedes Benz

The pay here's crap, I can't deny
my new job's limit is high in the sky

So farewell, losers, keep grafting away
while I ps off and triple my pay

You're all low life scrubbers, aint that the truth
st in the bed, especially Ruth

Fun while it lasted but affairs aint my thing,
your minge was to hairy and made my knob sting

it was nice to be part of your company, gang
now time to fk off, best wishes, A Wang