Christ, I hate Christmas...
Discussion
Last night I went to my local Tesco to do my xmas food shop. £108 later with not that much to show for an hour spent in a hateful crowded store full of awful fat common people, I was carrying my bags across the ice-covered carpark. Needless to say one of the carrier bags split open and my provisions dropped out and rolled across the car park. A rather nice bottle of Chablis smashed and my priority was to remove the glass from the thoroughfare to prevent injuries to kiddies and car tyres etc. As I was on my hands and knees in the driving sleet and slush some stupid old hag decided she couldn't be bothered to wait and drove right through the fallen shopping, bursting open a carton of fresh tomato and basil soup, squashing a pound of butter and crushing my sprouts. Enraged I hurled a stray baking potato at the back of her Suzuki Jeep and which bounced of her rear window with a satisfyingly loud thud. The car stopped and her husband jumped out for a confrontation. I am afraid to say some rather strong Yuletide insults were traded as i pointed out his selfish wife's shortcomings as a human being, namely that she was an inconsiderate old b*tch. Finally I challenged them to come round my house on christmas day so i could eat my dinner off her tits. They didn't take my address.
So f*ck them. F*ck their Suzuki. And last but not least, f*ck christmas.
So f*ck them. F*ck their Suzuki. And last but not least, f*ck christmas.
Andy Zarse said:
Last night I went to my local Tesco to do my xmas food shop. £108 later with not that much to show for an hour spent in a hateful crowded store full of awful fat common people, I was carrying my bags across the ice-covered carpark. Needless to say one of the carrier bags split open and my provisions dropped out and rolled across the car park. A rather nice bottle of Chablis smashed and my priority was to remove the glass from the thoroughfare to prevent injuries to kiddies and car tyres etc. As I was on my hands and knees in the driving sleet and slush some stupid old hag decided she couldn't be bothered to wait and drove right through the fallen shopping, bursting open a carton of fresh tomato and basil soup, squashing a pound of butter and crushing my sprouts. Enraged I hurled a stray baking potato at the back of her Suzuki Jeep and which bounced of her rear window with a satisfyingly loud thud. The car stopped and her husband jumped out for a confrontation. I am afraid to say some rather strong Yuletide insults were traded as i pointed out his selfish wife's shortcomings as a human being, namely that she was an inconsiderate old b*tch. Finally I challenged them to come round my house on christmas day so i could eat my dinner off her tits. They didn't take my address.
So f*ck them. F*ck their Suzuki. And last but not least, f*ck christmas.
So f*ck them. F*ck their Suzuki. And last but not least, f*ck christmas.
Brilliant. You are my long lost brother and I claim my crushed sprouts.
snowy slopes said:
Tell you what though andy, you should have added bah humbug to your post
Yes and this is what I really want to do. Maybe I was bitten by an elf when I was a child but I just hate the whole goddamn thing. Always have, always will. Here's how I see it; ill-will to all men abounds; vomit and vandalism everywhere; arguments and fights; expense and boredom in the wrong proportion; wrapping paper at 10p a sheet, what a rip off; useless presents which are down the Hospice Shop by Christmas Monday; bewildered old people who smell of piss; a sickening waste of good food; false bonhommie and forced joviality; cards to and from people you wished would sod off for ever; over-exited children who are both seen and heard; the utter wanton expense of the whole thing. And all that's just in our house, Christ alone knows what it's like in some peoples'.
Oh yes, and not forgetting our old friend- borderline blood/sugar levels, acid reflux disease and bile in the back of the throat. That's if you can get into the pub anyway, you can't get to the bar on xmas eve cos it's clogged up with b
ds you never see in there the other 364 days of the year.So Bah Humbug indeed!
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