Strange supermarket announcements?

[Kermit power]

What's the weirdest or funniest announcement you've heard over a supermarket PA system?

My favourite was the frequent calls put out for one of the "colleagues" in Sainsbury in Epsom. His name - verified and definitely true - was Colin.

OK, it's not maybe the sexiest name in the World, but hardly something atypical or worthy of a smirk, you might think? And you'd be right if they'd not included his surname on each announcement, presumably to differentiate him from and other Colin working there.

Who the hell gives their child a name like "Colin Mohammed Ali"????

[TheEnd]

Maybe he was a convertible?

A lot of African names can be quite humourous, a very classical English first name, and an obvious African surname.
I guess it just depends on the fashion.

[Kit80]

A lot of shops have a fake name they put out over the tanoy system to alert staff when there is known shoplifters about the place.

[anonymous-user]

Ou lass's dad once put out a tannoy message for her, along the lines will xxxxxxxx a lost 10 yr old girl, please come to the customer service desk. Nowt wrong with that you might say, she was 30 at the time and none too happy

[omgus]

Kit80 said:

A lot of shops have a fake name they put out over the tanoy system to alert staff when there is known shoplifters about the place.

I can confirm this, everywhere has their own names but they are often written down at Cust. Services or Information.

If the instructions are good there should be four clear names, for example

Miss/Mrs Sanders - Possible Female Shoplifter

Mr Floyd - Possible Male Shoplifter

Mr/Mrs Bailey - Group/Organised Shoplifters

Dr Stern - All Available Staff NOW!

The names should be chosen to be very easily identified, but not stand out on announcment, didn't stop one place using Dr Mike Hunt as the emergency call sign. Muppets.

[RizzoTheRat]

Not a supermarket, but a site I used to work at had a site wide tannoy system and would put out calls for people. They regularly called for Mr R Saker (he did exist), and once announced that a Mr Wright had arrived at the gate but wasn't sure who his contact was so if anyone was looking for Mr Wright would they please call reception.

[Doofus]

OP: WTF are you on about?

I've read your post several times, and it makes no sense to me.

Are you lauging at "Calling Colin" or "Colin Muhammed Ali"?

[900T-R]

Kit80 said:

A lot of shops have a fake name they put out over the tanoy system to alert staff when there is known shoplifters about the place.

Or to alert the shelf stackers of a young lady with huge knackers standing at the counter - allegedly.

[fido]

Not really related to the OP, but i went to that particular Sainsbury's once, and only once despite living in Epsom for several years, and i found the whole place a bit odd .. it's the like an inter-breeding ground between the middle-class of Epsom and it's local chav populace. 'Colin' sounds like a result of one of their 'experiments'. Bless him.

Oh, and there was a punch-up or fracas near the trolleys section - cue some short geezer being lifted out of the shop by one mother of a bouncer. I've moved away since, but i'm stil scared to visit Kiln Lane to this day.

[anonymous-user]

Doofus said:

OP: WTF are you on about?

I've read your post several times, and it makes no sense to me.

Are you lauging at "Calling Colin" or "Colin Muhammed Ali"?

If im reading this correctly, he is laughing at the fact it sounds like Calling muhammed ali, however colin muhammed ali is an unusual name

[shouldbworking]

I served my time at Kiln lane Sainsburys back when I was 16 and saving for the insurance on my first car (an a-reg metro). I remember there was a fake name call for shoplifters and a general 'all-managers' one, but its too long ago now for me to remember what they were.

That said, the security guards were far more of a liability than any shoplifters - all ex-services, and not in the 'honorable discharge, go have a quiet time' variety.

[bananapieface]

900T-R said:

Kit80 said:

A lot of shops have a fake name they put out over the tanoy system to alert staff when there is known shoplifters about the place.

Or to alert the shelf stackers of a young lady with huge knackers standing at the counter - allegedly.

Nolar Dog?

[Sgt Bilko]

Managed to get the control room radio up to verify a new member of staffs ID. They didn't exist in the system. "Bad reception here, who did you want again?"

Colin Alcars.

[courtg9000]

What a small world this is to have 2 posts about my local sainsburys in here. and yes have heard the announcements as well!

Perhaps we should have a gathering in the pub up the road?

[The Fly Fisher]

When I was a student I worked in a well known men's clothes shop, and we had various codes to alert staff of tasty totty in the shop and their whereabouts (it was a big shop). Don't remember them all, but for instance "Staff anouncement - Alan go to 1st floor suits" may have meant very attractive lass in mens suit area on 1st floor, and if was then "Staff announcement - Alan to shoes on ground floor" basically meant she'd moved on! Happy days, we used to run tallys for helping best looking lassies too...

[V8VKK]

Probably a repost but I think this is the definative tanoy prank from Heathrow airport

http://stuffucanuse.com/airport/airport-announceme...

[Mongoose]

I heard a tannoy announcement in Tesco requesting 'the backdoor staff get ready to receive a delivery'

It made me chuckle anyway

[Lambochick]

900T-R said:

Kit80 said:

A lot of shops have a fake name they put out over the tanoy system to alert staff when there is known shoplifters about the place.

Or to alert the shelf stackers of a young lady with huge knackers standing at the counter - allegedly.

What sort of person would be interested in a young lady with huge knackers?

[NoNeed]

Lambochick said:

900T-R said:

Kit80 said:

A lot of shops have a fake name they put out over the tanoy system to alert staff when there is known shoplifters about the place.

Or to alert the shelf stackers of a young lady with huge knackers standing at the counter - allegedly.

What sort of person would be interested in a young lady with huge knackers?

moi? me? please please please

[Kit80]

Surely Knackers it erm male equipment and Knockers is female equipment?