Should your partner be like you or opposite to you - discuss

[da_murphster]

Currently pondering my future and I have some concerns that basically my partner is an exact opposite to me (recently highlighted by a Myres Briggs 'personality test')

Is our relationship doomed as we are opposites or is it good that you have someone to 'curb' your extremes and make you do things you would by nature avoid.

I do have a feeling that is I was going out with someone like me we would have a relationship with all the emotion of a toothbrush and spend our entire time sat in silence on internet forums!!

I was tempted to put an option that said - "doesn't matter as long as she has cracking norks" but I thought it might skew the results somewhat...

[TheCarpetCleaner]

Speaking for myself -

My girlfriend and I (she is two years younger) have similar interests, like the same pets, the same TV shows, similar music and food tastes, but we do live very independent lives.

When I hear about other couples (especially some of the posts on here ) where so and so is throwing a strop because her boyfriend wants to go out to the pub, or someone else's girlfriend kicking off because her boyfriend wants to see a football game, I am usually astonished that anyone would be willing to tolerate that.

If she wants to go out with her mates or spend the weekend with her family, no problems. Likewise the same for me.

I think some people like relationships where they are in each others pockets. I personally would go insane...

[spurs-442]

TheCarpetCleaner said:

If she wants to go out with her mates or spend the weekend with her family, no problems. Likewise the same for me.

I think some people like relationships where they are in each others pockets. I personally would go insane...

+1 - Thats the basic understanding with my girlfriend. We do have different tastes in music and hobbies (e.g. she see's cars as an A-B device rather than myself who loves cars on various levels) - I would hate it if we liked exactly the same things.

[AJS-]

I wouldn't give too much weight to a personality test. If things are going well go with it, if you have concerns address them, and if they can't be resolved then it's time to end it.

I have thought about this recently. Last year I ended a long term relationship with a girl who was in many ways opposite to me, but in some ways very similar.

I now have a great relationship with a girl who is very different again. For the first time in my life I have a partner who worries less than me, is worse at planning things and has even less sense of financial responsibility. It's great though.

I'm not sure personality is the right word, but I think you take on roles in a relationship (including platonic friendships and professional relationships) and it is good to re-examine and sometimes change these roles.

[eldar]

Most things it doesn't really matter. A similar sense of humour helps.

[T89 Callan]

My longest term ex was pretty much the opposite to me, was good at first but as time went on started to drive us apart.

[Mr E Driver]

It fking annoys me when the poster puts ...discuss....well I'm not going to as it is a fking pointless thing to put, isn't the whole point of starting a thread to invite peeps to discuss the subject without you having to state that is what you want us to do? MUPPET

[10 Pence Short]

Trust me, there some people on this forum who are stupid enough to need such instructions.

They also appear to vote Labour. This may or may not be a coincidence.

[TheCarpetCleaner]

Mr E Driver said:

It fking annoys me when the poster puts ...discuss....well I'm not going to as it is a fking pointless thing to put, isn't the whole point of starting a thread to invite peeps to discuss the subject without you having to state that is what you want us to do? MUPPET

If it makes you so angry, start a thread about it - and discuss...

I do envy you, if that something so trivial to "fking annoy me" was a word on a public forum, written by someone I had probably never met, I would be a very happy man.

[zakelwe]

Last two posters, driver+pence short, have no sense of letting something that they don't quite agree with slip by and instead feel easy to be critical rather than talk.

So they have a fail when it comes to relationships.

Andy ( 17 years married and still going strong)

Edited by zakelwe on Sunday 17th January 14:04

[Mr E Driver]

TheCarpetCleaner said:

Mr E Driver said:

It fking annoys me when the poster puts ...discuss....well I'm not going to as it is a fking pointless thing to put, isn't the whole point of starting a thread to invite peeps to discuss the subject without you having to state that is what you want us to do? MUPPET

If it makes you so angry, start a thread about it - and discuss...

I do envy you, if that something so trivial to "fking annoy me" was a word on a public forum, written by someone I had probably never met, I would be a very happy man.

Here

[zakelwe]

Mr E Driver said:

TheCarpetCleaner said:

Mr E Driver said:

It fking annoys me when the poster puts ...discuss....well I'm not going to as it is a fking pointless thing to put, isn't the whole point of starting a thread to invite peeps to discuss the subject without you having to state that is what you want us to do? MUPPET

If it makes you so angry, start a thread about it - and discuss...

I do envy you, if that something so trivial to "fking annoy me" was a word on a public forum, written by someone I had probably never met, I would be a very happy man.

Here

See, he asked you to do something and yet you ignored that and then tried to be smart, so in relationship terms yet another fail.

Are you showing what to do by illustrating by bad examples. If that's the case then you are doing a fantastic job. Keep up the good work!

Andy

[Fort Jefferson]

Mrs FJ and I, have very different personalities, and we've been married 32 years.

[zakelwe]

da_murphster said:

Currently pondering my future and I have some concerns that basically my partner is an exact opposite to me (recently highlighted by a Myres Briggs 'personality test')

Is our relationship doomed as we are opposites or is it good that you have someone to 'curb' your extremes and make you do things you would by nature avoid.

I do have a feeling that is I was going out with someone like me we would have a relationship with all the emotion of a toothbrush and spend our entire time sat in silence on internet forums!!

I was tempted to put an option that said - "doesn't matter as long as she has cracking norks" but I thought it might skew the results somewhat...

In answer to your question, I think relationships start off with excitement and extremes and end up with the mundane, so for a long lasting relationship you need someone similar to you because at least then you will have the same behaviour to the mundane. When you are partying your socks off and just living life to the full at 19 means you can allow opposite behaviour outside that context as you don't tend to spend much time otherwise with them. When you are 60 and both in a motorhome in South Wales then you will need to be the same because that is going to last for several days....

Andy

Edited by zakelwe on Sunday 17th January 14:22

[Mr E Driver]

Andy said:

See, he asked you to do something and yet you ignored that and then tried to be smart, so in relationship terms yet another fail.
Are you showing what to do by illustrating by bad examples. If that's the case then you are doing a fantastic job. Keep up the good work!

You are a Muppet for signing your posts? what's all that about? in posting terms another Fail!

[zakelwe]

Mr E Driver said:

Andy said:

See, he asked you to do something and yet you ignored that and then tried to be smart, so in relationship terms yet another fail.
Are you showing what to do by illustrating by bad examples. If that's the case then you are doing a fantastic job. Keep up the good work!

You are a Muppet for signing your posts? what's all that about? in posting terms another Fail!

I think it should be muppet without the capital as it is a description, not a name. See, you even fail in that.

Cheers

The Muppet.

Edited by zakelwe on Sunday 17th January 14:21

[ShadownINja]

Fort Jefferson said:

Mrs FJ and I, have very different personalities, and we've been married 32 years.

A cynic might say that it's only a matter of time. Like a gambler who is still winning... the only way to prove your marriage was 100% successful is for you to kill one of you, thus ending the marriage without a failure.

[ShadownINja]

T89 Callan said:

My longest term ex was pretty much the opposite to me, was good at first but as time went on started to drive us apart.

This is pretty much what happened to me.

Nowadays, I am only interested in someone with similar interests and beliefs/values. For the lean of thinking, I wrote "similar". If they actively participate in just two of my interests (eg they might climb, train in a martial art, play a musical instrument, trade, have an interest in medicine/health, do fitness training) plus have similar thoughts on personal finance, education, upbringing of children, health and fitness, then that's great. In other words, I have good cause to not date a 20 stone chavette.

Edited by ShadownINja on Sunday 17th January 14:26

[cymtriks]

To answer the OP:

Opposites attract is nonsense.

Have you ever seen a dateline form (or other matchmaker form) ? The whole thing is about pairing you up with someone who you'll get on with because of your similarities. These guys are trying to make some money out of it and they've done their homework.

Somewhere on the internet is a test to give a compatability score based on studies of couples and how long they stayed together. Guess what, the more they had in common the more likely they were to stay together.

In cultures that have arranged marriages matchmakers (ones that do the job properly, not the horrors that make the tabloid press) will often look for compatable families and circles of friends. That's the whole family, as in do their uncles have similar jobs, do their brothers play the same sports, do the mothers read similar books.

Big "life" subjects like emotions, religion, politics, family background, cultural background, education, views on family life, atittudes to work, etc tend to matter most.

Many couples who point out how different they are in some ways don't seem to consider how similar they are in other, usually more important, areas.

[jeff m]

I piss standing up and played rugby so I ticked opposite.