Why I prefer dogs:

[crofty1984]

May be a pearoast, nicked it off another forum.


Excerpts from a Dog's Diary......

8:00 am - Dog food! My favourite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favourite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favourite thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favourite thing!
12:00 pm - Lunch! My favourite thing!
1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favourite thing!
3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favourite thing!
5:00 pm - Milk bones! My favourite thing!

6:00 pm - Oooh, Bath. Bummer.
7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favourite thing!
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favourite thing!
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favourite thing!



Excerpts from a Cat's Daily Diary. ..

Day 983 of my captivity.
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.

They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.

The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am.

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this means and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.

The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now................

[soad]

crofty1984 said:

The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of.

Good read that!

[Cheeky Jim]

That post also instantly highlights why cats are the more intelligent creatures and should be treated with a little more respect.

The Dog one you could actually shorten to:

Morning - awake, eat, st, sleep
Afternoon - awake, st, sleep
Evening - awake, walk, roll in fox st, eat other dogs st, smell other dogs piss, sleep.

[Darth Paul]

Cheeky Jim said:

That post also instantly highlights why cats are the more intelligent creatures and should be treated with a little more respect.

I have lots of respect for those Guard Cats, Police Cats, Drug Sniffer Cats, Explosive Search Cats, Guide Cats. Oh, wait...

Edited by Darth Paul on Wednesday 17th February 12:27

[escargot]

Darth Paul said:

Cheeky Jim said:

That post also instantly highlights why cats are the more intelligent creatures and should be treated with a little more respect.

I have lots of respect for those Guard Cats, Police Cats, Drug Sniffer Cats, Explosive Search Cats, Guide Cats. Oh, wait...

Edited by Darth Paul on Wednesday 17th February 12:27

Cats don't alert people when you fall into quick sand
Cats don't alert people when you fall into a mine shaft
Cats don't alert people when you fall down a ravine
Cats are rubbish


That is my considered opinion.

[SunderJimmy]

Cats can't even claw their way out of a potato sack.

[Dr Imran T]

Can anyone remember the story that was covered recently, where a cat used to be able to 'sense' when someone was about to die??

If I remember correctly, the cat went to patients just before they died or something or it knew that the patient was about to die..

I will try and find the link to the story

[Darth Paul]

Dr Imran T said:

Can anyone remember the story that was covered recently, where a cat used to be able to 'sense' when someone was about to die??

If I remember correctly, the cat went to patients just before they died or something or it knew that the patient was about to die..

I will try and find the link to the story

So Dogs can save people from dying, Cats just sit there and wait for you to die. About sums it up!

[escargot]

Dr Imran T said:

Can anyone remember the story that was covered recently, where a cat used to be able to 'sense' when someone was about to die??

If I remember correctly, the cat went to patients just before they died or something or it knew that the patient was about to die..

I will try and find the link to the story

Was it a tiger.

And did it actually just bite their face off?

[dealmaker]

I have a inherent suspicion (and I admit it - even a distrust) of anyone who keeps a cat - particularly single guys with cat(s)! What's that about??

[Matt Evans]

escargot said:

Cats don't alert people when you fall into quick sand
Cats don't alert people when you fall into a mine shaft
Cats don't alert people when you fall down a ravine

Because if you were as clever as the cat, you wouldn't have fallen into quick sand/mine shaft/ravine.

It's your own stupid fault, so you should be taught a lesson. Otherwise you'll never learn.

[crofty1984]

Cheeky Jim said:

That post also instantly highlights why cats are the more intelligent creatures and should be treated with a little more respect.

The Dog one you could actually shorten to:

Morning - awake, eat, st, sleep
Afternoon - awake, st, sleep
Evening - awake, walk, roll in fox st, eat other dogs st, smell other dogs piss, sleep.

Without the last one that pretty musch describes my days off!

[Mr Darcy]

Brilliant.

[andy400]

Dr Imran T said:

Can anyone remember the story that was covered recently, where a cat used to be able to 'sense' when someone was about to die??

If I remember correctly, the cat went to patients just before they died or something or it knew that the patient was about to die..

I will try and find the link to the story

My first thought was "The cat is clearly the killer, and should be investigated forthwith".

[The Prophet]

Matt Evans said:

escargot said:

Cats don't alert people when you fall into quick sand
Cats don't alert people when you fall into a mine shaft
Cats don't alert people when you fall down a ravine

Because if you were as clever as the cat, you wouldn't have fallen into quick sand/mine shaft/ravine.

It's your own stupid fault, so you should be taught a lesson. Otherwise you'll never learn.

Yeah, because cats are all geniuses.

That's why every summer, without fail, one of the furry cretins will fail to notice that my garden pond is actually full of WATER and nearly drown.

[y2blade]

escargot said:

Dr Imran T said:

Can anyone remember the story that was covered recently, where a cat used to be able to 'sense' when someone was about to die??

If I remember correctly, the cat went to patients just before they died or something or it knew that the patient was about to die..

I will try and find the link to the story

Was it a tiger.

And did it actually just bite their face off?

[Cock Womble]

Why I prefer dogs to women:

* Dogs love it when your friends come over.
* Dogs don't care if you use their shampoo.
* A dog's time in the bathroom is confined to a quick drink.
* Dogs don't expect you to call when you are running late.
* Dogs will forgive you for playing with other dogs.
* Dogs don't notice if you call them by another dog's name.
* Dogs are excited by rough play.
* Dogs don't mind if you give their offspring away.
* Dogs can appreciate excessive body hair.
* Anyone can get a good-looking dog.
* Dogs don't shop.
* Dogs like it when you leave lots of things on the floor.
* A dog's disposition stays the same all month long.
* Dogs never need to examine the relationship.
* A dog's parents never visit.
* Dogs love long car trips.
* Dogs understand that instincts are better than asking for directions.
* Dogs like beer.
* Dogs don't hate their bodies.
* No dog ever bought a Kenny G or Hootie & the Blowfish album.
* No dog ever put on 100 pounds after reaching adulthood.
* Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across.
* Dogs never expect gifts.
* It's legal to keep a dog chained up at your house.
* Dogs don't want to know about every other dog you ever had.
* Dogs don't let magazine articles guide their lives.
* Dogs would rather have you buy them a hamburger dinner than a lobster one.
* You never have to wait for a dog.
* They're ready to go 24 hours a day.
* Dogs have no use for flowers, cards, or jewelry.
* Dogs don't borrow your shirts.
* Dogs never want foot-rubs.
* Dogs can't talk.
* Dogs find you amusing when you're drunk.

[Matt Evans]

The Prophet said:

one of the furry cretins will fail to notice that my garden pond is actually full of WATER and nearly drown.

[andy400]

I'm not a pet owner, so I speak from a neutral position, but, without exception that I can currently think of:

All the dog owners I know are interesting, fun, good looking people. They have a dog or dogs but don't feel the need to talk about them all the time, either because they've better things to do or talk about, or because it's just a given that dogs are good pets.

All the cat owners I know are, well, a bit fking dull and ever-so-slightly weird actually, and they don't half go on about their cats.......

[Dave^]

escargot said:

Darth Paul said:

Cheeky Jim said:

That post also instantly highlights why cats are the more intelligent creatures and should be treated with a little more respect.

I have lots of respect for those Guard Cats, Police Cats, Drug Sniffer Cats, Explosive Search Cats, Guide Cats. Oh, wait...

Edited by Darth Paul on Wednesday 17th February 12:27

Cats don't alert people when you fall into quick sand
Cats don't alert people when you fall into a mine shaft
Cats don't alert people when you fall down a ravine
Cats are rubbish


That is my considered opinion.

Should we all have a Kangaroo each then?

G'day Skip...