Why hide things
Discussion
So - my back is f
ked, not heard from my parents for over 3 months. Live a fair way away, can't drive cos of back/medication - I'm waiting on another operation on it. O/H's family and friends visit/check on me - but not mine. I call and email, but eventually get miffed I've not seen them for a while. Gently via email hint I could do with seeing my own folks - get no-where. So, last night via email I tell them I won't be emailing updates and I'm a bit pissed off they never call me/visit/or email me. just got an email back, my dad recently had a small stroke, is partially blind in one eye...but has something more serious he wants to discuss. I'm getting taken to them tomorrow to talk to them, want to speak with me in person....right now I'm in tears/angry/upset at them for keeping secrets and fking embarrased and feel like st at sending an email...and I wish they had told me so i could be there for them....i know no-on eher will care but hey ho.
ked, not heard from my parents for over 3 months. Live a fair way away, can't drive cos of back/medication - I'm waiting on another operation on it. O/H's family and friends visit/check on me - but not mine. I call and email, but eventually get miffed I've not seen them for a while. Gently via email hint I could do with seeing my own folks - get no-where. So, last night via email I tell them I won't be emailing updates and I'm a bit pissed off they never call me/visit/or email me. just got an email back, my dad recently had a small stroke, is partially blind in one eye...but has something more serious he wants to discuss. I'm getting taken to them tomorrow to talk to them, want to speak with me in person....right now I'm in tears/angry/upset at them for keeping secrets and fking embarrased and feel like st at sending an email...and I wish they had told me so i could be there for them....i know no-on eher will care but hey ho. I think we've found the joker in the pack!
Jokes apart mate, it sounds like you're spending a lot of time wallowing in self pity and getting angry at others. They clearly have other issues going one, serious ones too, perhaps didn't want to worry you at this point. To turn it on them again for not telling you smells to me like they are in a no-win situation. I sympathise, you're clearly going through a bad time, but my advice would be to do everything in your power not to direct your inner anger and frustration towards your loved ones.
Jokes apart mate, it sounds like you're spending a lot of time wallowing in self pity and getting angry at others. They clearly have other issues going one, serious ones too, perhaps didn't want to worry you at this point. To turn it on them again for not telling you smells to me like they are in a no-win situation. I sympathise, you're clearly going through a bad time, but my advice would be to do everything in your power not to direct your inner anger and frustration towards your loved ones.
dibbers006 said:
Don't worry. You sound like you are under a lot of stress.
For future reference just say things and be up front with family. Be blunt or swallow it. In the long run it's usually easier and means there is never bad air.
Next issue... this meeting. Weigh up your issues. How long will they affect you, are you going to be okay in the long run and what are the most important things for you in your life.
Finally, have a power wk, glass of wine. Bath with the missus or something and chill a bit. Tomorrow is a new day. You can't change the past but you can master your future.
Cheers dibb. Feel like sFor future reference just say things and be up front with family. Be blunt or swallow it. In the long run it's usually easier and means there is never bad air.
Next issue... this meeting. Weigh up your issues. How long will they affect you, are you going to be okay in the long run and what are the most important things for you in your life.
Finally, have a power w
k, glass of wine. Bath with the missus or something and chill a bit. Tomorrow is a new day. You can't change the past but you can master your future. t, want to help and kill at same time ! Weird emotions really. stting myself about what could worse than what i've been told. O/H says I never knew and is equally upset. Pinot Grigio about to be opened.Caruso said:
Craphouserat said:
Why hide things?
Because they know you've got troubles of your own, and don't want to burden you with theirs?
Craphouserat said:
That what I've been told - doesn't make me feel better. I wouldn't have given a toss about not calling etc. I could have been there in someway for them. My problems mean nothing to me right now.
Worse to follow tomorrow.
It sounds like they have problems that are worse than yours, but didn't tell you. It's understandable that a parent wouldn't want to burden you with their problems. But at the same time it's your duty to find out what their problems are and do what you can to help.Worse to follow tomorrow.
You need to go into that meeting listenting, and let them know that.
Morning Barry,
Mate, that's not good, but don't be too harsh on them. They may have had a hell of a lot on their plate (not saying you haven't) and wanted to finalise plans etc before having that discussion. Anyway, for all you know they might be telling you they've on the lottery and have been deciding on your share! Keep ya chin up mate, and fingers crossed that the old man is gonna be ok.
Oh and good lad on the bottle of Red.....Drinking is ALWAYS the answer, but may I suggest a NZ Merlot?
Nick.
Mate, that's not good, but don't be too harsh on them. They may have had a hell of a lot on their plate (not saying you haven't) and wanted to finalise plans etc before having that discussion. Anyway, for all you know they might be telling you they've on the lottery and have been deciding on your share! Keep ya chin up mate, and fingers crossed that the old man is gonna be ok.
Oh and good lad on the bottle of Red.....Drinking is ALWAYS the answer, but may I suggest a NZ Merlot?
Nick.
Sounds to me like they couldn't come to you due to their health problems BUT didn't want to burden you with it because you have enough on your plate. So they were hiding it to protect you. Perhaps misguided, but I think they were looking out for you.
So now at least you will find out what is wrong with your dad and why they couldn't visit.
I wish you both a speedy recovery.
So now at least you will find out what is wrong with your dad and why they couldn't visit.
I wish you both a speedy recovery.
Worst thing you can do is be mad with them, just talk to them and explain your concerns. They were clearly just trying to stop you from having other worries in your life, explain that you are frustrated that they didn't tell you and it would have made it easier for you to understand why they hadn't contacted you.
I would be the same in your situation, but, I know I could talk it through with my parents. Just don't be mad with them.
I would be the same in your situation, but, I know I could talk it through with my parents. Just don't be mad with them.
Thank you all for your good wishes. After a somewhat crap sleep and reading what you have all said, I know he is trying to protect me. Just a lot of emotions going round at the minute - I wasn't the perfect son when I was younger and he bailed me out of massive debt ( gambling addiction - not gambled in years now). he forgave me in time - I have never forgiven myself. This combined with the email about not seeing/hearing from them in so long brought on massive guilt, as well as frustration. Ofcourse i would not have sent that and I would have been there - regardless of my problems. I will be getting taken down there in a few hours to have a talk, clear the air and hopefully get the full story. He is twice the man I will ever be,
Again - I thank you all for you good wishes and thoughts.
All the best.
Barry.
Again - I thank you all for you good wishes and thoughts.
All the best.
Barry.
sleep envy said:
Craphouserat said:
Gently via email hint I could do with seeing my own folks - get no-where. So, last night via email I tell them I won't be emailing updates and I'm a bit pissed off they never call me/visit/or email me.
stop being a primadonna about it, just call them in future
this is sounding like the person who emailed to say they couldnt get into work instead of picking up the phone.... Hell... sometimes I dont speak to my parents for a few weeks, I leave a few messages and ring them and dont get a reply, it doesnt stress me out and Im fine with it....
Eventually they ring.
But go on the computer every day when one of them is ill (my mother was in hospital with blood clots on the lungs and DVT) you have got to be fking kidding me... My father has no mobile and my mum had to give hers to him as he was in the ward most of the time for 2 months until 10pm most nights... Can you see a pattern here?
Ring them and you may get a reply, as long as one has a mobile... If I was ringing the land line all the time I would have got nowhere again...
Eventually they ring.
But go on the computer every day when one of them is ill (my mother was in hospital with blood clots on the lungs and DVT) you have got to be f
king kidding me... My father has no mobile and my mum had to give hers to him as he was in the ward most of the time for 2 months until 10pm most nights... Can you see a pattern here?Ring them and you may get a reply, as long as one has a mobile... If I was ringing the land line all the time I would have got nowhere again...
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