Market research calls...

[whitevanman88]

What fun have you had with these?

I've just had one from a particular government funded organisation that deals with advice / help / loans / grants for start-ups. I wasn't particularly trying to be clever / awkward but it amused me slightly...

It went a bit like this:

Me: Hello (company name)...
It: .........
Me: Hello?
It: ...Oh Hi...(mumbling)...(cue dis-jointed, thick east-london accent)...is dat the business ownaaar?
Me: Yes, can I help?
It: Well, sir, my name is (something suitably chavvy, can't remember, probably Chantelle) and I am cawllin from (somewhere) to update your de'ails.
Me: Okay...
It: There is three questions missing from your profile with us, can I ask them to you?
Me: Yep...
It: (some sighing and keyboard tapping) Sorry... just bear wiv me... Are you the ownaaar?
Me: Yep...
It: What's your ethnicity?
Me: White British
It: (Long pause) Bri'ish?
Me: Yes...
It: Black?
Me: White...
It: One sugaaars or two? (She then hangs up before I can get anything else in).

Mint.

[LotusACBC]

I love getting these calls. Sometimes I enjoy taking surveys and am serious with them even if the information is questionable. But more times than none I like to joke with them, unbeknownst to them, it seems. I like to say things like;

RING RING

Me: Hello
Them: hi is this Mr so and so, my name is tim from so and so and I'd like to ask you to participate in a survey regarding so and so
Me: ohhhhhhhhhhhhh, excuse me one moment while I wipe please.

The strange thing is they never pause, or seem affected at all by the comment, they just go "oh sure no problem".

Hahaha

Then about half way into the call I will start to make small noises while they try to talk.

Sometimes when I'm at my parents house they will call and we know who it is due to caler I'd, ill answer it and they will ask for my MOM, they will say is Barbara so and so there, and I have a deep voice I will respond, YES THIS IS SHE. And they will seriously continue as if I'm her.

[DrTre]

Friend of mine had one:

"Good afternoon, I'm calling from a company that's wanting to give you an upgrade on your mobile. Are you interested?"
"No, not really"
"Would you mind if I tell you a little more?"
"Suppose"

5 min sales conversation..."so, which of those packages suits you best?"

"None, I'm not interested like I said 5 mins ago"
"So you've let me talk to you for 5 minutes with no intention of buying?"
"It looks that way doesn't it?"

Apparently the salesman got really quite rude.

ETA. I've just read that back. fk me it's a dull story.

Edited by DrTre on Tuesday 2nd March 13:47

[Scott330ci]

whitevanman88 said:

it amused me slightly...

Easily Pleased

[whitevanman88]

Scott330ci said:

whitevanman88 said:

it amused me slightly...

Easily Pleased

Probably, yes.

You trying doing 8 hours solid accounting with no other amusement.

[fido]

I sometimes play 'movies' in the background - quite easy as the phone is next to my computer - it often takes a while the salesperson starts giggling.

[alock]

The important part is never hang up. One of the metrics they're typically judged on is not giving up so they'll wait for you to hang up first. At the end of the call just wait. You'll occasionally get a 'hello, are you still there?' about 5 seconds later.

[bazking69]

"Can't I speak to the owner of the business" is met with a flat 'no' from me, followed by a silence and the line going dead a few seconds later.

[gilla]

you can have a huge amount of fun with these calls... the phone rang at my mates house about 10am on a saturday - we'd be up drinking all night for his birthday an I had the pleasure of answering..

Them: Is that mr x
Me: That's me
Them: This is ... calling from ... insurance
Me: That's nice
Them: I'd like to talk to you about your insurance needs
Me: Actually I do have some - what are you selling?
Them: Oh no sir - We don't sell anything - we act as a blah blah blah
Me: So you don't sell anything?
Them: No sir
Me: Well i want to buy some insurance
Them: We can help you with that sir
Me: How the fk can you help me if you don't sell anything, and incidentally how do you make money?
Them: Well sir *insert long rambling here*
Me: (1/2 way through rambling) Excuse me (slams a door)Darling put the fking mask back on and get back in the cellar I'll only be a minute... excuse me you were saying
Them: Well sir what we do...
Me: Excuse me one minute (puts phone down and slams a door)
Sorry about that mate she was about to escape..
Them: As i was saying..
Me: Excuse me... (leave phone off the hook for 5 minutes whilst making strange torture noises then come back to the phone panting)
Them: well sir...
Me: Bloody hell you still there mate - you are one resiliant motherfker aren't you.
Them: Sir - what's going on
Me: BEEEEEP

[Odie]

I either:-

Pretend im in a foreign country and they have misdialed.

If its to do with kitchens/windows etc pretend I dont have one/any.

Pretend I know them. Went to school with them years ago etc

Constantly contradict myself or misquote figures they gave me, "a minute ago you said it was £20 a month now its £30"

Pretend im interested but tell them that they have 3 strikes if they say 3 things i dont like i wont buy it (often i dont warn them which is even more funny) ie when they say "Good Morning" I reply with "Their is nothing good about it, thats strike 1 you have 2 more left then I'll hang up"

Being completely unreasonable but in a nice way, ie saying youve had a better offer elsewhere but the other offer is so unreasonable that their is no way they can match it "I use my phone so much that <insert random mobile provider> actually pay me monthly line rental"

If im actually interested I'll haggle, usually they dont know what to say..

Say someone rang me from the same company asking the same questions 10 minutes earlier

Pretend to be a takeaway "Dominoes Pizza's can I take your order"

I hate pushy sales people a certain red broadband provider have been getting pushy with me about getting their bundle, I like to get them talking appear kinda interested then hang up on them mid word. I still have it in the back of my mind that in 18months time that £40 for phone broadband and TV will turn into £80-£90 as they unbundle the package deals.

Edited by Odie on Wednesday 3rd March 10:55

[nick s]

Picky i know, but these aren't Market Research calls. Surely they are sales calls?!

[Odie]

nick s said:

Picky i know, but these aren't Market Research calls. Surely they are sales calls?!

Ohh true, I never get market research calls, I must not be on Zee List.

[nick s]

Odie said:

nick s said:

Picky i know, but these aren't Market Research calls. Surely they are sales calls?!

Ohh true, I never get market research calls, I must not be on Zee List.

It does seem to be one of those things where you need to know someone. My mum runs a market research studio, which i help her with sometimes, and it's nothing like sales as i'm sure you know, people are paid to discuss an idea about a new or prototype product, to see if it's worth bringing to market. You'd be surprised at how many people hang up on researchers, thinking it's a sales call, when in actual fact they're missing the chance to make 100 quid or so for an hours talk, somewhere local to them! They are actually pretty fun to do aswell, for example we held one for Burger King the other week, and the respondents got to try 9 new burgers they were htikning of bringing out, one of them was a jack daniels aberdeen angus burger with bourbon sauce! Awesome!

Edited by nick s on Wednesday 3rd March 11:14

[plasticpig]

Pretty much always say "My time is valuable. How much are you going to pay me to answer your questions?". The only other fun to be had is the IT ones where they ask what technologies we are using. "Clear Sky Computing" and "Reality Servers" are the current favourites.

[gilla]

a lot of sales calls are dressed up as market research calls to make consumers feel more comfortable... they quilify everything and a load of sales calls then follow

[AndrewTait]

A lot of sales calls are dressed up as market research in order to avoid legislation.

If it is research call thay don't have to abide by the do not call lists, and also by then making an appointment to call them, they avoid some of the distance selling regulations, as you have invited them to call back and sell to you.