How to write a letter to a son you haven’t seen for 30 years

[paul.deitch]

A friend of mine, honest, a 70 year old, has sent me a draft letter he plans to send to a son he never saw again after a messy divorce a long time ago. Well as it stands I think that the letter cannot be sent as it doesn’t even ask how the poor son is and basically just says; I didn’t know my dad, I’m now retired and have been doing family history research, if you want to know something about the family get in touch.
If I was the son and received the letter as written it would go straight in the bin.
That’s the easy bit, but I need to suggest some better ideas to him, so, some help please with suggestions of appropriate things to say to say to a son you effectively chosen not to see for 30 years.

[Stevenj214]

From the limited information you've given, I would advise not to bother sending anything at all.

[craste]

Start with.

Hi XXXX

First of all I'm sorry for being a c.u.n.t

[paul.deitch]

Come on guys, I need need to help him....
We all know he did wrong, but he has a serious heart condition and as far as I can see wants to put his affairs in order. He can't change the past, and there is no point in him apologising, but I am sure that there is something positive he can say, its just that I can't think of it at the moment.

[GKP]

Dear Son,

I've got thirty years of Christmas presents stored in the bottom of the gramophone player cabinet. They are yours if you want them.

Lots of love,

Dad.

P.S. They're not all WH Smith book tokens.

[pokethepope]

Mention the heart condition and the word "will", i'm sure the son will forgive everything and visit him every weekend.

[jagracer]

Sounds more like he's feeling guilty rather than he wants to put things in order.

[Eggman]

paul.deitch said:

We all know he did wrong, but he has a serious heart condition and as far as I can see wants to put his affairs in order. He can't change the past, and there is no point in him apologising, but I am sure that there is something positive he can say, its just that I can't think of it at the moment.

Some variation on this, written in the first person might be a start!

[RB26DETT]

Dear XXXX,
I guess this is the last person you were expecting to contact you. Im sorry i hav'nt been there for the last 30years, but better late than never. If you want to meet up for a drink and we can catch up on eachother it would really mean the world to me.

Contact me on : 0...........

Yours Trully,
Dad

[paul.deitch]

RB26DETT said:

Dear XXXX,
I guess this is the last person you were expecting to contact you. Im sorry i hav'nt been there for the last 30years, but better late than never. If you want to meet up for a drink and we can catch up on eachother it would really mean the world to me.

Contact me on : 0...........

Yours Trully,
Dad

Thank you, I reckon the tone of that is perfect for this situation. A bit dignity, an apology that can be expanded on, and an option allowing the wronged to take it further if he wishes.

[The Hypno-Toad]

Tell him to listen to this;

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qJmY_qCBX58

Might give him some pointers, maybe not. Its about a daughter/dad relationship but from the sound of things esentially similar.

[Stevenj214]

paul.deitch said:

RB26DETT said:

Dear XXXX,
I guess this is the last person you were expecting to contact you. Im sorry i hav'nt been there for the last 30years, but better late than never. If you want to meet up for a drink and we can catch up on eachother it would really mean the world to me.

Contact me on : 0...........

Yours Trully,
Dad

Thank you, I reckon the tone of that is perfect for this situation. A bit dignity, an apology that can be expanded on, and an option allowing the wronged to take it further if he wishes.

Like I said, we're working on limited information here but if that's not what the guy wants to say, then why push it?

[Silverbullet767]

Im at the son side of things here, trust me, he doesn't want a letter.

Tell him to leave him alone.

[GTIR]

Silverbullet767 said:

Im at the son side of things here, trust me, he doesn't want a letter.

Tell him to leave him alone.

Somebody needs a hug!

[Jag-D]

GTIR said:

Silverbullet767 said:

Im at the son side of things here, trust me, he doesn't want a letter.

Tell him to leave him alone.

Somebody needs a hug!

The ghey is strong in this one

[GTIR]

Jag-D said:

GTIR said:

Silverbullet767 said:

Im at the son side of things here, trust me, he doesn't want a letter.

Tell him to leave him alone.

Somebody needs a hug!

The ghey is strong in this one

So you're telling me you've never hugged a man? Not even your dad?

Somebody needs a hug.

[Jasandjules]

Well, don't you need to find out what the old fellow wants out of this letter? Does he want the son to come back into his life or does he just want to pass on some info from Genes Reunited or whatever the hell they call these websites. Does he want to atone for his mistakes? Does he think he is at fault?

[Bosshogg76]

To echo SilverBullet767, tell him not to bother. The son has lived this long with out contact, and the Father has had 30 years to sort it out. I haven't seen my dad for about the same length of time, I would view any attempt by him to contact me, as a purely selfish act by a selfish man who is looking to square his guilt before popping his clogs.

[Plotloss]

Bosshogg76 said:

To echo SilverBullet767, tell him not to bother. The son has lived this long with out contact, and the Father has had 30 years to sort it out. I haven't seen my dad for about the same length of time, I would view any attempt by him to contact me, as a purely selfish act by a selfish man who is looking to square his guilt before popping his clogs.

This.

Absolutely this.

[tamore]

Dear Sir/Madam...........

You never know!