Moving in with new partner when you have a child.....
Discussion
Dear Deirdre
question for the world's leading motoring/relationship website....
anyone had experience, good or bad, and want to share with the group on how moving in with your new partner affected your relationship with a child from a previous relationship?
my girl is 6 and she stays with me 50% of the week. she gets on great with my new partner however I want to hear how others have managed to keep this when the dynamic changes and new partner is there all the time. Any tips or things not to do?....
Cheers in advance
BerksBoy
question for the world's leading motoring/relationship website....
anyone had experience, good or bad, and want to share with the group on how moving in with your new partner affected your relationship with a child from a previous relationship?
my girl is 6 and she stays with me 50% of the week. she gets on great with my new partner however I want to hear how others have managed to keep this when the dynamic changes and new partner is there all the time. Any tips or things not to do?....
Cheers in advance
BerksBoy
BerksBoy said:
FWDRacer said:
BerksBoy said:
my girl is 6 and she stays with me 50% of the week.
Full Shared Residency?If so, how on gods green earth did you manage to get that sorted
Is Shared Care Arrangement for anyone or does your daughter need any extra help?
If your little one and new partner get on already then thats half the battle won. The only thing I would say is, take it slowly and gradually introduce the change. I have seen what happens to a kid when a new partner is just brought in to the house permanantly after only meeting them a few times, even though they got on, it got a bit nasty, maybe a bit of resentment, maybe just upset at the sudden changes, not sure, but it all got very messy and the little one still has issues after 5 years.
If you still live at you own place, or whereever you are but not at the new partners, if that makes sense, have one night where you stay at the new partners and have some 'bonding time' even if its going for a walk, playing wii, washing cars, anything really, it just gets everyone used to being together for a length of time. You can then build on the length of time you both spend there depending on how successfull it is at first. But remember, its not just the little un who has to adjust, your new partner, especially if she doesn't have kids of her own, will need to adjust to having kids around all the time as its very different to having 'visits'
Hope this makes sense and you understand what I am trying to say and good luck, that fact you are asking the question shows you are looking in the right direction. And as said above, be prepared for the ex! Rise above it, don't react, its just the grren eyed monster!
If you still live at you own place, or whereever you are but not at the new partners, if that makes sense, have one night where you stay at the new partners and have some 'bonding time' even if its going for a walk, playing wii, washing cars, anything really, it just gets everyone used to being together for a length of time. You can then build on the length of time you both spend there depending on how successfull it is at first. But remember, its not just the little un who has to adjust, your new partner, especially if she doesn't have kids of her own, will need to adjust to having kids around all the time as its very different to having 'visits'
Hope this makes sense and you understand what I am trying to say and good luck, that fact you are asking the question shows you are looking in the right direction. And as said above, be prepared for the ex! Rise above it, don't react, its just the grren eyed monster!
Edited by mrsxllifts on Thursday 11th March 12:44
BerksBoy said:
my girl is 6 and she stays with me 50% of the week. she gets on great with my new partner however I want to hear how others have managed to keep this when the dynamic changes and new partner is there all the time. Any tips or things not to do?....
Cheers in advance
BerksBoy
I am in a similar situation -my son is 8 and gets on very well with the other half. Cheers in advance
BerksBoy
Personally I think make sure that you still make time do things with just you and her - don't try and force a new "happy families" set-up. Occasionally it is juts me and him at home and I think this helps too at the beginning.
I think lots of us imagine it is going to be a minefield but approached sensibly and not making a big deal out of it it doesn't have to be.
Good luck.
GTIR said:
BerksBoy said:
FWDRacer said:
BerksBoy said:
my girl is 6 and she stays with me 50% of the week.
Full Shared Residency?If so, how on gods green earth did you manage to get that sorted
Is Shared Care Arrangement for anyone or does your daughter need any extra help?
BerksBoy said:
cheers all for the replies.
good to know people have been through it and come out the other side in one piece
. slowly slowly is the order of the day and the right thing to do for all I think.
BB
Definitely. I thought, "it may work for everyone else but for me it is different and it will be sgood to know people have been through it and come out the other side in one piece
. slowly slowly is the order of the day and the right thing to do for all I think.BB
t", but it is of course quite a common occurrence these days and there are plenty of us who go through it and come out the other end.Judging by your comments you sound very balanced and sensible about the whole thing - much more than I was. I am sure there will be the odd hiccup along the way but you shouldn't have too many dramas.
BerksBoy said:
GTIR said:
BerksBoy said:
FWDRacer said:
BerksBoy said:
my girl is 6 and she stays with me 50% of the week.
Full Shared Residency?If so, how on gods green earth did you manage to get that sorted
Is Shared Care Arrangement for anyone or does your daughter need any extra help?
Residence at hers would suggest very similar same at the moment. How does "Shared Care" differ from residency in a leagl sense?
FWDRacer said:
BerksBoy said:
GTIR said:
BerksBoy said:
FWDRacer said:
BerksBoy said:
my girl is 6 and she stays with me 50% of the week.
Full Shared Residency?If so, how on gods green earth did you manage to get that sorted
Is Shared Care Arrangement for anyone or does your daughter need any extra help?
Residence at hers would suggest very similar same at the moment. How does "Shared Care" differ from residency in a leagl sense?
Edited by BerksBoy on Thursday 11th March 14:55
Your daughter is with you 50% of the time but yet you have to pay your Ex maintanence? I know the reason you are doing this mate - It's because your dearly love your daughter. But in reality you are being financially very gently turned over, this is something that the UK legal system nneds to sort out before another man changes into a Batman costume and starts climbing. Unfair and unjust. Ex's - SW(branded)T's - this completely makes my urine boil.
FWDRacer said:
Your daughter is with you 50% of the time but yet you have to pay your Ex maintanence? I know the reason you are doing this mate - It's because your dearly love your daughter. But in reality you are being financially very gently turned over, this is something that the UK legal system nneds to sort out before another man changes into a Batman costume and starts climbing. Unfair and unjust. Ex's - SW(branded)T's - this completely makes my urine boil.
You can't beat the system chap, i tried and it cost me 30k in the process!Berksboy
I wish you the very best of luck, and i mean that with all my heart.
You have made the right decision to think of the implications, carry on being that considerate and you'll be fine.
Kind regards Dave.
OP - I wish you good luck too
I recently started co-habiting again and I'm so glad that my 6 and 7 year olds have taken to my new partner so well.
It was touch and go with my daughter (the 7 year old) for a few visits, but patience and understanding have got us all to a really good place.
I avoided introducing them to anybody that I met subsequent to their Mother and I splitting, until I met someone I was serious about. They all met prior to us moving in together so that the beginnings of a bond had been established on more neutral territory.
Its surprisiing how much that, even at 6 years old, they 'get it'. I found the best policy was to be open, particularly when answering their questions.
They are quick to detect a smokescreen (or mine are!!) and are much happier when they know what's really going on.
I recently started co-habiting again and I'm so glad that my 6 and 7 year olds have taken to my new partner so well.
It was touch and go with my daughter (the 7 year old) for a few visits, but patience and understanding have got us all to a really good place.
I avoided introducing them to anybody that I met subsequent to their Mother and I splitting, until I met someone I was serious about. They all met prior to us moving in together so that the beginnings of a bond had been established on more neutral territory.
Its surprisiing how much that, even at 6 years old, they 'get it'. I found the best policy was to be open, particularly when answering their questions.
They are quick to detect a smokescreen (or mine are!!) and are much happier when they know what's really going on.
Ah - the beloved system. Forgot about that little legal f*ckup chestnut - but advice heeded 
Sorry to gatecrash the thread
As to the OP and the original post - Good Luck Mucka. I've the same thing to contemplate in my future, how it all slots together with my beautiful 5yr old little girl...
Hope things work out - I think another woman coming into your life when you've got a daughter (and close bond with her) is potentially a greater minefield, than the same situation and heading into it with a son.
It's the put two women in a room scenario
Sorry to gatecrash the thread
As to the OP and the original post - Good Luck Mucka. I've the same thing to contemplate in my future, how it all slots together with my beautiful 5yr old little girl...
Hope things work out - I think another woman coming into your life when you've got a daughter (and close bond with her) is potentially a greater minefield, than the same situation and heading into it with a son.
It's the put two women in a room scenario
Edited by FWDRacer on Thursday 11th March 16:14
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