Seperated/divorced dads. How often do you see your kid(s)?

[GTIR]

Just wondering when the PH dads see their kids. I know a lot of you are having ongoing battles but I'm just curious as to what is "normal" with seeing the children.

My brother for example see his kids every other weekend and in week. I however see my daughter one day every other weekend and I'm not happy with it. (sadly I can't take any court action at this moment)

Your comments are very welcome.

[Justayellowbadge]

Once a day every week?

Did you mean that?

[Kentish]

You don't have once a week as an option so I have not voted but that is how often I see my littel'un.

Don't go to court!

You'll just make an even bigger rift than one you may already have, try and get along with the ex and make her see that it's important for the kids to see their dad rather than for you to see them.

I don't mean make it appear that you are not bothered but just emphasize that it is imprtatn for kids to have both parents around.

My ex told me she'd find a new Dad and that is quite scary as you have no control over that and I guess if that happened oneday, I'd have to stop seeing the little'un.

[Bluebarge]

Kentish said:

You don't have once a week as an option so I have not voted but that is how often I see my littel'un.

Don't go to court!

You'll just make an even bigger rift than one you may already have, try and get along with the ex and make her see that it's important for the kids to see their dad rather than for you to see them.

I don't mean make it appear that you are not bothered but just emphasize that it is imprtatn for kids to have both parents around.

My ex told me she'd find a new Dad and that is quite scary as you have no control over that and I guess if that happened oneday, I'd have to stop seeing the little'un.

No you wouldn't. The child is still yours and has a right to see you. The littl'un will become a big'un and will want to know you. Don't make it look as if you walked away.

[Adam B]

Kentish said:

My ex told me she'd find a new Dad and that is quite scary as you have no control over that and I guess if that happened one day, I'd have to stop seeing the little'un.

wtf? sorry are you saying she is threatenig to replace you and cut you off?

I seem my daughter 50% of weekends (either split one day each, or one weekend in 2 whatever is convenient) and one evening a week, plus 2 weeks holidays with her per year. Would not give up any of this without a huge fight, but fortunately my ex and I are amicable and our daughter's weelbeing is paramount to the both of us so there is never any question about access and we are flexible with each other. Ex is now living with someone else (a very ex friend) but it is very clear to her and my daughter who her Daddy is.

[snotrag]

Can I speak up as 'the child' in one of these situations?

I was about 12 or 13 when my Parents split up.

I remember them sitting us all down one day and announcing that Dad was leaving, and why, and how there both realyl sorry etc.

The only answer we (me, plus 2 younger sisters) had was pretty much - "We know, we're not stupid, or deaf. We were just wondering how long it might take you to get round to saying it to us".

I dont care how young the kids are, they KNOW something is up. Dont fight over them. Talk to them. Ask them what THEY want to do. I appreciate that this may be very hard if they have a Mother who THINKS she knows whats best.

Luckily my parents are still relatively friendly.

Another thing to note - don't assume that you know have to be 'crazy, kooky, cool, fun-loving Dad' who doesnt have any rules and eats pizza every night, as that just marks you out as an idiot.

[Adam B]

GTIR said:

My brother for example see his kids every other weekend and in week. I however see my daughter one day every other weekend and I'm not happy with it. (sadly I can't take any court action at this moment)

Your comments are very welcome.

I would not be happy with that, way too little IMVHO - are you divorced or just spearated? is your ex preventing you having more contact? why can you not take court action

[JustDerv]

Adam B said:

GTIR said:

My brother for example see his kids every other weekend and in week. I however see my daughter one day every other weekend and I'm not happy with it. (sadly I can't take any court action at this moment)

Your comments are very welcome.

I would not be happy with that, way too little IMVHO - are you divorced or just spearated? is your ex preventing you having more contact? why can you not take court action

Maybe the cost? It seems to me that legal costs are very off-putting as my ex would get legal aid while I wouldn't. Luckily my Daughters are old enough to state their wishes and they come to mine every weekend and odd nights in the week as well as extra nights during half-terms/school holiday periods.

[Fun Bus]

I see my five year old Son every other weekend for most of one day - that's it for me. His Mother (my ex-wife) isn't very encouraging which makes it worse when I try and arrange to see him more or break the routine. I would love to take him on holiday but he hasn't spent a night with me for years. Breaks my heart, but am thankful I see him and am sure one day he'll be happy to stay overnight with me. I'm seeing him this Saturday in fact and he'll be seeing his new Scalextric for the first time - I don't know who's more excited him or me!

[big dub]

The OH and me split just over 3 years ago now, and we get on great now, thankfully. I basically have an open invitation to see the kids whenever I want to. I work 12hr shifts, days and nights, so we work things out around those. We plan it week to week usually, seeing which one of us wants to go out and so far it has been a good arrangement.

[parakitaMol.]

I can't believe how many people have said 'never and don't care'

My son has just turned 21 and his of a sperm donor was like that, despite the fact that I never asked him for any money or put any pressure on him. Despite my support over the years to reassure him that this was not his fault he still has carries a trauma from the complete, utter and total rejection.

I can't believe how lightly *some* people take parenthood - both the females who use children as weapons and men who are absent or don't support.

If people don't want kids - they should take more care NOT to have them! especially men.

[BerksBoy]

very fortunate in this respect - have my daughter 50% of the time with a schedule being agreed for 3 months in advance. ie 4 days in the week then i get the weekend off, or 2 days in the week with the weekend on duty.

mother and I are seperated and have agreed this in seperation agreement. waiting out for 2 years with sep for diviorce.

[Muzzer]

snotrag said:

Another thing to note - don't assume that you know have to be 'crazy, kooky, cool, fun-loving Dad' who doesnt have any rules and eats pizza every night, as that just marks you out as an idiot.

This.

And remember that your time is more valuable than the contents of your wallet. No matter how full that wallet is.

[Adam B]

parakitaMol. said:

If people don't want kids - they should take more care NOT to have them! especially men.

what BS - why especially men? I think I'd be even more careful if I was female seeing as it was me who was physically having the baby but fail to see why responsibility should not be equal.

[Adam B]

JustDerv said:

Adam B said:

GTIR said:

My brother for example see his kids every other weekend and in week. I however see my daughter one day every other weekend and I'm not happy with it. (sadly I can't take any court action at this moment)

Your comments are very welcome.

I would not be happy with that, way too little IMVHO - are you divorced or just spearated? is your ex preventing you having more contact? why can you not take court action

Maybe the cost? It seems to me that legal costs are very off-putting as my ex would get legal aid while I wouldn't. Luckily my Daughters are old enough to state their wishes and they come to mine every weekend and odd nights in the week as well as extra nights during half-terms/school holiday periods.

May well be right, I know it goes on but I struggle with the concept of a woman being that twisted that she would deny her child a relationship with the father (unless he was a violent, crackhead paedo or suchlike)

[TJD2003]

Where is the option that they live with me and always have done because the exwife didnt want them and was on drugs.

Cheers
TJ

[Cara Van Man]

I voted "never", but not sure "don't care" really covers it.

I've not seen my daughter since she was a few months old, she is now nearly 17.

She's coming to stay in a few weeks.

I'm stting it.

I am not really having her visit for me or her, but for my 6 year old who has the right to know her sister.

[parakitaMol.]

Adam B said:

parakitaMol. said:

If people don't want kids - they should take more care NOT to have them! especially men.

what BS - why especially men? I think I'd be even more careful if I was female seeing as it was me who was physically having the baby but fail to see why responsibility should not be equal.

I wasn't clear. Of course it's equal.

I have lost count of the times I've heard "She told me she was on the pill" - it's an equal responsiblity of course - so why is taking control of contraception so unequal? I meant - If you don't want kids then don't conceive them - it's that simple!

Edited by parakitaMol. on Thursday 18th March 12:35

[GTIR]

Adam B said:

JustDerv said:

Adam B said:

GTIR said:

My brother for example see his kids every other weekend and in week. I however see my daughter one day every other weekend and I'm not happy with it. (sadly I can't take any court action at this moment)

Your comments are very welcome.

I would not be happy with that, way too little IMVHO - are you divorced or just spearated? is your ex preventing you having more contact? why can you not take court action

Maybe the cost? It seems to me that legal costs are very off-putting as my ex would get legal aid while I wouldn't. Luckily my Daughters are old enough to state their wishes and they come to mine every weekend and odd nights in the week as well as extra nights during half-terms/school holiday periods.

May well be right, I know it goes on but I struggle with the concept of a woman being that twisted that she would deny her child a relationship with the father (unless he was a violent, crackhead paedo or suchlike)

We've already been to court in 2008 so I can see her. I've asked to see her more but her mum just says "She doesn't want to". My daughter begged me not to take mummy to court. WTF!

I've had to postpone it as her mum is due her baby in a few weeks, even though I had already started proceedings. No point making it worse plus the court may take a dim view with her being massively preggo!

My daughter is stuck in the middle not wanting to upset anyone.

[Agoogy]

Apparently there is no 'norm' according to our 'mediator' there is only what you and the OH agree on. I found the biggest quandry was aligning a new life without wife and kid, with still seeing my daughter.
If I had my way I thought I wanted to see her every other day..or every weekend, in the begining I suppose I actually did want that....but the sad and hard-to-get-to-grips-with reality is you still NEED time on your own or time to start a new relationship... plus during the working week, its not always possible to go and see her..distance and time get in the way.

Whatever you do finally settle on - stick to it. Don't change(reduce) it for anything, from my experience the upset of me having to leave was devasting to her when she was 6. I stuck to my 'every other weekend' religously and now just turned 8, she knows...relies and looks forward to those weekends. Routine and structure all the way for me.

New partner either liked that fact or lumped it. NOTHING is more important to me than 'every other weekend'
(and 3 whole weeks of school holidays spread throughout year...and we alternate Xmas)

Difficult not to get angry, if its not amicable the OH will want money and you'll want access.
Lawyers will 'fight' for you and make it worse and expensive before it gets better
If you can talk do that
If you can't use a Mediator.