Long Lost Parents...

[Teocali]

Due to the wonders of Facebook I have been contacted by a complete stranger who has presneted me with a few basic facts about me and has asked me to confirm if 'dave' is my father.

Now this was somewhat of a shock as I havent seen him in around 14 years.

Not sure how to respond on this one, my family and friends are far too invoved and one sided to give an unbiased response so I would appreciate your thoughts on what you would do.

Particulally if anyone has met with 'lost' parents in later life and how they felt about their decision.

Thanks for reading,

Sam

[Oldandslow]

How many Xmas and birthday presents does he owe you?

[Sheets Tabuer]

I'd find out then decide if I wanted to ignore them.

I have 5 brothers and 2 sisters and rarely speak to any of them so you can always ignore them later on.

[Teocali]

Oldandslow said:

How many Xmas and birthday presents does he owe you?

14 Years worth!

On the other hand I saves 14 years wrth of buying him presents so I suppose were even!

[Smashed]

a friend of mine met up with her dad that abandoned her and her mother when she was a baby. Turns out he's still a knobhead.

Though she is glad she met up with him and at least tried to have a relationship.

Edited by Smashed on Monday 3rd May 07:16

[Chilli]

Slightly similar, I had a facebook request from a cousin that I hadn't seen or spoken to for over 20 years recently. There was a family funeral where she attended, and was asking my family about me.
We emailed a few times and had a good catch-up......and that was that. i mean, what else do you talk about, other than what you have been doing, to someone after all of that time?

As for should you get in touch...not sure. What have you got to lose? If he turns out to be a wrong-un, block future emails.

[Mr AJ]

Teocali said:

Due to the wonders of Facebook I have been contacted by a complete stranger who has presneted me with a few basic facts about me and has asked me to confirm if 'dave' is my father.

Now this was somewhat of a shock as I havent seen him in around 14 years.

Not sure how to respond on this one, my family and friends are far too invoved and one sided to give an unbiased response so I would appreciate your thoughts on what you would do.

Particulally if anyone has met with 'lost' parents in later life and how they felt about their decision.

Thanks for reading,

Sam

My Mrs had a similiar situation, Her father was murdered when she was a baby and she grew up with no contact with his family.

22 Years later she gets a message from her auntie, Few basic facts about her mums name, Dads mame etc etc. She left it in her inbox for a few weeks. Eventually replied to it, A Month or so later she went out to see them and they've kept in contact ever since.

They're good people, and was the first people on her side of the family to offer support when we found out she was pregnant.

It all comes down to your personal feelings, No one can tell you what to say or do in this situation. What was your relationship with him like? Did you have a relationship with him?

[BGB autosport]

When im undecided, I would rather regret some thing I have done than regret not doing it at all. (within reason obviously). What harm can it do?

Meet up in a pub for a chat and decide after that.

[JamesM]

BGB autosport said:

When im undecided, I would rather regret some thing I have done than regret not doing it at all. (within reason obviously). What harm can it do?

Meet up in a pub for a chat and decide after that.

Remember to get the other guy to pay though, there's still the issue of 14 years of birthday and Christmas to sort out.

[BGB autosport]

JamesM said:

BGB autosport said:

When im undecided, I would rather regret some thing I have done than regret not doing it at all. (within reason obviously). What harm can it do?

Meet up in a pub for a chat and decide after that.

Remember to get the other guy to pay though, there's still the issue of 14 years of birthday and Christmas to sort out.

But look at the other side, he owes 14 years of birthday, christmas and fathers day presents!

[JamesM]

But what if the OP was 5 when the Facebook guy left? Surely he's got a couple of years in the bank before he's expected to sort stuff like that out himself...

[Teocali]

Thank you all - Its good to have opinions from people who arent too involved if that makes any sense!

The contact was from him, it was someone I have never met or heard of before - the only connection I seem to have with her is that we live in the same town (according to her Facebook).

I have responded and basically asked her who she is before I confirm any personal information.

I will wait for thes response and keep you all posted.

Thanks Agian, Sam

[pmanson]

My wife's father was adopted when he was six weeks old.

Two years ago he finally managed to track down his birth mum and sister. Unfortunately his birth father had died many years previously.

His sister passed away in October having battled cancer for many years but I know he is thankful that he got to be part of her life even for a very short period of time.

If it doesn't work out for whatever reason you can walk away but seize the opportunity if you get it!

[Cock Womble 7]

pmanson said:

If it doesn't work out for whatever reason you can walk away but seize the opportunity if you get it!

Agreed.

My Birth Mother had me when she was 15. Back in 1967, being a teenage single Mum wasn't the fashion statement/benefit magnet that it is these days and she was forced to put me up for adoption.

Thirty years later, I plucked up the courage to trace her. We eventaully met and all was wonderful. Also met my half-sister and her family and was told of another half-sister and half-brother somewhere out there.

Sadly, thanks to the jealous nature of my then wife, things between me and Mum went downhill until finally all contact ceased. I got back in touch a few years later, but she still didn't want to know.

So, sad that it turned out the way it did, but happy to have met her and I'm glad I did it.

[sidekickdmr]

Will be interesting to find out who she is and why it concerns her!

Best of luck

[GTIR]

I'm assuming ths person wants you to meet your dad?

If this is the case then why not. At least you'll be clear in your mind that you did it no matter what the outcome. (assuming it's something you've thought about, but I get the feeling you're quite excited about what the outcome is)

Besides. You may have a fit cousin...

[Teocali]

sidekickdmr said:

Will be interesting to find out who she is and why it concerns her!

Best of luck

This is the part that has me stumped. Searched all her facebook friends and we have literally nobody in common or that I have even heard of. Very odd...

Agian a sincere thank you for your comments its greatly appreciated and I will keep the thread updated.

[MigX]

havent read all the replyes but i would say go for it. at the end of the day its your bloodline better to regreat what you done than what you could have done. what if he had a good reason all along? or that he is just human. he could had made a mistake and be sorry about it.
give him a chance.