Is it worth....

[kavanagh]

Going to court to get custody or the very least get something in writing regards my timetable/routine with my son.
Heres a quick run through of my situation...

I split with my sons mum when he was 4 months old and id been with her 18 months.
At the time i knew i get to see him as she wasnt really interested and only wanted the financial benefits a child brings.
So over the years ive done everything for him and been with him from the moment he woke to the moment he slept whilst his mum went out clubbing or whatever.
I took him to all his appointments and later on to and back from school and had him sleep at mine alot of the time and never asked for any of the money he was entitled which i never saw get spent on him.
Problem started when my ms of a year moves in with me a year ago with her two boys and they go to his school too and after 7 years my ex is now being an arse and saying hes not sleeping here and in general being a dictator even when its the wrong choices of whats best for my son shes says tough and he ll have to put up with it.

But my point is my son whose nearly 8 is constantly saying he wants to live with me permenatly.
He tells my ms he loves her and gets on with his future step brothers perfectly.

What chances of getting something legal swing my way and not get what im expecting of mum always wins no matter what.
What do you think ?.

[Penny-lope]

Surely it's worth a try.

Even if you don't get full custody, then you may get 50%, or at least regular visitation rites.

[harry010]

Can you provide evidence as to what you have done for him over the years etc? I realise this might be difficult but it would help make it not merely your word against hers.

To me it sounds like you'd have a pretty decent chance of custody, or at worst 50/50

[V8mate]

I fear that unless you can prove some kind of neglect, that fathers who never married their child's mother are about as relevant to the child as the next stranger in the street. Apart from to the CSA.

You can thank New Labour for creating an entirely mother-centric system.

[Jayho]

At the end of the day you've got his best interest at heart, and she, by what i've heard so far, doesn't. By the sounds of things, if he were to move in with you permanently then he'll be brought up in a loving home, surrounded by a good father, and loving step mother, as well as two step brothers who i'm sure would be happy to have him around. As far as i'm aware, legal bodies are starting to sway away at always giving the mother custody. They have more in depth look and would probably have some government bodies around to analyze the situation as a whole. As far as I'm aware, you are not actually wanting to fight for full custody, just for what you are entitled to, is the mother very stubborn? You could maybe have a non aggressive sit down discussion with her as to why she think there is a need to do this, explain you dont want to "steel" him away from her, just that you'd like to spend time with your own flesh and blood, make her realize that she has to stop being selfish. It could possibly be your boy has already shown too much interest in you which has aggravated her into this decision, (EG probably had an argument with his mother and accidentally blurted out "i wish i was with dad" and has upset her which has lead to this following action) Try talking to him and her separately to assess the situation correctly and if there has been difficulties at home.

But please, try and do this out of court first, as in court situations could prove to be very difficult for both sides of the dispute and be very damaging for the young lad.

[Jasandjules]

This is never an easy area to broach in law (and I quite deliberately avoided it like the plague).

There are two points I will make:

1. You may throw a few k at this and get nothing in return, if this would be too upsetting for you to contemplate then it may not be wise.

2. If you are happy to throw a few k at this and take a punt then go for it.

With a good timetable and all the requisite evidence I'd say you could make a fair go of it. What would you be seeking? A custody agreement or what?

[aclivity]

V8mate said:

You can thank New Labour for creating an entirely mother-centric system.

but, on the upside, they must have invented time travel, surely there could be some good things that could be used for

Wiki article on the Child Support Agency said:

Launched on April 5 1993, the CSA is responsible for implementing the 1991 Child Support Act

[GreenDog]

The court will send someone round (CafCas ?) to speak to your son, ex, new missus etc and judge what's best for him. If your son really does want to live with you I'm sure it'll come across to them.

[V8mate]

aclivity said:

V8mate said:

You can thank New Labour for creating an entirely mother-centric system.

but, on the upside, they must have invented time travel, surely there could be some good things that could be used for

Wiki article on the Child Support Agency said:

Launched on April 5 1993, the CSA is responsible for implementing the 1991 Child Support Act

The 'rules' have changed a fair bit since they first launched and that Act doesn't take into account parental rights.

[anonymous-user]

Not from my personal experiance, but I expect it will go in her favour even if the kid says it wants to stay with you.

My cousin was pretty much full time looking after his kid after him and and gf split. He was paying for virtually everything and luckily had a great deal of help from his parents. As soon as his ex realised she would get her benefits cut by not having custody she went to court and he lost his son. Now legally he is only allowed him every other weekend, although in practice the ex gives him back more often because she is a lazy bh.

[Emsman]

Op- you have mail

[kavanagh]

Thank you all for your responses and thank you for the mail

[Plotloss]

Some seriously questionable advice on this thread.

I'd say, on the face of it, you have a good chance at sole residence with regular contact for the mother.

If you wish to be less full on, which is probably advisable, then a shared residence order along with a residence schedule I'd say is also pretty likely.

Try mediation first, to have your point put to the mother without emotion.

If discussion and mediation dont work then file at court and let a judge decide.

[kavanagh]

Thank you.

Plotloss said:

Some seriously questionable advice on this thread.

I'd say, on the face of it, you have a good chance at sole residence with regular contact for the mother.

If you wish to be less full on, which is probably advisable, then a shared residence order along with a residence schedule I'd say is also pretty likely.

Try mediation first, to have your point put to the mother without emotion.

If discussion and mediation dont work then file at court and let a judge decide.

[V8mate]

Plotloss said:

Some seriously questionable advice on this thread.

I'd say, on the face of it, you have a good chance at sole residence with regular contact for the mother.

If you wish to be less full on, which is probably advisable, then a shared residence order along with a residence schedule I'd say is also pretty likely.

Try mediation first, to have your point put to the mother without emotion.

If discussion and mediation dont work then file at court and let a judge decide.

The fact that they weren't married makes a huge difference. It's often the case now, that where an unmarried mother dies, her family have the greater claim on the child's custody than the father.

[Jasandjules]

Silly question perhaps, but have you raised this issue with the mother at all?