personal hygiene.....

[speed_monkey]

Is it too much to fking ask for when in a job that you will be entering a persons personal space?!?!

Bit of background information....
I finish early today so I think to myself.... hmmmm I have a party to go to tomorrow night maybe I will treat myself to a hair cut..... just in case there are any hotties present....

So.... I walk into the barbers and notice there is a 6:1 ratio of enormously big jugged, slim framed, hair dressers Vs. one enormous fking monster who shall now be referred to as Shamu. I smile to myself at the relatively high chance of being able to see at least some cleavage as I am having my barnet molested by a filthy little minx and reveled in the thought.....

GUESS I SPOKE TOO SOON.......!!!!

So I hear "next please" uttered and I look up from the pages of front magazine.... article on Angelina Jolie no less yummy and who has asked me to "take a seat" but the fking beluga whale known as Shamu.... disappointedly I usher over to the seat an plonk my arse down at least looking forward to seeing the minx's in the mirror.....

NOT A fkING CHANCE..... this heffer's frame completely fills the frankly giant mirror and then starts asking me "how has your day been" and "am I up to much at the weekend"..... then I smell it....

WHAT IN ALL THAT IS fkING HOLY IS THAT VILE STENCH EMANATING FROM SHAMU???

sniff sniff.... If I'm not mistaken.... Shamu smells of.... sniff sniff..... YES..... SHE fkING DOES!!.... Shamu's pussy fking stinks!!!

Then.... as if the fact that this monster with st tits and and a belly that can be used as a cooking apron's pussy stink is invading my nostrils isn't bad enough she reaches round my head, almost gives me a nose bleed with her revolting bat wing swinging in the breeze and I get full on pit stench..... at this point I am LITERALLY bringing up chunks..... wondering to myself what have I done to deserve this!

And then.... she starts to clumsily try to flirt with me.... uttering absolute bks like "well if I see you in town maybe I'll let you buy me a drink" fk right off I'll buy you an extra large doner kebab you fat stinking pile of puss!

So at last my hair cut ended and I got charged the usual £14.00 with an expecting glint in her whale eye..... fk off! Heres a tenner and 4 £1.00 coins!

To say the least I was disappointed with my "treat" of a hair cut, now I am just hoping that there is some fine talent out tomorrow night to return my faith in women because frankly Shamu has made me want to stick pins in my eyes.

Here endeth the rant!

[funkyrobot]

You got her mobile number, didn't you.

Could be your 'banker' for tomorrow night?

[soad]

Fook that, I wouldn't have sat down - came back later.

[Bill]

It was a hint from the hot hairdressers

[speed_monkey]

dibbers006 said:

Ghayer

My head is peanut shaped and with a skinhead I look like Dan Akroyd from the cone heads!

[KenBlocksPants]

9/10 very good rant, made me chuckle

People lacking in knowledge of their own stench is a personal pet hate of mine

[speed_monkey]

KenBlocksPants said:

9/10 very good rant, made me chuckle

People lacking in knowledge of their own stench is a personal pet hate of mine

Its revolting and it didn't help that Shamu's face looked like a melted candle!

[snakeswitht1ts]

Suffering with a hangover today, but this little rant has cheered me right up!

[king arthur]

As soon as she cut the first strand of hair you should have said "Yep, that's fine thanks", stood up, paid and left.

[Flintstone]

speed_monkey said:

...LITERALLY bringing up chunks....

Really?

[jesta1865]

i hate this, how do people get through life not knowing?

my ex got into trouble once at work as she told someone 'you stink use my deodorant' as apparently it was insensitive to them and made them cry. her reply was that they stank and made her feel sick, where they going to be told off as well? a bit extreme and she may have been a bit ocd about germs, but i can see where she was coming from

[speed_monkey]

Flintstone said:

speed_monkey said:

...LITERALLY bringing up chunks....

Really?

Yes! You know that acidy/ sicky/ chundery taste you get in your mouth when you wretch a bit too much.... welcome to my hair dressing nightmare!

[WorAl]

speed_monkey said:

almost gives me a nose bleed with her revolting bat wing swinging in the breeze

best line by far.

You don't happen to go to the barbers in Ponteland do you?

Anyway 14 fking quid? get some clippers duuuude

ETA I fking hate people who have low personal hygiene standards, they stink and yes I agree you can almost vomit at the smell. Dirty bds.

Edited by WorAl on Friday 16th July 15:46

[iggletiggle]

Did you not think to point out to said woman that she did indeed stink and that you would therefore not be tipping her on this occasion..

or maybe your response to "maybe i will let you buy me a drink" should have been "Maybe, and maybe next time I come in you will have cleaned your puss yeast ridden stink hole so i dont choke on the stench emanating from your whale like features..

Sorry.. i am having a crap afternoon..

[speed_monkey]

jesta1865 said:

i hate this, how do people get through life not knowing?

my ex got into trouble once at work as she told someone 'you stink use my deodorant' as apparently it was insensitive to them and made them cry. her reply was that they stank and made her feel sick, where they going to be told off as well? a bit extreme and she may have been a bit ocd about germs, but i can see where she was coming from

Exactly.... I think it is inexcusable in her choice of job too... considering she will b invading my personal space.... even though the fat slag would if she was stood at the other side of the room!

[speed_monkey]

WorAl said:

speed_monkey said:

almost gives me a nose bleed with her revolting bat wing swinging in the breeze

best line by far.

You don't happen to go to the barbers in Ponteland do you?

Anyway 14 fking quid? get some clippers duuuude

Ha ha the only reason I pay that much is I normally pay to have a cut and wash by the hotties.... I skipped the wash as it was blindingly obvious Shamu Smelled like she washes with fking shark st

[bonsai]

You can still smell traces of it now can't you?

Also, you don't go the barbers, you go to the hairdressers you big ponce.

Edited by bonsai on Friday 16th July 15:49

[Soovy]

14 sheets for a haircut?



Buy a decent razor and shave it off.

Spend the money on a fully nude lapdance.

[speed_monkey]

bonsai said:

You can still smell traces of it now can't you?

Yes the stench is burnt into my nostrils..... going to have a shower now as I am worried that my hair smells like its spent the last year shoved in shamu's vagina!

[patmahe]

dibbers006 said:

Ghayer

+1

My single favourite pruchase of the past year. A proper time and money saver.