Absolute (yet very minor) crisis happening NOW - WTF?

[Famous Graham]

I have a large insect begging for money at my front door, please advise as quickly as possible.

Obviously allowing for the delay in people seeing the topic, reading the topic, maybe coming up with an answer, typing it, and me possibly reading it.

[Urik Hunt]

Introduce him to mine. It will f~~k him up. Mine is massive.

[Wing Commander]

Spray it with insect killer spray stuff? Either that, or throw a brick at it, depending on how big it is, how many of its mates are waiting around its corner for you and if you can dispatch it before it sends out its, "ARGH! I JUST GOT HIT IN THE fkING FACE WITH A BRICK. IM STILL ALIVE, BUT FEAR FOR MY SAFETY. CALLING ALL HANDS, CALLING ALL HANDS, KILL THIS BIG fkNUT DEAD. KICK HIS FACE OFF" distress signal.

If that happens, you are in trouble.
HTH
As you were.

[R1 Loon]

Spray it with any and every aerosol in the house*

• I do not accept repsonsibility for any mutant giant insects created by this course of action.

[Chill Winston]

Bust a cap in his muthafkin' dome.

[mybrainhurts]

Is it a Jehovah's Witness or a Mormon...?

If the latter, ask if you can borrow one of its wives for the night...

If the former, do not...

[BiggusLaddus]

He's not begging, just praying.

[...Mole...]

Dont give it money, you will just get more of them coming round.

[Swarley]

How much Absolut have you had?

[SeeFive]

Famous Graham said:

I have a large insect begging for money at my front door, please advise as quickly as possible.

If you do not do as he asks, he will kick the st out of you. I know this because....




.... I have heard there is a nasty bug going around.

[WorAl]

If it's a Jehovahs witness you should do as my Uncle does, invites them in and then doesn't let them speak, but bores them to death with stories. Such a laugh to witness, watching them trying to make excuses to leave, but can't as he keeps on yapping on about utter ste.

[Famous Graham]

Swarley said:

How much Absolut have you had?

None - it was in response to two other threads that appeared at the same time last night.

[Buzz word]

Unless you have a glass and peice of card, hand the insect the keys and just leave. Alot of these insects are armed these days it's not worth getting hurt over.

Edited by Buzz word on Wednesday 21st July 10:54

[RDMcG]

Give the insect a Scotch...he's probably just a barfly.

[KrazyIvan]

You dont give us enough information.

What type of insect?
Where did it come from?
How did it end up in its current state?
Does it have family that need the money?

I think a comity needs to be set up to look further in to the mater to see how the system failed this insect, what can be done to make sure it doesnt happen again. I think 30 "consultants" working for the next 4 years at a cost of £19mill should cover it.

Or you could just tell him "no, Mr superman....he not here"

[The Wookie]

If it looks like this:



Do as he says... but don't let him dribble on the carpet, it'll never come out