So how long would you hang on?
Discussion
This is the recurring story of my mate; single, in his late forties, good job , own house, funny chap etc so not a serial killer living in his Mum's back bedroom.
But besotted with a divorcee who basically lets him run after her (DIY, taxi service for her and the kids, paying her vets bills, child minding in the school holidays for her, cosy evenings with a bottle of wine, meals out etc, gifts for the kids and her etc). I think she puts out once in a while until he upsets her by doing something rash like wanting to go out with his workmates instead of her but she has made it clear that she sees no long term future in the deal and I suspect as soon as somebody who floats her boat comes along (with a car, a wallet and flexible working) he'll be surplus to requirements. He spends an average of £400 a month on her and the kids.
It's been going on as long as I have known him (10 years) excluding 2 x 12 month periods when she threw her teddy out because he (1) criticised her driving when she drove with the handbrake on and (2) he went to the cinema with a female work friend without permission.
It is a real tie on his life because he won't look at other women and has just passed up a chance of a house move to somewhere much nicer and grander because he didn't want to be to far from her (bearing in mind she moved house without telling him last year).
How long would you have given it before you cut her loose??
Why can't some blokes see when they are being led by the penis?
But besotted with a divorcee who basically lets him run after her (DIY, taxi service for her and the kids, paying her vets bills, child minding in the school holidays for her, cosy evenings with a bottle of wine, meals out etc, gifts for the kids and her etc). I think she puts out once in a while until he upsets her by doing something rash like wanting to go out with his workmates instead of her but she has made it clear that she sees no long term future in the deal and I suspect as soon as somebody who floats her boat comes along (with a car, a wallet and flexible working) he'll be surplus to requirements. He spends an average of £400 a month on her and the kids.
It's been going on as long as I have known him (10 years) excluding 2 x 12 month periods when she threw her teddy out because he (1) criticised her driving when she drove with the handbrake on and (2) he went to the cinema with a female work friend without permission.
It is a real tie on his life because he won't look at other women and has just passed up a chance of a house move to somewhere much nicer and grander because he didn't want to be to far from her (bearing in mind she moved house without telling him last year).
How long would you have given it before you cut her loose??
Why can't some blokes see when they are being led by the penis?
Edited by Four Cofffee on Tuesday 3rd August 19:41
so he is in his late forties and this has gone on for 10 years?
well in answer to your question, if it was me, i Would have found someone new and settled down by my 39th birthday!
Id give it 24 hours then show him this thread, but the 3 pages of "WTF? RUN, NOW!" probably still wont get the message across!
As a point to note though my dad is in his late 50's and has just left my mum and found a new missus who isnt a mental, and this one was his second since the divorce, so if he is worried about age, don't be.
But do get out now, £400/month is a good quality escort once a week!!!
well in answer to your question, if it was me, i Would have found someone new and settled down by my 39th birthday!
Id give it 24 hours then show him this thread, but the 3 pages of "WTF? RUN, NOW!" probably still wont get the message across!
As a point to note though my dad is in his late 50's and has just left my mum and found a new missus who isnt a mental, and this one was his second since the divorce, so if he is worried about age, don't be.
But do get out now, £400/month is a good quality escort once a week!!!
Edited by Petrolhead_Rich on Tuesday 3rd August 19:56
Sounds like your "mate" really wanted a family and he's sort of found one. Hence he's unwilling to break the cycle and risk some big change in his life.
Late 40's should mean he's reasonably well established in his career and believe it or not the odds are well in his favor at that age. This divorcee he's with will chump dump him the first chance something better comes along.
He needs to get out, now. Have some fun, realize that plenty of women out there are far nicer and better to be with than
y Mc fk he's with just now.
Late 40's should mean he's reasonably well established in his career and believe it or not the odds are well in his favor at that age. This divorcee he's with will chump dump him the first chance something better comes along.
He needs to get out, now. Have some fun, realize that plenty of women out there are far nicer and better to be with than
y Mc fk he's with just now.What does he want though thats the real question. Does he want to marry her, move in, what - he sounds like he is happy how it is no?
If he wants more than she gives him and he is holding on for her to change her mind, then he is a in a difficult situation.
If she chucked him out for 12 months over the correct use of the handbrake, then I suggest he takes her out, buys her an expensive meal, plies her with wine, gifts etc - has some angry revenge bum sex and then leaves for good.
If he wants more than she gives him and he is holding on for her to change her mind, then he is a in a difficult situation.
If she chucked him out for 12 months over the correct use of the handbrake, then I suggest he takes her out, buys her an expensive meal, plies her with wine, gifts etc - has some angry revenge bum sex and then leaves for good.
Mr Fenix said:
Sounds like your "mate" really wanted a family and he's sort of found one. Hence he's unwilling to break the cycle and risk some big change in his life.
Yep, he's got one ready made.Also, 10 years with the same woman and kids is going to be quite an emotional attachment.
I am guessing you have raised this with him?
Gargamel said:
What does he want though thats the real question. Does he want to marry her, move in, what - he sounds like he is happy how it is no?
If he wants more than she gives him and he is holding on for her to change her mind, then he is a in a difficult situation.
If she chucked him out for 12 months over the correct use of the handbrake, then I suggest he takes her out, buys her an expensive meal, plies her with wine, gifts etc - has some angry revenge bum sex and then leaves for good.
No she moved house last year but when she moved the time before in am pretty dire financial state he offered the chance to move in. She said No but could he have the kids new hamster as the new landlord didn;t allow pets. He had the hamster for 2 years until it died.If he wants more than she gives him and he is holding on for her to change her mind, then he is a in a difficult situation.
If she chucked him out for 12 months over the correct use of the handbrake, then I suggest he takes her out, buys her an expensive meal, plies her with wine, gifts etc - has some angry revenge bum sex and then leaves for good.
I think he has a penchant for 'needy' women. A previous woman with kids he played dad to and who he was living with simply moved to Australia without telling him. Sad but true.
I will mention the bum sex to her.
Sounds like he is a bit low on his own self-asteem in the relationship department and maybe that is why he has the tunnel vision when it comes to this woman.
I would encourage him to make a bold move to move the relationship forward in the hope that
A. It works out and they get together.
B. It dos'nt work out she blows him off then blows him off and he can move forward.
Life is way to short to be hanging around in the hope queue.
I would encourage him to make a bold move to move the relationship forward in the hope that
A. It works out and they get together.
B. It dos'nt work out she blows him off then blows him off and he can move forward.
Life is way to short to be hanging around in the hope queue.
Four Cofffee said:
...she has made it clear that she sees no long term future in the deal ...
...It's been going on as long as I have known him (10 years) excluding 2 x 12 month periods...
I don't believe I am quoting out of context, but it looks to me like it will go on for a long time. At the same time, she clearly does not have the same investment in the relationship as he does....It's been going on as long as I have known him (10 years) excluding 2 x 12 month periods...
It could limp on forever, but it could also, possibly, end tomorrow.
OP, have you ever sat down and asked your mate what he is getting out of the arrangement, and why he has stuck around for so long?
Oh, and as nobody else has suggested, may I suggest smash her back doors in, VBRJ, Oxo Tower and your friend really should buy an MX-5.
James
bikemonster said:
Four Cofffee said:
...she has made it clear that she sees no long term future in the deal ...
...It's been going on as long as I have known him (10 years) excluding 2 x 12 month periods...
I don't believe I am quoting out of context, but it looks to me like it will go on for a long time. At the same time, she clearly does not have the same investment in the relationship as he does....It's been going on as long as I have known him (10 years) excluding 2 x 12 month periods...
It could limp on forever, but it could also, possibly, end tomorrow.
OP, have you ever sat down and asked your mate what he is getting out of the arrangement, and why he has stuck around for so long?
James
Having failed to make him see sense my wife wants to go and see her and ask her what she is playing at.
I think he needs to be needed so having her making demands and falling apart if he isn't about fills a gap from not having his own family.
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