So what's the protocol on cheating?
Discussion
Found out recently that a mate's (well not a mate, more like a couple who my OH and I hang out with semi regularly, wouldn't expect them to run to us for any favours and vice versa) wife is cheating on him.
There is another thread about a guy finding out that his wife had cheated on him and being a bit disappointed with a mate who knew, but never gave him a heads up.
Personally I don't want to get involved at all, but am wondering if the male friendship protocol dictates otherwise.
When I dumped my x who i thought might also be cheating, a mate has shown me some proof, for which I was grateful, as it made me sure i didn't make a mistake with the breakup. But also I don't think I would have wanted to find out from him or any other friend in the first place. As Confirmation - sure, as getting the news -no.
So what do you think is the code of conduct here?
There is another thread about a guy finding out that his wife had cheated on him and being a bit disappointed with a mate who knew, but never gave him a heads up.
Personally I don't want to get involved at all, but am wondering if the male friendship protocol dictates otherwise.
When I dumped my x who i thought might also be cheating, a mate has shown me some proof, for which I was grateful, as it made me sure i didn't make a mistake with the breakup. But also I don't think I would have wanted to find out from him or any other friend in the first place. As Confirmation - sure, as getting the news -no.
So what do you think is the code of conduct here?
I leave well alone, unless I know the offender as well, in which case I have a quiet word with them along the lines of 'people know what you're doing and while I wouldn't say anything, someone might, so either stop or come clean yourself'...I still wouldn't mention anything, how do you know it's not a secret open marriage?
isee said:
Found out recently that a mate's (well not a mate, more like a couple who my OH and I hang out with semi regularly, wouldn't expect them to run to us for any favours and vice versa) wife is cheating on him.
Not a mate then, an acquaintance.If it was a mate, a good mate, then shop her.
If it's an acquaintance, leave alone. None of your business.
Pothole said:
I leave well alone, unless I know the offender as well, in which case I have a quiet word with them along the lines of 'people know what you're doing and while I wouldn't say anything, someone might, so either stop or come clean yourself'...I still wouldn't mention anything, how do you know it's not a secret open marriage?
I know because I am aware of his wife confinding in a friend that she is hving an affair and doesn't know what to do, sinceit has been going on for a long time but feels like she should be making a choice.Plotloss said:
He's not a mate, so you keep your trap shut.
I wholeheartedly agree, but still. I think I would be reluctant to say anything even if here were a mate. What about you? would you expect a mate to tell you if you were being cheated on? Would you be angry disappointed with him if he didn't?Muzzer said:
isee said:
Found out recently that a mate's (well not a mate, more like a couple who my OH and I hang out with semi regularly, wouldn't expect them to run to us for any favours and vice versa) wife is cheating on him.
Not a mate then, an acquaintance.If it was a mate, a good mate, then shop her.
If it's an acquaintance, leave alone. None of your business.
Been exactly in your position, only it was the husband/bf cheating. I opted to stay out of it as i wasn't good friends with the lady and to be honest she hadn't been the model of fidelity herself. All of our mutual friends who knew also stayed out of it.
However when she found out about it those same people chose to hate him, call him allsorts behind his back and to his face, i ended up falling out with a lot of them as i didn't think we were much better as we had kept schtum. Also to be fair we were all ok with him when we knew he was cheating and i wasn't going to be 2 faced and start to hate him with the mob mentality that followed.
If I was you i'd stay out of it, deny all knowledge when it comes out and always remember sometimes there's a wealth of problems behind a seemingly nice relationship and pointing the finger of blame at the cheater (whilst justifiied) isn't always the right way....
However when she found out about it those same people chose to hate him, call him allsorts behind his back and to his face, i ended up falling out with a lot of them as i didn't think we were much better as we had kept schtum. Also to be fair we were all ok with him when we knew he was cheating and i wasn't going to be 2 faced and start to hate him with the mob mentality that followed.
If I was you i'd stay out of it, deny all knowledge when it comes out and always remember sometimes there's a wealth of problems behind a seemingly nice relationship and pointing the finger of blame at the cheater (whilst justifiied) isn't always the right way....
Pothole said:
I leave well alone, unless I know the offender as well, in which case I have a quiet word with them along the lines of 'people know what you're doing and while I wouldn't say anything, someone might, so either stop or come clean yourself'...I still wouldn't mention anything, how do you know it's not a secret open marriage?
This, but only if it was a mate or I knew the offender.If it was a good mate, shop her.
If it is a colleague or someone you have no ties with yourself, leave well and truly alone.
WorAl said:
Pothole said:
I leave well alone, unless I know the offender as well, in which case I have a quiet word with them along the lines of 'people know what you're doing and while I wouldn't say anything, someone might, so either stop or come clean yourself'...I still wouldn't mention anything, how do you know it's not a secret open marriage?
This, but only if it was a mate or I knew the offender.If it was a good mate, shop her.
If it is a colleague or someone you have no ties with yourself, leave well and truly alone.
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