Adoption...anyone been through it?
Discussion
Very interested to here of any stories the ph collective have on the adoption process. Have you done it or been it?
Me and my mrs are talking about starting the process off after years of trying has resulted in a couple of failed ivf cycles. One did work though so we are blessed to have a little girl of 19 months running about.
Any thoughts welcome.
Me and my mrs are talking about starting the process off after years of trying has resulted in a couple of failed ivf cycles. One did work though so we are blessed to have a little girl of 19 months running about.
Any thoughts welcome.
There seems to be two main ways to go about adopting through your local authority and through one of the charities, who run adoption agencies. I've experience through being assessed by Action for Children and a mate of mine has been through the local authority route.
First of all, adoption is a pretty intrusive process and it involves social workers tramping through your relationships, visits to your house and exploring areas you haven't probably looked at before. Tends to be a minimum of 9 months jumping through the hoops. It is a hassle for sure, with plenty of politically correct dogma, but you have to understand that an adoption breaking down is likely to destroy a child and they just can't afford for this to happen.
If you only want a small baby, the local authority is probably the only option for you, as they have access to these type of children - the court processes (and the inherent delays)mean that you probably wont ever get a very tiny baby. As most adopters would prefer a small baby, the local authority can afford to be very choosy and they are less user friendly than the charities. The charities like Action for Children tend to be much nicer to deal with and seem to offer much more support, they also seem have much more competent social workers IHMO. The charities tend to work with harder to place children, who may be slightly older or come in a sibling group.
My mate has just adopted another child recently via his local authority, a few years after the first child and he did say that it was much easier the second time, but that all the waiting and sheer incompetence of the process at times, would drive you mad.
It is not an easy process, but I felt the adoption training was (most of the time) a very useful process that would benefit all prospective families, not just those looking to adopt.
Go into it with your eyes wide open and expecting the odd delay and it will be much less stressful. Good luck.
First of all, adoption is a pretty intrusive process and it involves social workers tramping through your relationships, visits to your house and exploring areas you haven't probably looked at before. Tends to be a minimum of 9 months jumping through the hoops. It is a hassle for sure, with plenty of politically correct dogma, but you have to understand that an adoption breaking down is likely to destroy a child and they just can't afford for this to happen.
If you only want a small baby, the local authority is probably the only option for you, as they have access to these type of children - the court processes (and the inherent delays)mean that you probably wont ever get a very tiny baby. As most adopters would prefer a small baby, the local authority can afford to be very choosy and they are less user friendly than the charities. The charities like Action for Children tend to be much nicer to deal with and seem to offer much more support, they also seem have much more competent social workers IHMO. The charities tend to work with harder to place children, who may be slightly older or come in a sibling group.
My mate has just adopted another child recently via his local authority, a few years after the first child and he did say that it was much easier the second time, but that all the waiting and sheer incompetence of the process at times, would drive you mad.
It is not an easy process, but I felt the adoption training was (most of the time) a very useful process that would benefit all prospective families, not just those looking to adopt.
Go into it with your eyes wide open and expecting the odd delay and it will be much less stressful. Good luck.
Im adopted, at 8 weeks old.
Ive all the paperwork written about me, including my first name, Guy, now Peter.
Very very strange reading about this little boy called Guy, his parents and other stuff, then realise its me.
We looked into adopting earlier on in the yr, told im too old at 40.
Boo hoo.
Ive all the paperwork written about me, including my first name, Guy, now Peter.
Very very strange reading about this little boy called Guy, his parents and other stuff, then realise its me.
We looked into adopting earlier on in the yr, told im too old at 40.
Boo hoo.
Wheelrepairit said:
Im adopted, at 8 weeks old.
Ive all the paperwork written about me, including my first name, Guy, now Peter.
Very very strange reading about this little boy called Guy, his parents and other stuff, then realise its me.
Similar experience hereIve all the paperwork written about me, including my first name, Guy, now Peter.
Very very strange reading about this little boy called Guy, his parents and other stuff, then realise its me.
Lucky enough to meet my birth mother too after 30 odd years.
Wheelrepairit said:
Im adopted, at 8 weeks old.
Ive all the paperwork written about me, including my first name, Guy, now Peter.
Very very strange reading about this little boy called Guy, his parents and other stuff, then realise its me.
We looked into adopting earlier on in the yr, told im too old at 40.
Boo hoo.
I have friends older than you who have just got married and are in the process of adopting through Barnardos.Ive all the paperwork written about me, including my first name, Guy, now Peter.
Very very strange reading about this little boy called Guy, his parents and other stuff, then realise its me.
We looked into adopting earlier on in the yr, told im too old at 40.
Boo hoo.
Lucas CAV said:
Similar experience here
Lucky enough to meet my birth mother too after 30 odd years.
Blimey, how did you find that mate.Lucky enough to meet my birth mother too after 30 odd years.
People often ask me if ill ever search for my "birth" mother.
Answer, NO, got no desire of ever finding her, ive no feelings towards her at all, dont hate her, love her, blah blah blah.
As far as im concerned mum and dad are the two people who took me home at 8 weeks old, they were the ones who brought me up, taught me good from wrong,made me into the fine human being I am today, lol.
Often wondered if I did meet my "birth" mother then what would I call her, I do know her name, and age when she had me. And that my real "father" was a travelling salesman, the dirty dog, hehehehe.
One strange thing is when writing I do my "s" very unique, the only way ive ever seen it done the same is on the handwritten letter from my "birth" mother. Quite spooky
Wheelrepairit said:
Lucas CAV said:
Similar experience here
Lucky enough to meet my birth mother too after 30 odd years.
Blimey, how did you find that mate.Lucky enough to meet my birth mother too after 30 odd years.
People often ask me if ill ever search for my "birth" mother.
Answer, NO, got no desire of ever finding her, ive no feelings towards her at all, dont hate her, love her, blah blah blah.
As far as im concerned mum and dad are the two people who took me home at 8 weeks old, they were the ones who brought me up, taught me good from wrong,made me into the fine human being I am today, lol.
Often wondered if I did meet my "birth" mother then what would I call her, I do know her name, and age when she had me. And that my real "father" was a travelling salesman, the dirty dog, hehehehe.
One strange thing is when writing I do my "s" very unique, the only way ive ever seen it done the same is on the handwritten letter from my "birth" mother. Quite spooky
I did nothing about tracing anyone until early 20's and I used to docs I was given at 18 to find original adoption agency - even got to speak to the woman who collected and delivered me...
To cut a long and boring (for most) story short - finding my birth mother involved several charities, and overseas organisations.
They found her and I met her - I called her by her name --
The physical similaries were obvious - what was slightly freakish were the mannerisms that we shared etc - I didn't really notice but my partner did.
I am happy that I met her before it was too late - there was never any conflict with my adoptive parents -
I wish you all the luck in the world mate. There are enough unhappy children out there, it's a wonderful thing to pluck one of them out of the wilderness and give them the life of their dreams, and you get the positives of parenthood.
I've mentioned to my partner plenty of times that I think adoptions is a much more morally concionable thing to do than have a child at the moment with the whole world's population as it is. But try telling a woman you don't want kids the normal way eh...
I've mentioned to my partner plenty of times that I think adoptions is a much more morally concionable thing to do than have a child at the moment with the whole world's population as it is. But try telling a woman you don't want kids the normal way eh...
Edited by Yoshiwaan on Saturday 9th October 13:55
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