Dealing with a mother inlaw from hell
Discussion
I was called into the living room yesterday to have mine and the girlfriends relationship put under fire even though I thought everything was going well, she will drag up the past mistakes making for an uncomfortable situation, the main problem seems to be everytime I have an argument or just a disagrement with their daughter, she goes straight to her mum and dad tells her whats happened. I have even had her call my mum up.
This would be fine and half expected when your in your teens living with parents but when your nearly in your 30s are couples not ment to just talk to each other about problems not run to parents?. I have so far got the blame for everything under the sun from buying a house in the wrong area to not wanting to look after their dog when they go away but why should I clear its s
t off my lawn when I have and would never ask them for anything.
And to put the icing on the cake im ment to be going on holiday with them all and paying for the misfortune any tips or advice?
This would be fine and half expected when your in your teens living with parents but when your nearly in your 30s are couples not ment to just talk to each other about problems not run to parents?. I have so far got the blame for everything under the sun from buying a house in the wrong area to not wanting to look after their dog when they go away but why should I clear its s
t off my lawn when I have and would never ask them for anything. And to put the icing on the cake im ment to be going on holiday with them all and paying for the misfortune any tips or advice?
OP I feel your pain, in fact, I could be your father-in-law. My OH called yesterday (Sunday) morning, boo-hooing that $MobilePhoneCo, had suspended her service due to her exceeding her credit limit, and could I sort it out. (She's in hospital).
Imagine my delight to discover the OH had blown sixty fking four quid on one international mobile-to-mobile phonecall because she had seen a sarky post on facebook by the daughter's boyfriend, and had called the 29 year old daughter to find out what was going on!
The daughter got an extremely expensive lecture about her waste of space boyfriend, and "yes mum, no mum, three bags full mum" all the way through it.
This morning on Facebook: <Daughter> is in love with <Daughter's boyfriend>
Imagine my delight to discover the OH had blown sixty f
king four quid on one international mobile-to-mobile phonecall because she had seen a sarky post on facebook by the daughter's boyfriend, and had called the 29 year old daughter to find out what was going on!The daughter got an extremely expensive lecture about her waste of space boyfriend, and "yes mum, no mum, three bags full mum" all the way through it.
This morning on Facebook: <Daughter> is in love with <Daughter's boyfriend>
My in-laws have been absolutely brilliant with me. MIL died last year and is sorely missed by us both, so I've been very fortunate.
However, several years ago, I did have a girlfriend's mother who absolutely despised me. Got on well with the father, who had a similar sense of humour. No idea why the mum hated me - I had a decent job, I lived alone in a decent flat, I bought her a gift everytime I visited, I looked after her daughter. Think she just didn't trust me. She definitely caused a wedge between the girlfriend and myself and in the end I just stopped visiting. Relationship lasted until girlfriend got a job in Texas, which seemed as good a point to end it as any.
Your OH does seem very immature though - I know women need to share, but she could really choose a friend as a confidante rather than someone you're supposed to adopt as family. My missus was very close to her mother, but any issues with our relationship (not many fortunately), she was tactful enough to rant about with one of her mates instead of her mum.
However, several years ago, I did have a girlfriend's mother who absolutely despised me. Got on well with the father, who had a similar sense of humour. No idea why the mum hated me - I had a decent job, I lived alone in a decent flat, I bought her a gift everytime I visited, I looked after her daughter. Think she just didn't trust me. She definitely caused a wedge between the girlfriend and myself and in the end I just stopped visiting. Relationship lasted until girlfriend got a job in Texas, which seemed as good a point to end it as any.
Your OH does seem very immature though - I know women need to share, but she could really choose a friend as a confidante rather than someone you're supposed to adopt as family. My missus was very close to her mother, but any issues with our relationship (not many fortunately), she was tactful enough to rant about with one of her mates instead of her mum.
Get out now!
My ex MIL was a real dragon, most of the stories about her would be considered works of fiction they are so unbelievable.
The situation will never change, you will always be on the outside looking in, tolerated and despised in equal measure.
Ask yourself this; Can you put up with this treatment for the next 15/20 years???
My ex MIL was a real dragon, most of the stories about her would be considered works of fiction they are so unbelievable.
The situation will never change, you will always be on the outside looking in, tolerated and despised in equal measure.
Ask yourself this; Can you put up with this treatment for the next 15/20 years???
Hmm, i think the prob may be more the other half than the mother in law.
Even though we've never really talked about it before, i think that there is some sort of unwitten agreement bewtween myself and my wife that we never mention any disagreements between to our parents.
Parents quite often get over protective and so they only need to be told what they need to know. Anything else just causes problems. I think that's the case whether you are 18 or 50, as they always say "we never stop worrying, no matter how old you are"
I could be wrong of course - my OH could be moaning about be every time she goes to see them without me, but they weem to like me so everything is good!
Even though we've never really talked about it before, i think that there is some sort of unwitten agreement bewtween myself and my wife that we never mention any disagreements between to our parents.
Parents quite often get over protective and so they only need to be told what they need to know. Anything else just causes problems. I think that's the case whether you are 18 or 50, as they always say "we never stop worrying, no matter how old you are"
I could be wrong of course - my OH could be moaning about be every time she goes to see them without me, but they weem to like me so everything is good!
To deal with the MIL form hell you need to deal with your partner....she needs to stop running off to Mum. There is no room in a relationship for more than 2 people. Frankly if she can't get her head round that I would be exiting stage left....you don't want to be putting up with that cr4p for the next thirty years.
Your wife needs to learn that this isn't the way a mature relationship works.
I know I may occasionally say to parents something fleeting that hubby has annoyed me about (usually to do with spending money we haven't got!) but they would never get involved like the OP has described and neither would I want them to.
I can only imagine them interfering if hubby had managed to do something absolutely major to mess up (as they would to me if I fked up probably harsher they like my hubby!!)
As for me my MIL is lovely she did try to get me to better my career a several years ago but that's the only time I can honestly say I've got cross with her. My FIL is just there, harmless but infuriating aswell, always keen to help people but wishes for a quiet life so doesn't stand up to anyone, this can be a problem when hubbys step mum is involved but that's a different story!!
I know I may occasionally say to parents something fleeting that hubby has annoyed me about (usually to do with spending money we haven't got!) but they would never get involved like the OP has described and neither would I want them to.
I can only imagine them interfering if hubby had managed to do something absolutely major to mess up (as they would to me if I f
ked up probably harsher they like my hubby!!)As for me my MIL is lovely she did try to get me to better my career a several years ago but that's the only time I can honestly say I've got cross with her. My FIL is just there, harmless but infuriating aswell, always keen to help people but wishes for a quiet life so doesn't stand up to anyone, this can be a problem when hubbys step mum is involved but that's a different story!!
I talk to my folks about what's happening in my life, relationship included but I'd be beyond horrified if either of them felt the need to intervene
Make clear to partner that her mum's contributions are not just unwelcome but actively causing you stress, and ask her to put a stop to them. I suspect that her reaction will tell you all you need to know about that relationship.
Make clear to partner that her mum's contributions are not just unwelcome but actively causing you stress, and ask her to put a stop to them. I suspect that her reaction will tell you all you need to know about that relationship.
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