uncontrolable child
Discussion
Getting desperate.
We have twin girls almost 7rys old and a 3rd who is 3yrs old. All girls.
One of the twin girls E is a nightmare. Im finding myself not liking her to hating her to wanting her adopted and worried about how I am treating her and how its affecting our family.
Im out at work from 8am is to 6pm ish. But even at weekends the behaviour is the same.
E will shout/scream at her sisters and be in their faces until she makes them cry. She will knock them until they cry, she will throw things at them and hurt them. The other 2 girls behave well and respond to normal time outs and talking withs.
She does not respond to us asking to talk quietly, she is hyper and in her own zone with nothing getting through to her. When we try to tell her off, She acts like an animal when we time her out. She will not sit on the stairs, she will not take a punishment (ie sit on stairs for 4 mins) she will not help tidy up, she is very umplesant to be with with her sisters. 1 to 1 she is generally fine. She is very rude and disrespectable to my wife and we have taken to put her in the conservatory and locking the door. She will then throw funiture at the glass doors and snarl. There is no calming her. She will smash the glass one day.
Although only 6 almost 7 she is very strong. The only thing that seeam to snap her out of her behavour is when she ends up crying - either by being smacked or her hurting herself.
The trouble is smacking isnt working and Im getting increasingly angry to her and smacking her harder and finding it difficult to keep it under control. E behavour is coming between my wife and I and the other children and every trip is marred by E, every day is Marred by E, there is real tension when E starts off on her bender as it will only end one way.
E does not seem to understand that if she is nice and calm others will be as well. We try so hard to start off on a clean slate with E every day but almost every day is will start cumulating to ruining a gentle and quiet bedtime routine. Its starting (who am i kidding - is has) to really make me resent her and I hate to feel this way towards my own daughter. (resent - ha hate and loath is more correct) My wife is upset and gets angry towards E, I try to help to enforce a time out but E wont go with the flow and fights back. its so draining having to fight E.
Adoption - at the moment yes, me walking out of the family - possibly as I cant cope with it and also to stop me hitting E. I dont want to hit a 7 yrs old girls - how f
king bad is that to even feel that way. hence time for some help. Also I cant leave my wife to deal with this little monster with no suport.
So apart from adoption, walking out and hitting what do we do?
We are testing E tonight for diabeties and have been suggested we get her tested for autism.
We have twin girls almost 7rys old and a 3rd who is 3yrs old. All girls.
One of the twin girls E is a nightmare. Im finding myself not liking her to hating her to wanting her adopted and worried about how I am treating her and how its affecting our family.
Im out at work from 8am is to 6pm ish. But even at weekends the behaviour is the same.
E will shout/scream at her sisters and be in their faces until she makes them cry. She will knock them until they cry, she will throw things at them and hurt them. The other 2 girls behave well and respond to normal time outs and talking withs.
She does not respond to us asking to talk quietly, she is hyper and in her own zone with nothing getting through to her. When we try to tell her off, She acts like an animal when we time her out. She will not sit on the stairs, she will not take a punishment (ie sit on stairs for 4 mins) she will not help tidy up, she is very umplesant to be with with her sisters. 1 to 1 she is generally fine. She is very rude and disrespectable to my wife and we have taken to put her in the conservatory and locking the door. She will then throw funiture at the glass doors and snarl. There is no calming her. She will smash the glass one day.
Although only 6 almost 7 she is very strong. The only thing that seeam to snap her out of her behavour is when she ends up crying - either by being smacked or her hurting herself.
The trouble is smacking isnt working and Im getting increasingly angry to her and smacking her harder and finding it difficult to keep it under control. E behavour is coming between my wife and I and the other children and every trip is marred by E, every day is Marred by E, there is real tension when E starts off on her bender as it will only end one way.
E does not seem to understand that if she is nice and calm others will be as well. We try so hard to start off on a clean slate with E every day but almost every day is will start cumulating to ruining a gentle and quiet bedtime routine. Its starting (who am i kidding - is has) to really make me resent her and I hate to feel this way towards my own daughter. (resent - ha hate and loath is more correct) My wife is upset and gets angry towards E, I try to help to enforce a time out but E wont go with the flow and fights back. its so draining having to fight E.
Adoption - at the moment yes, me walking out of the family - possibly as I cant cope with it and also to stop me hitting E. I dont want to hit a 7 yrs old girls - how f
king bad is that to even feel that way. hence time for some help. Also I cant leave my wife to deal with this little monster with no suport.So apart from adoption, walking out and hitting what do we do?
We are testing E tonight for diabeties and have been suggested we get her tested for autism.
Edited by superlightr on Monday 5th September 10:59
superlightr said:
Getting desperate.
We have twin girls almost 7rys old and a 3rd who is 3yrs old. All girls.
One of the twin girls E is a nightmare. Im finding myself not liking her to hating her to wanting her adopted and worried about how I am treating her and how its affecting our family.
Im out at work from 8am is to 6pm ish. But even at weekends the behaviour is the same.
E will shout/scream at her sisters and be in their faces until she makes them cry. She will knock them until they cry, she will throw things at them and hurt them. The other 2 girls behave well and respond to normal time outs and talking withs.
She does not respond to us asking to talk quietly, she is hyper and in her own zone with nothing getting through to her. When we try to tell her off, She acts like an animal when we time her out. She will not sit on the stairs, she will not take a punishment (ie sit on stairs for 4 mins) she will not help tidy up, she is very umplesant to be with with her sisters. 1 to 1 she is generally fine. She is very rude and disrespectable to my wife and we have taken to put her in the conservatory and locking the door. She will then throw funiture at the glass doors and snarl. There is no calming her.
Although only 6 almost 7 she is very strong. The only thing that seeam to snap her out of her behavour is when she ends up crying - either by being smacked or her hurting herself.
The trouble is smacking isnt working and Im getting increasingly angry to her and smacking her harder and finding it difficult to keep it under control. E behavour is coming between my wife and I and the other children and every trip is marred by E, every day is Marred by E, there is real tension when E starts off on her bender as it will only end one way.
E does not seem to understand that if she is nice and calm others will be as well. We try so hard to start off on a clean slate with E every day but almost every day is will start cumulating to ruining a gentle and quiet bedtime routine. Its starting (who am i kidding - is has) to really make me resent her and I hate to feel this way towards my own daughter. (resent - ha hate and loath is more correct) My wife is upset and gets angry towards E, I try to help to enforce a time out but E wont go with the flow and fights back. its so draining having to fight E.
Adoption - at the moment yes, me walking out of the family - possibly as I cant cope with it and also to stop me hitting E. I dont want to hit a 7 yrs old girls - how fking bad is that to even feel that way. hence time for some help. Also I cant leave my wife to deal with this little monster with no suport.
So apart from adoption, walking out and hitting what do we do?
We are testing E tonight for diabeties and have been suggested we get her tested for autism.
That is (as you appreciate) not normal behaviour. Something's amiss, and the key is to work out what. We have twin girls almost 7rys old and a 3rd who is 3yrs old. All girls.
One of the twin girls E is a nightmare. Im finding myself not liking her to hating her to wanting her adopted and worried about how I am treating her and how its affecting our family.
Im out at work from 8am is to 6pm ish. But even at weekends the behaviour is the same.
E will shout/scream at her sisters and be in their faces until she makes them cry. She will knock them until they cry, she will throw things at them and hurt them. The other 2 girls behave well and respond to normal time outs and talking withs.
She does not respond to us asking to talk quietly, she is hyper and in her own zone with nothing getting through to her. When we try to tell her off, She acts like an animal when we time her out. She will not sit on the stairs, she will not take a punishment (ie sit on stairs for 4 mins) she will not help tidy up, she is very umplesant to be with with her sisters. 1 to 1 she is generally fine. She is very rude and disrespectable to my wife and we have taken to put her in the conservatory and locking the door. She will then throw funiture at the glass doors and snarl. There is no calming her.
Although only 6 almost 7 she is very strong. The only thing that seeam to snap her out of her behavour is when she ends up crying - either by being smacked or her hurting herself.
The trouble is smacking isnt working and Im getting increasingly angry to her and smacking her harder and finding it difficult to keep it under control. E behavour is coming between my wife and I and the other children and every trip is marred by E, every day is Marred by E, there is real tension when E starts off on her bender as it will only end one way.
E does not seem to understand that if she is nice and calm others will be as well. We try so hard to start off on a clean slate with E every day but almost every day is will start cumulating to ruining a gentle and quiet bedtime routine. Its starting (who am i kidding - is has) to really make me resent her and I hate to feel this way towards my own daughter. (resent - ha hate and loath is more correct) My wife is upset and gets angry towards E, I try to help to enforce a time out but E wont go with the flow and fights back. its so draining having to fight E.
Adoption - at the moment yes, me walking out of the family - possibly as I cant cope with it and also to stop me hitting E. I dont want to hit a 7 yrs old girls - how f
king bad is that to even feel that way. hence time for some help. Also I cant leave my wife to deal with this little monster with no suport.So apart from adoption, walking out and hitting what do we do?
We are testing E tonight for diabeties and have been suggested we get her tested for autism.
How does she behave at school, or if she goes round to a friend's house?
ETA: thought about this a bit more. *IF* she is "normal" at school/at a friend's house, then my guess (and it is little more than a guess, so bear that in mind) from what you've said is that she has a degree of insecurity as regards her relationship with you and your wife, and is attention seeking. That might explain why she directs anger to her siblings (she resents what she perceives to be the better relationship they have with you two); why she reacts badly to being disciplined (her actions worsen rather than improve the relationship); and why she is better 1 to 1.
Like I said, just a guess.
Edited by anonymous-user on Monday 5th September 11:06
Jesus.
1. Do not fell guilty about your feelings. They are natural and the fact you recognise them means you do not have a problem.
2. Autism sounds like a candidate.
3. Get some help for yourself as soon as possible. You need to take care of YOU in order for YOU to get through this. A call to the Samartians might be a good start in all honesty, or if you work have private healthcare then there will very likely be a helpline for this sort of thing. It helped me immensely when I was having very real thoughts about taking my father's life when he was dying from cancer.
1. Hitting a 7 year old girl? Pointless exercise and only gives the parent a release. Not judging - as parenting is frustrating - but a fully grown adult threatening to hit or actually hitting a child is never ever going to work.
2. Child psychologist. GP first, get referral to behavioural psych.
3. In the mean time - diet? I know you will be feeding her the same as the other twin and the younger one, but she may have an intolerance or sensitivity to something in her diet.
3a. Exercise. Is she active/playful and burning lots of energy during the day on a trampoline or running about? Try tiring her out!
4. Good luck. Sounds like a really stty thing to have to cope with. I hope you can find a way to get through to her.
2. Child psychologist. GP first, get referral to behavioural psych.
3. In the mean time - diet? I know you will be feeding her the same as the other twin and the younger one, but she may have an intolerance or sensitivity to something in her diet.
3a. Exercise. Is she active/playful and burning lots of energy during the day on a trampoline or running about? Try tiring her out!
4. Good luck. Sounds like a really s
tty thing to have to cope with. I hope you can find a way to get through to her.My middle Brother was just like this, ended up with my parents divorcing. Turned out he is allergic to artificial colourants in foods (E100 to E200). He's now in his mid thirties and he can still act odd when he's eaten something he shouldn't. I'd suggest looking carefully at all of her readings etc.
johnfm said:
1. Hitting a 7 year old girl? Pointless exercise and only gives the parent a release. Not judging - as parenting is frustrating - but a fully grown adult threatening to hit or actually hitting a child is never ever going to work.
2. Child psychologist. GP first, get referral to behavioural psych.
3. In the mean time - diet? I know you will be feeding her the same as the other twin and the younger one, but she may have an intolerance or sensitivity to something in her diet.
3a. Exercise. Is she active/playful and burning lots of energy during the day on a trampoline or running about? Try tiring her out!
4. Good luck. Sounds like a really stty thing to have to cope with. I hope you can find a way to get through to her.
Dr. Yes but reluctant to get dr and social services involved.2. Child psychologist. GP first, get referral to behavioural psych.
3. In the mean time - diet? I know you will be feeding her the same as the other twin and the younger one, but she may have an intolerance or sensitivity to something in her diet.
3a. Exercise. Is she active/playful and burning lots of energy during the day on a trampoline or running about? Try tiring her out!
4. Good luck. Sounds like a really s
tty thing to have to cope with. I hope you can find a way to get through to her.diet - she is underweight, she doent feel very hungry. We are concerned about this as well. Does not seem applicatble to any foods but we are aware and looking out for this.
exercise - goes in bursts to being very active (normal) to very tired during the day. not like the other children hence why we are considering diabeties.
As above, she may have a medical condition which is manifesting itself this way. I reckon a Doctor or some other kind of help will be in order.
I sincerely hope for her sake, your sake, your wife and your family that you can trace what's causing this and mend it. I doubt 'E' is having a great time at the moment either, so try and get some help to sort it out.
There are experts who've seen it all before, and they will be able to advise on what works. Better to get that advice than let this ruin your family.
I sincerely hope for her sake, your sake, your wife and your family that you can trace what's causing this and mend it. I doubt 'E' is having a great time at the moment either, so try and get some help to sort it out.
There are experts who've seen it all before, and they will be able to advise on what works. Better to get that advice than let this ruin your family.
Good luck!
As the others have said, this is not normal & could just eb awoke ing as simple as a food allergy - her behaviour sounds very similar to a childhood friend that was allergic to one of the E Numbers.
As an aside, edit your post rot remove hit as it's very emotive & replace with smack. And explain what you mean by smack, or this thread will decent into a fight!
As the others have said, this is not normal & could just eb awoke ing as simple as a food allergy - her behaviour sounds very similar to a childhood friend that was allergic to one of the E Numbers.
As an aside, edit your post rot remove hit as it's very emotive & replace with smack. And explain what you mean by smack, or this thread will decent into a fight!
Targarama said:
My middle Brother was just like this, ended up with my parents divorcing. Turned out he is allergic to artificial colourants in foods (E100 to E200). He's now in his mid thirties and he can still act odd when he's eaten something he shouldn't. I'd suggest looking carefully at all of her readings etc.
we know rasberrys do make her hyper and act like a fruit cake. So will look into this more/again with her food.We generally cook most of our food ie non processed although she will have the normal treats/extras which will contain extras.
superlightr said:
johnfm said:
1. Hitting a 7 year old girl? Pointless exercise and only gives the parent a release. Not judging - as parenting is frustrating - but a fully grown adult threatening to hit or actually hitting a child is never ever going to work.
2. Child psychologist. GP first, get referral to behavioural psych.
3. In the mean time - diet? I know you will be feeding her the same as the other twin and the younger one, but she may have an intolerance or sensitivity to something in her diet.
3a. Exercise. Is she active/playful and burning lots of energy during the day on a trampoline or running about? Try tiring her out!
4. Good luck. Sounds like a really stty thing to have to cope with. I hope you can find a way to get through to her.
Dr. Yes but reluctant to get dr and social services involved.2. Child psychologist. GP first, get referral to behavioural psych.
3. In the mean time - diet? I know you will be feeding her the same as the other twin and the younger one, but she may have an intolerance or sensitivity to something in her diet.
3a. Exercise. Is she active/playful and burning lots of energy during the day on a trampoline or running about? Try tiring her out!
4. Good luck. Sounds like a really s
tty thing to have to cope with. I hope you can find a way to get through to her.diet - she is underweight, she doent feel very hungry. We are concerned about this as well. Does not seem applicatble to any foods but we are aware and looking out for this.
exercise - goes in bursts to being very active (normal) to very tired during the day. not like the other children hence why we are considering diabeties.
One thing I would add though, her symptoms do fit with coeliac http://www.coeliac.org.uk/coeliac-disease/what-is-...
The one thing I've learned from watching way too much super nanny it's that you have to set rules and enforce them absolutely with no leniency.
Can she read? Maybe it's time to write down some house rules on a sign and hang it up in the kitchen.
Time outs on stairs have to be enforced no matter what the kid does.. I saw a kid on super nanny get up from the stairs and break his time out for 3 hours. It was only a 5 minute time out. Each time the parent had to pick up the kid, put them back on the step, start the timer again and continue to ignore them. No talking, nothing. Just a clinical pick up, put on stairs.
Eventually after enough times the kid caved in. The kid will always cave in if a mental problem is ruled out.
It's a battle of attrition, unfortunately.
Disclaimer: I'm 22 and have no kids. People will now discount my opinion due to that.
Can she read? Maybe it's time to write down some house rules on a sign and hang it up in the kitchen.
Time outs on stairs have to be enforced no matter what the kid does.. I saw a kid on super nanny get up from the stairs and break his time out for 3 hours. It was only a 5 minute time out. Each time the parent had to pick up the kid, put them back on the step, start the timer again and continue to ignore them. No talking, nothing. Just a clinical pick up, put on stairs.
Eventually after enough times the kid caved in. The kid will always cave in if a mental problem is ruled out.
It's a battle of attrition, unfortunately.
Disclaimer: I'm 22 and have no kids. People will now discount my opinion due to that.
ewenm said:
But are thinking of adoption? Does not compute.
Good luck with sorting it for her sake and for yours.
we want to try to help and sort her out ourselves. we are/were both lawyers and dealt with child issues hence not keen on getting SS involved as once they do get their claws in there is no letting go.Good luck with sorting it for her sake and for yours.
superlightr said:
johnfm said:
1. Hitting a 7 year old girl? Pointless exercise and only gives the parent a release. Not judging - as parenting is frustrating - but a fully grown adult threatening to hit or actually hitting a child is never ever going to work.
2. Child psychologist. GP first, get referral to behavioural psych.
3. In the mean time - diet? I know you will be feeding her the same as the other twin and the younger one, but she may have an intolerance or sensitivity to something in her diet.
3a. Exercise. Is she active/playful and burning lots of energy during the day on a trampoline or running about? Try tiring her out!
4. Good luck. Sounds like a really stty thing to have to cope with. I hope you can find a way to get through to her.
Dr. Yes but reluctant to get dr and social services involved.2. Child psychologist. GP first, get referral to behavioural psych.
3. In the mean time - diet? I know you will be feeding her the same as the other twin and the younger one, but she may have an intolerance or sensitivity to something in her diet.
3a. Exercise. Is she active/playful and burning lots of energy during the day on a trampoline or running about? Try tiring her out!
4. Good luck. Sounds like a really s
tty thing to have to cope with. I hope you can find a way to get through to her.diet - she is underweight, she doent feel very hungry. We are concerned about this as well. Does not seem applicatble to any foods but we are aware and looking out for this.
exercise - goes in bursts to being very active (normal) to very tired during the day. not like the other children hence why we are considering diabeties.
First step is GP, get referral to specialists (BUPA if you have private) and get battery of tests for allergies etc.
Then an initial psych visit.
Not sure (I am no expert) that your GP has to involve social services.
Is her behaviour the same at school, or have school reported anything that is out of the ordinary for a girl of her age?
The behaviour you describe sounds like either Autism or ADHD, with the bursts and inability to be quiet pointing me towards the latter.
It would be good to speak to your child's school and to the GP, your daughter needs an assessment by a child psychologist as a matter of urgency, you should also find out if there are any support groups ran for Autistic children, or ADHD children in your local area. If you need any more constructive advice on where to go and how to do it drop me a PM and if I can't help directly we will have someone in the office who can.
The behaviour you describe sounds like either Autism or ADHD, with the bursts and inability to be quiet pointing me towards the latter.
It would be good to speak to your child's school and to the GP, your daughter needs an assessment by a child psychologist as a matter of urgency, you should also find out if there are any support groups ran for Autistic children, or ADHD children in your local area. If you need any more constructive advice on where to go and how to do it drop me a PM and if I can't help directly we will have someone in the office who can.
rhinochopig said:
Go see a private Ed Psych, but there could be underlying physical problems too. I'm only really posting to remind to ask Mrs RP as she's a clinical headshrinker so may have some proper advice.
One thing I would add though, her symptoms do fit with coeliac http://www.coeliac.org.uk/coeliac-disease/what-is-...
Wife was thought to have coeliacs but has M.E and a wheat/diary/gluten intolerance. B12 very low.One thing I would add though, her symptoms do fit with coeliac http://www.coeliac.org.uk/coeliac-disease/what-is-...
May be a good test for E
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