What help are we entitled to for sick mum?
Discussion
Bit of background, mum 74 and has not been a well woman for most of her life IBS, lung cancer, spondilitus (sp), hip replacements and various other things that have landed her in hosptial she is also unable to walk for any distance.
This year however she has gotten worse on her feet and these past few weeks she has not been eating and generally falling/dizzy etc. Last week she ended up taking her whole day's tablets in one go at night, we have had her attempt to take the car to go shopping (which she near put through our caravan as she could not start it in gear and cooking food (pies) while still in paper bags so she cannot really be left unattented now.
Anyway... what help is available to her, my dad is also of ill health and I am over 4 months pregnant so things are getting hard for us. I have told dad to get her meds in these blister packs for ease, he spoke to docs and they just gave him a list of what she gets and when to "try first". Unfortunatley as I have to work full time it is not easy for me to get in to talk to the doctors and my dad lacks the sense to challenge and ask for help.
Today we had a doctor call out and we were hoping we would get some help or at least to get her admitted to get her on a drip to get her to eat/fluids but all we were told is it was her tablets and change them and come back next week.
So who do we turn to, should I get back onto the doctor and ask for some home care to at least help get her up and washed or is it social services I should be speaking to?
Putting her in a home is the very last option we want to take right now.
I should add we are a hard working family and only claim disability for mum, not even carers allowance.
So can anyone advise who we should speak to?
Cheers for reading my ramblings.
Ave
This year however she has gotten worse on her feet and these past few weeks she has not been eating and generally falling/dizzy etc. Last week she ended up taking her whole day's tablets in one go at night, we have had her attempt to take the car to go shopping (which she near put through our caravan as she could not start it in gear and cooking food (pies) while still in paper bags so she cannot really be left unattented now.
Anyway... what help is available to her, my dad is also of ill health and I am over 4 months pregnant so things are getting hard for us. I have told dad to get her meds in these blister packs for ease, he spoke to docs and they just gave him a list of what she gets and when to "try first". Unfortunatley as I have to work full time it is not easy for me to get in to talk to the doctors and my dad lacks the sense to challenge and ask for help.
Today we had a doctor call out and we were hoping we would get some help or at least to get her admitted to get her on a drip to get her to eat/fluids but all we were told is it was her tablets and change them and come back next week.
So who do we turn to, should I get back onto the doctor and ask for some home care to at least help get her up and washed or is it social services I should be speaking to?
Putting her in a home is the very last option we want to take right now.
I should add we are a hard working family and only claim disability for mum, not even carers allowance.
So can anyone advise who we should speak to?
Cheers for reading my ramblings.
Ave
If you are entitled to carers allowance then claim it. I used to be of the opinion that you shouldn't claim something unless you 'need it' but there are enough bludgers who have never put anything or barely anything into the pot, that are taking all they can from the trough, that I now believe you should claim every penny you are entitled to.
They are quick enough to take their share from you whether you can afford it or not, so make sure you claim it whether you need it or not.
They are quick enough to take their share from you whether you can afford it or not, so make sure you claim it whether you need it or not.
Edited by anonymous-user on Monday 26th September 13:17
Bluequay said:
If you are entitled to carers allowance then claim it. I used to be of the opinion that you shouldn't claim something unless you 'need it' but there are enough bludgers who have never put anything or barely anything into the pot, that are taking all they can from the trough, that I now believe you should claim every penny you are entitled to.
They are quick enough to take their share from you whether you can afford it or not, so make sure you claim it whether you need it or not.
The welfare system truly sickens me, there are far too many frauds claiming for sickness when they're perfectly ok!They are quick enough to take their share from you whether you can afford it or not, so make sure you claim it whether you need it or not.
Edited by Bluequay on Monday 26th September 13:17
in terms of immediate needs
- Social services
- Try the GP again
- If either of them are known to community Nursing try them as often community nursing services area bit more in tune with the intermediate care / admissions avoidance / step up - step down agenda than the GPs - if they aren't bug the GP for an assessment by the District Nurses
- Social services
- Try the GP again
- If either of them are known to community Nursing try them as often community nursing services area bit more in tune with the intermediate care / admissions avoidance / step up - step down agenda than the GPs - if they aren't bug the GP for an assessment by the District Nurses
Many thanks folks, feeling a bit dissapointed with the doctor to be honest but I am going to make an appointment with one I feel more comfortable talking to regarding help.
I have found through the Council web that she can get assessed via the social work so going to call them tomorrow and get the ball rolling as she could be intitled to free personal care. I was thinking action could only be taken by the doctor so I am glad that is not the case.
Just need to see about some adapting of the house so hoping the council can also point me in the right direction.
Cheers
Ave
I have found through the Council web that she can get assessed via the social work so going to call them tomorrow and get the ball rolling as she could be intitled to free personal care. I was thinking action could only be taken by the doctor so I am glad that is not the case.
Just need to see about some adapting of the house so hoping the council can also point me in the right direction.
Cheers
Ave
Checking your profile, looks like you're in Scotland?
I think they look after people better than south of the border?
As I said, ring social services, emphasise (sp) all problems.
Maybe speak to a different Dr?
Regards to finances CAB.
Blister pack for meds chemist/gp should sort this, worth sorting as you can check what mum has taken.
[teaching granny to suck eggs]
Has mum been tested for a water infection? [/teaching granny to suck eggs]
I think they look after people better than south of the border?
As I said, ring social services, emphasise (sp) all problems.
Maybe speak to a different Dr?
Regards to finances CAB.
Blister pack for meds chemist/gp should sort this, worth sorting as you can check what mum has taken.
[teaching granny to suck eggs]
Has mum been tested for a water infection? [/teaching granny to suck eggs]
Definitely approach social services and at the same time talk to your local CAB.
You need to be robust with Social Services and to stress the risk that your mum poses to herself with her lack of understanding of her medication and the risk of setting fire to something whilst cooking. It's a really difficult situation to find yourself in where you have to stress the lack of capacity of your mum rather than looking for the positives but you must be realistic about the problems or you will struggle to get assistance.
Unless it's treated as an emergency be prepared for a bit of a wait, when we moved mother in law closer to us it took 8 weeks to get a first assessment, luckily for us we had that amount of lead in time so she wasn't left without care.
The lady who dealt with us at our local social services was fantastic, she has a mum with dementia and understood how important it was to get the right sort of support I suspect that not everyone is that lucky and some people have to fight really hard to get assistance.
MiL has carers that come in each evening and help her to get undressed and to help her to shower as she isn't stable enough on her feet to shower alone. They also change her bedding for her once a week.
You may well struggle to get the care that she needs which is why you should also talk to the CAB who can help you through the quagmire of these systems and help you with how you approach assessments etc. You need to make sure that someone honest is with her for assessments - my mil will tell everyone that she can do everything if she's left to her own devices - only to complain afterwards that she can't cope! I guess it's pride...
If your Dad or someone else is caring for her for 35 hours a week then you should claim carers allowance, this may provide some funding for you to be able to top up the care that the state will provide if you feel the need.
Good luck, it's a horrible situation to be in.
You need to be robust with Social Services and to stress the risk that your mum poses to herself with her lack of understanding of her medication and the risk of setting fire to something whilst cooking. It's a really difficult situation to find yourself in where you have to stress the lack of capacity of your mum rather than looking for the positives but you must be realistic about the problems or you will struggle to get assistance.
Unless it's treated as an emergency be prepared for a bit of a wait, when we moved mother in law closer to us it took 8 weeks to get a first assessment, luckily for us we had that amount of lead in time so she wasn't left without care.
The lady who dealt with us at our local social services was fantastic, she has a mum with dementia and understood how important it was to get the right sort of support I suspect that not everyone is that lucky and some people have to fight really hard to get assistance.
MiL has carers that come in each evening and help her to get undressed and to help her to shower as she isn't stable enough on her feet to shower alone. They also change her bedding for her once a week.
You may well struggle to get the care that she needs which is why you should also talk to the CAB who can help you through the quagmire of these systems and help you with how you approach assessments etc. You need to make sure that someone honest is with her for assessments - my mil will tell everyone that she can do everything if she's left to her own devices - only to complain afterwards that she can't cope! I guess it's pride...
If your Dad or someone else is caring for her for 35 hours a week then you should claim carers allowance, this may provide some funding for you to be able to top up the care that the state will provide if you feel the need.
Good luck, it's a horrible situation to be in.
Edited by Piglet on Monday 26th September 20:12
Is your mum in remission from lung cancer? If not, do you have contact with a lung cancer nurse specialist? Otherwise you could try MacMillan for advice/grants. If you have a Maggies centre near you they are good for arrange the appropriate help for you.
Your GP should be able to do more too - if they won't could you request to see a different GP in the practice?
I hope you get something sorted.
Your GP should be able to do more too - if they won't could you request to see a different GP in the practice?
I hope you get something sorted.
Shaw Tarse said:
Checking your profile, looks like you're in Scotland?
I think they look after people better than south of the border?
As I said, ring social services, emphasise (sp) all problems.
Maybe speak to a different Dr?
Regards to finances CAB.
Blister pack for meds chemist/gp should sort this, worth sorting as you can check what mum has taken.
[teaching granny to suck eggs]
Has mum been tested for a water infection? [/teaching granny to suck eggs]
It is quite possible she has, I am not sure there is a test she has not been put through.I think they look after people better than south of the border?
As I said, ring social services, emphasise (sp) all problems.
Maybe speak to a different Dr?
Regards to finances CAB.
Blister pack for meds chemist/gp should sort this, worth sorting as you can check what mum has taken.
[teaching granny to suck eggs]
Has mum been tested for a water infection? [/teaching granny to suck eggs]
One thing I should probably ask (if there are any pros out there) at the moment mum has two days of physiotherapy from 9am-3pm. I also think this might be knocking her for six, does anyone else think so much of this therapy could be causing a slight problem? As she has no balance at all right now.
Yes the Social is first port of call, going to also pop over to a company that specialise in adapting the house for her.
The blister packs bugs me, this was something dad was supposed to get sorted with the doctor last week only she just gave him a list of her meds and when to take them, hardly useful for a 73yr old man who also has a heart conditon and diabeties of his own to medicate! Unfortunatley I can only really visit the doctor in two weeks while on holiday but I am for sure going to have the ball rolling with Social first.
Piglet - Thanks, I think it will be a busy week and CAB is also on the hit list.
AMLK - Yes although the remission word has not been used nothing so far has come back. Maggies have a center local to us and we have been down, I took in some of the info but it was more for getting her out and about to visit the place..... which unfortunatly she will not do on her own. I did not realise they could also be used as a resource for help.
Many thanks again folks, this weekend has hit us hard and tempers were flared between us all about where to go next, which was no ones fault but was probably needed as dad has had his head stuck in the sand for a bit but now knows things are not looking good.
But.... she is a thrawn biatch so I hope and pray she sticks it out and next year gets to see her first grandchild or there will be trouble!!
It also helps just to get it out of my system and talk, so thank you.
Actually mentioning water infections is a good thought, plus make sure she isn't dehydrated, it's a really common cause of confusion in the elderly. They struggle to get around, so they don't drink very much because getting to the loo is a problem, they get more and more dehydrated and so get more and more confused. It can make a huge difference.
If her balance is a problem is she avoiding drinking because it's tricky to get to the loo? If so you may need to think about a solution and to try to get fluids into her.
If her balance is a problem is she avoiding drinking because it's tricky to get to the loo? If so you may need to think about a solution and to try to get fluids into her.
Well today has been a very productive day. I have been on the phone to lots of different folks and was nicely surprised how helpful everyone was for me.
Ball rolling to get a Social work assessment for personal home care.
Care allowance pack on it's way to see if we are entitled to the £55 per week allowance for her care.
And finally home adaption, a kind man is already putting in the paperwork to have her bathroom adapted so she can be washed properly. Dad was not that keen but he was reminded how he is unable to get her into a bath (the bathroom is too small as it is!). This kind man is also a car nut who knew exactly where I stayed so bartering a run in the car had to be made for his quick work.
Thanks again folks, feeling a little more positive now even though it will all take time.
Ave
Ball rolling to get a Social work assessment for personal home care.
Care allowance pack on it's way to see if we are entitled to the £55 per week allowance for her care.
And finally home adaption, a kind man is already putting in the paperwork to have her bathroom adapted so she can be washed properly. Dad was not that keen but he was reminded how he is unable to get her into a bath (the bathroom is too small as it is!). This kind man is also a car nut who knew exactly where I stayed so bartering a run in the car had to be made for his quick work.
Thanks again folks, feeling a little more positive now even though it will all take time.
Ave
but it is worth pushing to get this sorted, (it's quite possible that employed carers can't administer medication without this being in place)Bluequay said:
Just to clarify by 'need' I mean whether you financially require the money, not whether you are entitled to the benefit!
This is it I have only once claimed Job seekers allowance and by the time I got it I was back in full time employment. I don't believe in claiming, but to give you an example I know a guy who goes to these hearings and lies about having anxiety etc, and gets sickness and disability money as well as his flat which he sub lets and everything else. This guy is on his 16th holiday this year which in my opinion takes the piss to the point that I've reported him. Nothing has happened, nor seems to happen to people like this and I'd love to say he was the only one doing it, but he's the tip of the iceberg. There are tens if not hundreds of thousands of people doing it so, if anyone has a genuine reason to claim then do it!
Snoop Bagg said:
This is it I have only once claimed Job seekers allowance and by the time I got it I was back in full time employment. I don't believe in claiming, but to give you an example I know a guy who goes to these hearings and lies about having anxiety etc, and gets sickness and disability money as well as his flat which he sub lets and everything else.
This guy is on his 16th holiday this year which in my opinion takes the piss to the point that I've reported him. Nothing has happened, nor seems to happen to people like this and I'd love to say he was the only one doing it, but he's the tip of the iceberg. There are tens if not hundreds of thousands of people doing it so, if anyone has a genuine reason to claim then do it!
In the nicest possible way, I suspect that the OP has much bigger things on her plate than discussions about the validity of the benefit system This guy is on his 16th holiday this year which in my opinion takes the piss to the point that I've reported him. Nothing has happened, nor seems to happen to people like this and I'd love to say he was the only one doing it, but he's the tip of the iceberg. There are tens if not hundreds of thousands of people doing it so, if anyone has a genuine reason to claim then do it!
Glad you've had a productive day Ave, one of the challenges I found was getting assessments etc. and equipment provided when I was remote to the problem. We had to move MiL to us to be able to deal with the assessments as we'd arrange to go there for a day for an assessment for SS to ring that morning to say they couldn't make it, could we do tomorrow!
When we got her to us I was in between jobs so could drop everything and go which made a huge difference - the bloke who came to fit the electric riser to her chair rang from half an hour a way - completely unplanned. I found these service providers had very little concept of working in a way that worked for people who lived away and/or had other commitments.
Try to get an occupational therapist appointment soon as well, we already had elephants feet for MiL's bed and chair but she still struggled to get out of a chair - the OT provided an electric riser which is fantastic and gives her much more independence. She's also got a bed rail that helps her get out of bed and some other bits and pieces - there is a huge amount of equipment, if you can get the OT onside there is lots of kit around that can make life easier.
Keep going at it and good luck.
When we got her to us I was in between jobs so could drop everything and go which made a huge difference - the bloke who came to fit the electric riser to her chair rang from half an hour a way - completely unplanned. I found these service providers had very little concept of working in a way that worked for people who lived away and/or had other commitments.
Try to get an occupational therapist appointment soon as well, we already had elephants feet for MiL's bed and chair but she still struggled to get out of a chair - the OT provided an electric riser which is fantastic and gives her much more independence. She's also got a bed rail that helps her get out of bed and some other bits and pieces - there is a huge amount of equipment, if you can get the OT onside there is lots of kit around that can make life easier.
Keep going at it and good luck.
BlackVanDyke said:
Just seen this - how are things going?
GP sounds like they haven't really realised how bad things are for your mum, when did they last see her?
Hi BVD,GP sounds like they haven't really realised how bad things are for your mum, when did they last see her?
Well we managed to get her to the doctors today and dad really wanted to get her x-rayed. A few years ago she had gall stones removed and after the surgery for a month she did not eat, they then found that the scarring inside her had become infected and it took two days to drain out the poision. My dad see's a similarity in what she is going through now so wanted the x-ray. However the doctor (different one) has taken blood and put her on different tablets and we have to go back in a week. Shocking but the last lot of blood she had taken has "somehow" gone missing from the Lab and has never been tested.
We are managing to get her on her feet a bit better and manages about 2 hours out of bed each day. Because she is getting on her feet my dad is feeling less of the strain, both on the mind and body. I have also cut back on all the childcare I do so I can go over more often and do more.
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