Discussion
Hello all
My girlfriend suffers from relatively extreme anxiety. She hates trains and will do everything in her power to avoid them as she is not in control of the vehicle, doors, where it stops or who sits next to her. She wont drive at night unless someone is in the car or she knows the route well, she wont go on motorways or long drives/distances on her own.
It is so bad she gets diarrhea virtually every day, she also gets the occasional panic attack.
She has some anti-depressant type tablets off the doctor but they don't appear to be doing much. Last time she was on the same ones, it went away after a little while but it has come back. We think this was due to a traumatizing experience on a 9 hour journey involving a coach, a channel tunnel train and various other public transport combined with a heavy dose of food poisoning.
Does anyone have any hints or tips that she can use, or i can do to help her?
At the moment i am in my final year at uni. She finished last year and has moved back home (about an hour and a half away) with a part time job. As she works most weekends i don't get to see her much as i am in uni every day. This means she gets pretty upset on her days off and over thinks everything and generally is anxious.
Anyone in the same boat? I'm a bit stuck as what to do.
My girlfriend suffers from relatively extreme anxiety. She hates trains and will do everything in her power to avoid them as she is not in control of the vehicle, doors, where it stops or who sits next to her. She wont drive at night unless someone is in the car or she knows the route well, she wont go on motorways or long drives/distances on her own.
It is so bad she gets diarrhea virtually every day, she also gets the occasional panic attack.
She has some anti-depressant type tablets off the doctor but they don't appear to be doing much. Last time she was on the same ones, it went away after a little while but it has come back. We think this was due to a traumatizing experience on a 9 hour journey involving a coach, a channel tunnel train and various other public transport combined with a heavy dose of food poisoning.
Does anyone have any hints or tips that she can use, or i can do to help her?
At the moment i am in my final year at uni. She finished last year and has moved back home (about an hour and a half away) with a part time job. As she works most weekends i don't get to see her much as i am in uni every day. This means she gets pretty upset on her days off and over thinks everything and generally is anxious.
Anyone in the same boat? I'm a bit stuck as what to do.
Can't offer anything particularly constructive other than suggesting that she starts with counselling to see if a specific cause can be identified and then worked on. Sounds like you already have an idea - it's just a case of knowing what to do about it. Facing something and starting to pull it to bits goes a long way to overcoming it in my experience. I overcame an acute fear of thunderstorms by learning about them - the result was that I became fascinated by them. I was never too happy with flying either. Same again, learned about planes. Result = fascinated and enjoy flying now, especially a nice bit of turbulence! Good luck with it.
I have every sympathy with you and your OH. I have always been of the mindset that anxiety is all in the mind (which I suppose it is) and you just need to tell yourself "to get over it". I had been quite harsh to a friend of mine who had anxiety problems. Anyway, long story short, I ended up having panic attacks and anxiety (karma?!).
For 3 years I only left the house to go to work, and I'd even struggle with that. I couldn't bring myself to drive sometimes, and just felt this massive overwhelming darkness during one of my "do's". I lost my job eventually but did manage to hold down my other part time job.
It is unbelievably debilitating. It's not something I will EVER take lightly again.
I found counselling quite counter productive, but unfortunately it was a bit too close to what triggered my anxiety in the first place. I did find that "rescue remedy" and "kalms" will take the edge off it, but it's still there. I'm much better now, and I think it's down to forcing myself to do things that are well outside of my comfort zone. Horrible at the time, but it is starting to work.
Sorry I can't be of more help.
For 3 years I only left the house to go to work, and I'd even struggle with that. I couldn't bring myself to drive sometimes, and just felt this massive overwhelming darkness during one of my "do's". I lost my job eventually but did manage to hold down my other part time job.
It is unbelievably debilitating. It's not something I will EVER take lightly again.
I found counselling quite counter productive, but unfortunately it was a bit too close to what triggered my anxiety in the first place. I did find that "rescue remedy" and "kalms" will take the edge off it, but it's still there. I'm much better now, and I think it's down to forcing myself to do things that are well outside of my comfort zone. Horrible at the time, but it is starting to work.
Sorry I can't be of more help.
I always thought the same. I still don't fully understand what it's like, i have no idea what she is going through on a daily basis, but if it's as bad as she says it is, then i think she is doing pretty well, but it still has a massive effect. She takes anywhere between 1 and 4 Imodium on a daily basis, which cant be doing her system any good.
Its odd, when she has been at work she seems really happy. When i ask her why. its because she is happy to be back in the house and in familiar territory. Work days are fine, its when she's at home that things get bad because she doesn't want to leave the house and is checking what i'm doing and worrying about going into town for stuff, or going to visit her sister or even going to work next, even if it's not for day or two.
Its odd, when she has been at work she seems really happy. When i ask her why. its because she is happy to be back in the house and in familiar territory. Work days are fine, its when she's at home that things get bad because she doesn't want to leave the house and is checking what i'm doing and worrying about going into town for stuff, or going to visit her sister or even going to work next, even if it's not for day or two.
slomax said:
I always thought the same. I still don't fully understand what it's like, i have no idea what she is going through on a daily basis, but if it's as bad as she says it is, then i think she is doing pretty well, but it still has a massive effect. She takes anywhere between 1 and 4 Imodium on a daily basis, which cant be doing her system any good.
Its odd, when she has been at work she seems really happy. When i ask her why. its because she is happy to be back in the house and in familiar territory. Work days are fine, its when she's at home that things get bad because she doesn't want to leave the house and is checking what i'm doing and worrying about going into town for stuff, or going to visit her sister or even going to work next, even if it's not for day or two.
I can relate to that. Some days I didn't used to be able to leave my room. It wasn't so bad when you HAD to go out because I just got on with it. It's when you've nothing to do and sit there panicking... Sems like to world is folding in on you.Its odd, when she has been at work she seems really happy. When i ask her why. its because she is happy to be back in the house and in familiar territory. Work days are fine, its when she's at home that things get bad because she doesn't want to leave the house and is checking what i'm doing and worrying about going into town for stuff, or going to visit her sister or even going to work next, even if it's not for day or two.
Beta Blockers would probably be either the next thing the doc will prescribe or may already have. They do work, but in so much as they treat the symptoms only - not the cause. A course of counselling may well help, depends on the type - something like CBT may be worth looking in to. In honesty, you'd be better going private if your g/f buys into counselling at all. From the sound of it, having cancelled one appt that doesnt appear to be the case.
Whats really really important is to be supportive. Not critical, not judgemental, not overbearing. It is her problem, it needs her to deal with it and you can and should only do so much as is healthy. I'm saying be careful how involved you are and how that comes across to her
Whats really really important is to be supportive. Not critical, not judgemental, not overbearing. It is her problem, it needs her to deal with it and you can and should only do so much as is healthy. I'm saying be careful how involved you are and how that comes across to her
I had severe anxiety and stress issues a few years back. Still need to watch myself tbh.
Anyway my doc at the time put me on to this site which your OH may find useful.
https://moodgym.anu.edu.au/welcome
It's an Ozzy site which takes you through CBT type training and thinking.
I didn't get to the end but even the early stuff was quite powerful.
Anyway my doc at the time put me on to this site which your OH may find useful.
https://moodgym.anu.edu.au/welcome
It's an Ozzy site which takes you through CBT type training and thinking.
I didn't get to the end but even the early stuff was quite powerful.
Hi,
Just thought i will throw my experience out there, I suffer from Anxiety now and then, I get it from.... Planes (i.e. being stuck in a metal tube with lots of people), Sitting in the back of a 3 door car, getting stuck in traffic jams, Lifts, to name a few. I'm currently going through CBT to give me the skillset to deal with it in the future. As you've mentioned she had a traumatic experience and that is most likely the 'trigger' mine was a couple of things that happened in my childhood, like stuck in a broke down lift etc, And over time.... it evolves... and starts to effect other area's such as being in a plane for example. When i get anxiety i used to take one of two things, either Rescue Remedy (as mentioned above), or Diazapam (2mG lowest one) i find it takes the edge off, i havnt taken rescue remedy / Diazepam for a few months now as just understanding 'whats happening' helps alot, i.e. recognising the symptoms, calming techniques etc.
It's been mentioned above about 'avoiding things etc' i.e. the fight or flight scenario. I had my first experience of this on a plane just before they we're about to shut the doors and all i could think about was getting off. i didnt, i know its a horrible experience but i just got through it somehow.... later when i arrived home from the airport my Anxiety which i experienced on the plane brought on physical symtoms such as weird feelings in chest etc, which then made me get even more anxious because i didnt know what was happening and all of a sudden i found myself having a panic/anxiety attack. I didnt know what was happening, and was close to dialing for an ambulance. that shook me up and took months to get over it. It has been an up/down rollercoaster ride since April when this all started happening, I thought i would 'never' get better, IMO Time / Understanding what is happening / Regognising what is happening / Calming Techniques / and Talking to someone has been the biggest help.
My CBT isnt finished, im half way through, the first half was about finding the triggers, giving me techniques to relax, she uses this time to decide which type of therapy is best, the one she has chosen for me is something called EMDR, my therapist has gone on Holiday for a month and when she gets back we will start it.
Hope this helps
Gaz
Just thought i will throw my experience out there, I suffer from Anxiety now and then, I get it from.... Planes (i.e. being stuck in a metal tube with lots of people), Sitting in the back of a 3 door car, getting stuck in traffic jams, Lifts, to name a few. I'm currently going through CBT to give me the skillset to deal with it in the future. As you've mentioned she had a traumatic experience and that is most likely the 'trigger' mine was a couple of things that happened in my childhood, like stuck in a broke down lift etc, And over time.... it evolves... and starts to effect other area's such as being in a plane for example. When i get anxiety i used to take one of two things, either Rescue Remedy (as mentioned above), or Diazapam (2mG lowest one) i find it takes the edge off, i havnt taken rescue remedy / Diazepam for a few months now as just understanding 'whats happening' helps alot, i.e. recognising the symptoms, calming techniques etc.
It's been mentioned above about 'avoiding things etc' i.e. the fight or flight scenario. I had my first experience of this on a plane just before they we're about to shut the doors and all i could think about was getting off. i didnt, i know its a horrible experience but i just got through it somehow.... later when i arrived home from the airport my Anxiety which i experienced on the plane brought on physical symtoms such as weird feelings in chest etc, which then made me get even more anxious because i didnt know what was happening and all of a sudden i found myself having a panic/anxiety attack. I didnt know what was happening, and was close to dialing for an ambulance. that shook me up and took months to get over it. It has been an up/down rollercoaster ride since April when this all started happening, I thought i would 'never' get better, IMO Time / Understanding what is happening / Regognising what is happening / Calming Techniques / and Talking to someone has been the biggest help.
My CBT isnt finished, im half way through, the first half was about finding the triggers, giving me techniques to relax, she uses this time to decide which type of therapy is best, the one she has chosen for me is something called EMDR, my therapist has gone on Holiday for a month and when she gets back we will start it.
Hope this helps
Gaz
I'd highly recommend CBT for anxiety disorders, it's very different from counselling and the waiting lists are long so the sooner your GF requests it the better.
If her medication doesn't seem to having an effect it's essential she returns to her GP. Finding the right medication and then the right dosage is crucial to its success.
If her medication doesn't seem to having an effect it's essential she returns to her GP. Finding the right medication and then the right dosage is crucial to its success.
I've had anxiety for about 4 years now, it was there before but I guess it was manageable then. The anti-depressants can take a while to get in to the system, sometimes 6 weeks plus. They can also make things worse for a bit which can be frightening. There are a number of ADs available, there isn't a one size fits all so if it's not working (after the "bed in" time) get back to the GP. As mentioned beta-blockers or diazepam (short term use only) can help whilst the ADs kick in.
Best thing you can do is just be there and get her to talk about it. CBT seems to help some people (I didn't find it helped but the councilor I saw wasn't much cop from what I've heard of other peoples experiences). I've been having hypnotherapy and that has helped, it got my through doing the best man speech at a friends wedding.
There is a website that might be worth a look - http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk
Best thing you can do is just be there and get her to talk about it. CBT seems to help some people (I didn't find it helped but the councilor I saw wasn't much cop from what I've heard of other peoples experiences). I've been having hypnotherapy and that has helped, it got my through doing the best man speech at a friends wedding.
There is a website that might be worth a look - http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk
Thread revival 101:
update-
After my OH going to the doctors about a thousand times with constant diarrhea/nerves, she asked if there was a test to see if she had an intolerance/allergic to anything, and asked if anything could cause such symptoms as she couldn't work out if the diarrhea was causing the nerves, or vice verse.
Upshot of it was that the only way to really tell was to go through different foods one by one, cutting them out for a period of a week or two to see if anything improves.
It sounds easier than it is.
After a couple of days of not eating gluten/wheat, the diarrhea had stopped almost completely. This was about 2 weeks ago. She has now found that she can have a little bit of wheat (biscuits, crackers, 1 tortilla wrap) but not a sandwich or bowl of pasta. Ever since, things have been a lot better and she seems an awful lot happier and doesn't get nervous about going to work/shops/places. We think this is because she is not worrying about when she will next need to go to the toilet. Her headaches have calmed down a bit too, i think these were caused by dehydration from the diarrhea to be honest.
She is still taking the anti-depressants at the moment, but we will see how things get on over the next 6 months to 1 year.
Has anyone else gone through an apparent random intolerance to any foods?
update-
After my OH going to the doctors about a thousand times with constant diarrhea/nerves, she asked if there was a test to see if she had an intolerance/allergic to anything, and asked if anything could cause such symptoms as she couldn't work out if the diarrhea was causing the nerves, or vice verse.
Upshot of it was that the only way to really tell was to go through different foods one by one, cutting them out for a period of a week or two to see if anything improves.
It sounds easier than it is.
After a couple of days of not eating gluten/wheat, the diarrhea had stopped almost completely. This was about 2 weeks ago. She has now found that she can have a little bit of wheat (biscuits, crackers, 1 tortilla wrap) but not a sandwich or bowl of pasta. Ever since, things have been a lot better and she seems an awful lot happier and doesn't get nervous about going to work/shops/places. We think this is because she is not worrying about when she will next need to go to the toilet. Her headaches have calmed down a bit too, i think these were caused by dehydration from the diarrhea to be honest.
She is still taking the anti-depressants at the moment, but we will see how things get on over the next 6 months to 1 year.
Has anyone else gone through an apparent random intolerance to any foods?
oldbanger said:
Gluten isn't really that random an intolerance.
Sorry, i didnt mean being gluten free was a random intolerance, I meant in terms of development. Up until around one year ago she did not have constant diarrhea but was eating Gluten/wheat based products like bread and pasta.is is normal for a Gluten intolerance to just develop like that?
slomax said:
oldbanger said:
Gluten isn't really that random an intolerance.
Sorry, i didnt mean being gluten free was a random intolerance, I meant in terms of development. Up until around one year ago she did not have constant diarrhea but was eating Gluten/wheat based products like bread and pasta.is is normal for a Gluten intolerance to just develop like that?
From what I understand, most people aren't born with an intolerance.
I developed an allergic reaction to nuts after eating them fine for years.
Your girlfriend's story sounds a lot like my own.
I was absolutely fine with anything and everything (both acitivites and food) until I was halfway through my second year at uni. I started getting diarrhea a lot and it started to really affect me. I stopped going out as much, lost contact with a lot of friends and stopped doing the things I wanted to because I was, being crude but honest, worried about s
tting myself!
Went to the doctors numerous times, and whilst I appreciate a problem like that is difficult to diagnose, they were less than useless; it seemed like their only solution was to give me STD tests over and over again. I got talking to someone at work who has IBS and he suggested I keep a food diary, I did this and after a few weeks noticed a common theme with when I was ill - dairy! Turns out I'm lactose intolerant after 20-odd years of being able to eat as much dairy as I wanted.
The above happened over a couple of years and during this time I became quite an anxious person and was going out a lot less then I used to. I also still had a fear of either going on long journeys or being 'trapped' in one place such as a lecture or meeting for long periods of time, which gievn the fact I had never once been caught out (had a few close calls but that was it), was irrational and quite frankly stupid. Eventually, after months of perstering my GP, I was send for CBT in a bid to get to the bottom of why I got so anxious. By the time the appointment rolled round I was already fed up of not going out etc and had started to force myself to do what I wanted to, when I wanted to, in the hope that the more times I could go out and not have anything bad happen, the more I would realise there was nothing to worry about. Due to me doing this, I only needed 2 sessions of CBT before the therapist decided there was nothing else she could do because I had done the difficult bit myself i.e. realising what I was worried about and attempting to counteract those anxious feelings.
Whilst everything is by no means perfect as I am still ill for no apparent reason occasionally (been told I have IBS but I'm not convinced it's not something more serious to be honest), I am back to how I used to be. I don't think twice about going out and doing what I want to do and most importantly, I can do journeys, meetings, presentations etc without a second thought and it's amazing how much I appreciate being able to do little things like that having been through a couple of years of struggling with them.
If you or your girlfriend want to know anything else, feel free to PM me.
I was absolutely fine with anything and everything (both acitivites and food) until I was halfway through my second year at uni. I started getting diarrhea a lot and it started to really affect me. I stopped going out as much, lost contact with a lot of friends and stopped doing the things I wanted to because I was, being crude but honest, worried about s
tting myself!Went to the doctors numerous times, and whilst I appreciate a problem like that is difficult to diagnose, they were less than useless; it seemed like their only solution was to give me STD tests over and over again. I got talking to someone at work who has IBS and he suggested I keep a food diary, I did this and after a few weeks noticed a common theme with when I was ill - dairy! Turns out I'm lactose intolerant after 20-odd years of being able to eat as much dairy as I wanted.
The above happened over a couple of years and during this time I became quite an anxious person and was going out a lot less then I used to. I also still had a fear of either going on long journeys or being 'trapped' in one place such as a lecture or meeting for long periods of time, which gievn the fact I had never once been caught out (had a few close calls but that was it), was irrational and quite frankly stupid. Eventually, after months of perstering my GP, I was send for CBT in a bid to get to the bottom of why I got so anxious. By the time the appointment rolled round I was already fed up of not going out etc and had started to force myself to do what I wanted to, when I wanted to, in the hope that the more times I could go out and not have anything bad happen, the more I would realise there was nothing to worry about. Due to me doing this, I only needed 2 sessions of CBT before the therapist decided there was nothing else she could do because I had done the difficult bit myself i.e. realising what I was worried about and attempting to counteract those anxious feelings.
Whilst everything is by no means perfect as I am still ill for no apparent reason occasionally (been told I have IBS but I'm not convinced it's not something more serious to be honest), I am back to how I used to be. I don't think twice about going out and doing what I want to do and most importantly, I can do journeys, meetings, presentations etc without a second thought and it's amazing how much I appreciate being able to do little things like that having been through a couple of years of struggling with them.
If you or your girlfriend want to know anything else, feel free to PM me.
Thanks for sharing your story.
Yes, what you have said sounds almost exactly the same. Her GP was next to useless too, they just said to keep taking the Imodium and if it doesn't get better within a fortnight to go back. She went back so many times she didn't bother after a while until she went to see if there was an intolerance test of some sort, to which they said "suck it and see" effectively.
I'm glad to hear that you are nearly back to normal and coping with it well.
In the case of my OH, the anxiety seems to have settled itself down a lot since the diarrhea has been eradicated. Going into town, work, driving etc is now fine unless its an unknown situation like meeting someone for the first time or going to the dentist/opticians/doctors etc. I think that's only normal, even i get a little edgy in those circumstances. She will even tolerate trains now, although not busy trains unless myself or a friend is with her.
Just pleased we have got to the route of the problem and things are now on the up
Yes, what you have said sounds almost exactly the same. Her GP was next to useless too, they just said to keep taking the Imodium and if it doesn't get better within a fortnight to go back. She went back so many times she didn't bother after a while until she went to see if there was an intolerance test of some sort, to which they said "suck it and see" effectively.
I'm glad to hear that you are nearly back to normal and coping with it well.
In the case of my OH, the anxiety seems to have settled itself down a lot since the diarrhea has been eradicated. Going into town, work, driving etc is now fine unless its an unknown situation like meeting someone for the first time or going to the dentist/opticians/doctors etc. I think that's only normal, even i get a little edgy in those circumstances. She will even tolerate trains now, although not busy trains unless myself or a friend is with her.
Just pleased we have got to the route of the problem and things are now on the up
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