Suspected case of Borderline Personality Disorder
Discussion
Anyone out there come across this with a loved one?
How did you cope? Who did you talk to? How did you not take the insults and nastiness personally?
Basically...how did you manage to get through it until they got help (if they ever did) or did you just have to call it a day in the end and walk away?
Really reaching the end of my tether, and (god this sounds corny but) the love's just not strong enough any more
How did you cope? Who did you talk to? How did you not take the insults and nastiness personally?
Basically...how did you manage to get through it until they got help (if they ever did) or did you just have to call it a day in the end and walk away?
Really reaching the end of my tether, and (god this sounds corny but) the love's just not strong enough any more
Penny-lope said:
Anyone out there come across this with a loved one?
How did you cope? Who did you talk to? How did you not take the insults and nastiness personally?
Basically...how did you manage to get through it until they got help (if they ever did) or did you just have to call it a day in the end and walk away?
Really reaching the end of my tether, and (god this sounds corny but) the love's just not strong enough any more
I went to the GP years ago over the actions of my now ex wife. He was blunt and told me that she would almost certainly never change. It did take me a few years more to actually do something about it but making her my "ex" was the best thing I ever did.How did you cope? Who did you talk to? How did you not take the insults and nastiness personally?
Basically...how did you manage to get through it until they got help (if they ever did) or did you just have to call it a day in the end and walk away?
Really reaching the end of my tether, and (god this sounds corny but) the love's just not strong enough any more
NeMiSiS said:
Not sure what you mean about borderline, you either have a personality disorder or you don't. If your partner is willing to get help then help is available starting at your GP then probably a referral to a psychiatric wing of a local hospital for a short stay to be assessed. It is very difficult to get such a person on board to get help as they will firmly believe that there is nothing wrong with them, it is YOU who has the problem.
Also as odd as it may sound specialists in the field of mental health are very reluctant to put labels,/badges on patients on their first observation stay, even when it is blatantly obvious. It took them three years to decide I was mad, yet I knew this several years earlier, and my wife knew several years before that.
Something like this?Also as odd as it may sound specialists in the field of mental health are very reluctant to put labels,/badges on patients on their first observation stay, even when it is blatantly obvious. It took them three years to decide I was mad, yet I knew this several years earlier, and my wife knew several years before that.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Borderline_personalit...
http://www.nice.org.uk/nicemedia/pdf/CG78NICEGuide...
Otherwise I can't offer anything other than wishing you luck (Penny, not Nemesis)
He is currently waiting for an appointment with a shrink...after trying to kill himself 5 wks ago. He wants the help desperately but so far no one will listen 
I spent a week past Friday on the phone to NHS24 because he wanted to top himself again...2 hrs later we finally got a trained nurse on the phone, only for her to put the phone down on him when he started to swear. It was quite clear he was in distress, and I assumed she would get back in contact after a few mins (allowing him to calm down) but nothing! Thankfully I managed to get him to 'chill' and spent the next 4 hrs with him sleeping in my arms.
Since then it's basically been hellish, but at least at mine I know he's safe
I spent a week past Friday on the phone to NHS24 because he wanted to top himself again...2 hrs later we finally got a trained nurse on the phone, only for her to put the phone down on him when he started to swear. It was quite clear he was in distress, and I assumed she would get back in contact after a few mins (allowing him to calm down) but nothing! Thankfully I managed to get him to 'chill' and spent the next 4 hrs with him sleeping in my arms.
Since then it's basically been hellish, but at least at mine I know he's safe
Penny-lope said:
He is currently waiting for an appointment with a shrink...after trying to kill himself 5 wks ago. He wants the help desperately but so far no one will listen
I spent a week past Friday on the phone to NHS24 because he wanted to top himself again...2 hrs later we finally got a trained nurse on the phone, only for her to put the phone down on him when he started to swear. It was quite clear he was in distress, and I assumed she would get back in contact after a few mins (allowing him to calm down) but nothing! Thankfully I managed to get him to 'chill' and spent the next 4 hrs with him sleeping in my arms.
Since then it's basically been hellish, but at least at mine I know he's safe
If he has another excursion, you might consider taking him to A&E. This can short-circuit the process, tho it may open the route to drugs and supervision.I spent a week past Friday on the phone to NHS24 because he wanted to top himself again...2 hrs later we finally got a trained nurse on the phone, only for her to put the phone down on him when he started to swear. It was quite clear he was in distress, and I assumed she would get back in contact after a few mins (allowing him to calm down) but nothing! Thankfully I managed to get him to 'chill' and spent the next 4 hrs with him sleeping in my arms.
Since then it's basically been hellish, but at least at mine I know he's safe
Penny, I second the A&E route above and if he has tried to top himself and continues to consider this as his only viable option, he can, if he wants go into care in a secure ward by himself, that is of course he wants to explore this option.
Again sympathies as expressed above and if you need any more info PM me, I have had experience of this before myself with family members.
Again sympathies as expressed above and if you need any more info PM me, I have had experience of this before myself with family members.
Borderline is a type of personality disorder in and of itself, apparently named because it looks like someone teetering on the edge of a full blown mental breakdown/psychosis.
I grew up with a parent who I believe is BPD although no formal diagnosis was made, and my late sister was given the same diagnosis at one point (along with a few others). I've also met a few self-professed borderlines.
People suffering from borderline personality can't just be "cured", although it's my own personal belief of seeing this up close and very personal, that if they are willing to engage with the right mental health treatment, a root cause of BPD may be stronger than usual reactions/sensitivity to past trauma (or in some cases very serious trauma such as abuse), so the kinds of treatments useful for PTSD may be helpful. CAT therapy has also promoted itself as useful in the treatment of BPD.
The difficulty with helping or even having a long term relationship of any sort with someone with borderline is that they are emotionally very sensitive, with the emotional coping skills and lack of perspective of a child. They dislike being alone; they swing from idealising to denigrating people; they can engage in splitting behaviour so that if one person is all good, someone else in the immediate family/social circle is now the bad one and treated acordingly, at least until the next time that flips round; they lack object constancy so they only really base their view of you on the last thing you did or said, and can't really keep you in mind if you aren't there for a while (which can ultimately be useful as avoiding them will mean they'll eventually move on); every difficulty is a crisis, usually caused by you; as people with BPD also it difficult to regulate emotions they may also self harm, use alcohol/substances or engage in other risky behaviour as a coping mechanism.
So what do you do? By all means help and look out for your friend. However please learn, very quickly, not to take any of what he says and does personally. And I mean really learn this, even if it means getting very zen about things, learning mindfulness/meditation or getting couselling. Getting caught up in all that emotional turmoil, in the fear, obligation and guilt that people with BPD can throw out, could mean that you get chewed up and spat out very quickly.
I grew up with a parent who I believe is BPD although no formal diagnosis was made, and my late sister was given the same diagnosis at one point (along with a few others). I've also met a few self-professed borderlines.
People suffering from borderline personality can't just be "cured", although it's my own personal belief of seeing this up close and very personal, that if they are willing to engage with the right mental health treatment, a root cause of BPD may be stronger than usual reactions/sensitivity to past trauma (or in some cases very serious trauma such as abuse), so the kinds of treatments useful for PTSD may be helpful. CAT therapy has also promoted itself as useful in the treatment of BPD.
The difficulty with helping or even having a long term relationship of any sort with someone with borderline is that they are emotionally very sensitive, with the emotional coping skills and lack of perspective of a child. They dislike being alone; they swing from idealising to denigrating people; they can engage in splitting behaviour so that if one person is all good, someone else in the immediate family/social circle is now the bad one and treated acordingly, at least until the next time that flips round; they lack object constancy so they only really base their view of you on the last thing you did or said, and can't really keep you in mind if you aren't there for a while (which can ultimately be useful as avoiding them will mean they'll eventually move on); every difficulty is a crisis, usually caused by you; as people with BPD also it difficult to regulate emotions they may also self harm, use alcohol/substances or engage in other risky behaviour as a coping mechanism.
So what do you do? By all means help and look out for your friend. However please learn, very quickly, not to take any of what he says and does personally. And I mean really learn this, even if it means getting very zen about things, learning mindfulness/meditation or getting couselling. Getting caught up in all that emotional turmoil, in the fear, obligation and guilt that people with BPD can throw out, could mean that you get chewed up and spat out very quickly.
Edited by oldbanger on Monday 10th December 00:33
Hi penny, can offer too much advise really other than a call to emergency services should you feel he is in serious danger of harming himself.
But I would like to offer my sympathy. I dated, got engaged, to a guy who suffered with a personality disorder who was seeking help in the end but by then it was too little too late for me and after a violent episode I did the right thing. Waited till he went out for the day and did a runner! It was fairly hellish with threats to harm himself and me, in the end the police installed a panic button for me as he was fairly well known to them.
I swung from feeling guilty to relief and everything in between. So in short, look after yourself too. Don't forget that. X
But I would like to offer my sympathy. I dated, got engaged, to a guy who suffered with a personality disorder who was seeking help in the end but by then it was too little too late for me and after a violent episode I did the right thing. Waited till he went out for the day and did a runner! It was fairly hellish with threats to harm himself and me, in the end the police installed a panic button for me as he was fairly well known to them.
I swung from feeling guilty to relief and everything in between. So in short, look after yourself too. Don't forget that. X
oldbanger said:
So what do you do? By all means help and look out for your friend. However please learn, very quickly, not to take any of what he says and does personally. And I mean really learn this, even if it means getting very zen about things, learning mindfulness/meditation or getting couselling. Getting caught up in all that emotional turmoil, in the fear, obligation and guilt that people with BPD can throw out, could mean that you get chewed up and spat out very quickly.
I have been trying, and normally a good cry and I'm fine...but it really is getting too much. He has been at it for the last 2 hrs, constant texts getting worse and worse.I know he loves me (and my son) dearly, but to sit and listen to what he can say about us...esp after I have done so much for him, and been the only one there for him for the last year. It's f
king "heart breaking" oldbanger said:
Borderline is a type of personality disorder in and of itself, apparently named because it looks like someone teetering on the edge of a full blown mental breakdown/psychosis.
I grew up with a parent who I believe is BPD although no formal diagnosis was made, and my late sister was given the same diagnosis at one point (along with a few others). I've also met a few self-professed borderlines.
People suffering from borderline personality can't just be "cured", although it's my own personal belief of seeing this up close and very personal, that if they are willing to engage with the right mental health treatment, a root cause of BPD may be stronger than usual reactions/sensitivity to past trauma (or in some cases very serious trauma such as abuse), so the kinds of treatments useful for PTSD may be helpful. CAT therapy has also promoted itself as useful in the treatment of BPD.
The difficulty with helping or even having a long term relationship of any sort with someone with borderline is that they are emotionally very sensitive, with the emotional coping skills and lack of perspective of a child. They dislike being alone; they swing from idealising to denigrating people; they can engage in splitting behaviour so that if one person is all good, someone else in the immediate family/social circle is now the bad one and treated acordingly, at least until the next time that flips round; they lack object constancy so they only really base their view of you on the last thing you did or said, and can't really keep you in mind if you aren't there for a while (which can ultimately be useful as avoiding them will mean they'll eventually move on); every difficulty is a crisis, usually caused by you; as people with BPD also it difficult to regulate emotions they may also self harm, use alcohol/substances or engage in other risky behaviour as a coping mechanism.
So what do you do? By all means help and look out for your friend. However please learn, very quickly, not to take any of what he says and does personally. And I mean really learn this, even if it means getting very zen about things, learning mindfulness/meditation or getting couselling. Getting caught up in all that emotional turmoil, in the fear, obligation and guilt that people with BPD can throw out, could mean that you get chewed up and spat out very quickly.
excellent description, I grew up with a parent who I believe is BPD although no formal diagnosis was made, and my late sister was given the same diagnosis at one point (along with a few others). I've also met a few self-professed borderlines.
People suffering from borderline personality can't just be "cured", although it's my own personal belief of seeing this up close and very personal, that if they are willing to engage with the right mental health treatment, a root cause of BPD may be stronger than usual reactions/sensitivity to past trauma (or in some cases very serious trauma such as abuse), so the kinds of treatments useful for PTSD may be helpful. CAT therapy has also promoted itself as useful in the treatment of BPD.
The difficulty with helping or even having a long term relationship of any sort with someone with borderline is that they are emotionally very sensitive, with the emotional coping skills and lack of perspective of a child. They dislike being alone; they swing from idealising to denigrating people; they can engage in splitting behaviour so that if one person is all good, someone else in the immediate family/social circle is now the bad one and treated acordingly, at least until the next time that flips round; they lack object constancy so they only really base their view of you on the last thing you did or said, and can't really keep you in mind if you aren't there for a while (which can ultimately be useful as avoiding them will mean they'll eventually move on); every difficulty is a crisis, usually caused by you; as people with BPD also it difficult to regulate emotions they may also self harm, use alcohol/substances or engage in other risky behaviour as a coping mechanism.
So what do you do? By all means help and look out for your friend. However please learn, very quickly, not to take any of what he says and does personally. And I mean really learn this, even if it means getting very zen about things, learning mindfulness/meditation or getting couselling. Getting caught up in all that emotional turmoil, in the fear, obligation and guilt that people with BPD can throw out, could mean that you get chewed up and spat out very quickly.
Edited by oldbanger on Monday 10th December 00:33
I used to type up my wifes dissertations, and this would come up regularly, Borderline? - Borderline what?, just type borderline. I eventually accepted the term.
Edited by sparkyhx on Monday 10th December 17:32
OP, I shall repeat myself:
JumboBeef said:
I went to the GP years ago over the actions of my now ex wife. He was blunt and told me that she would almost certainly never change. It did take me a few years more to actually do something about it but making her my "ex" was the best thing I ever did.
Really, "is it worth it" to stay and fight for this relationship? Sorry to be blunt.
Penny-lope said:
He walked out tonight, and went back home to his own pad so out of my hands right now.
Am I worried about him, yes very...am I glad of the 'break' from him, ashamed to say this but yes.
please don't be ashamed, there is only so much you can do. He needs help and quite frankly as you have found out the NHS is apallingly bad with mental health. You really have to push and push for help.Am I worried about him, yes very...am I glad of the 'break' from him, ashamed to say this but yes.
Penny-lope said:
Or suffer the broken heart, and just walk away...
Sometimes Penny this is the only option, you have to put your son and yourself first and as harsh as it is, he is unlikely to change. If he continues as he is it will only bring you down too. Good luck with whatever happens, he needs help and support from professionals.Sadly after talking to his mum for 2 hours last night, he is now in total denial and I doubt he will, if it's ever offered, accept help.
I have therefore cut ties, and although I will always be there for him (and he knows that), I have told him not to contact me for a while...or at least until I can hold it together and not cry like an emotional wreck
I've also packed up all his stuff, and plan to post it rather than delivering it myself which may result in another confrontation...something I really want to avoid at all costs.
Thanks for advice guys
I have therefore cut ties, and although I will always be there for him (and he knows that), I have told him not to contact me for a while...or at least until I can hold it together and not cry like an emotional wreck
I've also packed up all his stuff, and plan to post it rather than delivering it myself which may result in another confrontation...something I really want to avoid at all costs.
Thanks for advice guys
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