Help with my state of mind
Discussion
I've been a member of PH for 7 years and didn't fancy posting this with my real user name.
I've attached a copy of a letter I intend on giving a new therapist tomorrow. The reasons as to why I've done this are within. I'd be grateful of your thoughts.
Is it the right thing to do?
Do you think EMDR and CBT might help?
Am I a lost cause?
Also, I'm starting a course of acupuncture on Friday to help with the anxiety. Waste of money? What do you reckon? I'm willing to give most things a go.
I'm currently taking St Johns Wort and high strength fish oils. I've also read a million self-help books! Anyhow, here's the letter.................................
I've written this to give some background as to why I'm here. I thought it would be easier than trying to remember all the detail or not being able to articulate it. Writing this has genuinely been quite difficult for me, although I feel like it has helped me be honest with myself and helped with some introspection as to why I am who I am.
I'm 28, single, educated and in decent employment. I'm fortunate enough not to have any debt and I have a promising career.
I started to seek counseling in July 2011. It was the end of a relationship around this time that led me to this, with it being something I found particularly hard to deal with. Since then, I've seen the same counsellor, sometimes weekly over a prolonged period of months, other times months have gone by without seeing her. I have made some progress in the time I've had therapy, but it seems to become undone over a period of time, with the same feelings returning triggered by the same feelings or events as I've always had. I'm still seeing said counsellor and I'm about to start EMDR therapy as a last resort at making some permanent progress. It was suggested that CBT might help, although my counselor doesn't offer this, hence seeing you.
Every new year I promise myself things will be different, that things will change. But things never seem to. I cannot remember the last time I celebrated a birthday - I'm 28 - and I spent Christmas day and New Year alone, again.
I'd had a difficult time growing up, suffering from bullying on and off through school and being very transient with friends, often spending a lot of time on my own. Or alternatively hanging out with what were the real social outcasts.
Home life was no better. I was brought up by my parents, who divorced 6 years ago, in a fairly loveless marriage. My dad had a particularly nasty upbringing himself, witnessing and experiencing physical and emotional neglect daily. My parents were unsuited, married very young and as the time went on, the further they grew apart. My mum is taking anti-depressents and isn't in a particularly good frame of mind at the moment. I have tried to help by paying for counseling for her, but I do sometimes find it difficult to speak with her. I have a brother and sister, but by my parents' own admission I wasn't given any real attention for many years due to my sister and her selfish behaviour. She fell in with the wrong sort, got involved in all sorts and fell pregnant at 15. Life was a constant source of rows, anger, upset and emotional neglect. I was left to make my own way in a lot of respects. For years I became socially isolated and extremely withdrawn.
There's still a massive family rift and I haven't spoken to my younger sister in years. I drifted from my older brother years ago and find it difficult to talk to him, almost like he's a stranger. I don't dislike him but it's just awkward. I have a reasonable relationship with my parents but still find it hard to confide and trust them not to repeat anything private I tell them, as they've done this in the past. They certainly don't know about me seeing a counsellor, though they do know I'm not exactly happy, but don't know the extent of my unhappiness.
I've also had pretty lousy skin for years which had a big impact on me not wanting to socialise or sometimes even leave the house. My dad was particularly insensitive about this. However, over the past year or so it is much, much better. But the past in this respect effected me enormously and took away a lot of my confidence and opportunity to soclialise.
I moved to this city in November of last year, having moved with work to a different site from April 2012 where II had to work a permanent night shift, which did not allow me to socialise or meet anyone new in a city where I knew nobody. The hours I work are long and often stressful. My job isn't massively fulfilling but I often think this is because of my negative frame of mind. To date I've been very successful in what I do and this has been recognised.
I think it's fair to say I'm suffering from depression. There are countless trigger points for feeling this way. My feelings range from generally feeling very low in my mood, sad, unable to find enjoyment in most things, anxiety and sometimes a feeling of total hopelessness. My appetite is sometimes affected and I have to force myself into doing things, just so I don't laze around the house. .I've felt this way for years and cannot remember the last time I felt genuinely happy for a sustained period of time. I've come to be known as 'a bit miserable' at work and this reputation has followed me, which I don't like. I feel as though I'm on the outside looking in, as though I'm completely detached from everyone and have no sense of belonging. The feeling of isolation is sometimes overwhelming and other than in work I'm usually in my own company. It's exceptionally hard for me to trust people. My temper is often short and I often feel angry. I'm also drawn to things which make me feel sad, whether it be films or music etc. I really miss having any genuine physical affection, or in fact any affection of any kind.
I find it difficult to form relationships with people. I give very little away about myself and tend to push away those who try to care, often to the point they give up on me and move on. I've found this to be a bit of a viscous circle now Ironically I'm alone because I'm afraid of being alone. Instead of looking for the positives in people I find something not to like or a reason not to form a relationship with them. I've moved around a lot with work and haven't maintained any of the friendships I made from place to place. I find it difficult to meet people because I tell myself everything is just temporary and I'll be moving on.
I became involved with a married woman a year ago and although we didn't have a full relationship, the relationship was had led to us staying together overnight several times. She says she developed feelings for me, but again I was distant with her. This carried on for a few months. At the same time, I was also in a casual relationship with another girl, who genuinely wanted to be with me, although was in a relationship herself at the time. I continued to push her away. This continued for around 8 months until she gave up. I saw her very recently for the first time in a while and was devastated with what I'd chucked away. She is incredibly attractive and a great girl in so many ways. I couldn't bring myself to speak to her, I felt sick to my stomach. I feel extremely guilty for my behavior and actions. I recognise it makes me an awful person to have done this. Both women are very attractive and as much as anything I failed and still fail to see what they saw in me.. It is this self destruction which has led to the failure of most of my relationships and now the friendships with both are irreparably damaged.
My thoughts are usually negative and I tend to interpret most events and happenings this way. If a phone call I make isn't answered it's because they're deliberately ignoring me. If nobody rings me it's because nobody thinks of me.
I recognize the signs when things become too much for me to deal with. I crave for junk food, drink and cigarettes. I allow my flat to turn into a mess. However, I do usually make an effort to look reasonable and I suppose that's because I don't want to outwardly project my feelings.
I'm self-aware enough to know I cannot continue my life this way as it's a total waste. I am scared to death that a few years from now I'll look back and things will be exactly the same. I know things have to change. I want them to change. I do not want to jeopardize future happiness, the chance of meeting somebody good, the chance of a family, the possibility of having good friends. These are the things I want dearly. I genuinely do not like who I am or how I feel. And until this changes I don't think I can expect anyone to like me either. I'm desperate to change who I am before it's too late. I feel like I've wasted years and lost happiness and opportunities for far too long. To help me feel better I stopped smoking at Christmas and haven't touched a cigarette since. I also stopped drinking - this became a daily habit since I moved here in November - because I didn't like the dependance. I'm exercising several times a week at the gym as I think this does help me feel better.
I'm almost given up on the hope of happiness and I'm struggling to see light at the end of the tunnel. and as it stands I'd settle for feeling content. I'm hoping this last attempt at therapy will help with this.
I've attached a copy of a letter I intend on giving a new therapist tomorrow. The reasons as to why I've done this are within. I'd be grateful of your thoughts.
Is it the right thing to do?
Do you think EMDR and CBT might help?
Am I a lost cause?
Also, I'm starting a course of acupuncture on Friday to help with the anxiety. Waste of money? What do you reckon? I'm willing to give most things a go.
I'm currently taking St Johns Wort and high strength fish oils. I've also read a million self-help books! Anyhow, here's the letter.................................
I've written this to give some background as to why I'm here. I thought it would be easier than trying to remember all the detail or not being able to articulate it. Writing this has genuinely been quite difficult for me, although I feel like it has helped me be honest with myself and helped with some introspection as to why I am who I am.
I'm 28, single, educated and in decent employment. I'm fortunate enough not to have any debt and I have a promising career.
I started to seek counseling in July 2011. It was the end of a relationship around this time that led me to this, with it being something I found particularly hard to deal with. Since then, I've seen the same counsellor, sometimes weekly over a prolonged period of months, other times months have gone by without seeing her. I have made some progress in the time I've had therapy, but it seems to become undone over a period of time, with the same feelings returning triggered by the same feelings or events as I've always had. I'm still seeing said counsellor and I'm about to start EMDR therapy as a last resort at making some permanent progress. It was suggested that CBT might help, although my counselor doesn't offer this, hence seeing you.
Every new year I promise myself things will be different, that things will change. But things never seem to. I cannot remember the last time I celebrated a birthday - I'm 28 - and I spent Christmas day and New Year alone, again.
I'd had a difficult time growing up, suffering from bullying on and off through school and being very transient with friends, often spending a lot of time on my own. Or alternatively hanging out with what were the real social outcasts.
Home life was no better. I was brought up by my parents, who divorced 6 years ago, in a fairly loveless marriage. My dad had a particularly nasty upbringing himself, witnessing and experiencing physical and emotional neglect daily. My parents were unsuited, married very young and as the time went on, the further they grew apart. My mum is taking anti-depressents and isn't in a particularly good frame of mind at the moment. I have tried to help by paying for counseling for her, but I do sometimes find it difficult to speak with her. I have a brother and sister, but by my parents' own admission I wasn't given any real attention for many years due to my sister and her selfish behaviour. She fell in with the wrong sort, got involved in all sorts and fell pregnant at 15. Life was a constant source of rows, anger, upset and emotional neglect. I was left to make my own way in a lot of respects. For years I became socially isolated and extremely withdrawn.
There's still a massive family rift and I haven't spoken to my younger sister in years. I drifted from my older brother years ago and find it difficult to talk to him, almost like he's a stranger. I don't dislike him but it's just awkward. I have a reasonable relationship with my parents but still find it hard to confide and trust them not to repeat anything private I tell them, as they've done this in the past. They certainly don't know about me seeing a counsellor, though they do know I'm not exactly happy, but don't know the extent of my unhappiness.
I've also had pretty lousy skin for years which had a big impact on me not wanting to socialise or sometimes even leave the house. My dad was particularly insensitive about this. However, over the past year or so it is much, much better. But the past in this respect effected me enormously and took away a lot of my confidence and opportunity to soclialise.
I moved to this city in November of last year, having moved with work to a different site from April 2012 where II had to work a permanent night shift, which did not allow me to socialise or meet anyone new in a city where I knew nobody. The hours I work are long and often stressful. My job isn't massively fulfilling but I often think this is because of my negative frame of mind. To date I've been very successful in what I do and this has been recognised.
I think it's fair to say I'm suffering from depression. There are countless trigger points for feeling this way. My feelings range from generally feeling very low in my mood, sad, unable to find enjoyment in most things, anxiety and sometimes a feeling of total hopelessness. My appetite is sometimes affected and I have to force myself into doing things, just so I don't laze around the house. .I've felt this way for years and cannot remember the last time I felt genuinely happy for a sustained period of time. I've come to be known as 'a bit miserable' at work and this reputation has followed me, which I don't like. I feel as though I'm on the outside looking in, as though I'm completely detached from everyone and have no sense of belonging. The feeling of isolation is sometimes overwhelming and other than in work I'm usually in my own company. It's exceptionally hard for me to trust people. My temper is often short and I often feel angry. I'm also drawn to things which make me feel sad, whether it be films or music etc. I really miss having any genuine physical affection, or in fact any affection of any kind.
I find it difficult to form relationships with people. I give very little away about myself and tend to push away those who try to care, often to the point they give up on me and move on. I've found this to be a bit of a viscous circle now Ironically I'm alone because I'm afraid of being alone. Instead of looking for the positives in people I find something not to like or a reason not to form a relationship with them. I've moved around a lot with work and haven't maintained any of the friendships I made from place to place. I find it difficult to meet people because I tell myself everything is just temporary and I'll be moving on.
I became involved with a married woman a year ago and although we didn't have a full relationship, the relationship was had led to us staying together overnight several times. She says she developed feelings for me, but again I was distant with her. This carried on for a few months. At the same time, I was also in a casual relationship with another girl, who genuinely wanted to be with me, although was in a relationship herself at the time. I continued to push her away. This continued for around 8 months until she gave up. I saw her very recently for the first time in a while and was devastated with what I'd chucked away. She is incredibly attractive and a great girl in so many ways. I couldn't bring myself to speak to her, I felt sick to my stomach. I feel extremely guilty for my behavior and actions. I recognise it makes me an awful person to have done this. Both women are very attractive and as much as anything I failed and still fail to see what they saw in me.. It is this self destruction which has led to the failure of most of my relationships and now the friendships with both are irreparably damaged.
My thoughts are usually negative and I tend to interpret most events and happenings this way. If a phone call I make isn't answered it's because they're deliberately ignoring me. If nobody rings me it's because nobody thinks of me.
I recognize the signs when things become too much for me to deal with. I crave for junk food, drink and cigarettes. I allow my flat to turn into a mess. However, I do usually make an effort to look reasonable and I suppose that's because I don't want to outwardly project my feelings.
I'm self-aware enough to know I cannot continue my life this way as it's a total waste. I am scared to death that a few years from now I'll look back and things will be exactly the same. I know things have to change. I want them to change. I do not want to jeopardize future happiness, the chance of meeting somebody good, the chance of a family, the possibility of having good friends. These are the things I want dearly. I genuinely do not like who I am or how I feel. And until this changes I don't think I can expect anyone to like me either. I'm desperate to change who I am before it's too late. I feel like I've wasted years and lost happiness and opportunities for far too long. To help me feel better I stopped smoking at Christmas and haven't touched a cigarette since. I also stopped drinking - this became a daily habit since I moved here in November - because I didn't like the dependance. I'm exercising several times a week at the gym as I think this does help me feel better.
I'm almost given up on the hope of happiness and I'm struggling to see light at the end of the tunnel. and as it stands I'd settle for feeling content. I'm hoping this last attempt at therapy will help with this.
Thank gawd for Hal. 
I think you are on the right path and could find various therapies useful. You will have to try them to see how the therapies and therapists work for you. That you've already made steps to improve things eg exercising will result in you seeing some positive results so keep doing what you're doing as you're exiting that rut.
I think you are on the right path and could find various therapies useful. You will have to try them to see how the therapies and therapists work for you. That you've already made steps to improve things eg exercising will result in you seeing some positive results so keep doing what you're doing as you're exiting that rut.
Note - I am not a medical professional, but I have tried and tested a lot of things on myself in the last 15 years or so, and these ramblings are based on what's helped me, using ideas taken from the scientific literature.
Well done for giving up the fags and booze, by the way. This can cause temporary depression, so you may be feeling worse than normal. If you can manage it, please keep at it for the longer term benefits.
If you have been drinking every night you may be Magnesium deficient, which can cause anxiety. If you been on night shifts long term you may be Vit D3 deficient, which can also cause depression and axiety. I have found high dose supplementation with both of these rather effective. A light lamp and dawn simulator have also been very useful, personally.
If you have bad skin, you may be eating too many refined carbs and processed vegetable oils. A high carb diet can lead to poor blood sugar control (even if you're skinny) and poor blood sugar control is linked to depression. If you can, consider switching to a more natural diet with plenty of animal fats and high quality veg oils such as olive oil (e.g. paleo). The brain is 60% fat and needs monounstaturated fats to be able to repair itself - you won't get these from sunflower and soybean oils used for most commercial frying.
EMDR tends to work best for people who can point to specific traumatic events as a cause to their depression, rather than longer term chronic situations, though it can help even in these situations.
Cognitive Behavioural Therapy and Cognitive Analytic Therapy are fairly well recognised as treatments for depression and anxiety. You do need to be willing to give it a go, and do the homework. It's not like other types of counselling where you just turn up and talk.
I started out with CBT which helped quite a bit, because it got me to thinking about negative thought spirals and taught me a level of self-awareness that I just didn't have before then. I tried EMDR and it did help, but what has helped the most has been learning mindfulness - firstly from a therapist, but then going and taking meditation classes. CBT paved the way though, I think.
The biggest difference between CBT and mindfulness therapy is that CBT teaches you to deal with negative thought processes by looking at them individually and countering them one by one, until the process comes natually. The aim of mindfulness therapy is to lift yourself out of negative thinking altogether. I've noticed that now there seems to be a hybrid CBT/mindfulness therapy emerging.
Well done for giving up the fags and booze, by the way. This can cause temporary depression, so you may be feeling worse than normal. If you can manage it, please keep at it for the longer term benefits.
If you have been drinking every night you may be Magnesium deficient, which can cause anxiety. If you been on night shifts long term you may be Vit D3 deficient, which can also cause depression and axiety. I have found high dose supplementation with both of these rather effective. A light lamp and dawn simulator have also been very useful, personally.
If you have bad skin, you may be eating too many refined carbs and processed vegetable oils. A high carb diet can lead to poor blood sugar control (even if you're skinny) and poor blood sugar control is linked to depression. If you can, consider switching to a more natural diet with plenty of animal fats and high quality veg oils such as olive oil (e.g. paleo). The brain is 60% fat and needs monounstaturated fats to be able to repair itself - you won't get these from sunflower and soybean oils used for most commercial frying.
EMDR tends to work best for people who can point to specific traumatic events as a cause to their depression, rather than longer term chronic situations, though it can help even in these situations.
Cognitive Behavioural Therapy and Cognitive Analytic Therapy are fairly well recognised as treatments for depression and anxiety. You do need to be willing to give it a go, and do the homework. It's not like other types of counselling where you just turn up and talk.
I started out with CBT which helped quite a bit, because it got me to thinking about negative thought spirals and taught me a level of self-awareness that I just didn't have before then. I tried EMDR and it did help, but what has helped the most has been learning mindfulness - firstly from a therapist, but then going and taking meditation classes. CBT paved the way though, I think.
The biggest difference between CBT and mindfulness therapy is that CBT teaches you to deal with negative thought processes by looking at them individually and countering them one by one, until the process comes natually. The aim of mindfulness therapy is to lift yourself out of negative thinking altogether. I've noticed that now there seems to be a hybrid CBT/mindfulness therapy emerging.
What's Hal?!
Thanks for your responses.
I intend on giving up the fags for good. The alcohol just for 2013. I wasn't a big drinker as such, just a habitual one, maybe a few cans a day. I don't think it's a good habit and it's a depressant too.
I eat reasonably well, though it can take a dive if my mood is low. I use sunbeds for 5 minutes every week or two and I don't really use any fancy skin care products as I'm certain they were a cause of half of the problems.
I take a multivitamin, 2x high strength fish oils and St Johns Wort every day, so I don't think I'm deficient in anything. And I no longer work a night shift.
The talking side of therapy has helped a little, but hasn't undone my way of thinking, which I see as the problem. Hopefully CBT will help. I'm still open minded about EMDR.
Thanks for your responses.
I intend on giving up the fags for good. The alcohol just for 2013. I wasn't a big drinker as such, just a habitual one, maybe a few cans a day. I don't think it's a good habit and it's a depressant too.
I eat reasonably well, though it can take a dive if my mood is low. I use sunbeds for 5 minutes every week or two and I don't really use any fancy skin care products as I'm certain they were a cause of half of the problems.
I take a multivitamin, 2x high strength fish oils and St Johns Wort every day, so I don't think I'm deficient in anything. And I no longer work a night shift.
The talking side of therapy has helped a little, but hasn't undone my way of thinking, which I see as the problem. Hopefully CBT will help. I'm still open minded about EMDR.
+1 on everything so far: reducing alcohol, counselling, improving diet, exercising.
Without close, sympathetic friends around you all the above may not be enough and drug therapy (SSRIs, IIRC) may be appropriate. If they get it right, this chemical can be a magic bullet and allow you to rebuild your life.
If you are prescribed it do NOT vary the dose without consulting your doctor, possibly for the rest of your life.
Without close, sympathetic friends around you all the above may not be enough and drug therapy (SSRIs, IIRC) may be appropriate. If they get it right, this chemical can be a magic bullet and allow you to rebuild your life.
If you are prescribed it do NOT vary the dose without consulting your doctor, possibly for the rest of your life.
Well, unfortunately I didn't go through with the appointment I'd made re. CBT. And I've not seen the counselor I was supposed to have EMDR with and they're not available until next week. But there you go. I'm feeling very, very low today. I need to pick myself up enough to find somebody else.
I did have a session of acupuncture last week and it bloody hurt! He stuck one in the top of my right foot, which felt painful throughout all the time it was in. I can't say it's helped really, but I'm open-minded and absolutely willing to try anything to help me. So I'm off for another session this weekend.
I did have a session of acupuncture last week and it bloody hurt! He stuck one in the top of my right foot, which felt painful throughout all the time it was in. I can't say it's helped really, but I'm open-minded and absolutely willing to try anything to help me. So I'm off for another session this weekend.
mradams said:
I'm in decent employment. I have a promising career.
mradams also said:
The hours I work are long and often stressful. My job isn't massively fulfilling but I often think this is because of my negative frame of mind. To date I've been very successful in what I do and this has been recognised.
These sound a bit contradictory, mate. Work is a massive part of all our lives. Perhapos as part of you overall approach take a really good look at your situation and decide if it really is what you need to be doing at the moment.Have you thought about going for a run, or a bike ride? I used to do this when I wasnt feeling amazing and the feeling of accomplishment at the end really helped me out. I got fit too.
Are there any groups you could join in your area to get you out and about a bit more? Photography, learning a language, astonomy, book groups, running club? Some areas have organisations set up to get people together (not dating) - a mate did this and met some interesting people and had something to get out and do once a week. The more I have going on, the better I tend to feel about myself - as in I dont feel like I am wasting away and it boosts my self esteem.
Do you enjoy your job? If you ask most people to describe themselves they will usually say "I'm John, I'm a builder/architect/plumber" so not enjoying something which unfortunately seems to define us can be a (solvable) problem - but see above about filling your time with better stuff.
/ex-depressive here. I still keep tabs on it quite carefully but you can definitely change!
Are there any groups you could join in your area to get you out and about a bit more? Photography, learning a language, astonomy, book groups, running club? Some areas have organisations set up to get people together (not dating) - a mate did this and met some interesting people and had something to get out and do once a week. The more I have going on, the better I tend to feel about myself - as in I dont feel like I am wasting away and it boosts my self esteem.
Do you enjoy your job? If you ask most people to describe themselves they will usually say "I'm John, I'm a builder/architect/plumber" so not enjoying something which unfortunately seems to define us can be a (solvable) problem - but see above about filling your time with better stuff.
/ex-depressive here. I still keep tabs on it quite carefully but you can definitely change!
I've been reading & watching this thread & quite a few similar ones for months now & I also previously knew all the things we're supposed to do & have even told others that you need to get out, go for a walk, a bike ride or whatever. Over recent weeks & months I have become very depressed, changing from one medication to another, seeing loads of different counsellors one after another (not all at the same time!) & my main current difficulty is "motivation": why should I get up in the morning? what for? Nothing to get up for? (I'm retired - but only just, by the way). Yes, the sun is shining (it has been today!), I need to get out, etc, etc but it's so nice & warm & cosy here in bed & I feel so tired, I always feel tired, I'll stay here & go back to sleep again. Yes, the new meds are beginning to 'kick in' but I'm still struggling in the mornings unless I've got an appointment with someone or my car!!! or a definite reason to get up I'll stay in bed until noon sometimes. I guess you get the gist by now but what do I do? How can I motivate myself? And when my mood does start to lift a little along comes the big black dog again to kick me up the a**e.
I won't say here & now the reason why I feel so depressed currently but previous posts of mine may give a clue.
I won't say here & now the reason why I feel so depressed currently but previous posts of mine may give a clue.
Thanks for the replies people.
I've done so much to change. No cigarettes since Xmas. No drink since Xmas. I've started mountain biking again and I've been doing this every Sunday for the past month - and yes, I definitely feel better after I've done a decent ride and my fitness is probably better than ever.
I've booked a counseling session with a new therapist for next week, just an initial consultation. But I'll try to appear optimistic.
Everything often feels OK and then there'll be a trigger point and I'll feel lousy. Often sick to the stomach. This is usually when I see or think of a particular past relationship which I f*cked up enormously. She's now moved on and is very happy, just as she ever was. I drove her away and it hurts that I've ruined a relationship with who is an incredibly fantastically good looking woman with a great personality.
What scares me most is that I can't seem to see past this. I can't move on from this sickly feeling. And I think so little of myself that I can't see me managing to attract somebody like that again.
We'll see how things go but I never thought I'd come so close to giving up.
Finally, yes, my prospects at work are very good. And I mean that in the context of potential earnings and position and not necessarily a measure of how much I enjoy what I do.
I've done so much to change. No cigarettes since Xmas. No drink since Xmas. I've started mountain biking again and I've been doing this every Sunday for the past month - and yes, I definitely feel better after I've done a decent ride and my fitness is probably better than ever.
I've booked a counseling session with a new therapist for next week, just an initial consultation. But I'll try to appear optimistic.
Everything often feels OK and then there'll be a trigger point and I'll feel lousy. Often sick to the stomach. This is usually when I see or think of a particular past relationship which I f*cked up enormously. She's now moved on and is very happy, just as she ever was. I drove her away and it hurts that I've ruined a relationship with who is an incredibly fantastically good looking woman with a great personality.
What scares me most is that I can't seem to see past this. I can't move on from this sickly feeling. And I think so little of myself that I can't see me managing to attract somebody like that again.
We'll see how things go but I never thought I'd come so close to giving up.
Finally, yes, my prospects at work are very good. And I mean that in the context of potential earnings and position and not necessarily a measure of how much I enjoy what I do.
mradams said:
Everything often feels OK and then there'll be a trigger point and I'll feel lousy. Often sick to the stomach. This is usually when I see or think of a particular past relationship which I f*cked up enormously. She's now moved on and is very happy, just as she ever was. I drove her away and it hurts that I've ruined a relationship with who is an incredibly fantastically good looking woman with a great personality.
What scares me most is that I can't seem to see past this. I can't move on from this sickly feeling. And I think so little of myself that I can't see me managing to attract somebody like that again.
There's a concept that often comes across in mindfulness therapy, which I am going to try to explain. Apologies if it doesn't come across well. What scares me most is that I can't seem to see past this. I can't move on from this sickly feeling. And I think so little of myself that I can't see me managing to attract somebody like that again.
Everyone will feel sadness, grief, depressed feeling, at some point in their lives. This is normal, completely and utterly natural. However what we do as humans is fight these feelings and therefore suffer twice over. We suffer because of the fairly normal unhappy feelings, and then we suffer because we become upset over the fact that we feel this way, analysing the feelings, pushing them away and so on. However accepting and acknowledging these feelings and letting them go actually helps.
The suggestion to get a dog is a good one. Or a cat - not a mental kitten (unless you already know that you think kittens are ace and are prepared to take the consequences) but a grownup cat who will sit on your knee and purr when you're feeling crappy, and make everything feel a load better.
I've had some periods of really profound depression and it's horrible - I'm quite sure that one of the things that got me through was my big fat squishy Lettycat and her unapologetic determination to sit on my lap regardless of everything else, being sat on the loo at the time included. You talk, they listen. Cry and they lick the tears off 'cos they like salt. Try and stay in bed one morning cos you can't face the world and they'll stand on your face and yell until they get their breakfast as normal... I reckon cats are pretty good therapy really.
I did also do the SSRI thing and I'm very glad I did. There's a funny stigma around psychiatric drugs - but most of the time, they work and work well. Having a tiddly pill to take is very cheap payment indeed for all these horrible feelings being held at bay.
I've had some periods of really profound depression and it's horrible - I'm quite sure that one of the things that got me through was my big fat squishy Lettycat and her unapologetic determination to sit on my lap regardless of everything else, being sat on the loo at the time included. You talk, they listen. Cry and they lick the tears off 'cos they like salt. Try and stay in bed one morning cos you can't face the world and they'll stand on your face and yell until they get their breakfast as normal... I reckon cats are pretty good therapy really.
I did also do the SSRI thing and I'm very glad I did. There's a funny stigma around psychiatric drugs - but most of the time, they work and work well. Having a tiddly pill to take is very cheap payment indeed for all these horrible feelings being held at bay.
mradams said:
Everything often feels OK and then there'll be a trigger point and I'll feel lousy. Often sick to the stomach. This is usually when I see or think of a particular past relationship which I f*cked up enormously. She's now moved on and is very happy, just as she ever was. I drove her away and it hurts that I've ruined a relationship with who is an incredibly fantastically good looking woman with a great personality.
What scares me most is that I can't seem to see past this. I can't move on from this sickly feeling. And I think so little of myself that I can't see me managing to attract somebody like that again..
It's possible when you feel like that, you've entered into what could be referred to as the verbal past. ie, thinking about what's happened in that you've done something wrong, which makes you think it's bad, which brings in guilt, which brings stress and anxiety What scares me most is that I can't seem to see past this. I can't move on from this sickly feeling. And I think so little of myself that I can't see me managing to attract somebody like that again..
If you're in the verbal future you think you'll do something wrong, which is bad, which brings worry, which brings stress and anxiety.
Too much vigilance over this and you run down your nervous system
Somewhere in all that is a thought pattern. Do you know the one about the yellow Jeep? When was the last time you thought about a bright yellow Jeep? Never? Now...try not to think about a bright yellow Jeep, for 5 minutes. It came up 18 times for me.
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