Dieting help for an obese person with zero willpower
Discussion
Right folks, I need some help with this.
I've offered to help a woman I know lose weight, she's in her 50's, and won't tell me her actual weight but she's definitely obese, no doubt about that.
My intention is to start her off with small, manageable changes, the trouble is, I'm not sure exactly sure where to start! The issue I've got is that the first changes need to small enough for her to cope with, but effective at the same time. I'd want to make big changes but her willpower simply wouldn't be up to it. My usual philosophy of diet is completely out the window here!
An example of her diet is as follows (have a bucket standing by!!)
Breakfast
1 buttered roll
1pkt 35g cheese & onion crisps
1 plain buttered scone
Snack
Cadbury Twirl
Lunch
M & S wholemeal bread sandwich, with chicken and mayo free dressing
50g pkt M & S cheese puffs
Toffee Crisp
Dinner
2 McDonalds plain cheeseburgers
1 large fries
1med diet coke
Supper
1 pkt cheese & onion crisps
I choc chip muffin
I've offered to help a woman I know lose weight, she's in her 50's, and won't tell me her actual weight but she's definitely obese, no doubt about that.
My intention is to start her off with small, manageable changes, the trouble is, I'm not sure exactly sure where to start! The issue I've got is that the first changes need to small enough for her to cope with, but effective at the same time. I'd want to make big changes but her willpower simply wouldn't be up to it. My usual philosophy of diet is completely out the window here!
An example of her diet is as follows (have a bucket standing by!!)
Breakfast
1 buttered roll
1pkt 35g cheese & onion crisps
1 plain buttered scone
Snack
Cadbury Twirl
Lunch
M & S wholemeal bread sandwich, with chicken and mayo free dressing
50g pkt M & S cheese puffs
Toffee Crisp
Dinner
2 McDonalds plain cheeseburgers
1 large fries
1med diet coke
Supper
1 pkt cheese & onion crisps
I choc chip muffin
Yep, that's exactly my thoughts too - it's such a bad diet and but she's got so little willpower that I think any big changes (straight away, at least) will see her tripping over.
Hence me looking for inspiration here!
ETA: what she "needs" to do is change everything, but that's never gonna work at this stage.
Hence me looking for inspiration here!
ETA: what she "needs" to do is change everything, but that's never gonna work at this stage.
Edited by TheJimi on Thursday 30th May 09:56
Problem is, whether it's dieting, quitting smoking or beating up your wife, unless you're willing to admit you have a problem and ready to make a change, it's hard to motivate. In other words, she has to find the willpower within.
For weight loss, usual issues are:
-can't afford to eat healthily
-no time
-no reason/motivation to
You could ask her why she might want to lose weight and what is in it for her? Maybe it's so she won't die of cancer or heart disease at a relatively young age so will grow old enough and be healthy enough to be able to play with her grandchildren? Or maybe it's the constant pain in her knees? Or maybe it's so she can comfortably fit on a plane to do a round-the-world tour when she retires?
As to her diet, small changes may make a difference in the long run - one small change every couple of weeks means she will be changing without really noticing. For most people, if you cut out all bad things and replace with healthy things, I'd give it a month before a massive 10,000 kcal binge and she's back to her current diet.
(figures guestimates!)
Breakfast
1 buttered roll - 150kcals
1pkt 35g cheese & onion crisps - 150kcals
1 plain buttered scone - 200kcals
=500kcals
Snack
Cadbury Twirl
=300kcals
Lunch
M & S wholemeal bread sandwich, with chicken and mayo free dressing - 500kcals
50g pkt M & S cheese puffs - 200kcals
Toffee Crisp - 300kcals
= 1000kcals
Dinner
2 McDonalds plain cheeseburgers - 600kcals
1 large fries - 300kcals
1med diet coke - 1kcal
= 901kcals
Supper
1 pkt cheese & onion crisps - 150kcals
I choc chip muffin - 300kcals
=450kcals
Total = 3151kcals. More than I eat daily and I'm on a bulk.
Is that Smiffy's wife?
If she made the following changes, things would move in the right direction in the long term:
Breakfast
1 buttered roll - 150kcals
1pkt 35g cheese & onion crisps - 150kcals
1 plain buttered scone - 200kcals
=350kcals
Snack
Cadbury Twirl
Cereal bar - 150kcals
=150kcals
Lunch
M & S wholemeal bread sandwich, with chicken and mayo free dressing - 500kcals
50g pkt M & S cheese puffs - 200kcals
Toffee Crisp - 300kcals
= 700kcals
Dinner
2 1 McDonalds plain cheeseburgers - 600kcals
1 large fries - 300kcals
1med diet coke - 1kcal
= 601kcals
Supper
1 pkt cheese & onion crisps - 150kcals
I choc chip muffin - 300kcals
1 cereal bar - 150kcals
=300kcals
2100kcals - which will probably be below her current TDEE.
After that try knocking out other things.
Once a week she could do a 16/8 IF and see how she gets on with it. Then do it twice a week or even more times. It's kinda cool being part of the IF club.
Add 30 minutes of walking a day which would burn maybe 200kcals if her weight is significant.
For weight loss, usual issues are:
-can't afford to eat healthily
-no time
-no reason/motivation to
You could ask her why she might want to lose weight and what is in it for her? Maybe it's so she won't die of cancer or heart disease at a relatively young age so will grow old enough and be healthy enough to be able to play with her grandchildren? Or maybe it's the constant pain in her knees? Or maybe it's so she can comfortably fit on a plane to do a round-the-world tour when she retires?
As to her diet, small changes may make a difference in the long run - one small change every couple of weeks means she will be changing without really noticing. For most people, if you cut out all bad things and replace with healthy things, I'd give it a month before a massive 10,000 kcal binge and she's back to her current diet.
(figures guestimates!)
Breakfast
1 buttered roll - 150kcals
1pkt 35g cheese & onion crisps - 150kcals
1 plain buttered scone - 200kcals
=500kcals
Snack
Cadbury Twirl
=300kcals
Lunch
M & S wholemeal bread sandwich, with chicken and mayo free dressing - 500kcals
50g pkt M & S cheese puffs - 200kcals
Toffee Crisp - 300kcals
= 1000kcals
Dinner
2 McDonalds plain cheeseburgers - 600kcals
1 large fries - 300kcals
1med diet coke - 1kcal
= 901kcals
Supper
1 pkt cheese & onion crisps - 150kcals
I choc chip muffin - 300kcals
=450kcals
Total = 3151kcals. More than I eat daily and I'm on a bulk.
Is that Smiffy's wife?
If she made the following changes, things would move in the right direction in the long term:
Breakfast
1pkt 35g cheese & onion crisps - 150kcals
1 plain buttered scone - 200kcals
=350kcals
Snack
Cereal bar - 150kcals
=150kcals
Lunch
M & S wholemeal bread sandwich, with chicken and mayo free dressing - 500kcals
50g pkt M & S cheese puffs - 200kcals
= 700kcals
Dinner
1 large fries - 300kcals
1med diet coke - 1kcal
= 601kcals
Supper
1 pkt cheese & onion crisps - 150kcals
1 cereal bar - 150kcals
=300kcals
2100kcals - which will probably be below her current TDEE.
After that try knocking out other things.
Once a week she could do a 16/8 IF and see how she gets on with it. Then do it twice a week or even more times. It's kinda cool being part of the IF club.
Add 30 minutes of walking a day which would burn maybe 200kcals if her weight is significant.
Edited by Hoofy on Thursday 30th May 10:09
Hoofy said:
Problem is, whether it's dieting, quitting smoking or beating up your wife, unless you're willing to admit you have a problem and ready to make a change, it's hard to motivate. In other words, she has to find the willpower within.
For weight loss, usual issues are:
-can't afford to eat healthily
-no time
-no reason/motivation to
You could ask her why she might want to lose weight and what is in it for her? Maybe it's so she won't die of cancer or heart disease at a relatively young age so will grow old enough and be healthy enough to be able to play with her grandchildren? Or maybe it's the constant pain in her knees? Or maybe it's so she can comfortably fit on a plane to do a round-the-world tour when she retires?
As to her diet, small changes may make a difference in the long run - one small change every couple of weeks means she will be changing without really noticing. For most people, if you cut out all bad things and replace with healthy things, I'd give it a month before a massive 10,000 kcal binge and she's back to her current diet.
(figures guestimates!)
Breakfast
1 buttered roll - 150kcals
1pkt 35g cheese & onion crisps - 150kcals
1 plain buttered scone - 200kcals
=500kcals
Snack
Cadbury Twirl
=300kcals
Lunch
M & S wholemeal bread sandwich, with chicken and mayo free dressing - 500kcals
50g pkt M & S cheese puffs - 200kcals
Toffee Crisp - 300kcals
= 1000kcals
Dinner
2 McDonalds plain cheeseburgers - 600kcals
1 large fries - 300kcals
1med diet coke - 1kcal
= 901kcals
Supper
1 pkt cheese & onion crisps - 150kcals
I choc chip muffin - 300kcals
=450kcals
Total = 3151kcals. More than I eat daily and I'm on a bulk.
Is that Smiffy's wife?
If she made the following changes, things would move in the right direction in the long term:
Breakfast
1 buttered roll - 150kcals
1pkt 35g cheese & onion crisps - 150kcals
1 plain buttered scone - 200kcals
=350kcals
Snack
Cadbury Twirl
Cereal bar - 150kcals
=150kcals
Lunch
M & S wholemeal bread sandwich, with chicken and mayo free dressing - 500kcals
50g pkt M & S cheese puffs - 200kcals
Toffee Crisp - 300kcals
= 700kcals
Dinner
2 1 McDonalds plain cheeseburgers - 600kcals
1 large fries - 300kcals
1med diet coke - 1kcal
= 601kcals
Supper
1 pkt cheese & onion crisps - 150kcals
I choc chip muffin - 300kcals
1 cereal bar - 150kcals
=300kcals
2100kcals - which will probably be below her current TDEE.
After that try knocking out other things.
Once a week she could do a 16/8 IF and see how she gets on with it. Then do it twice a week or even more times. It's kinda cool being part of the IF club.
Add 30 minutes of walking a day which would burn maybe 200kcals if her weight is significant.
tl;dr:For weight loss, usual issues are:
-can't afford to eat healthily
-no time
-no reason/motivation to
You could ask her why she might want to lose weight and what is in it for her? Maybe it's so she won't die of cancer or heart disease at a relatively young age so will grow old enough and be healthy enough to be able to play with her grandchildren? Or maybe it's the constant pain in her knees? Or maybe it's so she can comfortably fit on a plane to do a round-the-world tour when she retires?
As to her diet, small changes may make a difference in the long run - one small change every couple of weeks means she will be changing without really noticing. For most people, if you cut out all bad things and replace with healthy things, I'd give it a month before a massive 10,000 kcal binge and she's back to her current diet.
(figures guestimates!)
Breakfast
1 buttered roll - 150kcals
1pkt 35g cheese & onion crisps - 150kcals
1 plain buttered scone - 200kcals
=500kcals
Snack
Cadbury Twirl
=300kcals
Lunch
M & S wholemeal bread sandwich, with chicken and mayo free dressing - 500kcals
50g pkt M & S cheese puffs - 200kcals
Toffee Crisp - 300kcals
= 1000kcals
Dinner
2 McDonalds plain cheeseburgers - 600kcals
1 large fries - 300kcals
1med diet coke - 1kcal
= 901kcals
Supper
1 pkt cheese & onion crisps - 150kcals
I choc chip muffin - 300kcals
=450kcals
Total = 3151kcals. More than I eat daily and I'm on a bulk.
Is that Smiffy's wife?
If she made the following changes, things would move in the right direction in the long term:
Breakfast
1pkt 35g cheese & onion crisps - 150kcals
1 plain buttered scone - 200kcals
=350kcals
Snack
Cereal bar - 150kcals
=150kcals
Lunch
M & S wholemeal bread sandwich, with chicken and mayo free dressing - 500kcals
50g pkt M & S cheese puffs - 200kcals
= 700kcals
Dinner
1 large fries - 300kcals
1med diet coke - 1kcal
= 601kcals
Supper
1 pkt cheese & onion crisps - 150kcals
1 cereal bar - 150kcals
=300kcals
2100kcals - which will probably be below her current TDEE.
After that try knocking out other things.
Once a week she could do a 16/8 IF and see how she gets on with it. Then do it twice a week or even more times. It's kinda cool being part of the IF club.
Add 30 minutes of walking a day which would burn maybe 200kcals if her weight is significant.
otolith said:
Sounds like a problem of motivation. If she doesn't want it enough, she will fail.
Hoofy said:
As to her diet, small changes may make a difference in the long run - one small change every couple of weeks means she will be changing without really noticing. For most people, if you cut out all bad things and replace with healthy things, I'd give it a month before a massive 10,000 kcal binge and she's back to her current diet.
Quite so, Hoof 
My first thoughts were to eliminate the crisps and chocolate / sweets and replace with alternatives like fruit or rice cakes.
TheJimi said:
Oh she wants it (quiet at the back!)
If she definitely wants it, then you have to give it to her. But find out why she wants it and remind her. I mean support.
Replacing the standard chocolate bars with cereal bars (yes, they're full of sugar but they're typically around half the calories for a similar size as they have less sugar than your typical chocolate bar) will help.
And tell her to get on http://www.myfitnesspal.com/ for support and motivation.
There are plenty of people in her age category who've gone from fat to fit.
eg.
to
Age 52.
There are plenty of people in her age category who've gone from fat to fit.
eg.
to
Age 52.
I think your numbers are off for your Kcal, I know you say they are guesstimates, but take the time and research exactly the number of calories she's taking in a day then work from there. Try and cut her back 5-10% per reduction
Then make one change at a time / per week. Change her mid morning snack of a chocolate bar to an apple... then let her settle with that for a week or two. Then change something else etc etc
The change needs to be subtle if you want it to stick, a;lso suggest chewing gum as that will give her a false sense of fullness
Also, tell her to try sugar free jelly. A large container can contain as little as 10 calories and will give her the sweet kick she craves and keep her feeling full
Then make one change at a time / per week. Change her mid morning snack of a chocolate bar to an apple... then let her settle with that for a week or two. Then change something else etc etc
The change needs to be subtle if you want it to stick, a;lso suggest chewing gum as that will give her a false sense of fullness
Also, tell her to try sugar free jelly. A large container can contain as little as 10 calories and will give her the sweet kick she craves and keep her feeling full
TheJimi said:
Yep. We're on the 4th floor of an office building, and I'm getting her to use the stairs instead of the lift. Not much, I know, but in the scheme of things, a heck of a lot more than she's doing currently.
If she's around 20 stone, that could help a lot. I'd hate to drag a 9 stone bag filled with fat up 4 storeys. Would be an interesting gym session!Put the Insanity workout DVD in for her, Shaun T will get her fit and healthy.
But yes, little changes each week. With the exercise, try to make the exercise part of her everyday life, don't just say "Week 1 - we're going to get you out and walking on a Tuesday and Thursday evening instead of sat down at home watching crappy tv", do it so that instead of using a mobility scooter at the supermarket, walk instead, instead of driving to the shops, walk instead, little baby steps otherwise she'll start to make up excuses.
When I tried to run at 6:30 every morning, I'd be motivated the night before and then as soon as I woke up, my brain went into overdrive thinking up why it'd be better for me not too.
But yes, little changes each week. With the exercise, try to make the exercise part of her everyday life, don't just say "Week 1 - we're going to get you out and walking on a Tuesday and Thursday evening instead of sat down at home watching crappy tv", do it so that instead of using a mobility scooter at the supermarket, walk instead, instead of driving to the shops, walk instead, little baby steps otherwise she'll start to make up excuses.
When I tried to run at 6:30 every morning, I'd be motivated the night before and then as soon as I woke up, my brain went into overdrive thinking up why it'd be better for me not too.
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