Bereavement counselling
Discussion
Hello, long time reader, new to posting, needing some help.
I lost my spouse several months ago and am barely coping. My life has lost all meaning. My GP just wants to dole out pills.
Can anyone recommend anywhere I can get some other support, even if I have to pay, as I can't go on like this.
I lost my spouse several months ago and am barely coping. My life has lost all meaning. My GP just wants to dole out pills.
Can anyone recommend anywhere I can get some other support, even if I have to pay, as I can't go on like this.
TurboWhistleJoy said:
Hello, long time reader, new to posting, needing some help.
I lost my spouse several months ago and am barely coping. My life has lost all meaning. My GP just wants to dole out pills.
Can anyone recommend anywhere I can get some other support, even if I have to pay, as I can't go on like this.
http://www.cruse.org.uk/ perhaps?I lost my spouse several months ago and am barely coping. My life has lost all meaning. My GP just wants to dole out pills.
Can anyone recommend anywhere I can get some other support, even if I have to pay, as I can't go on like this.
Don't rule out the pills. Not a long term answer but may be helpful in the short term.
Sorry for your loss.
My best mates mum lost her young nephew to cancer last year.
A tough time for the whole family but it seemed to hit her the hardest.
She found a lot of comfort here http://bereavementuk.co.uk/forum/
My best mates mum lost her young nephew to cancer last year.
A tough time for the whole family but it seemed to hit her the hardest.
She found a lot of comfort here http://bereavementuk.co.uk/forum/
Cruse is probably a good place to start - definitely worth getting in touch with them and see what they can do.
Don't worry about the stigma attached to taking pills, all they'll do is address a chemical imbalance in your brain and if you need them, you need them. They definitely do help.
Don't worry about the stigma attached to taking pills, all they'll do is address a chemical imbalance in your brain and if you need them, you need them. They definitely do help.
Thanks for the answers, appreciated.
It is locum docs that all want to dole out pills.
Having now seen my regular GP, he was categorical in his refusal to treat grief with anti-depressants, which he says could do more harm than good in this situation. He says grief is a process, separate from depression and has to be worked through and anti-depressants were not the answer and that the situation I have reached is beyond depression but he does not believe in "medicalising" acute grief.
He has given me a bulk prescription for sleeping tablets though as I said nights were worst. He says it will take as long as it takes and I will just need to take it a day at a time.
If anyone ever wanted to prescribe me anything for any proposed chemical imbalance in my brain, I'd want to see empirical evidence that an imbalance existed, by way of testing, just the same as would be expected for, say, a pill for a hormone imbalance.
I'm confused by my GP's response. He seems to acknowledge that something has gone badly wrong, akin to some sort of breakdown or severe loss of ability to properly function, but has just left it at that!
It is locum docs that all want to dole out pills.
Having now seen my regular GP, he was categorical in his refusal to treat grief with anti-depressants, which he says could do more harm than good in this situation. He says grief is a process, separate from depression and has to be worked through and anti-depressants were not the answer and that the situation I have reached is beyond depression but he does not believe in "medicalising" acute grief.
He has given me a bulk prescription for sleeping tablets though as I said nights were worst. He says it will take as long as it takes and I will just need to take it a day at a time.
If anyone ever wanted to prescribe me anything for any proposed chemical imbalance in my brain, I'd want to see empirical evidence that an imbalance existed, by way of testing, just the same as would be expected for, say, a pill for a hormone imbalance.
I'm confused by my GP's response. He seems to acknowledge that something has gone badly wrong, akin to some sort of breakdown or severe loss of ability to properly function, but has just left it at that!
Edited by TurboWhistleJoy on Monday 23 September 16:45
First of all, sorry for your loss 
I hope you don't mind me asking how old you are?
I lost my Dad, my Mum lost her husband of 40 years 18 months ago. My Mum took it really bad, ended up in hospital with chest pains that were put down to anxiety. She still works, she is a Vicar, this is a godsend (excuse the pun) as she is surrounded by very good, caring friends. We as a family do our bit too, however me and my Brothers all work so being with her is tough, though we can't be with her she knows we are there for her.
Do you have any other family that you can spend time with?
I hope you don't mind me asking how old you are?
I lost my Dad, my Mum lost her husband of 40 years 18 months ago. My Mum took it really bad, ended up in hospital with chest pains that were put down to anxiety. She still works, she is a Vicar, this is a godsend (excuse the pun) as she is surrounded by very good, caring friends. We as a family do our bit too, however me and my Brothers all work so being with her is tough, though we can't be with her she knows we are there for her.
Do you have any other family that you can spend time with?
I'm surprised that your GP has not referred you to some form of local bereavement counselling provider - they're all over the country.
As stated, try bereavementuk, that will at least point you in the right direction.
He is correct that you should not medicalise what is grief but do not refuse all medication.
Lastly, if you need to, Samaritans. They're always there.
As stated, try bereavementuk, that will at least point you in the right direction.
He is correct that you should not medicalise what is grief but do not refuse all medication.
Lastly, if you need to, Samaritans. They're always there.
You have my sympathies for your loss, and I don't have much to add to above posts, except (and some may disagree) you could do a lot worse than talk about it on PH.
It may be pretty inappropriate to mention this here, so please don't search for the thread I mention if you feel you don't feel up to reading a tough, but ultimately inspiring thread from PHer Driving Me Nuts' titled "The waiting is the hardest bit", on the illness, then subsequent loss of his wife.
An incredibly touching and personal insight to this couple's journey, it did make me proud of PH that some comfort and strength came to DMN from being able to write it down and share some very inimate thoughts and details, and that people on here were also able to give the most amazing support.
I point you to this particular thread as I feel that despite the huge loss, Driving Me Nuts has appeared to have been able to rationalise and take huge positives from the experience, he may agree in some part it was posting on here that played some part in helping that process.
I wish you all the best, and please share if it helps (or PM if you just need to get some thoughts down on paper with a random stranger).
It may be pretty inappropriate to mention this here, so please don't search for the thread I mention if you feel you don't feel up to reading a tough, but ultimately inspiring thread from PHer Driving Me Nuts' titled "The waiting is the hardest bit", on the illness, then subsequent loss of his wife.
An incredibly touching and personal insight to this couple's journey, it did make me proud of PH that some comfort and strength came to DMN from being able to write it down and share some very inimate thoughts and details, and that people on here were also able to give the most amazing support.
I point you to this particular thread as I feel that despite the huge loss, Driving Me Nuts has appeared to have been able to rationalise and take huge positives from the experience, he may agree in some part it was posting on here that played some part in helping that process.
I wish you all the best, and please share if it helps (or PM if you just need to get some thoughts down on paper with a random stranger).
Edited by prand on Monday 23 September 17:39
Thanks again, some good advice.
Just worried I'm getting close to losing it big style and got no idea how to handle it let alone pull myself together.
When does this cross a line into needing the big guns for help? Could not face telling the doc I've had a few real bad downturns, the latest one triggered by approaching an anniversary, where I did not get out of bed for two weeks, barely eating, drinking, showering, no work, then a massive bender, this isn't me at all, terrified I'm losing the last bit of function or control I had left now. Do I need to be admitted somewhere?
Just worried I'm getting close to losing it big style and got no idea how to handle it let alone pull myself together.
When does this cross a line into needing the big guns for help? Could not face telling the doc I've had a few real bad downturns, the latest one triggered by approaching an anniversary, where I did not get out of bed for two weeks, barely eating, drinking, showering, no work, then a massive bender, this isn't me at all, terrified I'm losing the last bit of function or control I had left now. Do I need to be admitted somewhere?
TurboWhistleJoy said:
Thanks again, some good advice.
Just worried I'm getting close to losing it big style and got no idea how to handle it let alone pull myself together.
When does this cross a line into needing the big guns for help? Could not face telling the doc I've had a few real bad downturns, the latest one triggered by approaching an anniversary, where I did not get out of bed for two weeks, barely eating, drinking, showering, no work, then a massive bender, this isn't me at all, terrified I'm losing the last bit of function or control I had left now. Do I need to be admitted somewhere?
I think you have and you need to be honest with your Dr, you won't get anywhere if you don't.Just worried I'm getting close to losing it big style and got no idea how to handle it let alone pull myself together.
When does this cross a line into needing the big guns for help? Could not face telling the doc I've had a few real bad downturns, the latest one triggered by approaching an anniversary, where I did not get out of bed for two weeks, barely eating, drinking, showering, no work, then a massive bender, this isn't me at all, terrified I'm losing the last bit of function or control I had left now. Do I need to be admitted somewhere?
08457 90 90 90
Call the above number, now, The Samaritans, please.
zetec said:
I think you have and you need to be honest with your Dr, you won't get anywhere if you don't.
08457 90 90 90
Call the above number, now, The Samaritans, please.
Mate, that sounds awful...a pretty dark place. Make the call, these guys are professionals and will see you out of this.08457 90 90 90
Call the above number, now, The Samaritans, please.
If you're waiting for a GP bereavement counsellor referral it could be 9 months before you get one. That's about the length of time I waited.
I was told by the counsellor that she had only 3 hours per week allocated to my doctor's surgery ( which has 2 other doctors with their patients as well).
I posted a thread here at the time - just did a search for it
http://www.pistonheads.com/gassing/topic.asp?t=731...
I was told by the counsellor that she had only 3 hours per week allocated to my doctor's surgery ( which has 2 other doctors with their patients as well).
I posted a thread here at the time - just did a search for it
http://www.pistonheads.com/gassing/topic.asp?t=731...
TurboWhistleJoy said:
I'm confused by my GP's response. He seems to acknowledge that something has gone badly wrong, akin to some sort of breakdown or severe loss of ability to properly function, but has just left it at that!
TurboWhistleJoy said:
Thanks again, some good advice.
Just worried I'm getting close to losing it big style and got no idea how to handle it let alone pull myself together.
When does this cross a line into needing the big guns for help? Could not face telling the doc I've had a few real bad downturns, the latest one triggered by approaching an anniversary, where I did not get out of bed for two weeks, barely eating, drinking, showering, no work, then a massive bender, this isn't me at all, terrified I'm losing the last bit of function or control I had left now. Do I need to be admitted somewhere?
Go back to your GP and get the answers you need from him and be frank with him, spell it out.Just worried I'm getting close to losing it big style and got no idea how to handle it let alone pull myself together.
When does this cross a line into needing the big guns for help? Could not face telling the doc I've had a few real bad downturns, the latest one triggered by approaching an anniversary, where I did not get out of bed for two weeks, barely eating, drinking, showering, no work, then a massive bender, this isn't me at all, terrified I'm losing the last bit of function or control I had left now. Do I need to be admitted somewhere?
0000 said:
TurboWhistleJoy said:
I'm confused by my GP's response. He seems to acknowledge that something has gone badly wrong, akin to some sort of breakdown or severe loss of ability to properly function, but has just left it at that!
TurboWhistleJoy said:
Thanks again, some good advice.
Just worried I'm getting close to losing it big style and got no idea how to handle it let alone pull myself together.
When does this cross a line into needing the big guns for help? Could not face telling the doc I've had a few real bad downturns, the latest one triggered by approaching an anniversary, where I did not get out of bed for two weeks, barely eating, drinking, showering, no work, then a massive bender, this isn't me at all, terrified I'm losing the last bit of function or control I had left now. Do I need to be admitted somewhere?
Go back to your GP and get the answers you need from him and be frank with him, spell it out.Just worried I'm getting close to losing it big style and got no idea how to handle it let alone pull myself together.
When does this cross a line into needing the big guns for help? Could not face telling the doc I've had a few real bad downturns, the latest one triggered by approaching an anniversary, where I did not get out of bed for two weeks, barely eating, drinking, showering, no work, then a massive bender, this isn't me at all, terrified I'm losing the last bit of function or control I had left now. Do I need to be admitted somewhere?
If you're worried that you're going to hurt yourself then do ring someone straight away - Samaritans or similar - and they will help as much as they can do get you through that minute, hour, day.
Your GP sounds pretty decent. Go and tell him everything - really, everything. Book a double appointment if that's possible at your practice, so that you'll have a bit more time to talk. Your GP's made a decision on how to support you based on the information you've given him - so give him the rest of the information for starters.
You have the good thoughts of a lot more people than you realise, from posting here. PistonHeads are good like that. There will be dozens, maybe hundreds of people who'll have read your post and found that they don't have the words, but they're wishing you well all the same. Keep on keeping on.
As others have mentioned please call the Samaritans, a friendly voice can do wonders, call them now and any time you are struggling.
You mention nights are tough, try some excercise early evening then sleeping pill and bed, possibly buy a DVD boxset to distract the mind.
You will be wondering why you can't just 'snap out of it' but it is not that easy, you are starting to do the right things tho.
Please speak to a mate, have you someone who can stay for a few days?
Also use Pistonheads, plenty people have had tough experiences and can offer support and advice, best of luck.
You mention nights are tough, try some excercise early evening then sleeping pill and bed, possibly buy a DVD boxset to distract the mind.
You will be wondering why you can't just 'snap out of it' but it is not that easy, you are starting to do the right things tho.
Please speak to a mate, have you someone who can stay for a few days?
Also use Pistonheads, plenty people have had tough experiences and can offer support and advice, best of luck.
Turbowhistle, make bloody sure you keep talking to people, keep your friends in your life and don't be afraid to tell them how devastated you are feeling. Whether those people are long term friends, short term friends, acquaintances, anonymous bods on here,the Samaritans Counsellors or whatever.
Just make sure you talk, time will gradually heal the pain (although it's a cliché),and you'll start enjoying life again.In the meanwhile, force yourself to do things, don't stay in bed.do anything to get your mind onto other things.
Good luck, and well done for being brave enough to post.
Just make sure you talk, time will gradually heal the pain (although it's a cliché),and you'll start enjoying life again.In the meanwhile, force yourself to do things, don't stay in bed.do anything to get your mind onto other things.
Good luck, and well done for being brave enough to post.
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