Staying with a cheating wife
Discussion
(I know this belongs in the lounge, but newbs can't post in there}
Hi PH.
Need your help. Found out today that my wife of 6 years has cheated on me. I'm upset, f*cking angry, but oddly calm and still in control. There is no 'are you sure?'... I have it on video, don't ask!
Obviously I expect plenty of people to say, just walk. but it's never that simple.
We have 2 young kids, 2 & 5, and one from her previous I love dearly.
Honestly I couldn't live without them. These are the best years of their lives.
She also has no money, no job, no skills. I would be sending them into a council house should we split. Sure the divorce would likely give her the house, but there is no way she could afford to pay for it or bills etc. Their lives would be on the backfoot from there on. Yes I would give them as much as possible maintenance, but I literally live for my children.
Now I would expect the kids to go with her. Though if there was even the slightest chance I would want to keep them with me. I know how the courts work though. If we split I think I will hardly see them.
She is also quite mental, and pretty horrid to the children. Married for the wrong reasons, and we are probably only together for the kids anyhow, but I have lived with this so far. My life up until her was amazing, I have achieved and done enough for one lifetime (i'm 32), so freedom isn't something I really need.
Why am I strangely calm and in control? not sure. think I probably saw this coming. But I have reacted quickly to situations in the past and walked away from two perfect dreams of my life before. I want to think this through and make sure I am doing the right thing.
So, Has anyone been through this before, and successfully stayed together even if only for a few years to enjoy their children growing up?
Hi PH.
Need your help. Found out today that my wife of 6 years has cheated on me. I'm upset, f*cking angry, but oddly calm and still in control. There is no 'are you sure?'... I have it on video, don't ask!
Obviously I expect plenty of people to say, just walk. but it's never that simple.
We have 2 young kids, 2 & 5, and one from her previous I love dearly.
Honestly I couldn't live without them. These are the best years of their lives.
She also has no money, no job, no skills. I would be sending them into a council house should we split. Sure the divorce would likely give her the house, but there is no way she could afford to pay for it or bills etc. Their lives would be on the backfoot from there on. Yes I would give them as much as possible maintenance, but I literally live for my children.
Now I would expect the kids to go with her. Though if there was even the slightest chance I would want to keep them with me. I know how the courts work though. If we split I think I will hardly see them.
She is also quite mental, and pretty horrid to the children. Married for the wrong reasons, and we are probably only together for the kids anyhow, but I have lived with this so far. My life up until her was amazing, I have achieved and done enough for one lifetime (i'm 32), so freedom isn't something I really need.
Why am I strangely calm and in control? not sure. think I probably saw this coming. But I have reacted quickly to situations in the past and walked away from two perfect dreams of my life before. I want to think this through and make sure I am doing the right thing.
So, Has anyone been through this before, and successfully stayed together even if only for a few years to enjoy their children growing up?
My mate went through this with three kids. He tried staying with her, but it all fell apart in the end. She takes the piss now as he pays for her lifestyle and she is a selfish s
t mother.
It just prolongs the agony. Not that it ever ends....
t mother.It just prolongs the agony. Not that it ever ends....
Edited by Emeye on Thursday 9th January 21:38
thanks all.
I am strangely despondent. She doesn't know I know. Though this was a first time (with this person, though could be others you never know!) I think this one will go on a bit.
He is engaged with a kid also. I will be telling his fiancée, as I don't think it's fair not to. I don't know them, only of them.
running is an option. but I have little to my name that isn't in the house. my skillset is very sellable, but only to large corporations. I do database stuff.
I am strangely despondent. She doesn't know I know. Though this was a first time (with this person, though could be others you never know!) I think this one will go on a bit.
He is engaged with a kid also. I will be telling his fiancée, as I don't think it's fair not to. I don't know them, only of them.
running is an option. but I have little to my name that isn't in the house. my skillset is very sellable, but only to large corporations. I do database stuff.
Emeye said:
My mate went through this with three kids. He tried staying with her, but it all fell apart in the end. She takes the piss now as he pays for her lifestyle and she is a selfish st mother.
It just prolongs the agony. Not that it ever ends....
emeye,t mother.It just prolongs the agony. Not that it ever ends....
Edited by Emeye on Thursday 9th January 21:38
I am aware I would only be prolonging the inevitable. but the early years are so important. I would die inside knowing I was missing them.
OP, you sound like a thoughtful, reasonable man. You sound like you can think clearly. So don't tell us how you feel. Tell her. Sit her down, calmly and in control. Tell her you know about the affair, but that you really want your marriage to survive. Engage in an honest, frank discussion about what you both need from eachother in order to work together to build a solid, loving home for your children. Be open, and above all listen.
You have so much to lose. Don't let pride or anger or a desire for revenge cost you your children. Good luck.
You have so much to lose. Don't let pride or anger or a desire for revenge cost you your children. Good luck.
anony4mouse said:
B17NNS said:
I'd personally prefer to know if the woman I was about to marry was cheating on me.
I could do it anonymously. say I am someone that works with him and e-mail her.anony4mouse, your first duty is to yourself and your children, and to try and extricate as much goodwill and civilised behaviour from a situation that has the potential to go desperately wrong.
Remember, YOU and YOURS. The scrapes the other guy has got himself into are not your concern.
Mobile Chicane said:
No. It will be obvious 'who' it is.
anony4mouse, your first duty is to yourself and your children, and to try and extricate as much goodwill and civilised behaviour from a situation that has the potential to go desperately wrong.
Remember, YOU and YOURS. The scrapes the other guy has got himself into are not your concern.
good point.anony4mouse, your first duty is to yourself and your children, and to try and extricate as much goodwill and civilised behaviour from a situation that has the potential to go desperately wrong.
Remember, YOU and YOURS. The scrapes the other guy has got himself into are not your concern.
I suppose good will will go a long way to retaining decent access at least to my children.
It's why I think the sit down and talk is the best, I'm just unsure if it's a sit down: I walk, or she walks, or we try to stick it out. obviously the ideal situation is I tell her to leave , I keep the kids and she goes to her parents house. highly doubtful though.
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