Functioning Alcoholic - Any way to them to realise?
Discussion
A relative is a functioning alcoholic and has been for years - it's really starting to affect home life and he's currently on his last warning with his partner.
Is there any way to get them to open their eyes and realise they have a problem? He doesn't think he has an issue and just likes a drink like everyone else. His partner and close family have all spoken to him, to no avail.
Is there a resource the family can use to get help and support?
Thanks
Is there any way to get them to open their eyes and realise they have a problem? He doesn't think he has an issue and just likes a drink like everyone else. His partner and close family have all spoken to him, to no avail.
Is there a resource the family can use to get help and support?
Thanks
I wouldn't expect any change unless the cause can be identified. And there will be a cause.
She could try Al-Anon for support - www.al-anonuk.org.uk
She could try Al-Anon for support - www.al-anonuk.org.uk
Silent1 said:
without wishing to be despondent, it's really really unlikely he will do anything, he either knows and doesn't care or knows and isn't willing to change.
I speak from experience.
Totally agree. I don't know how my family member is still alive. They weigh about 8 stone, as a 6' man.I speak from experience.
Silent1 said:
without wishing to be despondent, it's really really unlikely he will do anything, he either knows and doesn't care or knows and isn't willing to change.
I speak from experience.
Unfortunately, that's the conclusion we'd already drawn. I'd really written my opening post in the hope that there may be something we've overlooked or were not aware of. We'll keep being supportive and hope things don't get any worse.I speak from experience.
I suppose you could try sitting them down and making them write out exactly how much they drink.
It sounds simple enough, but done in the right way it could trigger that moment of realisation in them.
I would sit them down and talk about the amount they drink. I'd then make them write out how much they have had to drink over the last 2/3 weeks and roughly when.
Ask them to be as honest as possible, but also state that, while you might not know if they are lying, if they feel the need to lie about the actual quantites then they obviously know it is a problem.
Hopefully this will help them gauge how much they actually consume. If they are still adamant they don't have a problem, then ask them to go dry for a few weeks. Play it down as being easy, watch to see if they panic or look worried.
From experience, you will struggle. Unless they realsie the problem themselves, the best you can hope for is that when the worst happens, you at least feel in yourself that you did everything you could
It sounds simple enough, but done in the right way it could trigger that moment of realisation in them.
I would sit them down and talk about the amount they drink. I'd then make them write out how much they have had to drink over the last 2/3 weeks and roughly when.
Ask them to be as honest as possible, but also state that, while you might not know if they are lying, if they feel the need to lie about the actual quantites then they obviously know it is a problem.
Hopefully this will help them gauge how much they actually consume. If they are still adamant they don't have a problem, then ask them to go dry for a few weeks. Play it down as being easy, watch to see if they panic or look worried.
From experience, you will struggle. Unless they realsie the problem themselves, the best you can hope for is that when the worst happens, you at least feel in yourself that you did everything you could
from experience... having them realise isnt the end solution some think anyway.
they can admit they are....they can do medical detoxes repeatedly (try 6 in 12 months!) they can ruin lives, watch job, kids, husband leave them.....and still pick up a bottle.
my only advice...if you are close and think they are an intelligent sensible person, who if it werent for the drink would be perfect.....leave anyway, and take anyone affected with you.
they can admit they are....they can do medical detoxes repeatedly (try 6 in 12 months!) they can ruin lives, watch job, kids, husband leave them.....and still pick up a bottle.
my only advice...if you are close and think they are an intelligent sensible person, who if it werent for the drink would be perfect.....leave anyway, and take anyone affected with you.
The Beaver King said:
I would sit them down and talk about the amount they drink. I'd then make them write out how much they have had to drink over the last 2/3 weeks and roughly when.
You could keep all the empties and stack them up in a pile to make the point.....and it would be pointless exercise number 321! It's a staggeringly bad illness to be addicted to drink....made worse by living in a society that doesnt understand it and enables it in more ways than you can ever fight it.If Asda sold heroin cheaper than water....and 99% of people took it and said to junkies "whats the problem, just enjoy it at weekends like i do".....there would be a lot of drug addicts!
Pointing out the obvious is usually a thankless task.
Many of my friends have a problem with alcohol but either don't care or are in denial about it. I'm talking 30+ units per week, regular binge drinking. Their entire social life seems to be based around it, which is a waste of potential.
I generally say nothing these days and let them get on it.
Many of my friends have a problem with alcohol but either don't care or are in denial about it. I'm talking 30+ units per week, regular binge drinking. Their entire social life seems to be based around it, which is a waste of potential.
I generally say nothing these days and let them get on it.
I lived through 20 units a day .... In a 5ft 8, 8 stone woman.
Was mentally ready for her to not wake up, every day.
The only drinkers i know who have a solid grip on it are those that do AA meets weekly....or more....and staying clean is their number 1 goal everyday. Even after 10/15 years.
Once it gets you, fighting it is your life.
Was mentally ready for her to not wake up, every day.
The only drinkers i know who have a solid grip on it are those that do AA meets weekly....or more....and staying clean is their number 1 goal everyday. Even after 10/15 years.
Once it gets you, fighting it is your life.
I lived through 20 units a day .... In a 5ft 8, 8 stone woman.
Was mentally ready for her to not wake up, every day.
The only drinkers i know who have a solid grip on it are those that do AA meets weekly....or more....and staying clean is their number 1 goal everyday. Even after 10/15 years.
Once it gets you, fighting it is your life.
Was mentally ready for her to not wake up, every day.
The only drinkers i know who have a solid grip on it are those that do AA meets weekly....or more....and staying clean is their number 1 goal everyday. Even after 10/15 years.
Once it gets you, fighting it is your life.
Tiggsy said:
I lived through 20 units a day .... In a 5ft 8, 8 stone woman.
Was mentally ready for her to not wake up, every day.
So, ahem, what happened eventually?Was mentally ready for her to not wake up, every day.
I myself gave up drinking for 16 years, as I was not always a pleasant drunk. However, I started again four years ago, on a much smaller scale, not I'm married with a a family. I've had some occasional slips, made an ass out of myself once or twice, but I drink a lot less dramatically than I used to all those years ago.
Most of my drinking is at home, with the wife and friends, but occasionally I get the 'one is too many, 20 is not enough' thing going on and end up going down the titty bar strip to tie an all nighter on.
Not sure how to say this tbh. Ive been on here a while but this is obviously not my usual log in. I guess im from the other side of the coin. I have issues which are effecting my home life and am trying very hard to sort it all out. Somewhat successfully although not entirely. The thing which alerted me to the fact that I have a problem was ME.
My wife has been telling me for years but I guess I didnt want to listen or admit it to her or myself. I went along to an AA meeting a little while back and that also opened my eyes to what I was and more importantly what I could become. maybe thats a route to try and get them to take.
I can also completely understand the comments to just run, leave them to it and get out of there, but I do hope to god that my better half doesnt do that to me. I know I could really use her support through this, even if I probably dont deserve it.
good luck to all involved is all I can say really.
My wife has been telling me for years but I guess I didnt want to listen or admit it to her or myself. I went along to an AA meeting a little while back and that also opened my eyes to what I was and more importantly what I could become. maybe thats a route to try and get them to take.
I can also completely understand the comments to just run, leave them to it and get out of there, but I do hope to god that my better half doesnt do that to me. I know I could really use her support through this, even if I probably dont deserve it.
good luck to all involved is all I can say really.
TheRealFingers99 said:
Written warning at work, traffic offence, liver function test. Any of these may trigger a response.
Often, though, by that time it's simply too late.
Agreed. My father didn't do anything of any substance about his lifestyle until he fell down the stairs, drunk, and died. His alcoholic wife (not my mother) died within a few months of him.Often, though, by that time it's simply too late.
He left behind him numerous broken homes, children he didn't see (including me), children that had been taken into care, friends that had just given up on him, wasted opportunities, and losing everything he owned. If any one of those don't shock you into changing, the awful truth is that nothing will.
selym said:
If any one of those don't shock you into changing, the awful truth is that nothing will.
It's amazing what people will allow to happen to them before they take action....if they ever do.When it began I remember thinking seeing 6 empties in the bin in the morning would be a shocking sight that would cause action.....laughable when I know what followed over the next 3 years. Destruction of everything pretty much!
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