Sleep Deprivation - child related
Discussion
Looking for a bit of advice, maybe MTFU, as per the standard response (?)
Apologies for the slight rant and maybe coming across as a bit selfish.
First time dad. Baby daughter is now 18 months.
Rough start to life for baby girl, partner insisted on breast feeding (no issues), but rather large baby (10 pound 2 ounces) and milk did not come in/flow as expected. After 2 weeks of the little un screaming till exhaustion and only then would sleep. We checked back into hospital to find out the problem was infact feeding. Managed to sort through that, fed every 2 hours, things got better but there has been a lot of hassle to get to 6 months stage.
Made it onto formula until the 6 month stage and then onto full fat milk. Has been like this for nearly a year now.
Sleep has always been an issue from day 1 though, think it may be related to food, but maybe wrong?
Kid has a bedtime routine which was enforced of:
5pm Dinner followed by 5oz bottle
7pm Bath followed by jammies and story time
8-8.15pm bed time (cot in her own room) 9oz bottle
Things were going well enough until September last year. What I thought was fairly normal new baby broken sleep, up once maybe twice a night for a nappy change and feed. We even had nearly 4 weeks of 9pm till 7 am sleeps.
Then she got the cold and things changed, we went on holiday, which didn't help and from sheer exhaustion the kid was brought into our bed.
Return from holiday and for some reason SWMBO decided to turn cot into cotbed (cot without side) This meant that baby was now able to get up and out on her own accord and wander through to our bedroom. Cue basically 4 months of exhaustion and a wriggly kid in our bed. Basically it would be an hour of kicking and wriggling before she eventually settled and we could all get some sleep.
Could only be described as fractured sleep, not so much broken sleep.
This continued until the end of December when SWMBO relented (after full begging session) and we put the side back on the cot at 11pm one night.
January hasn't been pleasant, with again regular broken sleep. Kid can actually climb out of the cot, but after 2 drops/thuds from the side. SWMBO will not let baby cry it out. Baby will not stay in cot.
End of Jan we had 2 weeks of Chickenpox, then have had the cold, then the flu. Which brings us to 2 weeks ago, where we had 4 nights interrupted sleep (as per August last year) 2 nights of broken then 3 nights of Utopia 12 hour sleeps.
Now we're back to a scenario of either one of 3:
1. Come bed time baby is not sleepy, no matter what she has been up to all day or ran ragged. It can be 2/3/4am before she will settle and we both have work in the morning.
2. Baby is attached to mummy and will not seperate for anything.
3. Baby is sleepy but will not stay on own regardless of anything. Either have to hold her hand, which she will not let go or just get a duvet and sleep on sofabed in her room. Or bring her into the bed.
Baby's room is not too hot, too cold, too light. We've tried night lights, different blankets/duvet combos. Toys/no toys. Heated toys. light projector onto ceiling, and on and on.
Lack of sleep has affected our relationship, (which was never that strong to begin with) but I have tried my best to both be supportive as a partner and daddy by doing all the household stuff, getting bottles in the night, making sure everything is just to hand at all times. Partner basically does not need to lift a finger as everything is jut there for her. My work is now being affected by not only general moodyness but being tired constantly is not doing anyone any good.
Can someone who has gone through this tell me how to get the F###ing kid to sleep? So I can get some rest myself?
Problem being I used to be an 8 hour a night, every night lad, now I'm struggling to get 4/5 hours.
Apologies for the slight rant and maybe coming across as a bit selfish.
First time dad. Baby daughter is now 18 months.
Rough start to life for baby girl, partner insisted on breast feeding (no issues), but rather large baby (10 pound 2 ounces) and milk did not come in/flow as expected. After 2 weeks of the little un screaming till exhaustion and only then would sleep. We checked back into hospital to find out the problem was infact feeding. Managed to sort through that, fed every 2 hours, things got better but there has been a lot of hassle to get to 6 months stage.
Made it onto formula until the 6 month stage and then onto full fat milk. Has been like this for nearly a year now.
Sleep has always been an issue from day 1 though, think it may be related to food, but maybe wrong?
Kid has a bedtime routine which was enforced of:
5pm Dinner followed by 5oz bottle
7pm Bath followed by jammies and story time
8-8.15pm bed time (cot in her own room) 9oz bottle
Things were going well enough until September last year. What I thought was fairly normal new baby broken sleep, up once maybe twice a night for a nappy change and feed. We even had nearly 4 weeks of 9pm till 7 am sleeps.
Then she got the cold and things changed, we went on holiday, which didn't help and from sheer exhaustion the kid was brought into our bed.
Return from holiday and for some reason SWMBO decided to turn cot into cotbed (cot without side) This meant that baby was now able to get up and out on her own accord and wander through to our bedroom. Cue basically 4 months of exhaustion and a wriggly kid in our bed. Basically it would be an hour of kicking and wriggling before she eventually settled and we could all get some sleep.
Could only be described as fractured sleep, not so much broken sleep.
This continued until the end of December when SWMBO relented (after full begging session) and we put the side back on the cot at 11pm one night.
January hasn't been pleasant, with again regular broken sleep. Kid can actually climb out of the cot, but after 2 drops/thuds from the side. SWMBO will not let baby cry it out. Baby will not stay in cot.
End of Jan we had 2 weeks of Chickenpox, then have had the cold, then the flu. Which brings us to 2 weeks ago, where we had 4 nights interrupted sleep (as per August last year) 2 nights of broken then 3 nights of Utopia 12 hour sleeps.
Now we're back to a scenario of either one of 3:
1. Come bed time baby is not sleepy, no matter what she has been up to all day or ran ragged. It can be 2/3/4am before she will settle and we both have work in the morning.
2. Baby is attached to mummy and will not seperate for anything.
3. Baby is sleepy but will not stay on own regardless of anything. Either have to hold her hand, which she will not let go or just get a duvet and sleep on sofabed in her room. Or bring her into the bed.
Baby's room is not too hot, too cold, too light. We've tried night lights, different blankets/duvet combos. Toys/no toys. Heated toys. light projector onto ceiling, and on and on.
Lack of sleep has affected our relationship, (which was never that strong to begin with) but I have tried my best to both be supportive as a partner and daddy by doing all the household stuff, getting bottles in the night, making sure everything is just to hand at all times. Partner basically does not need to lift a finger as everything is jut there for her. My work is now being affected by not only general moodyness but being tired constantly is not doing anyone any good.
Can someone who has gone through this tell me how to get the F###ing kid to sleep? So I can get some rest myself?
Problem being I used to be an 8 hour a night, every night lad, now I'm struggling to get 4/5 hours.
okgo said:
The best idea I saw was to take it in turns, one night one of you gets up, the other night the other does.
What is the use in two people being knackered when seeing to the kid is a one man job? especially if one of them is paying the mortgage.
That's what my other ½ said to me so most nights (after 2230) in the week I'm not expected to help. Luckily I'm a heavy sleeper, I remember waking up one morning just before my alarm at 6 and said "he was good last night then" "no, he was up 3 times" was the answer I got What is the use in two people being knackered when seeing to the kid is a one man job? especially if one of them is paying the mortgage.
the half and half is a decent idea, but hasn't worked.
I'm a very light sleeper. The cat flap wakes me up, I can hear next doors gate banging in the wind. Sleep with headphones on reguarly.
SWMBO is a ham fisted heavy handed soul, who has no idea of what quiet actually is.
Don't get me started on TV volume of acceptable
Fear daughter, despite the attachement issues, is also a light sleeper
I'm a very light sleeper. The cat flap wakes me up, I can hear next doors gate banging in the wind. Sleep with headphones on reguarly.
SWMBO is a ham fisted heavy handed soul, who has no idea of what quiet actually is.
Don't get me started on TV volume of acceptable
Fear daughter, despite the attachement issues, is also a light sleeper
Edited by evilkinevil1981 on Wednesday 11th February 15:11
What we (I) found is the need to be both devious and tough. I am after all the adult and the child is the child.
Tough - Ban the mum from bedtime. Lots of kisses and hugs and soppy stuff was replaced with making the baby pick its pyjamas and put them on the bed find a book they want to read before bed then take them to the bath find their toothbrush etc. Out the bath after letting them splash themselves tired. Get them dried dressed etc and read them a book.
Devious - Not needed now but I would let her fall asleep in my arm on the bed and then I would transfer her to her cot. Rinse and repeat if she wakes up. Lots of praise in the morning when she realises she slept in the cot on her own.
Tough - Ban mum from going to "just check up on her". She plods around like a bloody elephant fussing over her touching her then wondering why she wakes up.
Tough - If I catch mum asleep on the bed with the baby I make her put the baby in the cot.
She's almost 3 and bed time is a smooth operation. As long as I can stop mum from fussing over her.
Tough - Ban the mum from bedtime. Lots of kisses and hugs and soppy stuff was replaced with making the baby pick its pyjamas and put them on the bed find a book they want to read before bed then take them to the bath find their toothbrush etc. Out the bath after letting them splash themselves tired. Get them dried dressed etc and read them a book.
Devious - Not needed now but I would let her fall asleep in my arm on the bed and then I would transfer her to her cot. Rinse and repeat if she wakes up. Lots of praise in the morning when she realises she slept in the cot on her own.
Tough - Ban mum from going to "just check up on her". She plods around like a bloody elephant fussing over her touching her then wondering why she wakes up.
Tough - If I catch mum asleep on the bed with the baby I make her put the baby in the cot.
She's almost 3 and bed time is a smooth operation. As long as I can stop mum from fussing over her.
evilkinevil1981 said:
the kid was brought into our bed.
SWMBO will not let baby cry it out.
2. Baby is attached to mummy and will not seperate for anything
Bit of a long winded post there so to help you I've trimmed it down to the important bits!SWMBO will not let baby cry it out.
2. Baby is attached to mummy and will not seperate for anything
You both need to toughen up. You are being manipulated. Letting a child 'cry out' isn't fun but after two or three nights you will all be in a much better place.
Sit on the stairs and support each other - do not give in or you will simply reinforce the fact that "mummy comes if I cry".
You have some bad habits to unwind.
Oh and mtfu
DoubleSix said:
evilkinevil1981 said:
the kid was brought into our bed.
SWMBO will not let baby cry it out.
2. Baby is attached to mummy and will not seperate for anything
Bit of a long winded post there so to help you I've trimmed it down to the important bits!SWMBO will not let baby cry it out.
2. Baby is attached to mummy and will not seperate for anything
You both need to toughen up. You are being manipulated. Letting a child 'cry out' isn't fun but after two or three nights you will all be in a much better place.
Sit on the stairs and support each other - do not give in or you will simply reinforce the fact that "mummy comes if I cry".
You have some bad habits to unwind.
Oh and mtfu
Soov535 said:
Listen and listen good.
Controlled crying. Do it. Now. It saved our lives.
Sense.Controlled crying. Do it. Now. It saved our lives.
Children may appear cute and innocent creatures, but they are devious and manipulative little b
ds when they want to be. In this case your daughter understands that if she creates then she gets rewarded by going into your bed. It will be tough but you have to keep going until she realises that it's no use crying, she'll have to stay in her cot. This is when you have to agree and work as a couple as if one of you caves in, it's back to square one.
We had twins and the thought of not doing what we did re: controlled crying fills me with a cold dread.
Soov535 said:
Listen and listen good.
Controlled crying. Do it. Now. It saved our lives.
+1Controlled crying. Do it. Now. It saved our lives.
Got a 3 year old and a 20month old, both sleep through, and have slept through (99% of time since 3/4 months).
Be tough (in a gentle way), they wake up in the night then go in, lie them down and say something like 'its bed time" (or what ever suits you). Then leave the room, get back into your bed, insert ear plugs and start snoring.
Found it hard at first (with the first) but wouldn't and haven't hesitated to do it again, the whole family wakes up refreshed up at a normal ish time (bloody clock changing upsets this a little, although Spring coming up helps I think?
evilkinevil1981 said:
Thanks for the words gents, appreciated.
Will have to convince partner that the crying out method will eventually work.
She is uttely against it. Me? I would give anything just to feel normal again
In the nicest possible way she needs to man the fcck up.Will have to convince partner that the crying out method will eventually work.
She is uttely against it. Me? I would give anything just to feel normal again
It took two days for us to go from up seven times a night to Baby Soov going to bed at 7.30pm and sleeping solidly for 12 hours.
I had to virtually physcially restrain Mrs Soov at first.
Do it. Now.
Soov535 said:
evilkinevil1981 said:
Thanks for the words gents, appreciated.
Will have to convince partner that the crying out method will eventually work.
She is uttely against it. Me? I would give anything just to feel normal again
In the nicest possible way she needs to man the fcck up.Will have to convince partner that the crying out method will eventually work.
She is uttely against it. Me? I would give anything just to feel normal again
It took two days for us to go from up seven times a night to Baby Soov going to bed at 7.30pm and sleeping solidly for 12 hours.
I had to virtually physcially restrain Mrs Soov at first.
Do it. Now.
it saved my sanity
OllieC said:
Soov535 said:
evilkinevil1981 said:
Thanks for the words gents, appreciated.
Will have to convince partner that the crying out method will eventually work.
She is uttely against it. Me? I would give anything just to feel normal again
In the nicest possible way she needs to man the fcck up.Will have to convince partner that the crying out method will eventually work.
She is uttely against it. Me? I would give anything just to feel normal again
It took two days for us to go from up seven times a night to Baby Soov going to bed at 7.30pm and sleeping solidly for 12 hours.
I had to virtually physcially restrain Mrs Soov at first.
Do it. Now.
it saved my sanity
Remember - Junior will not remember a god damn thing.
haha, you have my sympathy.
Our youngest was an absolute bloody nightmare (still is to be fair) and has never slept particularly well. Just to reinforce what the others have said on here, the key is structure and discipline (from you). Put them to bed and follow a structured routine, if they are fed/warm/dry etc. and still crying then leave them (this is the tough bit).
With regards to the side on the cot i'd suggest removing it and fitting a stair gate on the door so they cant get out. You might have a few nights of baby falling asleep in some random places but eventually they will get the idea.
You can also try one of those clock things everyone raves about.
Hope this helps.
Our youngest was an absolute bloody nightmare (still is to be fair) and has never slept particularly well. Just to reinforce what the others have said on here, the key is structure and discipline (from you). Put them to bed and follow a structured routine, if they are fed/warm/dry etc. and still crying then leave them (this is the tough bit).
With regards to the side on the cot i'd suggest removing it and fitting a stair gate on the door so they cant get out. You might have a few nights of baby falling asleep in some random places but eventually they will get the idea.
You can also try one of those clock things everyone raves about.
Hope this helps.
Soov535 said:
Your wife will find it next to impossible. As I said, I virtually had to physically restrain Mrs Soov from running to him every five monutes. Once the spell is broken it's peace all the way.
Remember - Junior will not remember a god damn thing.
I was trying to work out what controlled crying was. But it makes sense. It also works on cats too, its what I did to the bengals when I shut them in kitchen overnight. If you gave in they knew it and would never stop banging the door, if cats can work that out, I'm sure kids can too!Remember - Junior will not remember a god damn thing.
OP, I understand your pain. Ours is now 2 and a half now and he used to take ages to sleep and keep the wife up quite often.
She also went for boob feeding which is fine but means you cant help out that often and means the baby will cling to mum more than anyone else.
But we stuck to a routine. Dinner, bath, boob, bed.
theres some good advice in this thread, not everything works for every baby but worth giving it a try.
But one word of warning, you HAVE to get the Mum on side too. Otherwise it will strain things further out and cause more issues. Getting both parents on the same page is key.
She also went for boob feeding which is fine but means you cant help out that often and means the baby will cling to mum more than anyone else.
But we stuck to a routine. Dinner, bath, boob, bed.
theres some good advice in this thread, not everything works for every baby but worth giving it a try.
But one word of warning, you HAVE to get the Mum on side too. Otherwise it will strain things further out and cause more issues. Getting both parents on the same page is key.
Soov535 said:
In the nicest possible way she needs to man the fcck up.
It took two days for us to go from up seven times a night to Baby Soov going to bed at 7.30pm and sleeping solidly for 12 hours.
I had to virtually physcially restrain Mrs Soov at first.
Do it. Now.
OP, do this....100%. We were lucky, as the boy has been a 12 hour a night sleeper since day 1. We had to wake him up to feed! However at 2 and 2 months he's had other ideas and won't sleep....fine cry then! He now knows its fruitless, and even if he's still stimulated, he plays quietly before falling asleep. He's been in our bed a couple of times when the crying went to an amazing level, but they just learn. Be patient with the other half.....it's not easy, but being on the same side is the key.It took two days for us to go from up seven times a night to Baby Soov going to bed at 7.30pm and sleeping solidly for 12 hours.
I had to virtually physcially restrain Mrs Soov at first.
Do it. Now.
Good luck.
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