The Big C has struck
Discussion
Mods feel free to move if this is in the wrong place.
We found out the father in law had cancer about 4-6weeks ago they originally thought it was a chest infection. At that stage we didn't know how bad or how far it has spread, on Sat morning he was rushed to hospital unable to breath properly, and found out on Monday he has it in both lungs, the liver and the adrenal gland. he has been given 2-3wks max to live. I know this is only an estimate but it has come as a huge shock.
I know that everyone deals with things differently and in their own ways, but how have others coped with this sort of news.
I know this sounds a little selfish but I also have the added responsibility of being the only male on the wife's side so I am being asked to deal with most things now, yesterday I had to write a letter on his behalf to his work thanking them for the last 25 years etc.
I don't want to be seen to break down by the family so I don't in front of them and I'm trying to remain strong for all, but he always treated me like a son so it has hit me quite hard to.
We found out the father in law had cancer about 4-6weeks ago they originally thought it was a chest infection. At that stage we didn't know how bad or how far it has spread, on Sat morning he was rushed to hospital unable to breath properly, and found out on Monday he has it in both lungs, the liver and the adrenal gland. he has been given 2-3wks max to live. I know this is only an estimate but it has come as a huge shock.
I know that everyone deals with things differently and in their own ways, but how have others coped with this sort of news.
I know this sounds a little selfish but I also have the added responsibility of being the only male on the wife's side so I am being asked to deal with most things now, yesterday I had to write a letter on his behalf to his work thanking them for the last 25 years etc.
I don't want to be seen to break down by the family so I don't in front of them and I'm trying to remain strong for all, but he always treated me like a son so it has hit me quite hard to.
Sorry to hear your news. Sounds similar to my MiL - went to doctors unable to flex the fingers in her right hand and was told she had had a mini stroke. Sent to hospital and they said she had had several of them so gave her a full body scan - cancer in the lungs liver and lesions on the brain. She was comatose 4 days later and died within 10.
You just have to support people as much as you can. My partner and I spent the last 5 days sleeping in the hospital room with her so that she wasn't on her own when she went - she contracted MRSA so they put her in a side room
It's not a nice situation to be in at all but be as strong as you can for your other half and deal with the grief afterwards if you can
We are 5 months on from the loss and just starting to get a little bit back to normal. Just be patient and loving and support each other through it
All the best
Steve
You just have to support people as much as you can. My partner and I spent the last 5 days sleeping in the hospital room with her so that she wasn't on her own when she went - she contracted MRSA so they put her in a side room
It's not a nice situation to be in at all but be as strong as you can for your other half and deal with the grief afterwards if you can
We are 5 months on from the loss and just starting to get a little bit back to normal. Just be patient and loving and support each other through it
All the best
Steve
Sorry to hear to your news.
When my dad was given a matter of weeks to live (ended up 2 months before he passed) I sort of just went into autopilot mode getting things sorted, and what he wanted me to do. It becomes routine spending hours/days in the hospital, I found I became alot closer to my family then I ever did before. Though I did enjoy getting out for the odd cycle on my own to just get my head showered for a couple of hours.
In the final week or 2 when my dad couldnt communicate the family took turns spending the night at the hospital.
I never felt the pressure to stay strong for my mum & sister I just knew I had to, I'm not an emotional person but I didn't really break down until the priest came and gave my dad the last rites the week before he died, I just started crying. You will break down at some point when you least expect it and it will feel like a massive relief. Just remember the family will want help you with things don't be afraid to ask them. You have to look after yourself as well.
My dad was never alone but he passed when me, my mum & sister left to get some food (his closest sister was there) The nurse told us that it happens alot its like they know you arent there and slip away quietly. Though there was a night in the final week he came round and started talking and told us all that he loved us and oddly wanted chips! It was like one last big energy release just to say goodbye.
In the end it was a relief for my dad that he was no longer suffering and in pain.
When my dad was given a matter of weeks to live (ended up 2 months before he passed) I sort of just went into autopilot mode getting things sorted, and what he wanted me to do. It becomes routine spending hours/days in the hospital, I found I became alot closer to my family then I ever did before. Though I did enjoy getting out for the odd cycle on my own to just get my head showered for a couple of hours.
In the final week or 2 when my dad couldnt communicate the family took turns spending the night at the hospital.
I never felt the pressure to stay strong for my mum & sister I just knew I had to, I'm not an emotional person but I didn't really break down until the priest came and gave my dad the last rites the week before he died, I just started crying. You will break down at some point when you least expect it and it will feel like a massive relief. Just remember the family will want help you with things don't be afraid to ask them. You have to look after yourself as well.
My dad was never alone but he passed when me, my mum & sister left to get some food (his closest sister was there) The nurse told us that it happens alot its like they know you arent there and slip away quietly. Though there was a night in the final week he came round and started talking and told us all that he loved us and oddly wanted chips! It was like one last big energy release just to say goodbye.
In the end it was a relief for my dad that he was no longer suffering and in pain.
Your terrible news sounds very similar to what happened to my own father-in-law.
He was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer a year ago and lasted only two weeks. Mercifully, his suffering was brief but the shock still lives on.
We all pulled together as an extended family. My wife, her sister, their Mum and my brother-in-law all helped in different ways and we all cried and laughed together and, truth be told, we still do, though there's far more laughter these days.
Getting things done is important, but never underestimate the benefit of emotional support. My wife suffered a delay, as we were told would happen, and this manifested itself in anger and frustration. You place other things on hold and deal with supporting those around you.
I've kept his memory alive, as we have all done, in many ways. This may sound rather sad, but he was really quite worried that his car, a relatively nondescript 13 year-old Jaguar S-Type wouldn't go to a good home after he died. I bought it as we all agreed that keeping it in the family would be rather nice and it still lives on the driveway it's always sat on since new where Mum can see it every morning. My wife uses in in rotation with her car, so it's used regularly and maintained properly and the radio hasn't ever left Radio 4 or the steering wheel and drivers seat cleaned. It's helped both my wife and my mother-in-law, and me truth be told. And it's always referred to as Grandad's Jaguar, even now.
Best wishes.
He was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer a year ago and lasted only two weeks. Mercifully, his suffering was brief but the shock still lives on.
We all pulled together as an extended family. My wife, her sister, their Mum and my brother-in-law all helped in different ways and we all cried and laughed together and, truth be told, we still do, though there's far more laughter these days.
Getting things done is important, but never underestimate the benefit of emotional support. My wife suffered a delay, as we were told would happen, and this manifested itself in anger and frustration. You place other things on hold and deal with supporting those around you.
I've kept his memory alive, as we have all done, in many ways. This may sound rather sad, but he was really quite worried that his car, a relatively nondescript 13 year-old Jaguar S-Type wouldn't go to a good home after he died. I bought it as we all agreed that keeping it in the family would be rather nice and it still lives on the driveway it's always sat on since new where Mum can see it every morning. My wife uses in in rotation with her car, so it's used regularly and maintained properly and the radio hasn't ever left Radio 4 or the steering wheel and drivers seat cleaned. It's helped both my wife and my mother-in-law, and me truth be told. And it's always referred to as Grandad's Jaguar, even now.
Best wishes.
Edited by SimesJH on Thursday 18th February 04:53
A dreadful shock for you...I'm so sorry.
My apparently healthy mum went to the doctor's with tummy ache on the last August bank holiday weekend and passed away in the amazing local hospice from stage 4 Bowel cancer 5 weeks later.
We are all still numb, but much closer as a family. Try to stay physically close to him and just be there. Company can be a great comfort. Best wishes.
My apparently healthy mum went to the doctor's with tummy ache on the last August bank holiday weekend and passed away in the amazing local hospice from stage 4 Bowel cancer 5 weeks later.
We are all still numb, but much closer as a family. Try to stay physically close to him and just be there. Company can be a great comfort. Best wishes.
This is really bad man, my old man is in his early 60s so he is getting to that age as well. I think it's unreasonable that they don't anticipate something like this and give yearly check ups to check for it. Being told someone has a certain amount of time to live is very sad. I hope you are okay bud.
A terrible shock, and horrible news OP, I really feel for you.
In a way though, and this is impossible to write without sounding morbid and insensitive, I'd much rather have the news that it's got me with not long left, than months of drawn out treatment which only prolongs the suffering and the inevitable.
Keep your family and friends close, don't be afraid to ask for a hug as well as just offering them. More importantly, make his last few weeks as comfortable and as entertaining as humanly possible. There are great hospices out there who are perfect at assisting at times like these.
In a way though, and this is impossible to write without sounding morbid and insensitive, I'd much rather have the news that it's got me with not long left, than months of drawn out treatment which only prolongs the suffering and the inevitable.
Keep your family and friends close, don't be afraid to ask for a hug as well as just offering them. More importantly, make his last few weeks as comfortable and as entertaining as humanly possible. There are great hospices out there who are perfect at assisting at times like these.
The guy next door to me, aged 50, was diagnosed with cancer of several organs, plus a brain tumour, out of nowhere just before Xmas. He was taken in last Sunday with breathing and gagging issues and hasn't reappeared yet; sadly I'm rather not expecting him to. His wife said he took a turn for the worse yesterday.
It is, as another thread reminds us, an effing effer.
It is, as another thread reminds us, an effing effer.
SimesJH said:
Getting things done is important, but never underestimate the benefit of emotional support. My wife suffered a delay, as we were told would happen,and this manifested itself in anger and frustration.You place other things on hold and deal with supporting those around you.
Pretty much agree with this, Unfortunately 2 weeks ago we were told my wife's cancer has spread more widely and now into other organs so not looking good 
, It doesn't help the FIL mid 80's seems to be getting worse with his lung cancer. We have had a couple of 'factfinding' Macmillan nurse visits at home the last week or so as the wife is in so much pain and constantly morphined up but I ain't even got a clue how to broach the subject with the kids and I'm afraid I am being an angry, snappy barsteward, getting a laptop to work from home is helping relieve a bit of pressure to try and work between appointments but I'm pretty much dreading next onco visit in a couple of weeks for more results and some interesting chats speedyguy said:
Unfortunately 2 weeks ago we were told my wife's cancer has spread more widely and now into other organs so not looking good
It's always hard to contribute antything worthwhile to this type of thread, but maybe sometimes the knowledge for the OP and speedyguy - and the so many others affected by this awful disease - that others empathise and perhaps silently shed a tear or share a thought might help a little. Bon courage. My father was diagnosed with stage IV lung cancer in his lung, lymph glands and kidney a couple of weeks ago. Apart from Being determined to be there at every stage although he lives 120 miles away and with work and a little one at home I'm not sure how to deal with the 'what would you like done / do', 'what plans can we make' type conversations.
He had another cat scan on Thursday so awaiting results of this as his previous one was in December. I'm hoping it isn't much worse (spread further) but it's inevitable it has.
Sorry to hear yours(OP) and others experiences.
It is indeed an effing effer.
He had another cat scan on Thursday so awaiting results of this as his previous one was in December. I'm hoping it isn't much worse (spread further) but it's inevitable it has.
Sorry to hear yours(OP) and others experiences.
It is indeed an effing effer.
A quick update for you all,
firstly thank you all for your kind words and thoughts.
We were called into hospital on sat morning fearing the worst. It has now spread to his brain as well and he was just mumbling words and unable to do anything.. he is currently laying there in a nappy as he kept pulling his catheter out.
He is not in a good way at all and we were all praying for a quick end... sadly it as yet hasn't happened and today was even worse, not able to recognise anyoe and lashing out at anyone who goes near him.
As others have said it is an effing effer and no way to be at the end of your life..
firstly thank you all for your kind words and thoughts.
We were called into hospital on sat morning fearing the worst. It has now spread to his brain as well and he was just mumbling words and unable to do anything.. he is currently laying there in a nappy as he kept pulling his catheter out.
He is not in a good way at all and we were all praying for a quick end... sadly it as yet hasn't happened and today was even worse, not able to recognise anyoe and lashing out at anyone who goes near him.
As others have said it is an effing effer and no way to be at the end of your life..
king fJust to echo what others have said, Cancer can FRO !
Lost my Dad to it late last year after a year long battle. His had spread to his brain too.
As others have said, support each other. You'll feel like you need to be strong for others, but don't be afraid to seek support for yourself too. We were lucky in that Macmillan put us in touch with a local Hospice who were absolutely amazing. When the time came, we were all together with him and they made him as comfortable as he could be. They're still offering support us now 3 months later.
I know it's a tough time, stay stong, but don't be afraid to reach out for help. Even if it's just to rant and get stuff off your chest.
Lost my Dad to it late last year after a year long battle. His had spread to his brain too.
As others have said, support each other. You'll feel like you need to be strong for others, but don't be afraid to seek support for yourself too. We were lucky in that Macmillan put us in touch with a local Hospice who were absolutely amazing. When the time came, we were all together with him and they made him as comfortable as he could be. They're still offering support us now 3 months later.
I know it's a tough time, stay stong, but don't be afraid to reach out for help. Even if it's just to rant and get stuff off your chest.
It is with a heavy heart and much sorrow that i have to write this update. At 1am this morning my father in law passed away from his short but painful and aggressive cancer, I don't really know what else to write.. apart from
thank you for lettng me become part of your family, and thank you for all the laughs tantrums, and all the help you have afforded all of us over the last 12 years i have known you.. it was an honour. At least for yo the pain and suffering have gone and you can be with your brothers
RIP
thank you for lettng me become part of your family, and thank you for all the laughs tantrums, and all the help you have afforded all of us over the last 12 years i have known you.. it was an honour. At least for yo the pain and suffering have gone and you can be with your brothers
RIP
Gassing Station | Health Matters | Top of Page | What's New | My Stuff