Feeling 'down' without knowing why?
Discussion
Been contemplating posting a thread like this for weeks because it seems so self-pitying and without much of an agenda. I've even written an entire post previously only to delete it without posting.
Basically; I feel really lethargic all the bloody time. The Mrs has noticed and keeps asking "What's up?" and I just can't seem to quantify a decent response. I don't really know what's making me feel sad. This culminated last week into a full-blown argument almost with her in tears wondering if she should cancel our wedding altogether if I can't tell her why I'm being so damned sad all the time.
I've done a lot of late night reading about it but I'm very dismissive of declaring myself 'depressed' for the sole reason that I can't fathom why I should be. I have a well-paid job, close family, wonderful kids and I'm planning for the aforementioned wedding.
Out of the various sources I've read I can glean the following -
- Lack of exercise - I just don't / can't find the time
- Poor sleep pattern - I go to bed early, get up late
- Being bored - Can't really explain this one, but I do feel bored 90% of the time
- Problems at work - Recent role change but feel very un-enthusiastic and under-worked.
Has anyone else ever felt similar? What did you do?
You control your own destiny and all that, but unless I can figure out what's making me down I can't draw up any plans to make changes. You can't buy motivation online can you?!
I'll hit submit and see what happens.
Basically; I feel really lethargic all the bloody time. The Mrs has noticed and keeps asking "What's up?" and I just can't seem to quantify a decent response. I don't really know what's making me feel sad. This culminated last week into a full-blown argument almost with her in tears wondering if she should cancel our wedding altogether if I can't tell her why I'm being so damned sad all the time.
I've done a lot of late night reading about it but I'm very dismissive of declaring myself 'depressed' for the sole reason that I can't fathom why I should be. I have a well-paid job, close family, wonderful kids and I'm planning for the aforementioned wedding.
Out of the various sources I've read I can glean the following -
- Lack of exercise - I just don't / can't find the time
- Poor sleep pattern - I go to bed early, get up late
- Being bored - Can't really explain this one, but I do feel bored 90% of the time
- Problems at work - Recent role change but feel very un-enthusiastic and under-worked.
Has anyone else ever felt similar? What did you do?
You control your own destiny and all that, but unless I can figure out what's making me down I can't draw up any plans to make changes. You can't buy motivation online can you?!
I'll hit submit and see what happens.
Get out and exercise ASAP and keep doing it 4-5 times a week, it WILL make a massive difference to your sense of well being. Also, don't lay around in bed, find something to get you up and out and active. Everything else will fall into place. If you're still down, doing the above in a month - then get to your GP.
I was in the same position about 3 years ago, couldn't work out why I was feeling more and more down... realised I'd been ignoring exercise due to increasing workload for nearly 9 months, got back out and within a week I felt completely different.
I was in the same position about 3 years ago, couldn't work out why I was feeling more and more down... realised I'd been ignoring exercise due to increasing workload for nearly 9 months, got back out and within a week I felt completely different.
I get this at times.
As you, I have nothing really to be sad about. A job that pays (though I do admit now that I need to move on. Simply got no enthusiasm or interest in it anymore). House, some cars, caring other half, great friends etc.
No real reason to be down in the dumps.
I find though its status-quo that does it. Not the band, though I can see why they would make you feel like hanging yourself. But just when everything has been steady and unchanging for a while. I find I have to get up, change up the order or go do something completely different for a while and then that feeling subsides.
Definitely do exercise. You can find time I assure you! For me its a little different because I have always trained hard and frequently and even if I stop for a week for whatever reason, I very quickly begin to feel awful.
As you, I have nothing really to be sad about. A job that pays (though I do admit now that I need to move on. Simply got no enthusiasm or interest in it anymore). House, some cars, caring other half, great friends etc.
No real reason to be down in the dumps.
I find though its status-quo that does it. Not the band, though I can see why they would make you feel like hanging yourself. But just when everything has been steady and unchanging for a while. I find I have to get up, change up the order or go do something completely different for a while and then that feeling subsides.
Definitely do exercise. You can find time I assure you! For me its a little different because I have always trained hard and frequently and even if I stop for a week for whatever reason, I very quickly begin to feel awful.
See your Doctor, there is a difference between depression brought on by anxieties and stress in daily life as opposed to clinical depression. The latter is brought about by purely a chemical imbalance in the body.
No I am not a Doctor just my attempt in offering a serious answer to a serious question.
No I am not a Doctor just my attempt in offering a serious answer to a serious question.
arch stant0n said:
doing something physical regularly really helps - doesn't matter how small.
:scracthchin: 
exercise thirded or more ...
7 years ago my first marriage failed...5 years ago my 9 year old daughter decided she wanted nothing to do with me, 18 months ago I got married again, 9 months ago I kicked out after discovering her affair...I changed job, moved into skanky rented digs with friends and family all at least an hour'n'halfs' drive away.
Cue bad diet, sat watching telly with the lights off, late to bed, early to rise, weekends doing the square root of f
k all, just lying in bed....sobbing.Spring comes around, sun comes up...can't do that anymore so before work...I go for a walk...next day go for a bike ride...and rotate these cost free activities...weekly shop is changed to focus on healthy (well, healthy-er)...sell my car and buy 2....and I'm coming around.
Tomorrow I leave for a weeks' roadtrip to Monaco for the GP driving home via the Alps and Black Forest, on my own.
Bring THAT on!
Don't settle for dull monotony. Change it up.
C.A.R. said:
I've done a lot of late night reading about it but I'm very dismissive of declaring myself 'depressed' for the sole reason that I can't fathom why I should be.
Think you might have your understanding the wrong way round there - if you are sad, and you can explain why, and your sadness is proportionate to what has happened to you, you're not depressed. You're just sad. It's a normal part of the human condition, not an illness. Depression is marked by a disproportionate response to adverse life events (or even to nothing at all). By analogy, if you've fallen down the stairs and wake up the next day covered in bruises, that's normal. If you wake up covered in bruises after lightly stubbing your toe, or if you're still bruised six months after falling down the stairs, then you need to seek medical help. I would go and speak to your GP about this.
It's tough, but I know exactly where you are coming from
We get married in 9 weeks. I was promoted in October and am now earning considerably more money.
My OH lost her mum last August and it has hit her hard. She is coming through the other side with grief counselling but it has been a rough ride for all
I have days where I feel very flat and down. We love each other to bits but she is not looking forward to the wedding (she is looking forward to being married but not to the day itself). She has been so withdrawn through her own moods and this has impacted mine
I set myself a challenge to run another half marathon - which I completed a couple of weeks ago. Have lost a couple of stone as well through training and this is helping me feel better about myself
Sometimes it's just a bit of a rut and you need to find a way to manage it and pull yourself through
We get married in 9 weeks. I was promoted in October and am now earning considerably more money.
My OH lost her mum last August and it has hit her hard. She is coming through the other side with grief counselling but it has been a rough ride for all
I have days where I feel very flat and down. We love each other to bits but she is not looking forward to the wedding (she is looking forward to being married but not to the day itself). She has been so withdrawn through her own moods and this has impacted mine
I set myself a challenge to run another half marathon - which I completed a couple of weeks ago. Have lost a couple of stone as well through training and this is helping me feel better about myself
Sometimes it's just a bit of a rut and you need to find a way to manage it and pull yourself through
RicksAlfas said:
Ask your doc to check your Vitamin D levels.
Many people with "modern" lifestyles don't get enough of it, and it can lead to all sorts of symptoms as you describe. Hope you get it sorted.
Beat me to it! Id put money on this being vitamin d.Many people with "modern" lifestyles don't get enough of it, and it can lead to all sorts of symptoms as you describe. Hope you get it sorted.
I had exactly the same earlier this year. I also had muscle twitching and anxiety (inc panic attacks) and im NOT an anxious person in any way. Doctor said I basically developed 'SAD' over the winter - I was literally craving sunshine.
Went and got tested. Normal range is between 30-50 'vitamin d somethings'
. My level was 11. I had a severe difficiency.On supplements since then and basically instantly felt better. Sleep fully through the night now which I havent done for years so god knows how long this was going on for.
Like you OP, something just felt 'off' and I couldnt put my finger on it. Quite shocking how much it affected my moods.
Edited by p1stonhead on Monday 23 May 11:18
Rather than jump into action, it is fine to spend a moment or two on some introspection.
Men typically prefer action in these matters and often miss the actual cause.
Get a pen and paper. No holds barred
Things you wouldn't change vs things you would change
Job, partner, house, location, body issues, something you enjoy/skill you'd like to learn - everything
Is it money worries, actually are you uncertain about the wedding ?
Right down everyday your thoughts, in a free unhindered way, re read them weekly and see if any themes come out.
DO NOT LEAVE THIS LYING AROUND...
Almost everybody once a day thinks something that if their partner know they would probably leave them.....
But do write it out, it is both therapeutic and a good way to develop your internal thinking, by allowing it to be externalised.
However I would also agree with posters recommending moderate exercise as a good way to treat mild depression. Even a daily walk, is good for this. You don't need to hit the gym five times a week. But treating yourself to some time alone, walking, running, cycling is a good way to engender some positive feelings and regain some motivation.
Men typically prefer action in these matters and often miss the actual cause.
Get a pen and paper. No holds barred
Things you wouldn't change vs things you would change
Job, partner, house, location, body issues, something you enjoy/skill you'd like to learn - everything
Is it money worries, actually are you uncertain about the wedding ?
Right down everyday your thoughts, in a free unhindered way, re read them weekly and see if any themes come out.
DO NOT LEAVE THIS LYING AROUND...
Almost everybody once a day thinks something that if their partner know they would probably leave them.....
But do write it out, it is both therapeutic and a good way to develop your internal thinking, by allowing it to be externalised.
However I would also agree with posters recommending moderate exercise as a good way to treat mild depression. Even a daily walk, is good for this. You don't need to hit the gym five times a week. But treating yourself to some time alone, walking, running, cycling is a good way to engender some positive feelings and regain some motivation.
p1stonhead said:
RicksAlfas said:
Ask your doc to check your Vitamin D levels.
Many people with "modern" lifestyles don't get enough of it, and it can lead to all sorts of symptoms as you describe. Hope you get it sorted.
Beat me to it! Id put money on this being vitamin d.Many people with "modern" lifestyles don't get enough of it, and it can lead to all sorts of symptoms as you describe. Hope you get it sorted.
I had exactly the same earlier this year. I also had muscle twitching and anxiety (inc panic attacks) and im NOT an anxious person in any way. Doctor said I basically developed 'SAD' over the winter - I was literally craving sunshine.
Went and got tested. Normal range is between 30-50 'vitamin d somethings'
. My level was 11. I had a severe difficiency.On supplements since then and basically instantly felt better. Sleep fully through the night now which I havent done for years so god knows how long this was going on for.
Like you OP, something just felt 'off' and I couldnt put my finger on it. Quite shocking how much it affected my moods.
Diet in general though is often overlooked. Eat lots of green leafy vegetables (salads or cooked), and lots of fresh fruit and veg. Drinking never helps either.
Gargamel said:
But do write it out, it is both therapeutic and a good way to develop your internal thinking, by allowing it to be externalised.
excellent advice too.. I do this (keep a diary)...getting 'stuff' out of your head and on paper is goo because, well it gets stuff out of your head.otolith said:
Think you might have your understanding the wrong way round there - if you are sad, and you can explain why, and your sadness is proportionate to what has happened to you, you're not depressed. You're just sad. It's a normal part of the human condition, not an illness. Depression is marked by a disproportionate response to adverse life events (or even to nothing at all). By analogy, if you've fallen down the stairs and wake up the next day covered in bruises, that's normal. If you wake up covered in bruises after lightly stubbing your toe, or if you're still bruised six months after falling down the stairs, then you need to seek medical help.
I would go and speak to your GP about this.
Have to agree - depression is about being down when you don't have a reason/ it is not related to what actually happened. This is then chemical stuff going on in the brain, and like any other injury affects you - just it is not obvious since it is not a visible issue.I would go and speak to your GP about this.
Depending how serious it is then you may need medicine to help. However as a diagnosed bipolar there is quite a few things than can help without that - which is pretty much the opposite of what you described in your post. Sleep, working out and good food. My experience is that they make a huge difference - particularly sleep and working out. It's really obvious when I go through a period without much sleep as I will emotionally overreact to tiny things. Not too sure about oversleeping though! However you say you don't have time to work out, but that you sleep too much - can you not use some of the time for sleeping to work out a little?
I too am suffering from this sort of thing. The black clouds come down and absolutely nothing seems to be OK. The best way I can explain it for me is that it seems like everyone is expecting me to be a certain way, and there's such a weight of expectation that I'll be my usual cheerful self that it becomes all-consuming. In this situation, people asking "what's wrong?" or "are you OK?" just sound like challenges, as if they're saying "you're not doing a good enough job of being OK and you're letting me down" - even though intellectually I know that's not the case.
I haven't seen anyone about it, I've mentioned it to a few close mates, but ultimately it's very hard to explain without just sounding self-pitying.
The advice above about writing things down is a good one. The advice about not leaving the output lying around is even better! Burning it might be a better option. I think, even if it's nothing you could ever vocalise or write on a forum, if you go into the deep recesses of your mind you could figure out which part of your life is getting you down.
Make yourself a playlist of the sort of music you'd want to be your arrival theme if you were ever in a world championship boxing bout, stick it in your car, turn it up to ear-splitting volume and go for a drive somewhere quiet - especially at night. Works wonders for me.
I haven't seen anyone about it, I've mentioned it to a few close mates, but ultimately it's very hard to explain without just sounding self-pitying.
The advice above about writing things down is a good one. The advice about not leaving the output lying around is even better! Burning it might be a better option. I think, even if it's nothing you could ever vocalise or write on a forum, if you go into the deep recesses of your mind you could figure out which part of your life is getting you down.
Make yourself a playlist of the sort of music you'd want to be your arrival theme if you were ever in a world championship boxing bout, stick it in your car, turn it up to ear-splitting volume and go for a drive somewhere quiet - especially at night. Works wonders for me.
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