Autistic Spectrum disorder
Discussion
I’m just staring the ASD journey with my youngest son. We’ve had an initial diagnosis at our local CAMHS and have been referred on for further assessment to get the full picture of his needs. I’ve always loved and accepted him for his little ways but it was not until our Family therapist on our first meeting for my daughter questioned me about my son and said he needs to be seen that I appreciated his little ways were more than just his personality.
He’s always been a very touchy feely kid who struggles socially and has only one occasionally friend. He can make friends very easily but he cannot sustain that friendship He is very sensitive to smell as well as touch and is incredibly stroppy and stubborn at times. If you upset him, there’s no winning him back as per one professional did. A year on from one tiny sentence she said, he still wouldn’t talk to her.
As we’re only just starting out I don’t know yet what he needs to help him both socially and education wise, although having said that his school report this year was the best it’s ever been but still falls short on his older siblings reports. I’m not judging one by the standards set by the other before any one comments on that as I know they are different people. His school has failed him badly though. He’s been at his current school 5 years now so all his school life and despite them always commenting on his poor social skills and his often angry outbursts when another child does not do as the teacher tells them, which greatly upsets him they have never said he should be assessed for ASD. He has one year left at this school before he goes to High School, this is an important year for him now and I need to get it right for him to do his best.
Having now done a brief bit of research on the internet he clearly has ASD traits and I’m really angry with his school over this. I’ll say that again, I’m really angry with his school! His writing is so poor that even he struggles to read it back and yet all his teacher said was that his work wouldn’t be marked as she couldn’t read it. Nothing was done about improving it. I tried at home but struggled to get him to work with me such is his stubbornness. I kicked off about this prior to the Family therapists comments and the school are now addressing the teachers poor response and helping him with writing, which has improved to be legible but still not neat. I’m happy with legible to be honest. But now it looks like a scribe might be provided or even a lap top for his work, none of which would have been provided if his needs hadn’t been pointed out to me by the family therapist. So I’m angry at his school. These people are supposed to be professionals and aware of kids that need help due to reasons such as ASD, and I know I’m his parent so should have been also, but I didn’t know what I was looking at and was too close to see it clearly. I could kick myself for also missing it and do feel somewhat guilty for it.
There’s no real reason for this post, maybe a small vent for me and maybe a log of the journey to come but I love my son so much and will do all I can to see him achieve at school in the way I know he can.
He’s always been a very touchy feely kid who struggles socially and has only one occasionally friend. He can make friends very easily but he cannot sustain that friendship He is very sensitive to smell as well as touch and is incredibly stroppy and stubborn at times. If you upset him, there’s no winning him back as per one professional did. A year on from one tiny sentence she said, he still wouldn’t talk to her.
As we’re only just starting out I don’t know yet what he needs to help him both socially and education wise, although having said that his school report this year was the best it’s ever been but still falls short on his older siblings reports. I’m not judging one by the standards set by the other before any one comments on that as I know they are different people. His school has failed him badly though. He’s been at his current school 5 years now so all his school life and despite them always commenting on his poor social skills and his often angry outbursts when another child does not do as the teacher tells them, which greatly upsets him they have never said he should be assessed for ASD. He has one year left at this school before he goes to High School, this is an important year for him now and I need to get it right for him to do his best.
Having now done a brief bit of research on the internet he clearly has ASD traits and I’m really angry with his school over this. I’ll say that again, I’m really angry with his school! His writing is so poor that even he struggles to read it back and yet all his teacher said was that his work wouldn’t be marked as she couldn’t read it. Nothing was done about improving it. I tried at home but struggled to get him to work with me such is his stubbornness. I kicked off about this prior to the Family therapists comments and the school are now addressing the teachers poor response and helping him with writing, which has improved to be legible but still not neat. I’m happy with legible to be honest. But now it looks like a scribe might be provided or even a lap top for his work, none of which would have been provided if his needs hadn’t been pointed out to me by the family therapist. So I’m angry at his school. These people are supposed to be professionals and aware of kids that need help due to reasons such as ASD, and I know I’m his parent so should have been also, but I didn’t know what I was looking at and was too close to see it clearly. I could kick myself for also missing it and do feel somewhat guilty for it.
There’s no real reason for this post, maybe a small vent for me and maybe a log of the journey to come but I love my son so much and will do all I can to see him achieve at school in the way I know he can.
As swerni says, don't blame the school. That anger and resentment - justified or not - will distract you from what you need to be doing, and that is focusing on helping your son manage his ASD.
Also, you haven't failed him. You have started down the path of professional help... that in itself is a hugely important thing to have done. Both for yourself and for him. I'd say, guessing that he's about 9, that you're pretty much at the age when the real ASD traits become apparent and not potentially just slightly recalcitrant infant-like behaviour. It's around this age that children start "thinking for themselves" within reason. It's now that other kids will choose not to play, and continue to not play, with someone because they have decided that they don't like something about them. Rather than it being a temporary dislike.
You've sought help and are getting help. That's a great thing to have done.
I say this as someone with diagnosed ASD. However I was diagnosed pretty late in life (in my 30s). Medication has helped me immensely in all aspects of my life, but that's an aside.
We are literally just starting the assessment process with my youngest. Sadly he is so like me at that age that it's (truly) scary. I had an awful time as a child. No friends, no invites to play dates/parties etc. Bullied relentlessly. No support at home (beyond strictly controlling and conditional love from my mum). I was desperately lonely. It all continues to affect me to this day.
I have made a promise to myself not to let the same thing happen with my children - whilst being very conscious that I might be "wishing" a diagnosis on them in order to get help and to protect them... if that makes sense. This is why I want a professional assessment. I'd love for the result to be negative, but should it not be, I want all the professional help and guidance available. I don't believe in medication as a first resort. I consider it a last resort in fact. I believe in behavioural training and a mindfulness type approach.
Anyway, my point being... don't get mad at the school. It's far from too late to be following this path. Be happy that you're getting help and that it will likely provide an immeasurable benefit to your son's childhood and adult life. You're doing OK. Just make sure you focus on the important stuff and don't get distracted by the stuff you can't control.
Also, you haven't failed him. You have started down the path of professional help... that in itself is a hugely important thing to have done. Both for yourself and for him. I'd say, guessing that he's about 9, that you're pretty much at the age when the real ASD traits become apparent and not potentially just slightly recalcitrant infant-like behaviour. It's around this age that children start "thinking for themselves" within reason. It's now that other kids will choose not to play, and continue to not play, with someone because they have decided that they don't like something about them. Rather than it being a temporary dislike.
You've sought help and are getting help. That's a great thing to have done.
I say this as someone with diagnosed ASD. However I was diagnosed pretty late in life (in my 30s). Medication has helped me immensely in all aspects of my life, but that's an aside.
We are literally just starting the assessment process with my youngest. Sadly he is so like me at that age that it's (truly) scary. I had an awful time as a child. No friends, no invites to play dates/parties etc. Bullied relentlessly. No support at home (beyond strictly controlling and conditional love from my mum). I was desperately lonely. It all continues to affect me to this day.
I have made a promise to myself not to let the same thing happen with my children - whilst being very conscious that I might be "wishing" a diagnosis on them in order to get help and to protect them... if that makes sense. This is why I want a professional assessment. I'd love for the result to be negative, but should it not be, I want all the professional help and guidance available. I don't believe in medication as a first resort. I consider it a last resort in fact. I believe in behavioural training and a mindfulness type approach.
Anyway, my point being... don't get mad at the school. It's far from too late to be following this path. Be happy that you're getting help and that it will likely provide an immeasurable benefit to your son's childhood and adult life. You're doing OK. Just make sure you focus on the important stuff and don't get distracted by the stuff you can't control.
echoing Hammer's post above.
We don't work like that, the rules don't always apply because the rules don't make sense.
Everyone's levels are a little different, the 'quirks' are different. some more severe than others.
it is hard, it is frustrating and there isn't always a reason why, mainly because what is perfectly clear to you, makes absolutely no sense to us, and vice versa.
i find that having a 'system' or 'the way' with a reason for it ( no matter how odd) makes life easier. speak to your son and try to discover his way, and use it, it doesn't matter if you understand, just know it is his way.
the handwriting is something i share with your son, I'm 34 and my handwriting is illegible, i was with the 5 year olds in remedial writing when i was 10. it will come, it just takes time, can he type his homework / assessments? i had this option in the late 80s, it should be easier now.
my sincere sympathies, you can't change your son, but you can work together and find a solution that works.
We don't work like that, the rules don't always apply because the rules don't make sense.
Everyone's levels are a little different, the 'quirks' are different. some more severe than others.
it is hard, it is frustrating and there isn't always a reason why, mainly because what is perfectly clear to you, makes absolutely no sense to us, and vice versa.
i find that having a 'system' or 'the way' with a reason for it ( no matter how odd) makes life easier. speak to your son and try to discover his way, and use it, it doesn't matter if you understand, just know it is his way.
the handwriting is something i share with your son, I'm 34 and my handwriting is illegible, i was with the 5 year olds in remedial writing when i was 10. it will come, it just takes time, can he type his homework / assessments? i had this option in the late 80s, it should be easier now.
my sincere sympathies, you can't change your son, but you can work together and find a solution that works.
solo2 said:
As we’re only just starting out I don’t know yet what he needs to help him both socially and education wise.
Wait for the professionals to assess and recommend what courses of action to take. I wouldn't be very angry at the school and you'll probably realize over the next few months that such 'cookie cutters' of places pretty much aren't really cut out for diagnosing their students with Autism Spectrum Disorder, much less catering for their needs. Gassing Station | Health Matters | Top of Page | What's New | My Stuff