Anxiety about life after divorce
Discussion
Hi everyone.
I guess I'm looking for advice / reassurance from the wise sages of PH.
Basically, I'm going through a divorce which is stressful enough. But what's also constantly playing on my mind is the thought of what my life will be like in the short and medium term future. I'll be living on my own for the first time in years and so a lot of time in my own company. I'm also completely paranoid that I'll spend the rest of my life alone. I have no idea what dating is like these days. On the one hand I have some things going for me; I'm not hideously ugly, I'm in good physical shape, I have a decent job, I have no kids, and I can hold a conversation. On the other hand, is there really a "market" for 34 year old divorced blokes???
As I say, anxiety about my "future life" is really playing on my mind.
Any thoughts?
Thanks
I guess I'm looking for advice / reassurance from the wise sages of PH.
Basically, I'm going through a divorce which is stressful enough. But what's also constantly playing on my mind is the thought of what my life will be like in the short and medium term future. I'll be living on my own for the first time in years and so a lot of time in my own company. I'm also completely paranoid that I'll spend the rest of my life alone. I have no idea what dating is like these days. On the one hand I have some things going for me; I'm not hideously ugly, I'm in good physical shape, I have a decent job, I have no kids, and I can hold a conversation. On the other hand, is there really a "market" for 34 year old divorced blokes???
As I say, anxiety about my "future life" is really playing on my mind.
Any thoughts?
Thanks
Knight_Ind_2000 said:
Hi everyone.
I guess I'm looking for advice / reassurance from the wise sages of PH.
Basically, I'm going through a divorce which is stressful enough. But what's also constantly playing on my mind is the thought of what my life will be like in the short and medium term future. I'll be living on my own for the first time in years and so a lot of time in my own company. I'm also completely paranoid that I'll spend the rest of my life alone. I have no idea what dating is like these days. On the one hand I have some things going for me; I'm not hideously ugly, I'm in good physical shape, I have a decent job, I have no kids, and I can hold a conversation. On the other hand, is there really a "market" for 34 year old divorced blokes???
As I say, anxiety about my "future life" is really playing on my mind.
Any thoughts?
Thanks
I was a 34-year old divorced bloke once. I wish I could be again for a while - I had a brilliant time!I guess I'm looking for advice / reassurance from the wise sages of PH.
Basically, I'm going through a divorce which is stressful enough. But what's also constantly playing on my mind is the thought of what my life will be like in the short and medium term future. I'll be living on my own for the first time in years and so a lot of time in my own company. I'm also completely paranoid that I'll spend the rest of my life alone. I have no idea what dating is like these days. On the one hand I have some things going for me; I'm not hideously ugly, I'm in good physical shape, I have a decent job, I have no kids, and I can hold a conversation. On the other hand, is there really a "market" for 34 year old divorced blokes???
As I say, anxiety about my "future life" is really playing on my mind.
Any thoughts?
Thanks
Firstly sorry to hear about your marital problems.
You are still very young with your whole life in front of you. Enjoy being single with all the advantages that that brings for a year or so, you may find you will get to enjoy it, if you are lonely try to get some friends with similar interests. It's a lot easier these days with the internet.
I bet there are thousands of married men (and women) trapped in loveless marriages out there who wish they were single right now.
Count your blessings there are no children involved.
You are still very young with your whole life in front of you. Enjoy being single with all the advantages that that brings for a year or so, you may find you will get to enjoy it, if you are lonely try to get some friends with similar interests. It's a lot easier these days with the internet.
I bet there are thousands of married men (and women) trapped in loveless marriages out there who wish they were single right now.
Count your blessings there are no children involved.
Divorced at 47 with a ten year old son . Decided to throw myself into work, (with a good result), get really, really fit, not try to date in any hurry, let the divorce settle in., occasional drinks with the mates but not habitual stuff. Got a sense of achievement with myself and life rebalanced. Remarried and all was good. Yes, the immediate change is a wrench, but it truly does get better.
The words you are looking for my friend are 'Swipe Right!'
Seriously though, as someone who was single at 34 (not divorced, but out of a 10yr relationship) you should have more than enough opportunity to fill your boots!
PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE though .... for the love of God do not throw your lot in with the first mentalist that shows you a sniff of interest. My elder brother did this - he is now shackled to a nut job fishwife who he can't afford to leave (had a kid with her) and because of her has fallen out with his parents, both his brothers and his daughter by his ex-wife - completely estranged from his family because of diving into the first comfort shag he could find.
Seriously though, as someone who was single at 34 (not divorced, but out of a 10yr relationship) you should have more than enough opportunity to fill your boots!
PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE though .... for the love of God do not throw your lot in with the first mentalist that shows you a sniff of interest. My elder brother did this - he is now shackled to a nut job fishwife who he can't afford to leave (had a kid with her) and because of her has fallen out with his parents, both his brothers and his daughter by his ex-wife - completely estranged from his family because of diving into the first comfort shag he could find.
Knight_Ind_2000 said:
If you don't mind me asking, how sis you make that happen? I'm finding it hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel at the moment!
I'm assuming you mean find women / relationships?First of all come to terms with not NEEDING anyone It's good for your prospects and just plain good for you.
Join a gym, take care of yourself, eat well, buy some clothes that fit and which are vaguely up to date. Keep yourself looking tidy.
Ask a girl out on a date whom you think is below your standard. It will get you some practice. Start a prospect list of women who you'd like to date, but that are of a slightly higher standard. Speak to them, be cool, whether they like you or not doesn't matter in your mind because you don't NEED anyone and you've got a squeeze anyway. They will be more attracted to you for having that mindset.
Make progress with one of your "better" women and when that is underway (i.e. there is some sex involved) stop seeing the plain girl. Rinse and repeat will you find someone special.
That's pretty much what I did when I came out a relationship at about your age. For a little while I went through a series of plain girls, but by the time I met my current wife I was seeing some really attractive and interesting women.
13m said:
I'm assuming you mean find women / relationships?
First of all come to terms with not NEEDING anyone It's good for your prospects and just plain good for you.
Join a gym, take care of yourself, eat well, buy some clothes that fit and which are vaguely up to date. Keep yourself looking tidy.
Ask a girl out on a date whom you think is below your standard. It will get you some practice. Start a prospect list of women who you'd like to date, but that are of a slightly higher standard. Speak to them, be cool, whether they like you or not doesn't matter in your mind because you don't NEED anyone and you've got a squeeze anyway. They will be more attracted to you for having that mindset.
Make progress with one of your "better" women and when that is underway (i.e. there is some sex involved) stop seeing the plain girl. Rinse and repeat will you find someone special.
That's pretty much what I did when I came out a relationship at about your age. For a little while I went through a series of plain girls, but by the time I met my current wife I was seeing some really attractive and interesting women.
That's some seriously detailed advice. Thanks for taking the time to post.First of all come to terms with not NEEDING anyone It's good for your prospects and just plain good for you.
Join a gym, take care of yourself, eat well, buy some clothes that fit and which are vaguely up to date. Keep yourself looking tidy.
Ask a girl out on a date whom you think is below your standard. It will get you some practice. Start a prospect list of women who you'd like to date, but that are of a slightly higher standard. Speak to them, be cool, whether they like you or not doesn't matter in your mind because you don't NEED anyone and you've got a squeeze anyway. They will be more attracted to you for having that mindset.
Make progress with one of your "better" women and when that is underway (i.e. there is some sex involved) stop seeing the plain girl. Rinse and repeat will you find someone special.
That's pretty much what I did when I came out a relationship at about your age. For a little while I went through a series of plain girls, but by the time I met my current wife I was seeing some really attractive and interesting women.
You may feel old but 34 is seriously young. When you are 44 you'll be looking back wondering what you were worried about. Don't rush into any relationship.
As for being on your own, get yourself onto th lepin thread and buy some models to make in the evenings. It's really great and stopped you being bored / lonely. Watch telly while you're making them.
http://www.pistonheads.com/gassing/topic.asp?h=0&a...
As for being on your own, get yourself onto th lepin thread and buy some models to make in the evenings. It's really great and stopped you being bored / lonely. Watch telly while you're making them.
http://www.pistonheads.com/gassing/topic.asp?h=0&a...
Not married, but I was unceremoniously busted out of an 8.5 year relationship when I was 34. I'd never lived on my own prior to that - I was with my parents until I met her at 26. Took me the best part of a year to properly get over my ex, but it took me a whole lot less time to start being able to do everything I needed to get on and really liking myself. Once I'd got into the rhythm of doing everything myself it was great. Loved having my own space, coming and going as I pleased, watching what I wanted on TV, eating what I wanted, watching "gentlemen's special internet movies" in the lounge, no-one judging me, etc.
Trust me OP, you're about to learn how great independence feels. Having no kids is the holy grail in this situation. Some of the best times of your life are about to start happening!
Trust me OP, you're about to learn how great independence feels. Having no kids is the holy grail in this situation. Some of the best times of your life are about to start happening!
I was expecting to see that you were 55 years old not 34!!
Don't worry you will be fine you will probably have a blinder and look back on it in years to come as a great time of your life.
Im single again after 5 yrs, with a 7yr failed relationship before that... im fine. Work hard, keep busy, see your mates
Dont get shacked up with first mentalist
Don't worry you will be fine you will probably have a blinder and look back on it in years to come as a great time of your life.
Im single again after 5 yrs, with a 7yr failed relationship before that... im fine. Work hard, keep busy, see your mates
Dont get shacked up with first mentalist
jonamv8 said:
I was expecting to see that you were 55 years old not 34!!
Don't worry you will be fine you will probably have a blinder and look back on it in years to come as a great time of your life.
Im single again after 5 yrs, with a 7yr failed relationship before that... im fine. Work hard, keep busy, see your mates
Dont get shacked up with first mentalist
I'm fortunate in that I've got a job which will allow me to really chuck myself into it (with a reasonable hope of some payoff in return).Don't worry you will be fine you will probably have a blinder and look back on it in years to come as a great time of your life.
Im single again after 5 yrs, with a 7yr failed relationship before that... im fine. Work hard, keep busy, see your mates
Dont get shacked up with first mentalist
Where I'm currently not so well placed is mates. University friends are all in other cities, and frankly up to now I've not had a pressing reason to be especially sociable. I do though have a hobby - motorcycles - which lends itself quite nicely to socialising so top of my list is to get involved in a local riding group (no Sons of Anarchy type nonsense mind ...).
Knight_Ind_2000 said:
Hi everyone.
I guess I'm looking for advice / reassurance from the wise sages of PH.
Basically, I'm going through a divorce which is stressful enough. But what's also constantly playing on my mind is the thought of what my life will be like in the short and medium term future. I'll be living on my own for the first time in years and so a lot of time in my own company. I'm also completely paranoid that I'll spend the rest of my life alone. I have no idea what dating is like these days. On the one hand I have some things going for me; I'm not hideously ugly, I'm in good physical shape, I have a decent job, I have no kids, and I can hold a conversation. On the other hand, is there really a "market" for 34 year old divorced blokes???
As I say, anxiety about my "future life" is really playing on my mind.
Any thoughts?
Thanks
It'll be fI guess I'm looking for advice / reassurance from the wise sages of PH.
Basically, I'm going through a divorce which is stressful enough. But what's also constantly playing on my mind is the thought of what my life will be like in the short and medium term future. I'll be living on my own for the first time in years and so a lot of time in my own company. I'm also completely paranoid that I'll spend the rest of my life alone. I have no idea what dating is like these days. On the one hand I have some things going for me; I'm not hideously ugly, I'm in good physical shape, I have a decent job, I have no kids, and I can hold a conversation. On the other hand, is there really a "market" for 34 year old divorced blokes???
As I say, anxiety about my "future life" is really playing on my mind.
Any thoughts?
Thanks
king awesome, trust me. 
Im 37 have a 30yo gf, live on my own, have so many hobbies I don't have the time to do them all, get time to myself, have disposable income, can do what I want when I want.Get some hobbies, get fit, eat well, do what you want (Restaurants on your own, cinema on your own, don't worry about what people think) get on tinder or similar, chat to some ladies, ease yourself into it though, datings changed ALOT.
Edited by Foliage on Thursday 26th January 09:34
Edited by Foliage on Thursday 26th January 09:36
13m said:
Join a gym, take care of yourself, eat well, buy some clothes that fit and which are vaguely up to date. Keep yourself looking tidy.
Speak to them, be cool, whether they like you or not doesn't matter in your mind because you don't NEED anyone and you've got a squeeze anyway. They will be more attracted to you for having that mindset.
This above, knight, specially the second one with keeping it all ""cool"". Speak to them, be cool, whether they like you or not doesn't matter in your mind because you don't NEED anyone and you've got a squeeze anyway. They will be more attracted to you for having that mindset.
And personal hygiene. Make sure your nice and clean and smell nice. Yes, you may do already, buddy..
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