life is difficult
Discussion
well the 1st thing you do is to stop feeling sorry for yourself. That sort of thing shows and effects both your loved one and any kids in the picture.
Cancer sounds bad but depending on what it is its treatable/liveable with.
My great gran was told at 72 years of age she had cancer and at most 6 months to live. She refused kemo and died in her sleep at 102 years of age.
I am not saying to not do go with the best advice the doctors tell you but the word itself should not be as big a fear factor as it is.
Good luck with the future and hope nothing but the best but....Do not let your fear effect your loved ones mood.
Cancer sounds bad but depending on what it is its treatable/liveable with.
My great gran was told at 72 years of age she had cancer and at most 6 months to live. She refused kemo and died in her sleep at 102 years of age.
I am not saying to not do go with the best advice the doctors tell you but the word itself should not be as big a fear factor as it is.
Good luck with the future and hope nothing but the best but....Do not let your fear effect your loved ones mood.
Agree with the above. First thing to do is get over the nonsense associated with the word cancer. The slightly lowered tone. Calling it 'the big C'. All that stuff.
There are loads of diseases we can get, all of them have names. Cancer is just one name. And there are plenty of things you can get that are worse, and have less chance of getting over.
There are loads of diseases we can get, all of them have names. Cancer is just one name. And there are plenty of things you can get that are worse, and have less chance of getting over.
Yep - go to the appointments with them.. I have o/h and family that just don't seem to hear what the doctors say to them. The NHS is great but you need to work the system and know how to push it in the right direction.
Next things for me was to actually do stuff - you should both back to work (as soon as possible), do the car project, go on the holiday. It sounds callous but going to work gives your brain a chance to obsess about doom & gloom, so get busy and worry about other stuff.
Dont be shy about having a row with them - they are ill, it doesn't stop them from being a pain the arse. Don't walk on eggshells, don't worry about saying the wrong thing. I had lots of friends and family stop talking during illness/bereavement - because they worried about 'not knowing what to say' so they stopped picking up the phones. Say anything you like - just communicate, being ill is lonely.
You probably will anyway, but try not to spend too long on the internet researching this stuff. Its a bit like buying an M5, or a 911 - most of the time people only post on the net when they have a horror story. Same with cancer - 95% of people don't bother to write a post about "buying a 3.4 996 C4S hat never had an IMS bearing issue" just like people don't write about getting better from cancer.
Next things for me was to actually do stuff - you should both back to work (as soon as possible), do the car project, go on the holiday. It sounds callous but going to work gives your brain a chance to obsess about doom & gloom, so get busy and worry about other stuff.
Dont be shy about having a row with them - they are ill, it doesn't stop them from being a pain the arse. Don't walk on eggshells, don't worry about saying the wrong thing. I had lots of friends and family stop talking during illness/bereavement - because they worried about 'not knowing what to say' so they stopped picking up the phones. Say anything you like - just communicate, being ill is lonely.
You probably will anyway, but try not to spend too long on the internet researching this stuff. Its a bit like buying an M5, or a 911 - most of the time people only post on the net when they have a horror story. Same with cancer - 95% of people don't bother to write a post about "buying a 3.4 996 C4S hat never had an IMS bearing issue" just like people don't write about getting better from cancer.
Just had another thought. The first thing that happened to me was that I was assigned a MacMillan nurse. Mine has been really helpful. They don't get involved in your treatment as such, but certainly help to guide you through the system.
For instance, my specialist surgeon wants to check me regularly every three months. Because of pressure in the department, the receptionist/clerk or whatever got in the habit of reorganising my appointments and putting them back a month or more for convenience. I was upset about this as there seemed to be no clinical input into these decisions. If the head man means three months, then that is what it should be. My Macmillan nurse got stuck in and went to the clerk herself and got it sorted. If this kind of thing happens I now know I have someone on the inside who knows just how to fix things. I used to think these people just sat and held your hand at the bedside and made comforting noises, but it is much more than that. They do a really good job - and are more than ready to support the spouse as well.
Best of luck to you and your wife.
For instance, my specialist surgeon wants to check me regularly every three months. Because of pressure in the department, the receptionist/clerk or whatever got in the habit of reorganising my appointments and putting them back a month or more for convenience. I was upset about this as there seemed to be no clinical input into these decisions. If the head man means three months, then that is what it should be. My Macmillan nurse got stuck in and went to the clerk herself and got it sorted. If this kind of thing happens I now know I have someone on the inside who knows just how to fix things. I used to think these people just sat and held your hand at the bedside and made comforting noises, but it is much more than that. They do a really good job - and are more than ready to support the spouse as well.
Best of luck to you and your wife.
Roofless Toothless said:
Just had another thought. The first thing that happened to me was that I was assigned a MacMillan nurse. Mine has been really helpful. They don't get involved in your treatment as such, but certainly help to guide you through the system.
For instance, my specialist surgeon wants to check me regularly every three months. Because of pressure in the department, the receptionist/clerk or whatever got in the habit of reorganising my appointments and putting them back a month or more for convenience. I was upset about this as there seemed to be no clinical input into these decisions. If the head man means three months, then that is what it should be. My Macmillan nurse got stuck in and went to the clerk herself and got it sorted. If this kind of thing happens I now know I have someone on the inside who knows just how to fix things. I used to think these people just sat and held your hand at the bedside and made comforting noises, but it is much more than that. They do a really good job - and are more than ready to support the spouse as well.
Best of luck to you and your wife.
^^^ good advice. MacMillan rock. Great, great charity.For instance, my specialist surgeon wants to check me regularly every three months. Because of pressure in the department, the receptionist/clerk or whatever got in the habit of reorganising my appointments and putting them back a month or more for convenience. I was upset about this as there seemed to be no clinical input into these decisions. If the head man means three months, then that is what it should be. My Macmillan nurse got stuck in and went to the clerk herself and got it sorted. If this kind of thing happens I now know I have someone on the inside who knows just how to fix things. I used to think these people just sat and held your hand at the bedside and made comforting noises, but it is much more than that. They do a really good job - and are more than ready to support the spouse as well.
Best of luck to you and your wife.
Vaud said:
Roofless Toothless said:
Just had another thought. The first thing that happened to me was that I was assigned a MacMillan nurse. Mine has been really helpful. They don't get involved in your treatment as such, but certainly help to guide you through the system.
For instance, my specialist surgeon wants to check me regularly every three months. Because of pressure in the department, the receptionist/clerk or whatever got in the habit of reorganising my appointments and putting them back a month or more for convenience. I was upset about this as there seemed to be no clinical input into these decisions. If the head man means three months, then that is what it should be. My Macmillan nurse got stuck in and went to the clerk herself and got it sorted. If this kind of thing happens I now know I have someone on the inside who knows just how to fix things. I used to think these people just sat and held your hand at the bedside and made comforting noises, but it is much more than that. They do a really good job - and are more than ready to support the spouse as well.
Best of luck to you and your wife.
^^^ good advice. MacMillan rock. Great, great charity.For instance, my specialist surgeon wants to check me regularly every three months. Because of pressure in the department, the receptionist/clerk or whatever got in the habit of reorganising my appointments and putting them back a month or more for convenience. I was upset about this as there seemed to be no clinical input into these decisions. If the head man means three months, then that is what it should be. My Macmillan nurse got stuck in and went to the clerk herself and got it sorted. If this kind of thing happens I now know I have someone on the inside who knows just how to fix things. I used to think these people just sat and held your hand at the bedside and made comforting noises, but it is much more than that. They do a really good job - and are more than ready to support the spouse as well.
Best of luck to you and your wife.
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