Putting a elderly cancer stricken parent into a nursing home
Discussion
My mum had a very long battle with cancer, I supported her in her own home up until the last month of her life, at this point the cancer spread rapidly and she spent 4 weeks in hospital, she didn't want to return home, she was given a terminal prognosis of months so wasn't able to transfer to a hospice, so she was placed in an elderly care home, she lived there for four days before passing.
It was not the right place for someone with advanced cancer, had I known she had days I would have been able to provide her with better care at home, I couldn't have done months at home due to my own cancer diagnosis.
It was not the right place for someone with advanced cancer, had I known she had days I would have been able to provide her with better care at home, I couldn't have done months at home due to my own cancer diagnosis.
My Dad died at home from lung cancer last year. He was being looked after by my Mum, various NHS carers and Macmillan nurses. I quit work and moved back home for what turned out to be his final few weeks and it was f
king horrible. I can't help feeling that if he'd been in some kind of hospice / home it would've been 'better' for everyone around him, but they weren't his wishes and he would've hated it, so there we go. I also feel, though, that my Mum got some kind of peace from knowing that he died at home. And, bieng candid, I feel the least we can do for the people who brought us into the world and wiped our arses for the first couple of years of our lives is return the favour in their latter years.
king horrible. I can't help feeling that if he'd been in some kind of hospice / home it would've been 'better' for everyone around him, but they weren't his wishes and he would've hated it, so there we go. I also feel, though, that my Mum got some kind of peace from knowing that he died at home. And, bieng candid, I feel the least we can do for the people who brought us into the world and wiped our arses for the first couple of years of our lives is return the favour in their latter years.Grandma, not parent, so not a decision I had input in, but shame all the same.
I hope you don't mind me saying that it's clear from your posts here over the last couple of months that you're really not coping (this is emphatically NOT a suggestion that you SHOULD be coping, you're both living a fking nightmare right now) - if a nursing home is now your best (least bad) available option, then that's what you need to do.
It would give you physical and emotional respite from the physical and emotional tasks of caring for your dad: a social worker may be able to book him an actual respite stay - normally a few days, a short-term thing - see if the added perspective from that helps you, or him, or both, weigh up the options?
It's okay to need help and to ask for it.
Any one, or any thing, which suggests you should be ashamed for that, can fk right off.
All the best to you both.
I hope you don't mind me saying that it's clear from your posts here over the last couple of months that you're really not coping (this is emphatically NOT a suggestion that you SHOULD be coping, you're both living a f
king nightmare right now) - if a nursing home is now your best (least bad) available option, then that's what you need to do. It would give you physical and emotional respite from the physical and emotional tasks of caring for your dad: a social worker may be able to book him an actual respite stay - normally a few days, a short-term thing - see if the added perspective from that helps you, or him, or both, weigh up the options?
It's okay to need help and to ask for it.
Any one, or any thing, which suggests you should be ashamed for that, can f
k right off. All the best to you both.
When my mum died 2 years back, our GP organised end of life care. There's a special form for it. Carers came in three times a day and we also got someone to come sit with her overnight if we needed.
It meant she could die at home, with family and grandchildren around. The local hospice, St Gemma's in Leeds, were also fantastic. They sent round a doc who specialised in pain relief. It made such a difference to her last few weeks.
I think the NHS picked up the bill for the carers.
Hope this helps: speak to your GP?
It meant she could die at home, with family and grandchildren around. The local hospice, St Gemma's in Leeds, were also fantastic. They sent round a doc who specialised in pain relief. It made such a difference to her last few weeks.
I think the NHS picked up the bill for the carers.
Hope this helps: speak to your GP?
From my work situation I see a lot of end of life care and get to speak to the relatives or carers . The phrase that remains with me is that the end of life care didn't start soon enough. Be that at a hospice or nursing home. Staff usually say they never got the chance to know the person before they passed to make their passing personal. On the other hand remaining at home for EOL is quite disruptive for a family. One lady with teen aged boys said she never felt her home was hers
. From personal experience my grandmother lived with us until she was 97yrs and then went into care. She lived to just over 100yrs. I'm surprised my parents marriage lasted through this as she lived with us for over 30yrs. Nothing is easy.
. From personal experience my grandmother lived with us until she was 97yrs and then went into care. She lived to just over 100yrs. I'm surprised my parents marriage lasted through this as she lived with us for over 30yrs. Nothing is easy.
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