Pregnant wife hit in tummy

[Peeved2018]

Hi,

Not sure where the best place is to put this but its more of a ‘vent’ than anything else.

My wife is currently 5 months pregnant with our first child, up until Friday night she was a scout leader for our local group for over 4 years. The scout group is run by one of my oldest friends and my wife was roped in to help. It’s a small group with about 15 kids and only two leaders in total.

They have been having issues with a child who is Autistic and becomes violent very easily, up until Friday this was with other children. However, on Friday he decided to step it up a bit and hit my wife in the tummy with a foam covered baseball bat. Just to be clear he didn’t drop it whilst passing it, from what I understand he walked up to her and took a swing.

Obviously she is devastated, we have spoken to the midwife and they have been great and confirmed that they think everything is ok as far as they can tell, thank god. I am livid as all the scout group seems to want to do is cover their own arses. My wife has previously complained that nothing has been done about other parents complaints about this child before, to the point when speaking to my friend about a month ago I asked him if this child was going to be an issue. He assured me that the child was fine and that it was just kids messing about.

Obviously it’s a very tricky issue all round but from what the scout leader says they aren’t even going to punish him! (turns out the scout leader is pally with the child's mum). To be honest I think that in light of the previous issues with violence he should not have even been there in the first place.

What would you guys do in my position?

[HTP99]

I would do nothing, what can you do, he is autistic, autistic kids can be like that, punishing him won't make a jot of difference to the boy, your wife and the baby will be fine.

Just suggest to your wife, in future don't help.

[anonymous-user]

Punishing an autistic child for displaying autistic behaviour? Seems legit.

Trolling surely.

[dudleybloke]

How old is the violent little git?

[popeyewhite]

Peeved2018 said:

They have been having issues with a child who is Autistic and becomes violent very easily,

So you told your pregnant wife it was too risky for her to work there? Or to take extra special care?

Incidentally - "tummy"?

[ReallyReallyGood]

Aren't there specially trained schools and staff to deal with autistic children?

Why should a small scout group be expected to cater for it?

[Nezquick]

Surely the only answer is for your wife to remove herself from looking after the group until she feels better able to do so?

[dudleybloke]

Not punishing him let's him know violence is OK.
Just because he has a disability doesn't mean he can't learn.
And if he truly can't learn not to be violent then others should be safeguarded from his actions.

[4x4Tyke]

Sceptical, I'd expect any volunteer to be familiar with the groups safeguarding policy and this should have provisions for excluding any violent children for the safety of the others.

[ReallyReallyGood]

Alternatively, don't give the autistic kid the baseball bat.

[daddy cool]

Peeved2018 said:

What would you guys do in my position?

Probably sign up to a car forum and my first post would be about a non-car subject. I would also choose a username that seemed to refer specifically to this topic, rather than anything "normal".

But that's just me.

[popeyewhite]

dudleybloke said:

Just because he has a disability doesn't mean he can't learn.

I think you probably don't know much about autism. If the child is fully autistic they will have no idea why they're being punished and will be absolutely terrified and distressed.

[FunkyNige]

daddy cool said:

Probably sign up to a car forum and my first post would be about a non-car subject. I would also choose a username that seemed to refer specifically to this topic, rather than anything "normal".

But that's just me.

Presumably the OP is a more long-term member but set up an account to ask this question so there's no possibility of others finding out what Scout group it is, etc. in case it goes any further.

[BoRED S2upid]

dudleybloke said:

Not punishing him let's him know violence is OK.
Just because he has a disability doesn't mean he can't learn.
And if he truly can't learn not to be violent then others should be safeguarded from his actions.

He won’t understand that. It’s very difficult.

Not giving him the baseball bat is a good place to start followed by close supervision by an appropriate adult (not a pregnant one!) to make sure any future pushing and shoving can be nipped in the bud. Chances are he will be fine 90% of the time.

[Vocal Minority]

dudleybloke said:

Not punishing him let's him know violence is OK.
Just because he has a disability doesn't mean he can't learn.
And if he truly can't learn not to be violent then others should be safeguarded from his actions.

They are referred to as learning difficulties for a reason dudleybloke - I know you will dismiss that as pandering leftyism because you can't get your head round it - but I trust people who understand better than me around it (my sister's career is based around caring for adults with these conditions among others).

You can shout and bellow all you like - they won't understand why they are being shouted at - and all you do is build up in an arms race of resentment.

Fortunately there are people who understand there are options other than bking them or sticking them in an oubliette so you don't have to think about them

OP - I can understand your frustration - and I can understand why the scout group covering their arse pisses you off. To be honest if they are going to have an inclusive attitude (and they absolutely should) they should be able to help everyone properly - the principal fault - on first viewing - lies with them imho.

Exclusion is a valid resort - but should be a last one - and it sounds like they haven't tried any remediation measure at all?

For example - does he behave poorly generally, or are the incidents mentioned individual 'lashing out' incidents - so Islands in an other wise general pattern of acceptable behaviour?

Edited by Vocal Minority on Monday 12th March 12:12

Edited by Vocal Minority on Monday 12th March 12:15

[dudleybloke]

Autistic people CAN learn.

[Peeved2018]

Hi,

Thanks for the replies. Yes this is a new account, I do have another account but I do not want this traced back for obvious reasons.

I wrote my first post as its easy to convince yourself that your view is the only relevant one and wanted to hear the views of people who are as not emotionally involved as I am.

To answer a few questions:

With regards to punishment we are asking for a letter of apology, we're not asking for a burning at the stake!

Surely if he is unable to understand what he has done is incorrect at all then you would look to remove the child from the group for the safety of the others? I want to stress again my wife does this on a voluntary basis and does care about what happens to the child, but she also cares about the other children who are in the group. She has had 0 training from the scout association in the time she has been involved. The group leader has been involved for over 15 years and as far as I am aware has had the relevant training which why asked him to make sure it was safe.

The group is split into 3 age groups (beavers, cubs and scouts) my wife was looking over the youngest two groups. Child in question is 8 or 9.

I agree that not having the bat would be the most sensible idea but the child went to the loo and picked it up from the storage box next to the door upon his return. My wife was asking him to put it back.

My main issue I think I have is that I asked the scout leader if it was safe and he assured me it was. This is what we based my wife being there on, she will not be returning as this has now been proven incorrect. The manner in which they seem to be questioning my wife leaves a bad taste ....

[Vocal Minority]

dudleybloke said:

Autistic people CAN learn.

Of course they can learn - they can learn every day tecnhical skills and what you'd learn at school and so on.

What they don't have is much social understanding outside of their own personal bubble.

They won't associate what they did as being wrong - they won't be able to make that connection. So they will think they are being victimised - not that they are paying a penance and do something different.

You are asking for something a lot more nuanced that 2+2 = 4 style learning..

Christ - it seems like many around these (wider) parts haven't go their heads round it

[Peeved2018]

Vocal Minority said:

dudleybloke said:

Not punishing him let's him know violence is OK.
Just because he has a disability doesn't mean he can't learn.
And if he truly can't learn not to be violent then others should be safeguarded from his actions.

They are referred to as learning difficulties for a reason dudleybloke - I know you will dismiss that as pandering leftyism because you can't get your head round it - but I trust people who understand better than me around it (my sister's career is based around caring for adults with these conditions among others).

You can shout and bellow all you like - they won't understand why they are being shouted at - and all you do is build up in an arms race of resentment.

Fortunately there are people who understand there are options other than bking them or sticking them in an oubliette so you don't have to think about them

OP - I can understand your frustration - and I can understand why the scout group covering their arse pisses you off. To be honest if they are going to have an inclusive attitude (and they absolutely should) they should be able to help everyone properly - the principal fault - on first viewing - lies with them imho.

Exclusion is a valid resort - but should be a last one - and it sounds like they haven't tried any remediation measure at all?

For example - does he behave poorly generally, or are the incidents mentioned individual 'lashing out' incidents - so Islands in an other wise general pattern of acceptable behaviour?

Edited by Vocal Minority on Monday 12th March 12:12

Edited by Vocal Minority on Monday 12th March 12:15

Hi, Thanks for the reply.

I'm not at the meetings but as I understand it is generally poor behaviour, my wife has previously spoken to his mum (about a previous incident with another child) who basically just shrugged her shoulders and said 'what do you expect?' I think they have also spoken about having his mum along to, for want of a better word, control him at the group but she has refused.

[SystemParanoia]

Just watch a few episodes of Pablo on CBEEBIES

https://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/cbeebies/episode/b09...