Rape & Stress On Mother
Discussion
Not my usual username for obvious reasons..
My nephew was charged after a one night stand after a girl who went to his house and stayed the night then claimed she was raped the next day.
His mum is unwell and gran is 75 so as you can imagine rather stressed out by events and whats about to come up should it make court.
According to them the magic bullet is in the for of me giving them 5 grand to employ the lawyer directly rather than via legal aid as at they have supposedly been told by the lawyer he wont get a fair case or access to expert advice should he not pay privately.
Last week he told his mother that it was impossible to start out with legal aid then switch to private. After me having to have 3 other lawyers tell them that was rubbish they moved on to this 5 grand idea.
Today I was told that if
1) My mother looked after me as a kid and I owe her
2) That he has no chance of a fair trial should he use legal aid
3) I would spend whatever it costs for my kids (who are both under 3)
4) They look after our kids 1 day a week and that will need to be reviewed
4) If he does get convicted and I don't pay its all my fault
Now, clearly and according to common sense and my own lawyer legal aid should be more than fine for such a he said/ she said case. The fact that Im essentially being blackmailed also does not sit well with me.
My answer was lets get the lawyer in the room and have him genuinely say legal aid = jail
Anyone been in this situation with family and came out with a positive the other side? If it was anyone else I would just tell them to stop talking rubbish but I think my mother (his gran) genuinely thinks what shes been told is true and the stress is screwing her up massively.
My nephew was charged after a one night stand after a girl who went to his house and stayed the night then claimed she was raped the next day.
His mum is unwell and gran is 75 so as you can imagine rather stressed out by events and whats about to come up should it make court.
According to them the magic bullet is in the for of me giving them 5 grand to employ the lawyer directly rather than via legal aid as at they have supposedly been told by the lawyer he wont get a fair case or access to expert advice should he not pay privately.
Last week he told his mother that it was impossible to start out with legal aid then switch to private. After me having to have 3 other lawyers tell them that was rubbish they moved on to this 5 grand idea.
Today I was told that if
1) My mother looked after me as a kid and I owe her
2) That he has no chance of a fair trial should he use legal aid
3) I would spend whatever it costs for my kids (who are both under 3)
4) They look after our kids 1 day a week and that will need to be reviewed
4) If he does get convicted and I don't pay its all my fault
Now, clearly and according to common sense and my own lawyer legal aid should be more than fine for such a he said/ she said case. The fact that Im essentially being blackmailed also does not sit well with me.
My answer was lets get the lawyer in the room and have him genuinely say legal aid = jail
Anyone been in this situation with family and came out with a positive the other side? If it was anyone else I would just tell them to stop talking rubbish but I think my mother (his gran) genuinely thinks what shes been told is true and the stress is screwing her up massively.
Are you saying that you're being pressured by your family to contribute £5k of your money to pay for a lawyer to defend your nephew? Where are his parents in all of this and why are you being involved?
Have you spoken to your nephew and what are you own thoughts on what actually happened?
I would have thought that legal aid would give a good and fair trial.
Have you spoken to your nephew and what are you own thoughts on what actually happened?
I would have thought that legal aid would give a good and fair trial.
_m said:
Anyone been in this situation with family and came out with a positive the other side? If it was anyone else I would just tell them to stop talking rubbish but I think my mother (his gran) genuinely thinks what shes been told is true and the stress is screwing her up massively.
Although nothing like your situation, and without wanting to go into much detail myself, I have found myself with somewhat similar issues.Hard up family member who is very good at spending other people's money, does their best to guilt trip me and the Mrs into contributing/helping out/letting them live with us
because "that's what family does", despite the fact that they've never taken responsibility for their actions or acted like family themselves and it's always been about them. No interest in our lives.Sadly contact with said family member is now virtually non-existent. Well, I say sadly, but actually it's a massive relief and our lives are much better for it.
Appreciate this probably doesn't help your situation, but sometimes you have to put yourselves first.
ReverendCounter said:
WinstonWolf said:
Just in case...
Do you really think that's a good thing to do? What are you hoping to achieve by preventing the OP from deleting his/her post?
It's from a throwaway account, I considered that before quoting.
WinstonWolf said:
To preserve the discussion, there's a lot of posts where the OP disappears and everyone is standing around going
It's from a throwaway account, I considered that before quoting.
Your choice of course. I was coming from the angle of, what if the OP is legally advised to remove all social media posts about this pretty sensitive matter, then can't.It's from a throwaway account, I considered that before quoting.
If that's the case, then of course he/she can ask you themselves instead of me sticking my oar in, but it seems quoting *some* posts of a sensitive nature has the potential to do more harm to those involved, than good for the 'quoter' IYSWIM.
Of course, not my business and perhaps I should butt out!
ReverendCounter said:
WinstonWolf said:
To preserve the discussion, there's a lot of posts where the OP disappears and everyone is standing around going
It's from a throwaway account, I considered that before quoting.
Your choice of course. I was coming from the angle of, what if the OP is legally advised to remove all social media posts about this pretty sensitive matter, then can't.It's from a throwaway account, I considered that before quoting.
If that's the case, then of course he/she can ask you themselves instead of me sticking my oar in, but it seems quoting *some* posts of a sensitive nature has the potential to do more harm to those involved, than good for the 'quoter' IYSWIM.
Of course, not my business and perhaps I should butt out!
It's just a pain when the OP disappears leaving everyone wondering what was being discussed...Sheepshanks said:
It reads like you're being scammed. Stranger things have happened.
Surely £5K won't go very far on a rape case?
Probably not, but if the money runs out it will be the OP's responsibility to put his hand back in his pocket after all 'it's only money, and he can afford it and it's family yadda yadda yadda'Surely £5K won't go very far on a rape case?
I would consider matching the nephews contributions if you can afford too, but nothing more.
ReverendCounter said:
Your choice of course. I was coming from the angle of, what if the OP is legally advised to remove all social media posts about this pretty sensitive matter, then can't.
If that's the case, then of course he/she can ask you themselves instead of me sticking my oar in, but it seems quoting *some* posts of a sensitive nature has the potential to do more harm to those involved, than good for the 'quoter' IYSWIM.
Of course, not my business and perhaps I should butt out!
I agree with this. OP should have the ability to delete this if he wants to. If that's the case, then of course he/she can ask you themselves instead of me sticking my oar in, but it seems quoting *some* posts of a sensitive nature has the potential to do more harm to those involved, than good for the 'quoter' IYSWIM.
Of course, not my business and perhaps I should butt out!
On to the OP.
Some thoughts:
This is a f**king difficult situation
5k seems a tiny amount of money for a rape case. If you go with it, you might be on the line for far more.
His mum is being a mum, and shes willing to burn any bridge to protect her child. Take this into account when judging/considering her actions and words.
There's broadly two types of people in this world: those who'll do absolutely anything for family, and those who won't. You're clearly the latter (since you're asking us), but that then raises other questions:
what is £5k to you? pocket change or life savings?
Do you think the boy is innocent?
You can choose your friends but you can't choose your familly.
If you DO want to help this lad out, then you LOAN him the money and make sure it gets paid back.
If you DONT want to help, you tell him to jog on to legal aid.
Overall.... he needs to be responsible for actions and not put himself in a position where he can be accused of such things and then come running to the family network when it goes wrong. You didn't do it, your not repsonsible. It's his problem and his lesson too learn.
If you DO want to help this lad out, then you LOAN him the money and make sure it gets paid back.
If you DONT want to help, you tell him to jog on to legal aid.
Overall.... he needs to be responsible for actions and not put himself in a position where he can be accused of such things and then come running to the family network when it goes wrong. You didn't do it, your not repsonsible. It's his problem and his lesson too learn.
Shuvi McTupya said:
Sheepshanks said:
It reads like you're being scammed. Stranger things have happened.
Surely £5K won't go very far on a rape case?
Probably not, but if the money runs out it will be the OP's responsibility to put his hand back in his pocket after all 'it's only money, and he can afford it and it's family yadda yadda yadda'Surely £5K won't go very far on a rape case?
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