Friend's cocaine addiction - help in Portsmouth area?
Discussion
A friend has been using coke for 5 years. She's 53, and has a decent job. One son still living at home while doing his doctorate.
It's reached the point where she is spending all her spare cash on a couple of grammes on payday, then spending her food money the following week on some more. The third week she will "borrow" money from her son, or sell stuff on eBay to buy some more. She uses at home, mostly on her own, then stays up all night posting on forums, etc. The next day she gets depressed, takes a day off work because she hasn't slept.
Last week she used 3 times, felt so bad that she finally tried to get help, rather than just talking about it. She went to Narcotics Anonymous meetings 4 times in 7 days. She got really excited about the meetings, said it was helping, but was having difficulty with the religious aspect of the 12 step programme. She is very anti-religion because of her past.
Yesterday was payday. She bought some coke on the way to the NA meeting, then bought some more after midnight, on the strength of somebody promising to pay her for doing their tax return. This morning she's panicking because they haven't paid up, and she's broke. She says she's let herself down, let me down too. in the past I have lent her money, but I told her 2 weeks ago that I would never do that again, as I was enabling her. She agreed that I shouldn't lend her money. I'm expecting her to ask though, but I won't do it.
She needs help from a third party. Her issues go deeper than just coke addiction. Borderline Personality Disorder, depression, childhood abuse, domestic abuse from her ex husband, low self-esteem, etc.
Where I live, there's an addiction agency called Addaction. i volunteered with them as a counsellor while I was training. As well as dealing with addiction, they also offer free person-centred counselling to their service users. I feel that this 2-pronged approach may help my friend. Coping strategies and support with her addiction, and exploring her mental health issues.
The 12 step model doesn't sit well with me either, as it seems to revolve around admitting that one is powerless to change, that only god can help. Abrogation of responsibility to a "higher power".
I believe that everyone has the power to change, if they want to. No-one can make a person change, not even "god". It is down to the individual, all others can do is provide support, maybe guidance and advice on practical issues.
Unfortunately, Addaction don't have an office local to her. Is there another agency operating in the Portsmouth area that offers a similar service?
It's reached the point where she is spending all her spare cash on a couple of grammes on payday, then spending her food money the following week on some more. The third week she will "borrow" money from her son, or sell stuff on eBay to buy some more. She uses at home, mostly on her own, then stays up all night posting on forums, etc. The next day she gets depressed, takes a day off work because she hasn't slept.
Last week she used 3 times, felt so bad that she finally tried to get help, rather than just talking about it. She went to Narcotics Anonymous meetings 4 times in 7 days. She got really excited about the meetings, said it was helping, but was having difficulty with the religious aspect of the 12 step programme. She is very anti-religion because of her past.
Yesterday was payday. She bought some coke on the way to the NA meeting, then bought some more after midnight, on the strength of somebody promising to pay her for doing their tax return. This morning she's panicking because they haven't paid up, and she's broke. She says she's let herself down, let me down too. in the past I have lent her money, but I told her 2 weeks ago that I would never do that again, as I was enabling her. She agreed that I shouldn't lend her money. I'm expecting her to ask though, but I won't do it.
She needs help from a third party. Her issues go deeper than just coke addiction. Borderline Personality Disorder, depression, childhood abuse, domestic abuse from her ex husband, low self-esteem, etc.
Where I live, there's an addiction agency called Addaction. i volunteered with them as a counsellor while I was training. As well as dealing with addiction, they also offer free person-centred counselling to their service users. I feel that this 2-pronged approach may help my friend. Coping strategies and support with her addiction, and exploring her mental health issues.
The 12 step model doesn't sit well with me either, as it seems to revolve around admitting that one is powerless to change, that only god can help. Abrogation of responsibility to a "higher power".
I believe that everyone has the power to change, if they want to. No-one can make a person change, not even "god". It is down to the individual, all others can do is provide support, maybe guidance and advice on practical issues.
Unfortunately, Addaction don't have an office local to her. Is there another agency operating in the Portsmouth area that offers a similar service?
The 12 step model doesn't have to be god. It could be a mirror on the wall or a bunch of rocks in the garden, according to my (AA philosopher) father.
Unfortunately I've never seen a suitable drug clinic programme for cocaine or amphetamines in GPland (might be something now, but heroin substitutes Subutex and Methadone seem to only options due to harm reduction involved.
Unfortunately I've never seen a suitable drug clinic programme for cocaine or amphetamines in GPland (might be something now, but heroin substitutes Subutex and Methadone seem to only options due to harm reduction involved.
I remember reading your post about you opening a bank account and the fact that you had only met her once. I know this is going to sound harsh but I don't understand why you are getting involved and lending her money. She clearly doesn't really want to give up, buying coke on the way to a meeting makes a mockery of the whole thing.
Sounds to me that she quite likes the idea of giving up but doesn't want to put any effort into making it happen. Personally I would just gradually drop all contact with her but that is just me.
Sounds to me that she quite likes the idea of giving up but doesn't want to put any effort into making it happen. Personally I would just gradually drop all contact with her but that is just me.
GCH said:
The higher power does not have to be a deity- it can be anything you wish.
This. My mate has just been through the 12 step programme and he's in no way religious. It's about being honest with yourself and others. He had to open up to everyone and right his wrongs.He went to Cocaine Anonymous, but what he did say was that some groups were much much better than others. I think he tried 4 or 5 different groups until he found one that he felt comfortable with. he certainly wasn't comfortable with the overly religious ones.
However, I would suggest if she's buying gear on the way to a meeting, she's not that serious about giving up.
I've talked to her about seeing "god" as something within herself. That may work for her.
I questioned her (and myself) about whether she was serious. I do have my doubts. There was some "provocation" on payday. One of her colleagues, a younger woman, is also into coke. Her boyfriend sent her a photo of him and his mates with the pile of coke they were working their way through. Her colleague showed her the picture, and started talking about it. Cocaine abuse seems to be rife in the building trade (she is office admin for a large local building contractor). I guess they have too much spare cash.
To her credit, she did stop at just the one buy. Normally she would buy one or two more, keep going all night. She managed to resist that. A small step.
I've told her that there's no way I'm lending her any more money. She has always paid me back, just uses me instead of a payday loan. I won't be doing it again, and she agrees that I shouldn't.
I questioned her (and myself) about whether she was serious. I do have my doubts. There was some "provocation" on payday. One of her colleagues, a younger woman, is also into coke. Her boyfriend sent her a photo of him and his mates with the pile of coke they were working their way through. Her colleague showed her the picture, and started talking about it. Cocaine abuse seems to be rife in the building trade (she is office admin for a large local building contractor). I guess they have too much spare cash.
To her credit, she did stop at just the one buy. Normally she would buy one or two more, keep going all night. She managed to resist that. A small step.
I've told her that there's no way I'm lending her any more money. She has always paid me back, just uses me instead of a payday loan. I won't be doing it again, and she agrees that I shouldn't.
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