Plunging back into abyss.
Discussion
This is my first post on here for nearly a year and i'm looking for some constructive advice. Ok so it's the 1st April so some of you might view this a bad April Fool's joke but i'm not back on here to mess about. Despite what some members think about my previous posts the reason i left the forum had nothing to do with being called out but all to do with turning my life around.
Health wise, on my GP's advice i cut all contact with social media and online forums and i also started CBT treatment with a counsellor. I signed on at a local gym and started lifting weights 3x a week. The belly fat dropped off and i put on fair bit of muscle by the autumn which left me feeling a lot healthier, energetic and mentally more alive than i'd felt for years. I decided to do a master's degree by distance learning and i got my finances in order. All was going well. I even met someone and romantically things were wonderful. We eventually moved in together and started making plans to buy a flat together.
However, things started to unravel dramatically two months ago. I found i couldn't keep up with the workload for my master's degree due to my teaching timetable at school ( lessons till 6.30 three evenings a week), plus extra hours added on Wednesday afternoons due to the head of department wanting to force me out. This was then made worse when my Renault laguna unexpectedly blew it's cylinder head gasket ( despite passing it's MOT last June with zero fault, having a huge service/loads of repairs last October) and since then I've had to take public transport with my daughter ( who goes to the same private school where i teach) which means a 5 hour daily round trip instead of the usual 2 hours. That put huge strain on my relationship with my girlfriend.
What followed was a series of catastrophes. I'd invested in a share fund two years ago on the advice of my online bank. The financial advisor it turns out had mismanaged lots of client's funds and he was fired along with several senior fund managers.Unfortunately I've lost the lot. This was my financial safety net and the loss of all my money has left me facing financial ruin. It was my fault for not reading all the small print i guess and i admit that i was too eager to invest. The fund had been mismanaged for a long time and the fund manager had been covering his losses very skillfully. I've lost all my investment. .I've hired a lawyer but chances are slim of getting anything back.
My girlfriend then decided that she didn't want to stay with a financially incapable 50 year old divorced teacher ( no doubt helped by her father who convinced her that she'd be better of with a Frenchman rather than a Brexit expatriate Brit!).
To cap it all my head of department told me that i can expect a timetable just as bad, if not worse, than the one i've got this year, if of course i choose to stay. She hates me and has been trying to convince me to leave for the past 18 months.
My daughter passes her Bevet in June at the secondary school where i teach but won't be then going on to the international 6th form that is attached to the secondary school from next September. She'll be 15 at the end of the month and wants to go to to the state 6th form that's only 5 minutes down the road from where my ex lives ( our old family home). I'm fine with this because it will be a lot easier for her and of course it's free.
My son will start a master's degree at a university in or near Paris from September as well.
Ok, so that just leaves me. I've got an excellent relationship with my two children. I rent a nice spacious flat that's just had it's tenancy extended for another three years. However, i don't have a car and need to buy another but that now means taking out a bank loan (even 10 year old 150000km hatchbacks sell for twice UK prices). I have absolutely zero debt as I've always chosen to pay cash and line within my means. However, my girlfriend emptied my instant access savings account just before leaving me.
I feel so stupid for having trusted her but then you're always wise after the fact.
I have a full time contract at my current school ( 12th year working there). The daily commute ( 140km round trip is a nightmare).
I applied for several teaching jobs with an agency that places experienced English language teachers in the Middle East. I got turned down due to my age. I applied for a post in China but was told i was going to be too expensive ( they wanted twenty something less experienced but cheaper to pay teachers).
I can't eat or sleep correctly at the moment, surviving on 3-4 hours per night, eating one meal in the school cantine a day and not bothering at home. I've given up going to the gym ( no bus services there and its 8km away).
My ex is chomping at the bit hoping that this series of disasters will finally finish me off and i'll give up and leave France.
I feel like i'm plunging back into the abyss of depression that i worked so hard to get out of last year.
My GP has put me back on sleeping pills and told me to find another job. Not easy when all the other jobs in the Paris area offer lower salaries ( there's a race to the bottom started over here).
Health wise, on my GP's advice i cut all contact with social media and online forums and i also started CBT treatment with a counsellor. I signed on at a local gym and started lifting weights 3x a week. The belly fat dropped off and i put on fair bit of muscle by the autumn which left me feeling a lot healthier, energetic and mentally more alive than i'd felt for years. I decided to do a master's degree by distance learning and i got my finances in order. All was going well. I even met someone and romantically things were wonderful. We eventually moved in together and started making plans to buy a flat together.
However, things started to unravel dramatically two months ago. I found i couldn't keep up with the workload for my master's degree due to my teaching timetable at school ( lessons till 6.30 three evenings a week), plus extra hours added on Wednesday afternoons due to the head of department wanting to force me out. This was then made worse when my Renault laguna unexpectedly blew it's cylinder head gasket ( despite passing it's MOT last June with zero fault, having a huge service/loads of repairs last October) and since then I've had to take public transport with my daughter ( who goes to the same private school where i teach) which means a 5 hour daily round trip instead of the usual 2 hours. That put huge strain on my relationship with my girlfriend.
What followed was a series of catastrophes. I'd invested in a share fund two years ago on the advice of my online bank. The financial advisor it turns out had mismanaged lots of client's funds and he was fired along with several senior fund managers.Unfortunately I've lost the lot. This was my financial safety net and the loss of all my money has left me facing financial ruin. It was my fault for not reading all the small print i guess and i admit that i was too eager to invest. The fund had been mismanaged for a long time and the fund manager had been covering his losses very skillfully. I've lost all my investment. .I've hired a lawyer but chances are slim of getting anything back.
My girlfriend then decided that she didn't want to stay with a financially incapable 50 year old divorced teacher ( no doubt helped by her father who convinced her that she'd be better of with a Frenchman rather than a Brexit expatriate Brit!).
To cap it all my head of department told me that i can expect a timetable just as bad, if not worse, than the one i've got this year, if of course i choose to stay. She hates me and has been trying to convince me to leave for the past 18 months.
My daughter passes her Bevet in June at the secondary school where i teach but won't be then going on to the international 6th form that is attached to the secondary school from next September. She'll be 15 at the end of the month and wants to go to to the state 6th form that's only 5 minutes down the road from where my ex lives ( our old family home). I'm fine with this because it will be a lot easier for her and of course it's free.
My son will start a master's degree at a university in or near Paris from September as well.
Ok, so that just leaves me. I've got an excellent relationship with my two children. I rent a nice spacious flat that's just had it's tenancy extended for another three years. However, i don't have a car and need to buy another but that now means taking out a bank loan (even 10 year old 150000km hatchbacks sell for twice UK prices). I have absolutely zero debt as I've always chosen to pay cash and line within my means. However, my girlfriend emptied my instant access savings account just before leaving me.
I feel so stupid for having trusted her but then you're always wise after the fact.
I have a full time contract at my current school ( 12th year working there). The daily commute ( 140km round trip is a nightmare).
I applied for several teaching jobs with an agency that places experienced English language teachers in the Middle East. I got turned down due to my age. I applied for a post in China but was told i was going to be too expensive ( they wanted twenty something less experienced but cheaper to pay teachers).
I can't eat or sleep correctly at the moment, surviving on 3-4 hours per night, eating one meal in the school cantine a day and not bothering at home. I've given up going to the gym ( no bus services there and its 8km away).
My ex is chomping at the bit hoping that this series of disasters will finally finish me off and i'll give up and leave France.
I feel like i'm plunging back into the abyss of depression that i worked so hard to get out of last year.
My GP has put me back on sleeping pills and told me to find another job. Not easy when all the other jobs in the Paris area offer lower salaries ( there's a race to the bottom started over here).
You’re exactly right. Stop whining and get on with it. I’m sure the vast majority of you PHers on here don’t complain about working 2/3 jobs or doing 60-70h a week to fund your car passion.
I’ve applied for some part time jobs with idea of paying off my debts ( the ex girlfriend took out a 10000 € online loan in my name and under French law I’m the debtor). Plus I need another car.
I’ll give myself 18 months to clear it all.
I’ve applied for an e-learning job ( pays about 10€/hour for 3h five evenings a week) plus a Saturday job in a local warehouse ( minimum wage but the physical work will keep me fit).
Sunday mornings i do tour guiding ( not paid double time since i’m not French).
Sunday afternoons for cooking/cleaning duties.
All that adds up to an extra 1000€/month so I should be debt free in about 18 months.
I’ve resigned on for my Masters and I’ll work on that during my lunch beaks at school, and after 10pm weekdays.
An online kick up the backside is just what i needed. Why complain? There are millions of people in the UK who are in a far worse position than me.
All you guys on here didn’t get anywhere in life, or pay for your flash toys through inheritance or being lazy.
I’m sure you all work crazy hours because otherwise why advise others to stop complaining etc if you yourself have an easy life.
In the modern world you get nowhere by being lazy so starting now i’m going to sort myself out.
During the next school holiday i’ve decided to accompany a school group with an agency.
That’s another 500€ to pay off the debt.
I’ve applied for some part time jobs with idea of paying off my debts ( the ex girlfriend took out a 10000 € online loan in my name and under French law I’m the debtor). Plus I need another car.
I’ll give myself 18 months to clear it all.
I’ve applied for an e-learning job ( pays about 10€/hour for 3h five evenings a week) plus a Saturday job in a local warehouse ( minimum wage but the physical work will keep me fit).
Sunday mornings i do tour guiding ( not paid double time since i’m not French).
Sunday afternoons for cooking/cleaning duties.
All that adds up to an extra 1000€/month so I should be debt free in about 18 months.
I’ve resigned on for my Masters and I’ll work on that during my lunch beaks at school, and after 10pm weekdays.
An online kick up the backside is just what i needed. Why complain? There are millions of people in the UK who are in a far worse position than me.
All you guys on here didn’t get anywhere in life, or pay for your flash toys through inheritance or being lazy.
I’m sure you all work crazy hours because otherwise why advise others to stop complaining etc if you yourself have an easy life.
In the modern world you get nowhere by being lazy so starting now i’m going to sort myself out.
During the next school holiday i’ve decided to accompany a school group with an agency.
That’s another 500€ to pay off the debt.
Edited by rosbif77 on Monday 2nd April 11:15
Dan_1981 said:
Your first post says you have zero debt.
Your second you’ve suddenly got 10k to pay off.
Which is it?
I have zero debt since i never got into debt myself but I've discovered a debt taken out in my name by the ex ( without my knowledge). I'm seeing a legal specialist next week to see what my options are and eventually what legal steps to take.Your second you’ve suddenly got 10k to pay off.
Which is it?
Already been to the police who told me to go back and negotiate with the loan company.
egor110 said:
Re the car situation , couldn't you come back to England and buy a car if used cars are more expensive in France ?
Yes, i could. Any idea about how to import one? My current insurance company definitely wouldn't insure it, neither would other companies, as I've already enquired about that. Anyone on here know of someone who's done this?rosbif77 said:
Dan_1981 said:
Your first post says you have zero debt.
Your second you’ve suddenly got 10k to pay off.
Which is it?
I have zero debt since i never got into debt myself but I've discovered a debt taken out in my name by the ex ( without my knowledge). I'm seeing a legal specialist next week to see what my options are and eventually what legal steps to take.Your second you’ve suddenly got 10k to pay off.
Which is it?
Already been to the police who told me to go back and negotiate with the loan company.
janesmith1950 said:
Take some control and effect some positive action. You sound like you want to be a victim. You will feel better for changing things on your terms, but to do that you need to grow some balls.
I already have. That’s why you haven’t seen me on here for a year.Unfortunately life chose to kick me several times again there.
Maybe a non-starter, but why not take up cycling, join a local club, meet some new friends, get fit, feel good about yourself, save on commuting costs and parking fines, and you're no longer a soft-touch for free lifts. Summer is on the way!
Do not take any debt!!!!
As far as being scammed is concerned, the Consumer Credit industry is heavily regulated, and weighed AGAINT the loan companies. We have the FCA here, but there must be a regulating authority where you are. Open a complaint. Forget the police.
Good luck!
Do not take any debt!!!!
As far as being scammed is concerned, the Consumer Credit industry is heavily regulated, and weighed AGAINT the loan companies. We have the FCA here, but there must be a regulating authority where you are. Open a complaint. Forget the police.
Good luck!
This is in Health Matters, not The Lounge so please take this as the constructive criticism that it is meant as.
Some things jump out from your OP here.
1 Within 12 months you managed to go from single, to girlfriend, to living with her, to planning to buy a place together, to her putting you 10k in debt, to split up.
2 In the same 12 months you got therapy, sorted your fitness and finances out and started a masters degree.
3 You seemingly didn't have huge savings but you chose to put them into a risky investment (don't tell me it wasn't risky, all your money doesn't just vanish unless it was risky).
It looks like you are trying to do things too fast.
If you sprint at everything you can't keep going at that pace. Slow down, don't look for such sudden peaks and you'll get rid of some of the troughs as well.
Some things jump out from your OP here.
1 Within 12 months you managed to go from single, to girlfriend, to living with her, to planning to buy a place together, to her putting you 10k in debt, to split up.
2 In the same 12 months you got therapy, sorted your fitness and finances out and started a masters degree.
3 You seemingly didn't have huge savings but you chose to put them into a risky investment (don't tell me it wasn't risky, all your money doesn't just vanish unless it was risky).
It looks like you are trying to do things too fast.
If you sprint at everything you can't keep going at that pace. Slow down, don't look for such sudden peaks and you'll get rid of some of the troughs as well.
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