Should I stop thinking about the past....
Discussion
Right.....not sure where to start with this one.
From about the age of 13 or so I started running, became half decent at it and ran for Southampton for a number of years fairly competitively.....I did 5k in under 17mins, 10k in under 35mins, 10 miles in under 59 and a HM in 1:18....it was a huge and enjoyable part of my life for many years.
I got an injury early 2013 and had to have some time off, but when I started getting back into running I started to become rather ill and my health declined quite a lot. I was vomiting on a daily basis which made running (as well as general life etc) rather more difficult, but I carried on trying to run and was getting back into it until I had to have surgery for a brain tumour at the ripe old age of 24 (just before my 25th birthday).
We don't know if it was the surgery itself (due to its location) or because I was ventilated for a couple of weeks but it led to vocal cord paralysis on one side. I tried to get back into running which proved extremely difficult because one vocal cord was obstructing my airway. I found anything quicker than around 7:45-8mins/mile was a struggle to get the air in, yet my legs just wanted to go faster. It was extremely frustrating.
I tried for months to get back into it but I was feeling the love, and so I turned to cycling. Cycling has been a fantastic form of exercise for me and I've become pretty good at it, although probably not as good as I was at running. I tried running last around 2.5 years ago, so approx 14-18 months post-surgery, and I still struggled.
I am so tempted to buy a pair of running shoes and just see how I get on. But....I am worried that I'd buy a pair of shoes, then immediately find this vocal cord issue still problematic, and effectively waste my money on something, and then re-open the can of worms that my body can't do what I want it to do because of a very dark and tough period of my life. Half of me thinks I should just accept what has happened to me, let dead dogs lie and carry on with cycling.
The other half says try to do some running as a "mix it up" a bit and so not to get too bored with cycling, especially with winter looming. But I know that, mentally, it'd also be very difficult mentally finding running really difficult, when I used to be able to run to a decent standard.
Does it make sense what I'm asking? It's not a case of "should I try running" per se, it's more of a mental/emotional/psychological can of worms I may well be opening by trying to put on some shoes and going for a run.
I made some good friends through running, I must have run over 100 races, had some great times doing various events over the years and had some of the best years of my life, and I really miss that. Or am I just looking back with rose-tinted specs, and should I just forget the past and stop thinking about it.
Sorry for the long post, and thanks for reading.
From about the age of 13 or so I started running, became half decent at it and ran for Southampton for a number of years fairly competitively.....I did 5k in under 17mins, 10k in under 35mins, 10 miles in under 59 and a HM in 1:18....it was a huge and enjoyable part of my life for many years.
I got an injury early 2013 and had to have some time off, but when I started getting back into running I started to become rather ill and my health declined quite a lot. I was vomiting on a daily basis which made running (as well as general life etc) rather more difficult, but I carried on trying to run and was getting back into it until I had to have surgery for a brain tumour at the ripe old age of 24 (just before my 25th birthday).
We don't know if it was the surgery itself (due to its location) or because I was ventilated for a couple of weeks but it led to vocal cord paralysis on one side. I tried to get back into running which proved extremely difficult because one vocal cord was obstructing my airway. I found anything quicker than around 7:45-8mins/mile was a struggle to get the air in, yet my legs just wanted to go faster. It was extremely frustrating.
I tried for months to get back into it but I was feeling the love, and so I turned to cycling. Cycling has been a fantastic form of exercise for me and I've become pretty good at it, although probably not as good as I was at running. I tried running last around 2.5 years ago, so approx 14-18 months post-surgery, and I still struggled.
I am so tempted to buy a pair of running shoes and just see how I get on. But....I am worried that I'd buy a pair of shoes, then immediately find this vocal cord issue still problematic, and effectively waste my money on something, and then re-open the can of worms that my body can't do what I want it to do because of a very dark and tough period of my life. Half of me thinks I should just accept what has happened to me, let dead dogs lie and carry on with cycling.
The other half says try to do some running as a "mix it up" a bit and so not to get too bored with cycling, especially with winter looming. But I know that, mentally, it'd also be very difficult mentally finding running really difficult, when I used to be able to run to a decent standard.
Does it make sense what I'm asking? It's not a case of "should I try running" per se, it's more of a mental/emotional/psychological can of worms I may well be opening by trying to put on some shoes and going for a run.
I made some good friends through running, I must have run over 100 races, had some great times doing various events over the years and had some of the best years of my life, and I really miss that. Or am I just looking back with rose-tinted specs, and should I just forget the past and stop thinking about it.
Sorry for the long post, and thanks for reading.
This is sad to hear, but I know having come from a family of runners (I'm the odd one out) that for some reasons runners do get a bee in their bonnet and don't find the same satisfaction in other sports.
So you've sent alone.
However, unlessnyouvenhad it fixed I don't think your vocal chord issue will miraculously disappear, so if it was me I wouldn't tempt fate and disappointment.
You say you met lots of good friends in running, have you joined a cycling club? If not can I suggest that might give you that companionship.
Good luck with whatever you do though.
So you've sent alone.
However, unlessnyouvenhad it fixed I don't think your vocal chord issue will miraculously disappear, so if it was me I wouldn't tempt fate and disappointment.
You say you met lots of good friends in running, have you joined a cycling club? If not can I suggest that might give you that companionship.
Good luck with whatever you do though.
Sub 8 min miles will get you a very respectable marathon time... You could just go slow for longer. The body is an amazing machine, it will adapt, but I guess being so good pre to your illness is a heavy burden to carry, just keep upping the targets and achieving new goals, don't forget the past just accept things have changed. Maybe get some triathlons in, the ones I've done have been a great social.
Fwiw. 7:45min miles is more than your average joe let alone average Joe recovering from such a serious illness can manage.
Fwiw. 7:45min miles is more than your average joe let alone average Joe recovering from such a serious illness can manage.
I think the problem with just "slower for longer" is that I've never been a "plodder" and always enjoyed pushing myself. "back in the day" 7:45 would have been really easy to run a marathon at, I never raced more than a 1/2 marathon but I ran 21 miles with someone training for one, and that was at 7min/mile and felt pretty comfortable....and I remember thinking if I wanted to physically push myself running, I'd have to be running ridiculous miles.
Tough one
But yes, I'm incredibly grateful to just be here, it was very touch and go (literally!) if I were going to pull through, so to get to where I am today with only minor deficits I have done remarkably well.
Thanks for the input though! Any further thoughts appreciated
Tough one
But yes, I'm incredibly grateful to just be here, it was very touch and go (literally!) if I were going to pull through, so to get to where I am today with only minor deficits I have done remarkably well.
Thanks for the input though! Any further thoughts appreciated
A few years ago I played rugby at a good level, was in my local rowing team and had just completed the NYC marathon. I was then struck down with meningitis, and have never been the same since. My body struggles to regulate temperature, my linphatic system is weak and I have to take it easy. I’m no longer 15.5 stone of muscle. I’m 17 stone of fat. I’ve had to adopt, make changes and listen to my body. Which is frustrating, and it is tempting to think about the past.
But, just before Christmas a mate was diagnosed with stomach cancer. He’s dead already.
I’ll take my situation all day long! And, I’ve just started a big health push to be the best I can be. Don’t focus on the past, focus on today. Just focus on being the best you can be too. Better than last year. Last month. Yesterday!
But, just before Christmas a mate was diagnosed with stomach cancer. He’s dead already.
I’ll take my situation all day long! And, I’ve just started a big health push to be the best I can be. Don’t focus on the past, focus on today. Just focus on being the best you can be too. Better than last year. Last month. Yesterday!
Hi Ross.
Congratulations on your amazing recovery. I cycle and run, as you say to mix it up, which works well for me. If I had been through what you have, and could still run at all, I think every step would feel like a bonus and I would run for enjoyment, not for times.
Having said that, you are still quicker than me!!
Congratulations on your amazing recovery. I cycle and run, as you say to mix it up, which works well for me. If I had been through what you have, and could still run at all, I think every step would feel like a bonus and I would run for enjoyment, not for times.
Having said that, you are still quicker than me!!
Thanks for the thoughts/comments everyone.
I'm not sure I could run purely for enjoyment without being able to push myself, because being able to push myself is something I do enjoy (although clearly not every day
) It's a difficult decision but I may well give it a go. I just need to accept that I'll be horrendously slow, the past is exactly that, the past!
I'm not sure I could run purely for enjoyment without being able to push myself, because being able to push myself is something I do enjoy (although clearly not every day
) It's a difficult decision but I may well give it a go. I just need to accept that I'll be horrendously slow, the past is exactly that, the past!S100HP said:
Your horrendously slow is a lot quicker than my fast. 9min miles here. Think I did an 8.30 once...
It's all relative though. Some of the guys I used to train with have now run 14mins for 5k, and yet, on a world level, that is quite slow. That is the wonderful thing about these sorts of sports (running, cycling, swimming....although I must confess I don't like swimming!) is that it's just you against yourself if you want it to be E65Ross said:
S100HP said:
Your horrendously slow is a lot quicker than my fast. 9min miles here. Think I did an 8.30 once...
It's all relative though. Some of the guys I used to train with have now run 14mins for 5k, and yet, on a world level, that is quite slow. That is the wonderful thing about these sorts of sports (running, cycling, swimming....although I must confess I don't like swimming!) is that it's just you against yourself if you want it to be Just get out and enjoy it for what it is.
You shouldn't run from the past (see what I did there 
) It sounds like you made great memories and friends from running which is great
I can't imagine what a mental struggle it must be knowing physically you were capable of so much more. The way round it would be to focus on the fun of running and not the competition. Your times are still very impressive - Have you thought of maybe coaching people on running, or helping with marathon training for others who are below the pace? You'll always get that feel good factor from helping people out, plus it keeps you in the loop with running community and gives you an excuse to buy some new running trainers
) It sounds like you made great memories and friends from running which is greatI can't imagine what a mental struggle it must be knowing physically you were capable of so much more. The way round it would be to focus on the fun of running and not the competition. Your times are still very impressive - Have you thought of maybe coaching people on running, or helping with marathon training for others who are below the pace? You'll always get that feel good factor from helping people out, plus it keeps you in the loop with running community and gives you an excuse to buy some new running trainers
I feel your frustration!
I'm wondering whether there are elements of loss happening here. People sometimes heal from the most terrible physical injuries quite quickly, but the mental side effects only emerge several years later. In sport moving on from injury/retirement can be very hard. Sometimes the mental effect on the individual is similar to that of grief or bereavement. There are steps you can take but broadly most models of bereavement suggest strategies for coming to terms with the loss and starting a new lifestyle with the gap filled by something else whilst being able to look back positively.
On other hand as a competitive half marathon runner (nowhere near as good as you) who has had to stop through ill-health (at the time), I can say it was bloody hard, I got a dog and took up hiking, and do a little rowing and jogging every now and then. Still miss that pump on the legs and freedom from running though. Good luck.
I'm wondering whether there are elements of loss happening here. People sometimes heal from the most terrible physical injuries quite quickly, but the mental side effects only emerge several years later. In sport moving on from injury/retirement can be very hard. Sometimes the mental effect on the individual is similar to that of grief or bereavement. There are steps you can take but broadly most models of bereavement suggest strategies for coming to terms with the loss and starting a new lifestyle with the gap filled by something else whilst being able to look back positively.
On other hand as a competitive half marathon runner (nowhere near as good as you) who has had to stop through ill-health (at the time), I can say it was bloody hard, I got a dog and took up hiking, and do a little rowing and jogging every now and then. Still miss that pump on the legs and freedom from running though. Good luck.
Well.....
I remember I used to wear Asics Gel DS Trainers as my general training shoe with (LOTS) of other shoes for other types of training/racing, but they were my "go to" shoes for most training, and I found a pair in my size on eBay, 3 generations old but brand new with tags. The newest model can be had for around £90 but I got these for £50 which seems reasonable. Ordered a solitary pair of shorts and also a pair of leggings (getting chilly!) as I sold/chucked all of my old stuff away aside a few shirts which I wear around the house occasionally....so I've got enough kit to try and see how I get on.
I will make a point of not running with a watch, not comparing my speed to the past and accept that the past is the past. It's not, in my opinion, as simple as in other cases such as, for example, women comparing times after pregnancy, or people getting older and therefore becoming slower as one would expect, but I had my health taken away from me for something that was not my fault and was unexpected etc. But.....these things do happen and if I don't try I shall never know. Even if I just do the odd run once per week (I typically cycle 6days/week, so I can cut one of those out) just to see how I fare and go from there.
Exciting/unnerving at the same time.
I remember I used to wear Asics Gel DS Trainers as my general training shoe with (LOTS) of other shoes for other types of training/racing, but they were my "go to" shoes for most training, and I found a pair in my size on eBay, 3 generations old but brand new with tags. The newest model can be had for around £90 but I got these for £50 which seems reasonable. Ordered a solitary pair of shorts and also a pair of leggings (getting chilly!) as I sold/chucked all of my old stuff away aside a few shirts which I wear around the house occasionally....so I've got enough kit to try and see how I get on.
I will make a point of not running with a watch, not comparing my speed to the past and accept that the past is the past. It's not, in my opinion, as simple as in other cases such as, for example, women comparing times after pregnancy, or people getting older and therefore becoming slower as one would expect, but I had my health taken away from me for something that was not my fault and was unexpected etc. But.....these things do happen and if I don't try I shall never know. Even if I just do the odd run once per week (I typically cycle 6days/week, so I can cut one of those out) just to see how I fare and go from there.
Exciting/unnerving at the same time.
gregs656 said:
Sounds like you have an itch to scratch to me.
Definitely. I'm not competing with cycling, so I figure if I do a bit of running and lose a little bit of cycling speed it's not the end of the world. I've never done 2 sports at once before, I was solely a runner for about 12 years or so I think it was, give or take. I always wanted to be the best I could be at that, so rarely did any other sport....since doing cycling, I've wanted to be the best cyclist I can be.....so we'll see how I feel about being neither at either I have now accepted I will monitor PROGRESS from here, rather than compare myself to the past. I am quite excited to get my shoes now
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