Coping with some issues after divorce.

[Go Compare]

The initial message was deleted from this topic on 17 August 2021 at 23:34

[Jag_NE]

Man goes out, enjoys himeself, feels rough the day after.

You are over analysing this mate. You sound like you lead a healthy lifestyle. Single bloke getting lashed up on a Saturday night is nothing to feel guilty about.

[Mojooo]

Surely the obvious answer is to find different people to socialise with on the weekdays and weekends. There are various sites you can look at like Meetup and Citysocializer etc which offer the chance to go out with others. Or you could find some other social group to join.

[Mojooo]

Mojooo said:

Surely the obvious answer is to find different people to socialise with on the weekdays and weekends. There are various sites you can look at like Meetup and Citysocializer etc which offer the chance to go out with others. Or you could find some other social group to join.

You can find plenty to do without drinking.

[bearman68]

The gym is a pretty dull place by yourself. Join some clubs, proper clubs, Tennis, outdoors, kayaking, whatever - that way you'll end up going away for the weekend then, and mix with a new bunch of people.

[magooagain]

Do you have a house and garden to maintain or,and a car? Get out and about walking or going to sport of some kind.

Maybe just go for a couple of beers at a different time rather than a full on session.

[mjb1]

Definitely try ditching the alcohol, or at least cutting back. It sounds like that isn't helping you at all, remember that alcohol is a depressant - if you're mood is already low, alcohol is highly unlikely to help (It's only the company that comes with it that can have the opposite effect). Maybe try something like One Year No Beer? These last few years, I've been going out later in the evening (10pm or later). That's enough for me to unwind, catch a few drinks and socialise with the regulars, without getting so drunk that I end up wasted and hungover the next day.

It does sound like you need some different friends, your current ones seem more like just drinking buddies than anything else? Could you go out with them and not drink? If you couldn't spend a sober evening with them then that probably proves the point. Definitely try Meetup if you want to get out and do something different with like minded people. Don't be put off by them being a bunch of strangers - just remember that they all joined because they were in your position.

[AndyAudi]

Similar age & currently single, so understand where you’re coming from

Do you have the option to switch the pub for something else social with your mates where you might end up drinking less?
Out for a meal with mates (pub afterwards likely but less time)
Or look at what’s on in your area, comedy nights etc

Try & find something midweek to do, either a class to learn a new skill or even teach skills you have (I’m scout leader one night a week)

In my opinion, Tinder isn’t a bad shout, at our age there’s a lot less women going out to the pub looking for a man & it cuts down so much on the awkwardness of trying to figure out if they’re interested or not, If you’re chatting then they are. In my area at my age it’s not a “hookup site” like I used to think it was & most of the women say in profile that’s not what they’re looking for.

[tinytim123]

Go Compare said:

I do typically have plenty of things to be getting on with at home, so it’s not boredom that’s getting me. It’s the doing everything alone.

I think my current little phrase of binge drinking manages to unmask some issues that are already there rather than being the sole cause of them.

Firstly, if there are underlying issues it is better to face these head on and it might be worth speaking to a professional. Even if it's an off-the-books thing it might be worth having a few sessions. The problem is a lot of mates can be well-meaning but not sure what to ask or say so turns into a 'keep your chin up' mentality.

Meetup, citysocializer could open a way of meeting different people with similar interests i.e. to stay on the fitness theme what about a running club? Clubs have socials which may include the weekend.

Poker night with your mates, hosted at yours, or rotated at various mates places. One of those group holiday things & you might make some friends you keep in touch with who have different interests other than going to the pub. It might not be ditching your mates, it's just seeing them less because you are doing different things with your life at the weekends

[Drew106]

This being Pistonheads, you could go to car meets & shows, join car clubs, something like that?

Meet some new people, get your socializing in with like minded folks, you'll be driving so not drinking.

[Munter]

AndyAudi said:

In my area at my age it’s not a “hookup site” like I used to think it was & most of the women say in profile that’s not what they’re looking for.

This is true that they do say that. But you also have to temper that with (certainly around here 2 years ago), what they do want is a 6ft+, weightlifter/6 pack minimum, black, with a package well beyond the national average, who's not a "player", is gentle and kind, is tough and manly (takes charge), has his own house, a car and hair, spontaneous, romantic, steady and reliable.

Basically most 35-45 year old women on Tinder are lying to themselves and everybody else about what they want. They don't know what they want.

Anyway. I'd say the OP should join a club that's outdoors. Kayaking, mountain walking, be a motorsport marshal. Something where you cannot get pissed up on a Friday and Saturday, as it'll ruin the plan for tomorrow, and where you are looking forward to being around people tomorrow.

Yes stay in the dating scene with Tinder/PoF/Match etc. Then you can commiserate terrible dates with people doing whatever activity it is you pick.

[dhutch]

No expert in this, and not perfect at practicing what I preach, but certainly I would be looking to do something of the weekends.

Meet up with friends is good, going down the pub isn't bad, but I really struggle with a unproductive morning after drinking. Sometimes it's fine but routinely just feels like a waste of time. Call me a lightweight but I have become a big fan of bitter shandy, throw a few 'safety shandys' into the mix really reduces the handover!

But yeah, all exercise is good, but can you something outside the gym for weekends? Mountain biking is something my and some of my friends do, some have taken up road biking, climbing? Car meet?


I did a spell of doing club level and regional Autosolo/autotesting events, which is super cheap motorsport you can do in really any car.
Gardening is very good for the mind I find, but funny at the start but it very forgiving and there is loads info online and on here, physical and also productive.



Daniel

[Munter]

I forgot to say. I didn't find anything to do on weekday evenings. I binged some shows I'd not got around to seeing. Nearly went blind. Cleaned a lot. I settled on doing more intricate cooking so that'd fill more time, and was useful on the lady/dating front. Then hooked up again.