How to support relative suffering badly with MH
Discussion
A male family member confided in me that they are suicidal.
I’ve known they’ve had MH struggles for a while and check on them regularly but all of a sudden now he’s told me straight out he’s suicidal I don’t know what to do.
He’s not messaged me since 3 hours ago and I’m wondering if I should be driving over there.
I have one year old asleep in bed and would have to take him with me. Family member lives an hour away.
I can’t think of anyone I can call to check on him.
I don’t know his friends contacts and I know none of them live nearby.
He’s quite isolated.
Is there anything else I can do?
Should I drive over there?
I’ve known they’ve had MH struggles for a while and check on them regularly but all of a sudden now he’s told me straight out he’s suicidal I don’t know what to do.
He’s not messaged me since 3 hours ago and I’m wondering if I should be driving over there.
I have one year old asleep in bed and would have to take him with me. Family member lives an hour away.
I can’t think of anyone I can call to check on him.
I don’t know his friends contacts and I know none of them live nearby.
He’s quite isolated.
Is there anything else I can do?
Should I drive over there?
Have a little experience of this.
First off, admission they they are suicidal is (possibly) an indication that they are not, but are just crying out for help. Those who are genuinely suicidal tend, normally and sadly, just to get on and do it. Often those closest to them had no idea they were. But do not take this as always being the case.
You also need to consider that mental health issues cover a very very broad spectrum and is a very complex matter. Non professional diagnosis can be high damaging. Has your friend always demonstrated odd tendencies? Has one or a number of issues caused their current feelings to emerge? If the former, them likely there is a deep rooted medical basis and if the latter, extraneous forces affecting their well being. Both possible to address but each requiring a very different approach.
My first port of call would be your friend's family. Even if your friend has pleaded with you not to convey anything to them, this is one case where you can ignore that plea. Unless of course, their family is part of the problem.
Beyond that, a call to Mind might bear fruit. They can advise on local MH professionals that can pay a visit, have a chat, etc...
But every case is different. What you can do is be there for them as often as is practically possible whilst not ignoring your own family and own life which is very easy to do in such situations.
Either way I wish you and your friend well.
First off, admission they they are suicidal is (possibly) an indication that they are not, but are just crying out for help. Those who are genuinely suicidal tend, normally and sadly, just to get on and do it. Often those closest to them had no idea they were. But do not take this as always being the case.
You also need to consider that mental health issues cover a very very broad spectrum and is a very complex matter. Non professional diagnosis can be high damaging. Has your friend always demonstrated odd tendencies? Has one or a number of issues caused their current feelings to emerge? If the former, them likely there is a deep rooted medical basis and if the latter, extraneous forces affecting their well being. Both possible to address but each requiring a very different approach.
My first port of call would be your friend's family. Even if your friend has pleaded with you not to convey anything to them, this is one case where you can ignore that plea. Unless of course, their family is part of the problem.
Beyond that, a call to Mind might bear fruit. They can advise on local MH professionals that can pay a visit, have a chat, etc...
But every case is different. What you can do is be there for them as often as is practically possible whilst not ignoring your own family and own life which is very easy to do in such situations.
Either way I wish you and your friend well.
Risk predictors:
male
age unknown but sounds as if he's in a higher risk cohort (suicide is the biggest cause of death in males aged <45 yrs)
isolated
expression of suicidal ideation
history of (unspecified) mental health/psychological difficulties
and that's just for starters from your OP
whilst it's not universal, it's a bit of an urban myth that those who speak of suicide don't complete. in fact, the findings of various Serious Incident Reviews and also the annual Confidential Inquiries into Suicide and Homicide, suggest that up to 30% of those completing suicide had voiced their ideas prior to the final act. i know that's "only" a 3:1 ratio but not good odds.
of course, the counter argument would be that suicidal intent is not the same as suicidal thinking. it's not your job to assess this level of risk though. mental illness does not happen in a vacuum and you have absolutely done the right thing by involving his family etc.
at some point, people will ruck up and speak of having him "sectioned". it doesn't work like that in practice - part of the criteria for detention is that the individual is refusing the necessary help. at this point, we don't know if he'll accept help or not because we haven't asked him. should he consent and be capable of consenting, then pretty much every mental health trust in the country provide crisis intervention- usually a 1 - 4 hour response time. and by response, i mean getting practitioners out to meet and assess the individual, their risk etc. post up whereabouts in the country he is and i can let you have the details of the local crisis service for you to pass on to the family. he must agree to this - these teams cannot force themselves upon him (at this stage).
however, if he doesn't agree to intervention then the nearest relative (as defined in the Mental Health Act, probably his father) is entitled to request a Mental Health Act assessment. this is done by contacting the relevant local mental health service and asking to speak to the Duty AMHP (pronounced "amp", don't worry what it stands for, they will know).
there is really little more that you can do, unless your relationship with him is such that you can gain his agreement to further intervention. should that happen post up here and we'll see about getting him some professional support. don't rule out the GP as a source of front line help (although the clue really is in the name - "general" practitioner) and, if all else fails, see if he'll attend your local AE - they will have at least an on-call psychiatric assessment service but probably more)
paul
male
age unknown but sounds as if he's in a higher risk cohort (suicide is the biggest cause of death in males aged <45 yrs)
isolated
expression of suicidal ideation
history of (unspecified) mental health/psychological difficulties
and that's just for starters from your OP
whilst it's not universal, it's a bit of an urban myth that those who speak of suicide don't complete. in fact, the findings of various Serious Incident Reviews and also the annual Confidential Inquiries into Suicide and Homicide, suggest that up to 30% of those completing suicide had voiced their ideas prior to the final act. i know that's "only" a 3:1 ratio but not good odds.
of course, the counter argument would be that suicidal intent is not the same as suicidal thinking. it's not your job to assess this level of risk though. mental illness does not happen in a vacuum and you have absolutely done the right thing by involving his family etc.
at some point, people will ruck up and speak of having him "sectioned". it doesn't work like that in practice - part of the criteria for detention is that the individual is refusing the necessary help. at this point, we don't know if he'll accept help or not because we haven't asked him. should he consent and be capable of consenting, then pretty much every mental health trust in the country provide crisis intervention- usually a 1 - 4 hour response time. and by response, i mean getting practitioners out to meet and assess the individual, their risk etc. post up whereabouts in the country he is and i can let you have the details of the local crisis service for you to pass on to the family. he must agree to this - these teams cannot force themselves upon him (at this stage).
however, if he doesn't agree to intervention then the nearest relative (as defined in the Mental Health Act, probably his father) is entitled to request a Mental Health Act assessment. this is done by contacting the relevant local mental health service and asking to speak to the Duty AMHP (pronounced "amp", don't worry what it stands for, they will know).
there is really little more that you can do, unless your relationship with him is such that you can gain his agreement to further intervention. should that happen post up here and we'll see about getting him some professional support. don't rule out the GP as a source of front line help (although the clue really is in the name - "general" practitioner) and, if all else fails, see if he'll attend your local AE - they will have at least an on-call psychiatric assessment service but probably more)
paul
Edited by paulmakin on Wednesday 27th March 00:11
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