Getting your mojo back
Discussion
I wondered if anyone had been through this and had any thoughts on how to succesfully make a change.
Basically, I feel like for years now I've been walking around with a permanent cloud over me. I don't *think* I'm depressed, but people describe me as having lost my spark or mojo.
A bit of life context:
Health - I'm 2-3 stone overweight. Every 6 months or so I manage to get on a roll with the diet and lose half of it, only for it to creep back on and a bit more. Every day I start the day trying to eat healthily, but end up crumbling and think I'll start again tomorrow. I feel like every day I end up being disappointed and angry with myself for being so weak willed. I just don't see how I can ever sustainably fix my eating as once I start to feel better, I let my guard down and end up fat again.
Career - Work is not nice for a number of reasons. I am not engaged with it at all and just doing the bare minimum to not get fired. I can't leave for 2 more years however as I am on a significant retention package I need to see out. I have done well financially which actually seems to make me worse as I don't really have the goals to reach in terms of new house, car, retirement as I acheived them at a relatively early age.
Home Life - OK, but increasing amount of resentment bubbling with the wife, and young kids are hard work and not a lot of fun with all of the arguments and pressures. I don't feel very present with them when I am there and spend most of the time looking forward to being back at work.
Social Life - Friends drifted away. This is partly on me but also some strangeness and slackness on their side. Between lack of friends, avoiding work and the family doing my head in, I spend way too much time alone thinking about things or in solitary activities like wasting time on the internet or gaming.
Confidence - Is really low. I've been a pretty high achiever in life and have always been confident, but it's melting away to the extent I even feel myself looking at the floor when people are talking to me. I feel like people can see I'm not the man I was and its embarassing.
Despite all of this, I don't think I meet the definition of depressed. It is all just so flat. If I look at myself in the third person, I just see this overweight isolated miserable guy dragging himself through life with barely a smile and an increasing amount of resentment at the world. It's a total waste of a life.
I won't add any more woe is me, but I feel pretty unhappy and that this just results in comfort eating which makes things worse in a cycle. Pretty soon it's going to escalate in terms of a major health problem or a marriage problem. Then the fun will really start.
Any wisdom how to fix this?
Basically, I feel like for years now I've been walking around with a permanent cloud over me. I don't *think* I'm depressed, but people describe me as having lost my spark or mojo.
A bit of life context:
Health - I'm 2-3 stone overweight. Every 6 months or so I manage to get on a roll with the diet and lose half of it, only for it to creep back on and a bit more. Every day I start the day trying to eat healthily, but end up crumbling and think I'll start again tomorrow. I feel like every day I end up being disappointed and angry with myself for being so weak willed. I just don't see how I can ever sustainably fix my eating as once I start to feel better, I let my guard down and end up fat again.
Career - Work is not nice for a number of reasons. I am not engaged with it at all and just doing the bare minimum to not get fired. I can't leave for 2 more years however as I am on a significant retention package I need to see out. I have done well financially which actually seems to make me worse as I don't really have the goals to reach in terms of new house, car, retirement as I acheived them at a relatively early age.
Home Life - OK, but increasing amount of resentment bubbling with the wife, and young kids are hard work and not a lot of fun with all of the arguments and pressures. I don't feel very present with them when I am there and spend most of the time looking forward to being back at work.
Social Life - Friends drifted away. This is partly on me but also some strangeness and slackness on their side. Between lack of friends, avoiding work and the family doing my head in, I spend way too much time alone thinking about things or in solitary activities like wasting time on the internet or gaming.
Confidence - Is really low. I've been a pretty high achiever in life and have always been confident, but it's melting away to the extent I even feel myself looking at the floor when people are talking to me. I feel like people can see I'm not the man I was and its embarassing.
Despite all of this, I don't think I meet the definition of depressed. It is all just so flat. If I look at myself in the third person, I just see this overweight isolated miserable guy dragging himself through life with barely a smile and an increasing amount of resentment at the world. It's a total waste of a life.
I won't add any more woe is me, but I feel pretty unhappy and that this just results in comfort eating which makes things worse in a cycle. Pretty soon it's going to escalate in terms of a major health problem or a marriage problem. Then the fun will really start.
Any wisdom how to fix this?
In a word, no. Fairly active lifestyle but not a sausage in specific exercise.
It’s not a bad point actually. I realise that weight loss is all about what you eat rather than exercise, so tend to neglect the latter. Maybe having a go with the goal of improving mood might get me in the gym!
It’s not a bad point actually. I realise that weight loss is all about what you eat rather than exercise, so tend to neglect the latter. Maybe having a go with the goal of improving mood might get me in the gym!
Edited by Dmoz83 on Friday 12th July 12:59
Make sure it’s something you enjoy so it’s easier to force yourself to do it on down days
Mine is road cycling, I’m not very good at it and I’m about 2 stone overweight but it’s interesting to me and I do enjoy it
I find the gym harder to enjoy but I have to go due to a niggling injury that weight training keeps at bay
There’s also couch to 5k and parkrun if running takes your fancy. I struggle with running a bit but it’s the ultimate mood booster imo
Mine is road cycling, I’m not very good at it and I’m about 2 stone overweight but it’s interesting to me and I do enjoy it
I find the gym harder to enjoy but I have to go due to a niggling injury that weight training keeps at bay
There’s also couch to 5k and parkrun if running takes your fancy. I struggle with running a bit but it’s the ultimate mood booster imo
Dmoz83 said:
In a word, no. Fairly active lifestyle but not a sausage in specific exercise.
It’s not a bad point actually. I realise that weight loss is all about what you eat rather than exercise, so tend to neglect the latter. Maybe having a go with the goal of improving mood might get me in the gym!
Can you cycle to work, join a jogging group or somehow start by walking more?It’s not a bad point actually. I realise that weight loss is all about what you eat rather than exercise, so tend to neglect the latter. Maybe having a go with the goal of improving mood might get me in the gym!
Edited by Dmoz83 on Friday 12th July 12:59
I booked a personal trainer initially (sounds like you can afford it) which forced me to go to the gym, and train. Try this.
Also, dont obsess over food. Aim for 75/25 good then try and aim for just 1 day a week treat, gradual, steady and nothing too drastic, thats what makes it unsustainable.
Dmoz83 said:
I wondered if anyone had been through this and had any thoughts on how to succesfully make a change.
Basically, I feel like for years now I've been walking around with a permanent cloud over me. I don't *think* I'm depressed, but people describe me as having lost my spark or mojo.
A bit of life context:
Health - I'm 2-3 stone overweight. Every 6 months or so I manage to get on a roll with the diet and lose half of it, only for it to creep back on and a bit more. Every day I start the day trying to eat healthily, but end up crumbling and think I'll start again tomorrow. I feel like every day I end up being disappointed and angry with myself for being so weak willed. I just don't see how I can ever sustainably fix my eating as once I start to feel better, I let my guard down and end up fat again.
Career - Work is not nice for a number of reasons. I am not engaged with it at all and just doing the bare minimum to not get fired. I can't leave for 2 more years however as I am on a significant retention package I need to see out. I have done well financially which actually seems to make me worse as I don't really have the goals to reach in terms of new house, car, retirement as I acheived them at a relatively early age.
Home Life - OK, but increasing amount of resentment bubbling with the wife, and young kids are hard work and not a lot of fun with all of the arguments and pressures. I don't feel very present with them when I am there and spend most of the time looking forward to being back at work.
Social Life - Friends drifted away. This is partly on me but also some strangeness and slackness on their side. Between lack of friends, avoiding work and the family doing my head in, I spend way too much time alone thinking about things or in solitary activities like wasting time on the internet or gaming.
Confidence - Is really low. I've been a pretty high achiever in life and have always been confident, but it's melting away to the extent I even feel myself looking at the floor when people are talking to me. I feel like people can see I'm not the man I was and its embarassing.
Despite all of this, I don't think I meet the definition of depressed. It is all just so flat. If I look at myself in the third person, I just see this overweight isolated miserable guy dragging himself through life with barely a smile and an increasing amount of resentment at the world. It's a total waste of a life.
I won't add any more woe is me, but I feel pretty unhappy and that this just results in comfort eating which makes things worse in a cycle. Pretty soon it's going to escalate in terms of a major health problem or a marriage problem. Then the fun will really start.
Any wisdom how to fix this?
If you don’t mind me saying, the tone in which you have written the post suggests pretty strongly that you know some of the steps you could take to alleviate how you feel. You are closer than you think to “the answers”. Perhaps writing it down has forced you to create some structure to many different thoughts and I hopefully that small act has helped. I think you and I are very similar at least in respect to the items you’ve outlined above. I’ve spent years ruminating, reading psychology, behavioural economics, philosophy, performing ‘mindfulness’ and attending different groups to try “break out” of the flatness, to find myself again, pull doing the façade I’ve constructed to keep it all hidden away. I’ve decided that change comes in very small steps, built up, day on day and that ultimately I may not ever "fix" it, but I can make it better. You’ve detailed out above where you are right now across categories that are presumably important to you , and candidly how you feel about each. Whilst it would be worth talking to your doctor it is also worth looking at the categories you have identified (health, career, home life etc) and thinking about how you would like them to be, then planning (not “thinking” about it, with no action taken, but planning the steps. A plan has a ‘WHEN’ element to it) about the first steps you would take to get there. Basically, I feel like for years now I've been walking around with a permanent cloud over me. I don't *think* I'm depressed, but people describe me as having lost my spark or mojo.
A bit of life context:
Health - I'm 2-3 stone overweight. Every 6 months or so I manage to get on a roll with the diet and lose half of it, only for it to creep back on and a bit more. Every day I start the day trying to eat healthily, but end up crumbling and think I'll start again tomorrow. I feel like every day I end up being disappointed and angry with myself for being so weak willed. I just don't see how I can ever sustainably fix my eating as once I start to feel better, I let my guard down and end up fat again.
Career - Work is not nice for a number of reasons. I am not engaged with it at all and just doing the bare minimum to not get fired. I can't leave for 2 more years however as I am on a significant retention package I need to see out. I have done well financially which actually seems to make me worse as I don't really have the goals to reach in terms of new house, car, retirement as I acheived them at a relatively early age.
Home Life - OK, but increasing amount of resentment bubbling with the wife, and young kids are hard work and not a lot of fun with all of the arguments and pressures. I don't feel very present with them when I am there and spend most of the time looking forward to being back at work.
Social Life - Friends drifted away. This is partly on me but also some strangeness and slackness on their side. Between lack of friends, avoiding work and the family doing my head in, I spend way too much time alone thinking about things or in solitary activities like wasting time on the internet or gaming.
Confidence - Is really low. I've been a pretty high achiever in life and have always been confident, but it's melting away to the extent I even feel myself looking at the floor when people are talking to me. I feel like people can see I'm not the man I was and its embarassing.
Despite all of this, I don't think I meet the definition of depressed. It is all just so flat. If I look at myself in the third person, I just see this overweight isolated miserable guy dragging himself through life with barely a smile and an increasing amount of resentment at the world. It's a total waste of a life.
I won't add any more woe is me, but I feel pretty unhappy and that this just results in comfort eating which makes things worse in a cycle. Pretty soon it's going to escalate in terms of a major health problem or a marriage problem. Then the fun will really start.
Any wisdom how to fix this?
As an example of our shared traits and how I try manage them, I’ll pick up on your ‘social life’ line, I realised a while ago with most of my friends met across different circumstances I would likely never see them again if I didn’t make the effort to maintain contact, because none of them do. I don’t believe it’s out of badness, it’s that they’re busy, family, work, commitments etc. I’m always the one texting, picking activities, dates, times, places etc to meet, ie making it easy for them to say: yes I can do that or no, could we do XXX, on XXXX date instead – removing the small barrier that exists when there’s an infinite number of dates , places, times etc would we meet. Sounds like hard work? It can be but I see it being me who benefits, because like you I am prone to preferring to spend time alone thinking. Cycles of thinking that only go in one direction, and its not one I like, a downward spiral that eventually ends in tears. We also share the unhappy “hobby” of wasting time on the internet. I’ve started to turn my phone off when I get home from work, I switch it on again just before I go to bed to check messages then off till morning. I’ve also installed apps like Space which puts a prompt up on the screen every 15 minutes or so of solid use that usually says: “Isn’t there something else you should be doing?”. That nudge is enough for me to put it down, if indeed I get that far. Why's that important? Because I find if I eliminate the phone and turn the TV off I actively have to seek out other things "to do". After a few days you start to figure out there's stuff to be done, either because it 'needs done' or because you'd 'prefer' to do it. Not having default choices (internet, TV) lights up your "well what the feck am I going to do for a few hours tonight....." creativity.
Last point is personally I need the outside. I don’t mean I like hillwalking and camping I mean spending all day in an air conditioned office then going home and sitting indoors makes me feel ‘worse’. So I exercise, or I cut the grass, wash the car, tinker with my bike, tidy the garage, paint the fence , walk to the shop anything, basically anything, that involves being out in the natural light for an hour or two. I’m also currently enjoying refurbing 10 year old (but new to me) road bicycle a friend was giving away, 30 minutes or an hour a night working out what parts I need, tools, fitting stuff, adjusting stuff etc. I don’t even really like cycling, I just like trying to work out how to fix/get things running well. Small “projects” or interests like that I find lift me over the course of a week. I used to think stuff like "but I dont have interests", or "i dont really cycle". Doesn't matter, I will use the bike at the end a bit, potter to the shop on etc, but its the challenge of getting it fixed I'm liking. I'll possibly just stick it on gumtree hopefully for most of the cost of the parts. In essence, "do something" and if you find you dont like it, stop, and "do something" else
. Good luck my friend I hope you feel different soon, however you get there.
Sorry for the long post.
OP, I feel for you as I'm not in such a dissimilar place. As other posters have said, I think it's about recognising where you are and taking small positive steps to go forward.
Exercise and diet has been a big thing for me this last year. I've taken on a personal trainer and go to the gym twice a week, plus do some stretching and yoga at home a few times a week. I also cycle to work 3 or 4 times a week. I've dropped 4 belt holes and am fitter than I have been in 20 years. Still need to loose a good stone though! Cycling home from work has helped as it lets me let go of many day to day stresses and generally keeping up the exercise has really helped. My wife has also been really good in cooking really healthy food, we're eating a lot of vegetarian meals all of which has helped. I'm also really conscious of drinking and only really try to drink socially no more than once a week. Don't always succeed with it!
The other area I'm trying to tackle is my mental health. I've realised that I have a very negative, toxic relationship with my father, driven by him, that has caused me a lot of anguish and stress over the years. I won't bore you with the background here, but I've come to the conclusion that I have to let go of this and the only way to do that is remove him from my life. Of course everyone is different, my point is that you need to try and face your demons and take some positive action for yourself.
Time is also really important - in many ways more so than money and career. Prioritise what is important to you and spend more time doing it. That's probably your kids and wife, or it should be!
Talk to people. Your wife, your mates, randoms on the internet! Venting does ease things.
Good luck, let us know how you get on.
Exercise and diet has been a big thing for me this last year. I've taken on a personal trainer and go to the gym twice a week, plus do some stretching and yoga at home a few times a week. I also cycle to work 3 or 4 times a week. I've dropped 4 belt holes and am fitter than I have been in 20 years. Still need to loose a good stone though! Cycling home from work has helped as it lets me let go of many day to day stresses and generally keeping up the exercise has really helped. My wife has also been really good in cooking really healthy food, we're eating a lot of vegetarian meals all of which has helped. I'm also really conscious of drinking and only really try to drink socially no more than once a week. Don't always succeed with it!
The other area I'm trying to tackle is my mental health. I've realised that I have a very negative, toxic relationship with my father, driven by him, that has caused me a lot of anguish and stress over the years. I won't bore you with the background here, but I've come to the conclusion that I have to let go of this and the only way to do that is remove him from my life. Of course everyone is different, my point is that you need to try and face your demons and take some positive action for yourself.
Time is also really important - in many ways more so than money and career. Prioritise what is important to you and spend more time doing it. That's probably your kids and wife, or it should be!
Talk to people. Your wife, your mates, randoms on the internet! Venting does ease things.
Good luck, let us know how you get on.
If I could offer two pieces of advice, it’s this:
Buy and read this book.
https://rover.ebay.com/rover/0/0/0?mpre=https%3A%2...
Being aware of my mindset was easily the biggest factor in getting me from where you are now to understanding how to learn how to act on the things that are important to me and not stress about the rest.
Then download the couch25k app and start the programme. The first week is mentally the hardest, but by the end of it you’ve achieved something. It’s 30 minutes out of your day, three times per week. 1.5 hours out of the 168 hours available to you. The benefits of regular exercise go beyond weight loss, it’s time for your mind to process and makes healthy eating easier.
I don’t know if you’re currently depressed, but if you don’t take action quickly it’s achievable!
Side note: I got up to week 6 of C25K before a chest infection, then foot injury prevented me from carrying on. I’ve been putting off restarting for the last couple of weeks because I’ve been ‘too busy’. I’ve just realised I’ve just wasted an hour online, time to get changed and get out there. It takes work to stay on top of a growth mindset!
Buy and read this book.
https://rover.ebay.com/rover/0/0/0?mpre=https%3A%2...
Being aware of my mindset was easily the biggest factor in getting me from where you are now to understanding how to learn how to act on the things that are important to me and not stress about the rest.
Then download the couch25k app and start the programme. The first week is mentally the hardest, but by the end of it you’ve achieved something. It’s 30 minutes out of your day, three times per week. 1.5 hours out of the 168 hours available to you. The benefits of regular exercise go beyond weight loss, it’s time for your mind to process and makes healthy eating easier.
I don’t know if you’re currently depressed, but if you don’t take action quickly it’s achievable!
Side note: I got up to week 6 of C25K before a chest infection, then foot injury prevented me from carrying on. I’ve been putting off restarting for the last couple of weeks because I’ve been ‘too busy’. I’ve just realised I’ve just wasted an hour online, time to get changed and get out there. It takes work to stay on top of a growth mindset!
Hope you've had a good weekend.
There is a common theme in the advice you are getting. You should go & talk to your doctor. You should see what you can do to improve diet & exercise.
What has triggered your feelings may be hard to define, but part of the solution is learning to like yourself again. It sounds like you don't at present. You have focussd or at least initially raised the issue of being a couple of stone overweight. This can hit your confidence. Exercise also has a tendency to release those feel good hormones. Others have said it but I'd really look a the diet & exercise angle, try & get the weight going down. You will feel fitter & less lethargic. You will start to feel better. And hopefully you will start to get some confidence back. Your family & friends will notice, they will react to you differently, & just as depression can feed on itself so can confidence.
There is a common theme in the advice you are getting. You should go & talk to your doctor. You should see what you can do to improve diet & exercise.
What has triggered your feelings may be hard to define, but part of the solution is learning to like yourself again. It sounds like you don't at present. You have focussd or at least initially raised the issue of being a couple of stone overweight. This can hit your confidence. Exercise also has a tendency to release those feel good hormones. Others have said it but I'd really look a the diet & exercise angle, try & get the weight going down. You will feel fitter & less lethargic. You will start to feel better. And hopefully you will start to get some confidence back. Your family & friends will notice, they will react to you differently, & just as depression can feed on itself so can confidence.
johnwilliams77 said:
Dmoz83 said:
In a word, no. Fairly active lifestyle but not a sausage in specific exercise.
It’s not a bad point actually. I realise that weight loss is all about what you eat rather than exercise, so tend to neglect the latter. Maybe having a go with the goal of improving mood might get me in the gym!
Can you cycle to work, join a jogging group or somehow start by walking more?It’s not a bad point actually. I realise that weight loss is all about what you eat rather than exercise, so tend to neglect the latter. Maybe having a go with the goal of improving mood might get me in the gym!
Edited by Dmoz83 on Friday 12th July 12:59
I booked a personal trainer initially (sounds like you can afford it) which forced me to go to the gym, and train. Try this.
Also, dont obsess over food. Aim for 75/25 good then try and aim for just 1 day a week treat, gradual, steady and nothing too drastic, thats what makes it unsustainable.
The other game changer is getting a PT. Like the man above says, it forces you to go to the gym, gives you a focal point and crucially, some guidance and someone “in your corner”. A good PT will be made up when you start achieving, and if you stick with them and a reasonable diet, you will.
As for the rest of it? Improving one area of your life may lead to improvements and fresh motivation in another; there’s no golden bullet I think but some exercise and eating well is a good foundation to drive forward with everything else.
You sound as though you kind of know the things that are dragging you back at the moment-work out the things you can control and do something about (such as what you eat), and control & do something about them. Start off small, get some little wins and victories. There’ll be set backs, but you’ll be moving forward, and even with a step back, you’ll be further forward than where you started from. The best person to drive the change is you, but it’s also okay to ask for help from others, professional or personal.
Good luck, best wishes and if you feel able to, keep us posted on how you’re doing.
Reading the OPs post it is almost a carbon copy of how I have felt in the past except I’m as skinny as the proverbial rake.
I had a really bad bout of it about 5years ago and the only reason I am here today is because my wife saved me. She put up with my terrible highs and lows and supported me whilst at the same time giving me enough room to claw myself out.
I still feel low occasionally but I find that when I’ve been up early and got out with the dogs I feel alive and invigorated. I also use music a lot to adjust my moods and mindset.
Have a chat with your wife, tell her how you feel. Cuddle your family at EVERY opportunity, give them all a kiss. Apologise to them for being miserable at times. They will understand and they will get you through it.
Make a real effort with your mates, life is so busy nowadays and you’d be surprised just how many people forget to touch base when they’ve been meaning to.
Get some exercise- it has to get your heart pumping, push through the boundaries.
Smile.
You’ve done the hardest bit on here - you’ve asked for help. So many people battle their demons and have dark spells but most are too reluctant or scared to admit it. Head up chap and go give your family a massive cuddle.
I had a really bad bout of it about 5years ago and the only reason I am here today is because my wife saved me. She put up with my terrible highs and lows and supported me whilst at the same time giving me enough room to claw myself out.
I still feel low occasionally but I find that when I’ve been up early and got out with the dogs I feel alive and invigorated. I also use music a lot to adjust my moods and mindset.
Have a chat with your wife, tell her how you feel. Cuddle your family at EVERY opportunity, give them all a kiss. Apologise to them for being miserable at times. They will understand and they will get you through it.
Make a real effort with your mates, life is so busy nowadays and you’d be surprised just how many people forget to touch base when they’ve been meaning to.
Get some exercise- it has to get your heart pumping, push through the boundaries.
Smile.
You’ve done the hardest bit on here - you’ve asked for help. So many people battle their demons and have dark spells but most are too reluctant or scared to admit it. Head up chap and go give your family a massive cuddle.
Edited by W12GT on Monday 15th July 08:37
Wow the op is me 4 years ago in my late thirties except I drank a bit too much as well. You get stuck in a rut and it slowly eats away at you like a cancer. It’s such a slow process you don’t notice.
Exercise and joining the gym helped me a lot. Not even to get fit but to get my confidence back and my mojo. Diet also was very important as the two work hand in hand. By far the hardest change was the mental side. I had issues I had to face that were really tough.
Hang in there op, baby steps, just pick one area to focus on, fix it and move onto the next. There’s no quick fix here it takes years but you’ll start to enjoy the journey and life more.
Exercise and joining the gym helped me a lot. Not even to get fit but to get my confidence back and my mojo. Diet also was very important as the two work hand in hand. By far the hardest change was the mental side. I had issues I had to face that were really tough.
Hang in there op, baby steps, just pick one area to focus on, fix it and move onto the next. There’s no quick fix here it takes years but you’ll start to enjoy the journey and life more.
OP here. Sorry for the delay, the forum had a temporary block on allowing new users to login due to abuse.
Thanks very much for all of the comments. Without being ungrateful, I do think fixing this kind of thing is relatively simple - exercise, eat healthy, mix with people etc. Just bloody hard motivating yourself when you get in this frame of mind.
I don’t really want to take pills, but I’ve reached out to a few councillors over the last week. Ive tried that a few times over the years, but I can’t seem to find one I gel with. They always seem super commercial too which is a strange dynamic when you are trying to find someone you gel with. Assume they are messed around a lot so they are keen to get the cash collected!
Though I’ve had a decent weekend, something new is that I’ve felt on the edge of panic attacks this week. It’s a bit strange because I don’t feel anxious at all and don’t have a lot of stress in the traditional sense, but something is winding me up under the hood. I had panic attacks years ago and they were scary, so I wouldn’t be averse to medication for that if that progresses.
Thanks very much for all of the comments. Without being ungrateful, I do think fixing this kind of thing is relatively simple - exercise, eat healthy, mix with people etc. Just bloody hard motivating yourself when you get in this frame of mind.
I don’t really want to take pills, but I’ve reached out to a few councillors over the last week. Ive tried that a few times over the years, but I can’t seem to find one I gel with. They always seem super commercial too which is a strange dynamic when you are trying to find someone you gel with. Assume they are messed around a lot so they are keen to get the cash collected!
Though I’ve had a decent weekend, something new is that I’ve felt on the edge of panic attacks this week. It’s a bit strange because I don’t feel anxious at all and don’t have a lot of stress in the traditional sense, but something is winding me up under the hood. I had panic attacks years ago and they were scary, so I wouldn’t be averse to medication for that if that progresses.
Edited by Dmoz83 on Tuesday 16th July 20:06
Can I ask how people find this with kids. We have 2 under 5 and not a lot of help, so it’s very tiring, long days, lot of arguing in the house . You get woken up at 6am and you are on the back foot immediately, then you are knackered at night so don’t get any “quality time” with the wife as a couple. It’s difficult to enjoy them in this environment so you end up retreating into work or whatever. Resentment builds with the wife and you are even more isolated. It’s then when both work and home life go out of kilter you feel like you have nowhere to hide.
with the wife as a couple. It’s difficult to enjoy them in this environment so you end up retreating into work or whatever. Resentment builds with the wife and you are even more isolated. It’s then when both work and home life go out of kilter you feel like you have nowhere to hide.OP I can give direct advice on kids
I have young kids who are 1 and 4, then two older ones who are 19 & 20
I find the kids are the things that are the light of the life , they make life amazing. Thankfully ours get on, but they do stay up late, until 11pm and its manic
I agree totally about lack of quality time that breeds resentment, me and my partner went down the same route
A few months back I had a bad head injury , it knocked me for 6 , I wasn't right (people think ive "changed" since etc) . I started suffering bad and couldn't get out of bed, but I had to work long hours, so I would just come home and sleep.
To cut a long story short I was put on a corse of AD tablet, and I really helped . People would never believe I was depressed/anxious, but I think over the last year I repressed it and it built up and I hid it . The tablets helped me sleep better, I also started to pay the misses more compliments and be a nicer person round her, this in turn meant she was nice to me and our love life really really improved
I wouldn't normally post the above on a forum, I hope it helps others , but a short corse of medication really helped kick start me out of the downward spiral.
I have young kids who are 1 and 4, then two older ones who are 19 & 20
I find the kids are the things that are the light of the life , they make life amazing. Thankfully ours get on, but they do stay up late, until 11pm and its manic
I agree totally about lack of quality time that breeds resentment, me and my partner went down the same route
A few months back I had a bad head injury , it knocked me for 6 , I wasn't right (people think ive "changed" since etc) . I started suffering bad and couldn't get out of bed, but I had to work long hours, so I would just come home and sleep.
To cut a long story short I was put on a corse of AD tablet, and I really helped . People would never believe I was depressed/anxious, but I think over the last year I repressed it and it built up and I hid it . The tablets helped me sleep better, I also started to pay the misses more compliments and be a nicer person round her, this in turn meant she was nice to me and our love life really really improved
I wouldn't normally post the above on a forum, I hope it helps others , but a short corse of medication really helped kick start me out of the downward spiral.
Gassing Station | Health Matters | Top of Page | What's New | My Stuff