Teenage Issues
Discussion
Anonymous account, for privacy.
Where do I start, situation is 18 year old daughter currently doing A levels. Bit of background. She did ok at GCSE but was diagnosed with Glandular Fever just prior. On that basis she did very well, I think 7 out of 9 at grades C and above in old money.
Went to VI form taking Maths, Chem, Physics (tough A levels). In the Jan the school (different from her gcse) suggested she may be dyslexic and suggested we pay for a formal assessment. This turned out to be positive and profoundly so. The school then put support in place for her, and she has coloured paper, etc.
In the summer, she went on a week's engineering taster hosted at university, but lasted 24 hours as she was homesick. The school suggested she resit Year One as she had struggled a little, with the dyslexia etc. She decided to drop Physics and took Economics instead.
She is on anxiety tablets as well and I don't pretend to understand any of that. In my day it was just man up and get on with it. When she changes tablets she can be quite unwell which means missing the odd lesson.
During free periods she much prefers to be at home and to be fair she studies during that time. The previous head of VI form allowed her to leave but we have a new one who wants an email every time for permission. Grades seem ok at present, she is on target with one A level and the two others working a grade below.
As you've read this far, you'll realise she has confidence issues. She is a bright, good looking girl and although we can be a little demanding of her, I'd like to think we get the balance right and there are times when she is on a long lead (metaphorically).
She wants to go to Uni, but not away so she has applied and been offered at the local commutable uni. Before Xmas the school were moaning that she hadn't completed her personal statement and she was avoiding the sessions. Then it turns out once completed she was one of the first to submit and get/accept offers.
Yesterday she was physically ill in class (side effect of changing meds) and sent home and now I have a request to contact the school as they are concerned about her attendance.
Having got this far, I thank you, am just after a bit of advice from those who may have gone through this or parents who see familiar themes.
Where do I start, situation is 18 year old daughter currently doing A levels. Bit of background. She did ok at GCSE but was diagnosed with Glandular Fever just prior. On that basis she did very well, I think 7 out of 9 at grades C and above in old money.
Went to VI form taking Maths, Chem, Physics (tough A levels). In the Jan the school (different from her gcse) suggested she may be dyslexic and suggested we pay for a formal assessment. This turned out to be positive and profoundly so. The school then put support in place for her, and she has coloured paper, etc.
In the summer, she went on a week's engineering taster hosted at university, but lasted 24 hours as she was homesick. The school suggested she resit Year One as she had struggled a little, with the dyslexia etc. She decided to drop Physics and took Economics instead.
She is on anxiety tablets as well and I don't pretend to understand any of that. In my day it was just man up and get on with it. When she changes tablets she can be quite unwell which means missing the odd lesson.
During free periods she much prefers to be at home and to be fair she studies during that time. The previous head of VI form allowed her to leave but we have a new one who wants an email every time for permission. Grades seem ok at present, she is on target with one A level and the two others working a grade below.
As you've read this far, you'll realise she has confidence issues. She is a bright, good looking girl and although we can be a little demanding of her, I'd like to think we get the balance right and there are times when she is on a long lead (metaphorically).
She wants to go to Uni, but not away so she has applied and been offered at the local commutable uni. Before Xmas the school were moaning that she hadn't completed her personal statement and she was avoiding the sessions. Then it turns out once completed she was one of the first to submit and get/accept offers.
Yesterday she was physically ill in class (side effect of changing meds) and sent home and now I have a request to contact the school as they are concerned about her attendance.
Having got this far, I thank you, am just after a bit of advice from those who may have gone through this or parents who see familiar themes.
I really feel for you.
My daughter is dyslexic (50% extra time in exams level) and suffered from anxiety / panic attacks - not helped by having severe nut allergy
She struggled with 6th form, but with lots of encouragement and support (including some private CBT, which was very helpful) she got through her A levels.
She is now studying law at a Russell group university and managing the workload.
Not really of much help other than to say stick with it, support and love her - good can come of it. Wishing you and your daughter the very best for the challenges.
My daughter is dyslexic (50% extra time in exams level) and suffered from anxiety / panic attacks - not helped by having severe nut allergy
She struggled with 6th form, but with lots of encouragement and support (including some private CBT, which was very helpful) she got through her A levels.
She is now studying law at a Russell group university and managing the workload.
Not really of much help other than to say stick with it, support and love her - good can come of it. Wishing you and your daughter the very best for the challenges.
Stuart70 said:
I really feel for you.
My daughter is dyslexic (50% extra time in exams level) and suffered from anxiety / panic attacks - not helped by having severe nut allergy
She struggled with 6th form, but with lots of encouragement and support (including some private CBT, which was very helpful) she got through her A levels.
She is now studying law at a Russell group university and managing the workload.
Not really of much help other than to say stick with it, support and love her - good can come of it. Wishing you and your daughter the very best for the challenges.
Oh that is encouraging, thanks. Yes my daughter has the 50% extra time and a reader/laptop available.My daughter is dyslexic (50% extra time in exams level) and suffered from anxiety / panic attacks - not helped by having severe nut allergy
She struggled with 6th form, but with lots of encouragement and support (including some private CBT, which was very helpful) she got through her A levels.
She is now studying law at a Russell group university and managing the workload.
Not really of much help other than to say stick with it, support and love her - good can come of it. Wishing you and your daughter the very best for the challenges.
I read my post back and it is a bit of a ramble, the underlying issue is, I think, that the school are struggling to deal with her. I must point out she went to state school previously and this is a private school. Like many private schools they have a desire to get pupils into RG unis, so they can say how wonderful they are. I'm trying to balance that with the realisation at 18 I would rather be somewhere else than studying so do they have a point.
Kids!
To be honest, there doesn’t seem to be much you’re asking advice for! Despite low confidence and anxiety, she’s doing remarkably well.
In terms of additional support, I’d consider CBT - for both her and you as parent/s. Quite often the parents are missed out in therapeutic solutions but an ‘understanding CBT’ course can be really beneficial.
Don’t write her symptoms off as ‘teenage behaviour’ - work with her on solutions, and praise/encourage as you have been.
In terms of additional support, I’d consider CBT - for both her and you as parent/s. Quite often the parents are missed out in therapeutic solutions but an ‘understanding CBT’ course can be really beneficial.
Don’t write her symptoms off as ‘teenage behaviour’ - work with her on solutions, and praise/encourage as you have been.
As a dyslexic who was good academically but lacked the ability to apply himself, I dropped out of sixth form. However from a dyslexia thing/viewpoint, I wouldn't be worried, if she is near the end of sixth form then just let her do her thing and the exam results will reflect that. I expect like most people she will come out of her shell and move forward once she is at Uni.
In terms of the anxiety, that's tough and depends on the cause, however everyone of that age has some anxiety or another, often made worse by people expecting you to know what you want to be and who you want to be from the age of around 15! I am not so certain everyone needs medicating for it, but rather told its normal and given some counciling but I won't pretend to know what bought it out in your daughter, certainly, implying she should man up is probably the wrong way to deal with it.
In terms of the anxiety, that's tough and depends on the cause, however everyone of that age has some anxiety or another, often made worse by people expecting you to know what you want to be and who you want to be from the age of around 15! I am not so certain everyone needs medicating for it, but rather told its normal and given some counciling but I won't pretend to know what bought it out in your daughter, certainly, implying she should man up is probably the wrong way to deal with it.
anonemouse said:
Kids!
Too true. 
My daughter was at a state grammar, my son is currently in 6th form in a private school, so we have some experience of both as a family.
School’s results are their problem, your daughter needs their support and help - what she ends up doing needs to be what is right for her.
They can and should be working with her; hopefully they can (be helped to) see that.
You mention anxiety once but it can affect people a lot more in terms of the decisions they make (or don't make). Apart from medication, is she doing anything else? CBT (as mentioned) can be good for anxiety as can mindfulness. I did a free workshop for PHers last year and the recording is still linked to from the anxiety thread. I can find it later if you want.
Hoofy said:
You mention anxiety once but it can affect people a lot more in terms of the decisions they make (or don't make). Apart from medication, is she doing anything else? CBT (as mentioned) can be good for anxiety as can mindfulness. I did a free workshop for PHers last year and the recording is still linked to from the anxiety thread. I can find it later if you want.
Yes please.Nothing else AFAIK.
Hoofy said:
You mention anxiety once but it can affect people a lot more in terms of the decisions they make (or don't make). Apart from medication, is she doing anything else? CBT (as mentioned) can be good for anxiety as can mindfulness. I did a free workshop for PHers last year and the recording is still linked to from the anxiety thread. I can find it later if you want.
Only think with mindfulness (rather than relaxing / meditation which it's sometimes mislabeled as mindfulness) is that it can bring up s
t and then have nowhere/ no one to support them deal with what it's brought up. (Apologies Hoofy not seen your stuff so this in on the subject rather than direct reference to what you may have done).I presume she's under a GP for the medication and as at 18 would fall under adult rather than CAMHs, they really should have mentioned other support such that is available via your local IAPT service (https://www.england.nhs.uk/mental-health/adults/iapt/) which is likely to include CBT (even if it an online version). There should be a local IAPT service if you google it and will advise how to access, or if you want to privately direct to Psychologist have a look at the BPS website for practitioners (https://www.bps.org.uk/).
It's obvious you are proud of her and rightly so, tell her, give her a hug and talk to her about what she'd like to do about exploring the options as really needs to be her decision to have any impact.
Wonderman said:
Hoofy said:
You mention anxiety once but it can affect people a lot more in terms of the decisions they make (or don't make). Apart from medication, is she doing anything else? CBT (as mentioned) can be good for anxiety as can mindfulness. I did a free workshop for PHers last year and the recording is still linked to from the anxiety thread. I can find it later if you want.
Only think with mindfulness (rather than relaxing / meditation which it's sometimes mislabeled as mindfulness) is that it can bring up st and then have nowhere/ no one to support them deal with what it's brought up. (Apologies Hoofy not seen your stuff so this in on the subject rather than direct reference to what you may have done).anonemouse said:
Hoofy said:
You mention anxiety once but it can affect people a lot more in terms of the decisions they make (or don't make). Apart from medication, is she doing anything else? CBT (as mentioned) can be good for anxiety as can mindfulness. I did a free workshop for PHers last year and the recording is still linked to from the anxiety thread. I can find it later if you want.
Yes please.Nothing else AFAIK.
And the thread on anxiety: https://www.pistonheads.com/gassing/topic.asp?h=0&...
I have worked in schools so some inside info
The flag regarding attendance is if she went below % as that flags up to the attendance officer, it might be 90% but unsure. It’s to ensure the school doesn’t end up with too many or Ofsted get notified.
She might not be near this, it’s to tick a box IMO. If she has “study periods” and isn’t there, they may have marked her absent. I would get a copy of her attendance and go though it as some teachers fail to accurately record registers.
The flag regarding attendance is if she went below % as that flags up to the attendance officer, it might be 90% but unsure. It’s to ensure the school doesn’t end up with too many or Ofsted get notified.
She might not be near this, it’s to tick a box IMO. If she has “study periods” and isn’t there, they may have marked her absent. I would get a copy of her attendance and go though it as some teachers fail to accurately record registers.
Our daughter is 18 and in her 2nd year of A levels. She changed from a private school to a Grammar school for her A levels and has suffered anxiety and panic attacks since year 9. The first time I saw her have a panic attack I realised it was a very real thing. I had never actually seen one before. Her anxiety is real but is not about anything specific and I had struggled with helping her because my approach was to try to find out what the trigger was.
I eventually realised that she needs to know we are here for her. I always check in with her and make sure I chat about what is going on at school with her. Keep communicating. She has had some private CBT and sessions with a psychologist which helped a bit but as she has got older and the end of school is in sight I hope that she is becoming more able to cope.
We have had meetings with her schools and I am that horrid mother who will not let it lie if I think they are not supporting her. It is their responsibility to ensure our children are safe and ok when in their care. Push it back to the school. You can't keep an eye on her when she's there, but they can.
For our daughter, I think things will improve when school has finished. We have put no pressure on her whatsoever academically. She tries her best. She is not me and she is not her father. She is herself and she is lovely. Teens are under so much pressure these days. Good luck and I so hope things work out for you all.
I eventually realised that she needs to know we are here for her. I always check in with her and make sure I chat about what is going on at school with her. Keep communicating. She has had some private CBT and sessions with a psychologist which helped a bit but as she has got older and the end of school is in sight I hope that she is becoming more able to cope.
We have had meetings with her schools and I am that horrid mother who will not let it lie if I think they are not supporting her. It is their responsibility to ensure our children are safe and ok when in their care. Push it back to the school. You can't keep an eye on her when she's there, but they can.
For our daughter, I think things will improve when school has finished. We have put no pressure on her whatsoever academically. She tries her best. She is not me and she is not her father. She is herself and she is lovely. Teens are under so much pressure these days. Good luck and I so hope things work out for you all.
I'm reading this book at the moment https://amzn.to/372b4UN which talks about accepting imperfection. One of the problems with social media and modern life is this apparent need to be seen to be perfect.
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