How Do You Start To Get Care For A Parent ?
Discussion
My mother is 80 and her mobility is going down hill fast. We recently got a stairlift installed which has helped her out (and is a lot safer).
But she struggles to walk room to room and takes her ages to turn. She has arthritis in her lower back and carries a lot of weight.
She still manages to keep clean but everything is a great effort. She lives in a flat so is effectively flat bound now. I took her to the doctor about 6 weeks ago but she was exhausted just doing that.
There obviously comes a time when I can't do certain things for her and she will need more help.
I'm not too sure how to start the process ?
Who do I see ?
Who should I contact ?
Does she get assessed by somebody ?
I'm concerned that it may take months to get her assessed (especially with the pickle we're in now) and she's going downhill fairly quickly (her mobility that is).
But she struggles to walk room to room and takes her ages to turn. She has arthritis in her lower back and carries a lot of weight.
She still manages to keep clean but everything is a great effort. She lives in a flat so is effectively flat bound now. I took her to the doctor about 6 weeks ago but she was exhausted just doing that.
There obviously comes a time when I can't do certain things for her and she will need more help.
I'm not too sure how to start the process ?
Who do I see ?
Who should I contact ?
Does she get assessed by somebody ?
I'm concerned that it may take months to get her assessed (especially with the pickle we're in now) and she's going downhill fairly quickly (her mobility that is).
Their is no simple answer, different councils seem to treat this very differently. Some doctors surgeries are good at this others aren't.
I would contact somewhere like Age Concern who may be able to help you (again though it may well depend on who you get)
For my mum who was in the early stage of Dementia, the help only started after the police found mum walking the village streets in her nightdress. The PC refused to leave mum until the ambulance came, and once in hospital she started to get the help she needed.
I would contact somewhere like Age Concern who may be able to help you (again though it may well depend on who you get)
For my mum who was in the early stage of Dementia, the help only started after the police found mum walking the village streets in her nightdress. The PC refused to leave mum until the ambulance came, and once in hospital she started to get the help she needed.
Yes the first contact would be through your council, specifically the Adult Social Care department. Good that you are considering this somewhat ahead of your mother's needs as it can be a somewhat convoluted affair made more frustrating by your own concerns and fears. Getting to thoroughly understand the local system as soon as possible will help you in the future so not putting it off is perfect.
You'll find there will be appraisals in which a representative comes around to ascertain what her needs are (don't let her minimise her needs during these meetings as parents often do in front of strangers). They also assess finances and whilst it can feel somewhat intrusive it is a necessary procedure and the staff I encountered were always there to help despite their being busy. These people are often viewed by elderly parents as 'wanting to put them in a home by force' but that is not the case - it's far better for a council if your parent is staying in their own home as long as is comfortably possible.
Not sure what your local council is, but you'll be looking for something like this on their website: https://www.lincolnshire.gov.uk/adultcare
It's also worth asking around the town or village where your parent lives as there are very often local people providing private care at very fair rates. They can help people out of bed in the morning, then pop back late in the day to help make dinner or do shopping for example. In my experience a website such as Care.com can also provide a source of local paid assistance should it be required on a temporary or permanent basis.
When this was an issue for us we found a mixture of very good council care combined with a modest investment in a private individual covered all we needed. Hope that helps.
You'll find there will be appraisals in which a representative comes around to ascertain what her needs are (don't let her minimise her needs during these meetings as parents often do in front of strangers). They also assess finances and whilst it can feel somewhat intrusive it is a necessary procedure and the staff I encountered were always there to help despite their being busy. These people are often viewed by elderly parents as 'wanting to put them in a home by force' but that is not the case - it's far better for a council if your parent is staying in their own home as long as is comfortably possible.
Not sure what your local council is, but you'll be looking for something like this on their website: https://www.lincolnshire.gov.uk/adultcare
It's also worth asking around the town or village where your parent lives as there are very often local people providing private care at very fair rates. They can help people out of bed in the morning, then pop back late in the day to help make dinner or do shopping for example. In my experience a website such as Care.com can also provide a source of local paid assistance should it be required on a temporary or permanent basis.
When this was an issue for us we found a mixture of very good council care combined with a modest investment in a private individual covered all we needed. Hope that helps.
Edited by paulyv on Wednesday 25th March 18:43
This may sound cynical, but it sums up what my sister and I have been going through for many years now.
Until last June my Mother was living in a retirement flat and we had been getting private carers visiting her to help her get up and dressed and give her meals when we couldn't.
Why private carers? Because the State won't offer anything until assets are below £23,750, and her flat was paid for!
Most importantly get Lasting Powers of Attorney for both "Property and Financial" and "Health and Welfare" registered so you can deal with things on her behalf before she is unable to do so.
Mother moved into a private residential care home in July and now cannot pay the fees in full as they far exceed her income, and her savings have gone. Still fees have been partly deferred for a few months as we have accepted an offer on the sale of her flat - but given how things are now I've no idea how/when/if the sale may happen.
So in simple terms if your parent has any assets you need to do it, because nobody else gives a sh!t.
Until last June my Mother was living in a retirement flat and we had been getting private carers visiting her to help her get up and dressed and give her meals when we couldn't.
Why private carers? Because the State won't offer anything until assets are below £23,750, and her flat was paid for!
Most importantly get Lasting Powers of Attorney for both "Property and Financial" and "Health and Welfare" registered so you can deal with things on her behalf before she is unable to do so.
Mother moved into a private residential care home in July and now cannot pay the fees in full as they far exceed her income, and her savings have gone. Still fees have been partly deferred for a few months as we have accepted an offer on the sale of her flat - but given how things are now I've no idea how/when/if the sale may happen.
So in simple terms if your parent has any assets you need to do it, because nobody else gives a sh!t.
Mr Tidy said:
Why private carers? Because the State won't offer anything until assets are below £23,750, and her flat was paid for!
Worth pointing out that the financial assessment does NOT take into account the value of the subjects home in that assessment. They look at savings and income. My Dad's bungalow was paid for and whilst he lived in it he received funding from the local council.Your point about Power of Attorney is a really good one Mr Tidy.
I would simply recommend you get in touch with your council now and talk it over with them yourself. Having a grip on the facts now means you don't have to deal with it when things are more pressing and you are more likely to be in an emotional state.
Edited by paulyv on Thursday 26th March 13:41
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