Haemorroids
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Tyre Smoke

Original Poster:

23,018 posts

290 months

Thursday 23rd April 2020
quotequote all
Having posted in the 'things you always wanted to know' thread and got no response, I thought I'd try here...

Why do piles itch? And why in such an intense way that you are incapable of any rational actions or thought until you've had a good scratch?

Asking for a friend, obviously.

Mags43

33 posts

148 months

Thursday 23rd April 2020
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Isn't it because part of 'your friend' that is normally tucked up inside a cavity, warm and moist is now exposed to the outside environment and is becoming irritated by drying air and repetitive scratching? I think the innards that are now outtards also secrete mucous and this can irritate adjacent normal skin.

Maybe.

CaptainSlow

13,179 posts

241 months

Thursday 23rd April 2020
quotequote all
Not all farmers are outside..grades 1 and 2 don't show their faces.

Or so I'm told.

StanleyT

1,994 posts

108 months

Thursday 23rd April 2020
quotequote all
Germaoloid cream works.

Only don't forget when returning from the traps at work, put it in your jacket pocket whilst in the traps. Not put it on your desk then go for a cuppa.

CAPP0

20,858 posts

232 months

Thursday 23rd April 2020
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Hypothetically speaking, say for instance you had a large H just around the exit, which frequently blows when you're sat on the throne. You can pop it back in place and there's no real discomfort but it does somewhat paint the town red at times.

Say that you were thinking to yourself that it's probably worth getting that sorted, just in case in the future there was anything else wrong which would be indicated by bleeding, and you might not be able to distinguish between the two issues.

How hideous might that repair process be?

vladcjelli

3,370 posts

187 months

Thursday 23rd April 2020
quotequote all
CAPP0 said:
Hypothetically speaking, say for instance you had a large H just around the exit, which frequently blows when you're sat on the throne. You can pop it back in place and there's no real discomfort but it does somewhat paint the town red at times.

Say that you were thinking to yourself that it's probably worth getting that sorted, just in case in the future there was anything else wrong which would be indicated by bleeding, and you might not be able to distinguish between the two issues.

How hideous might that repair process be?
When a friend of mine had some piles treated, they had very tight rubber bands put round them.

This, apparently, was a fairly uncomfortable process, but nothing to get worked up about. Performed by a travelling bum doctor at the local surgery, no need for trip to hospital.

The next few days were a bit unpleasant, with discomfort and the very real feeling that it might be time to go to the toilet, like, now.

Overall, worth the trouble, if nothing else as you say, it gives you the chance of identifying other complaints when you spray the bowl red. But they do come back if you aren’t careful...

CaptainSlow

13,179 posts

241 months

Thursday 23rd April 2020
quotequote all
Normally bright red is farmers trouble..dark red is worry time.

CAPP0

20,858 posts

232 months

Thursday 23rd April 2020
quotequote all
vladcjelli said:
CAPP0 said:
Hypothetically speaking, say for instance you had a large H just around the exit, which frequently blows when you're sat on the throne. You can pop it back in place and there's no real discomfort but it does somewhat paint the town red at times.

Say that you were thinking to yourself that it's probably worth getting that sorted, just in case in the future there was anything else wrong which would be indicated by bleeding, and you might not be able to distinguish between the two issues.

How hideous might that repair process be?
When a friend of mine had some piles treated, they had very tight rubber bands put round them.

This, apparently, was a fairly uncomfortable process, but nothing to get worked up about. Performed by a travelling bum doctor at the local surgery, no need for trip to hospital.

The next few days were a bit unpleasant, with discomfort and the very real feeling that it might be time to go to the toilet, like, now.

Overall, worth the trouble, if nothing else as you say, it gives you the chance of identifying other complaints when you spray the bowl red. But they do come back if you aren’t careful...
Please thank your friend for this insight into such hypothetical issues.

CaptainSlow said:
Normally bright red is farmers trouble..dark red is worry time.
I believe that this is what makes some people less worried in general about current affairs, although I gather that they realise they really ought to do something about it at some point.



Tyre Smoke

Original Poster:

23,018 posts

290 months

Friday 24th April 2020
quotequote all
Luckily my friend is suffering from only minor discomfort. He agrees that Germaloids or Preparation H are equally good treatment for the itch, but nothing beats a good scratch.

He did say that some years back, one did let go quite spectacularly. Bled for most of the day, and he used quite a few of his wife's panty liners. He said he quite understood the problem for women once a month.

grumbledoak

32,571 posts

262 months

Friday 24th April 2020
quotequote all
Tyre Smoke said:
Why do piles itch? And why in such an intense way that you are incapable of any rational actions or thought until you've had a good scratch?
It's telling you to go see a doctor.

There are creams that can help "dissolve" them. That might be enough. I have heard that the rubber band treatment is fairly painless, but a friendly GP corrected me. It is fairly painless for the surgeon, compared to what they used to have to do.

Tyre Smoke

Original Poster:

23,018 posts

290 months

Friday 24th April 2020
quotequote all
That doesn't really answer the question though, does it?

grumbledoak

32,571 posts

262 months

Friday 24th April 2020
quotequote all
Tyre Smoke said:
That doesn't really answer the question though, does it?
Literally, no. Probably, yes. Tell "your friend". biggrin

Tyre Smoke

Original Poster:

23,018 posts

290 months

Friday 24th April 2020
quotequote all
My friend is aware of the treatment available, but as it's only an occasional occurrence is not overly concerned. biggrin

He was just wondering why they itch so intensely. Most other ailments alert you to their presence with pain.

DailyHack

4,422 posts

140 months

Friday 24th April 2020
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CaptainSlow said:
Not all farmers are outside..grades 1 and 2 don't show their faces.

Or so I'm told.
Yup, this is true you can certainly get "internal" farmers, and can be be tricky to sort out.

croyde

26,350 posts

259 months

Friday 24th April 2020
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They also itch as they make that general area hard to clean with just toilet paper after a no2. So any residue.......

Wet wipes or even better a good shower is best, that's why I hate having to go if not at home.

Girlfriend can be in and out of Loo in 2 minutes and can never understand why it takes me 20 minutes.

Sorry if TMI.

Brads67

3,199 posts

127 months

Friday 24th April 2020
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Change your diet and give up fried food. That will make a huge difference.

Tyre Smoke

Original Poster:

23,018 posts

290 months

Friday 24th April 2020
quotequote all
Brads67 said:
Change your diet and give up fried food. That will make a huge difference.
Yes. I'll be pounds lighter, look and feel healthier. And depressed.

Sorry. My friend will. I'll pass on your advice after my traditional fish and chip Friday takeaway.

Mr Pointy

13,359 posts

188 months

Friday 24th April 2020
quotequote all
Tyre Smoke said:
Luckily my friend is suffering from only minor discomfort. He agrees that Germaloids or Preparation H are equally good treatment for the itch, but nothing beats a good scratch.

He did say that some years back, one did let go quite spectacularly. Bled for most of the day, and he used quite a few of his wife's panty liners. He said he quite understood the problem for women once a month.
I'd suggest your friend gets it sorted out & gets in the NHS queue for the operation. Even before the current problems he will probably have to wait a year to get operated on anyway.

Armitage.Shanks

3,093 posts

114 months

Friday 24th April 2020
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I had a 'friend' who was afflicted with them. They would only really itch at night and other than wearing boxing gloves the urge to interfere with them was uncontrollable.

That Germaloid stuff is good. Stopped the itching and got rid of my friends Chalfonts without issue.

I've known some to get so bad you resort to sitting on a rubber ring with surgery the only optiono.

mcelliott

10,492 posts

210 months

Friday 24th April 2020
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My friend said if he goes to bed with an itchy bum he wakes up with a smelly finger.